How to turn down a nice guy? crap, I need help :(

oh crap, I have a problem :(

last night I met my friend's brother and his friends.

i like her brother but I never thought he could like me.

last night he said some stuff that sounded like he's somewhat interested. but then his friend starts "hitting" on me (he said I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen and that he want something serious with me and a lot of blabla) he's never seen me before.

now I did know her brother a bit before, and he asked for my number (its almostlike we're friends though0. so I felt like I had to give his friend my number too, even though he really isn't my type (not just physically!) and I usualy only give my number when I'm interested.

he was always worrying about me not liking him ("i bet you think I'm a creep now", "i know I'm not super handsome" etc.) I didn't wanna be mean, so I told him it's not him, it's just that I'm not looking for love or anything with men right now. he said he doesn't understand (partly because I was dancing with other guys) and kept hitting on me. now he's already texted me today (we met only yesterday!).

i don't know what to do. I don't want him or my friend's bro to think I'm a mean, superficial person but at the same time don't want that guy to think I'm interested :(

do I text him back? if so, what?

my friend just told me that guy was asking her all night about how to seduce me :S

and he told her I'm the love of his life. she just said he's being superficial, that he doesn't know me and all that. but he said that's bs...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hmmm, an interesting situation. I think you can actually kill two birds with one stone on this one.

    Want my advice? Talk to the girls brother about how you don't like his friend and want his advice on how to go about it. 1. The guy you like (friends brother) is going to relay this info back to his friend in private, I can almost guarantee that. 2. you are going to spark up a conversation with the guy you are interested in. This is going to allow you to drops hints that you are available and looking at the very least (maybe even drop hints you like him too).

    Although it may seem a little nerve racking to do, I think you should talk to your friends brother about how you aren't interested in his friend, and you need his advice on how to break it to him. You'll get to stress how much you don't want to hurt this guys feelings. You'll make it clear you do want a relationship but not with his friend. You'll basically be accomplishing everything you could possibly want to accomplish by doing this.

    Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

    • wow this is great!

      i think I'll do that.

      is it OK to tell it her bro in a funny way (in a message)? like "hey, do you mind bringing your friend back to earth aagain? :)"

    • I think it's better to just go the route of "Hey, I could really use your help" that right there will catch his attention.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • My recommendation for the best way to handle this:

    - Meet up with him in person and let him know the truth. But also clarify ahead of time that you didn't want to lead him on, you were just wanting a friendship. You will run into some snags of him self-mutilating himself ("I'm not super handsome") but I'll run over how to handle those situations in a second. What you are aiming to do -> Clear up the delusion he has about being a potential date and while maintaining a boundary of respect; that way your friend/your friends brother don't get upset AS WELL AS this guy not going into a worse mindset.

    Here's exactly what I would want to here:

    - Look, (name).. I'd rather not cut around the bullsh*t. The simple fact is that I'm not interested in dating you. That doesn't mean that I don't like you, it means I'm not romantically interested in you. For you to keep trying to get me interested is the same as smacking both of our heads into a wall; you're not going to get anywhere by it, and in turn we're both going to feel annoyed. I don't want this to be a one sided talk, what do you think, can we put this behind us and be friends or what?

    And honestly, you should ONLY say something that indepth in person. The reason is because sometimes we have something we want to say in return.. This guy's "snags" are what I'm referring to..

    If he says something like: "But everyone thinks I'm awesome and I have lots of money and great friends; how come you don't like me"... You shouldn't feel the need to comfort his ego, obviously there IS something different between this guy and the desired traits your looking for. You don't need to list off what he's missing even.. If a girl said this same quote to me, I'd probably respond with: "That's awesome that you have a lot going for you".. It acknowledges their accomplishments they just listed and shows them you are there to listen to more.

    If he says something like: "Fuck love, maybe I should just give up on it" - then you know you made a right choice; someone like this needs to work on himself. And honestly, you're not his therapist. Unless you had a degree in psychology you probably won't benefit this guy anything at all by feeding this behavior.. Just nod your head and say: "I pity that you think that way"

    If he says something like: "What do you think I could work on" then THIS is where you can be a friend. This is where you can say: "Look, I think if you were to work on your ___ ___ and ___ more, that you'd be a more attractive you".. Feeding advice and suggestions are what friends are for. Why have a thousand people support you if not a single one can HELP your situation? Yes, I know we feel a benefit in support but that's a temporary resolution for a long term problem. They need to face the music but in a learning way, not in a bitch way. Ya know?

    Hope the info helps, really it's however you WANT to handle it.. Your friend/Her Brother will understand.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

    • thank you so much for answering this one! X

      what if his reaction is kissing my hand and saying "but why? I know I'm not mr.perfect and you're used to having guys come to you but I can change into anything for you!" gosh just imagining that makes me sick...anyway, would I treat that the same as a "What do you think I could work on"?

      ...honestly, meeting him in person would creep me out!

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    • Maybe I should tell him how :P It would save you and your friends a tonnnnnnnnn of time ;) ;) ;)

    • yea, he's annoying!


  • He's quite the charmer isn't he? I feel for you though because you seem like your a real nice girl and want to let him down softly. Ignoring his text will get him off eventually but it's a little mean but honestly it might be the best way because you shouldn't have to deal with a clingy guy you barely know, I mean his advances were pretty strong for meeting you for the first time. It looks like if you text him back you might get his hopes up even more unless you're downright honest and tell him your not interested!

    Good Luck

    • thats exactly what I thought.

      I can't tell him I'm not interested IN HIM. I told him I'm not interested in any kind of relationship right now. and he tried to convince me to dance with him for so long, in the end I said "NO. and when I say no, I mean NO." that kinda surprised him (in a bad way I think) and he was like "oh ok...ok. sure. of course, I'll accept that. I mean you can keep dancing on your own, go ahead, really..." ...kinda weird :-/

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    • i know for sure that he'd keep texting me :-/ gosh this sucks. my friend's bro will think I'm a super bitch for not answering at all, won't he?

    • Meh, just honestly tell his bro that he was coming on too strong and that you felt uncomfortable(which I believe is true), it's not fair for you to deal with this kinda stuff, tell him that you tried to be nice and let him off easy but that he persisted and that you had no choice, don't feel bad! Maybe he will learn that coming on so strong onto a girl you just met is a no no! Don't worry and be happy you seem like a nice girl that tried to do the nice thing and that's what counts :)

  • Is it too late to tell him the number one lie girls tell men, "I have a boyfriend"

    Other things you can do to shake off a guy,

    "Are you free tomorrow? I need help burying a dead body."

    "Are you free tomorrow? I'm going to the gun shop to buy a shotgun. Wanna come with?"

    "Are you free tomorrow? I'm going to the clinic to have an STD looked over. Wanna come with?"

    "Are you free tomorrow? I'm going to the insane asylum to visit my ex-boyfriend. Join me?"

    ...sometimes coming up with something crazy like that will give a guy pause.

    • first of all, thanks a lot for answering!

      and yes, he (and especially my friend's bro) know that I'm single. those questions are a good idea, but I can't ask him that because that would make my friend's brother think I'm crazy, which I really wouldn't like :( (that guy would definitely tell him about me because they're really good friends)

      sorry, I know it's complicated..:(

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    • hahahaha xD

      although... that guy I so madly obseesed, I don't think that would hold him back :S

      but what your saying is exactly my point! I like his friend (= my friend's bro) and I don't want him to think I'm all that bad, not texting his friend back, impolite etc :(

  • With a nice guy that's probably gonna be assumed anyway. Especially if you're choosing a guy way better looking than him. Just text him back and don't be bitchy at all. I can tell you at least care about not hurting is feelings.

    • i do! that's why I'm asking this question. but by answering his text, he's gonna think I'm interested. he probably thought so yesterday anyway...i do smile alot, it doesn't mean anything. I told him I don't want any romantic stories right now.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think that the best thing for you to do is to just come out and tell him the truth, "I think you're sweet but I'm not interested." If you keep texting him and leading him on he will just keep believing that you are into him and keep bothering you and then you'll start to feel bad. I've been through something similar before. Or try talking to his friend(the guy you're interested in) and tell him about the situation. But make sure he's actually interested first. Because think about it. He'll start thinking that you're into his friend more or that you're playing them both.

    • that guy actually told my best friend and his best friend that he could imagine getting serious with me...after talking to me at a club for maybe 20 minutes!?!?! :S

    • Wow. Maybe you need a restraining order. But seriously, you might need to nip it in the bud. Tell him what you really feel and end it. Draging it out will be verrry bad. Trust me.

    • ok. thanks for your advice!

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