Why does playing hard to get make girls more attractive to men?


1|1
32167

Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • Simple, they want what they can't have. Different type of example but for instance I was seeing this guy for a few months, one night he pulled me aside and simply told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and he doesn't think he will be for another couple of years. Grateful That he had the decency to tell me, not totally grateful enough because he had led me on for a few months not even thirty minutes after ending things with me I walked in on him in bed with another female. Sure enough I picked myself up and moved on, in fact his bestfriend was there to pick up the pieces and I fell in love with his bestfriend through a friendship acouple months later. All of a sudden he heard through the grape vine that we were becoming close, he instantly wanted me back. Devoting his love to me etc. Through another mans failure to see my potential I fell for his bestfriend and have been with him almost three years after. He wanted what he couldn't have, like a child who threw a toy he didn't want to play with he found interest once he saw another boy cherishing the toy he found faults in.

    2|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 166

  • It does not- it comes off either as disinterest or immature game-playing.

    4|20
    0|0
  • Some guys confuse a woman with a "hard to get" game with a woman who has high standards. They think that if they win the affections of the woman, it means they have passed a test.

    3|0
    0|0
  • The only benefit I can think of for me is that if she's a desperate person with no life of her own, she might be able to fool me into thinking she's not for a little while until I get really close to her if she plays hard-to-get.

    But that's just a deception on her part. She's basically sort of lying to me and making herself seem more social and busy than she actually is. And if she's too hard to reach, I got to crush and fall madly for girls I never even dated for a long time in my teenage years. I'm not going to twiddle my thumbs and wait around very long before I set my sights on another with one I've only dated once or twice if she's very difficult to meet again.

    I do prefer who is independent and has her own things to do and her own life because that type of girl allows me to also be the same way. But if she genuinely has that, there's no need to play such games. She'd genuinely not be available to talk to me and see me 24/7, but if she's interested she will spend much of her spare time with me.

    0|1
    0|0
    • * I got [over the tendency] to crush and fall madly for girls I never even dated for a long time in my teenage years.

    • * I do prefer [one] who is [genuinely] independent and has her own things to do and her own life because that type of girl allows me to also be the same way.

    • But again if she's interested in me for more than just sex, then playing hard to get and pretending like she's not desperate and is so socially active when she actually isn't is a very surefire way for me to lose interest in her once we do become close and I realize the truth about her. If she just wants to have sex with me, she might be able to get away with it for a short while if she doesn't do it too much, but these days I'm not going to stick around once I realize she's actually a very high-maintenance needy type and just fooled me into thinking she's not.

  • I personally think it's a waste of time lol. Why spend time faking you don't like a dude when you could be spending it having fun together/getting to know each other freely? I like down to earth women that are just real with me, no games.

    1|6
    0|0
  • They like the chase. its what makes us men. but beware... some girls dont know when to stop the hard to get game... and the game changes. maybe he wanted to get her and keep her... but after she played hard to get for so fucking long... he just wanted to get her just to say he did... and toss her when done.
    then she gets mad and says he didn't like her in the first place... but the reality is that he did. she just wore him down and he had too much invested to just turn around...

    0|2
    0|1
  • IF a woman were to play Hard to get with me.. she'd see the back of my head as I walked away. BOYS may like that crap but men don't play, participate, or encourage head games.

    2|3
    0|0
  • Honestly I never understood why anyone - male or female - would play hard to get. I realise that feelings are not always binary; sometimes you're ambivalent about a person or the feelings wax and wane but if they aren't there more than they are you have an answer. It takes time to figure out your feelings but you need to be as transparent as possible.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I’m going to be quite honest. I don’t find playing hard to get to be attractive. I am too direct and quite recently have become a bit more prideful. The easiest way to lose me is to play hard to get. Quite frankly I can put my interest in other potential partners who will give me the time of day.

    The moment you show disinterest I get put-off. I love mutual energy.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I personally don't like women to "play" anything. That's just dishonest. Say what you want and what you think.
    Of course, I imagine that guys who only want sex like to pretend that they're having a meaningful relationship, so maybe playing hard to get kinda simulates that in fast motion.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Not at all.. If the guy is genuinely interested and not flirting for fun, the "hard to get" attitude is a big put off /speed breaker. The girl needs to be mature enough to know when not to let go of a genuinely decent guy by her acting pricey.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Playing hard to get is about as attractive as pairing green and red together, outside Christmas.

    There's a difference between being not clingy and playing hard to get. Most emotionally-balanced men prefer the former.

    0|2
    0|0
  • It doesn't.

    Most men hate that crap, and will walk away from any girl that tries it.

    1|6
    0|0
  • Women want to find a man who is honest and acts like themselves from day one. So reverse it, we men expect to find a woman who is honest and acts like herself on day one. No more games, no playing hard to get, just say and do what you feel.

    0|3
    0|0
  • Only works on some guys. For others it’s definite proof that she’s not worth it.

    My guess is that the guys who like it find it exhilarating to have the drama.

    1|3
    0|0
  • I don't find it attractive. I don't play games. If I'm looking for a relationship, if the other is interested then act like it. Life's too short to be screwing around for weeks with a time waster.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Almost always no.

    But there is *one* specific circumstance in which it helps increase chances of success: When you specifically want a *ONS* and to *never see them again* playing hard to get will increase the chances of this happening based on the research I'm aware of.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Does it? If someone's apt to deception, rather than expressing their true desires, ultimately lying to both me and herself, merely to appease some silly, cultural standard, then I drop her like a hot stone.

    Children play games. I'd rather date a woman.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm no expert on anything and I'm going to explain my opinion on it but know it's not always a good thing to do. The ideology of "playing hard to get" goes well beyond just relationships. Think of it this way if you played a game and your object was to run around a field and pick up flags laid out on the ground, and I put down 5 flags right next to each other. You then run for about 3 seconds pick up the flags and are done. I then give you a trophy for what you have done to go along with the rest of your "trophy collection." Would you feel like you've accomplished and or did anything that someone else couldn't do very easily. Would you even want to put with your other "trophies." That all comes down to opinion, but lets play the game again this time I place 1000 flags spread out around the field... now I know that sounds like a horrible game but if you completed that game it's something you could say not all could do and might actually want to put up that trophy now. This goes into the psychology for why some guys/girls have bad habits for dating "bad" people as well as people that won't date someone that is "easy to get", and people whom chase those who are "hard to get" which the person the chase are not interested in them because they're "easy to get", and that all depends on the personality of a person. It's noted that girls play "hard to get" but both sexes actually do this. Generally girls that really like a guy will play hard to get because she knows this game, and she knows how to pull it off properly so the guy comes chasing in after her and she can now open out her heart... happy story right? Well what if I told you a lot of guys do this to girls by pretending they don't care about them and must be masculine and have a huge figurative "trophy wall" to show off. Well that's just primitive instinct mixed with a spoiled mind and everyone does this to an extent but some people with twisted minds who practice this often or even use a person because they know they can get something out of them... it tends to sound like less of a "happy story," and why I mention spoiled is because some do this to multiple people at once to filter out "anyone" less than perfect which again is a very primitive thing to do but is primitive always good? I probably should've started with the short answer which is "guys love a tease/challenge", but I don't want people to read this and think it's always good to practice because like most things in this world it's complex.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Woman can play hard to get if they are unsure about a guy. But if you clearly like the guy dont play games you will just loose his respect. And loosing his respect will lead him to still chase you but once he fucks you his done. And that is a lesson he just taught you for playing games. Most men will agree.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Its unattractive to anyone who is into you. It feels like you either dont want them, just stringing them along as a backup plan or like you're playing games.
    In both cases guys with self respect will just leave. Leaving you with guys who like to play games and dont really have an interest in you beyond their ego gratification or just desperate dudes.

    0|1
    0|0
  • No, but it does mean that they will become crazy old cat women, who will die alone and childless.
    More than one polite low-key approach will provide evidence of a pattern of sexual harassment, which can (and probably will) be used to destroy the man’s life.
    One approach, then walk away and do not return to that place of rejection.
    Do not become a #MeToo stastic.

    0|1
    1|1
  • Most men don't want the girl, sho spreads their legs for everyone, but the one he conquered.

    That doesn't mean women should play hard2get, though. It means they should have standards. And if these standards are met, then there is no need to play hard2get.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I don't feel the need to conquer anyone. But if fate has it that she falls in love with me, then so be it.

  • This one is totally explained by basic psychology. It is human nature to want what we can't have. The forbidden fruit will always be the sweetest in the minds of those who can not reach it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • while playing hard-to-get makes you more attractive because nobody wants to easy girl at least I don't I want to work a little bit for it so just keep that in mind it's good to play hard-to-get but don't play too hard to get you understand what I'm saying

    1|0
    0|0
  • Taken to extremes it isn't. But a girl who is needy comes across as desperate so we know she has low value and well pester us with texting 4 hours a day. We want a quality girl who has a life and chooses us rather than settles for us.

    1|1
    0|0
  • It doesn't. I don't have time or the will do engage in childish games.

    1|5
    0|0
  • No this girl tried it on me a few month ago for a few months and I ended up not talking to her anymore or seeing her. She would message me through my socials harassing me for stuff I didn't do because I ignored her. Ended up blocking her forever. It's a shame because we knew each other since we were in middle school.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Only it doesn't, at least not for me. It's a type of game playing that isn't at all attractive. If a girl gives me the impression she's not interested then I accept that and move on. I have no interest in playing the "chase" game.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Actually it doesn’t at all... I’d say men playing hard to get makes women go for them more. With guys we are used to girls being this way, but we don’t like it and it’s not a turn on at all! It’s a pain in the ass...

    0|0
    0|0
  • The reason it makes a girl more attractive is simply because it tells the guy that she isn't "easy", that she isn't quick to fall for a guy or jump into bed with him. That a guy has to do a lot more than be good looking, funny, successful, or whatever else in order for her to want him.

    When it comes to looking for a loyal partner that's what we look for, because if she's "easy" then what happens when she gets hit on? Often cheating happens because the girl is too "easy" and she has poor impulse control. She finds a guy attractive and she sleeps with him quickly. That's not gonna happen anywhere near as easily with a girl who expects a deep connection beforehand.

    It's not attractive if the guy can tell that she's "playing" hard to get however, because then it's fake. It then becomes obvious that she's only pretending to be hard to get because she knows it will impress him, when really she isn't. In that case the guy will most likely just move on.

    4|1
    0|0
  • Show more from Guys
    136

What Girls Said 31

  • Who told you that?

    I learned the hard way when I was younger and stupider, that does not work. If anything, it drives guys away to easier, or more willing females that don't play mindgames.

    I'm not saying be easy. A little challenge is fine. But if a guy likes you and the feeling is mutual, tell him! It's not that difficult.

    1|14
    0|0
    • Yeah... basically there should be back & forth and not one person doing all the work. Like he makes a move, then you make a move, and so on

    • Yup that’s the reason I don’t focus on one because my college is full of woman who play mind games lol

  • It DEPENDS on the guy and their personality and mentality. Personality types I witness personally that likes that are ENTPs or ENTJs. They love the chase, debate, and anything that excites them intensely. They go for what they think they can have. Even if the girl says NO. The big issue is that most girls think playing hard to get is the best way to get ANY guy, and this is completely false! While some men are deluded into thinking that the girl is often testing him to see if he is willing to go for her. The problem with that is this: it HURTS BOTH PARTIES.

    The guy feels like he is NEVER going to catch her.
    The girl thinks the guy isn't worthy enough to win her.

    The fact that we have these messed up misinterpretations is hurting others too. Because now guys think the girl is interested when she probably ISN'T interested in him, and she isn't playing hard to get. She IS hard to get because she doesn't want anybody, let alone that guy to get her. At the same time, the guy is just going to eventually give up and now the girl misses the attention and gets mad when he is actually with somebody faster than her. It should not be a competition.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Um what where you hear this? It's actually the opposite, guys don't like when girls play hard to get cause it's playing games. They want a straight forward answer if you are interested or not.

    0|8
    0|0
  • I'm sure playing hard does not make a girl more attractive, nor mature. Anybody who "plays" in dating world or a relationship isn't mature or worth the energy. I mean anybody who intentionally plays hard aren't mature.

    However, there are some who seem "hard to get" and that's because they have standards, I mean reasonable standards, such as not sleeping with someone on first date, that's a good quality to have, since being "easy" isn't attractive either.

    It's just like anybody can get cheap things (and girls) but very few can get the ones with quality.

    0|11
    0|0
  • I don't think so if anything it only pushes the man away and he moves on.

    0|11
    0|0
  • If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” Bob Marley.

    3|0
    0|7
    • Nah. You’ll come to understand no one is worth suffering for. Especially if all you want to do is make them happy. I’ll take my positivity and good vibes to someone who wants them, tyvm.

    • @MittenstheGlove I feel suffering in this quote, is referring to accepting someone with their flaws, and easy is someone who doesn't respect themselves because thats the way they deal with their flaws. It's awesome that you want to make them happy, but in reality for relationships you have to work on them, so by building them you suffer in a way, but in a way that is valuable and worthwhile.

    • You don’t have to suffer to build anyone... :/ That’s where it starts. You can be perfectly happy to help someone mature and become better people. Do not suffer for someone else.

  • Nah. That's only creepy guys.
    You say no and they ASSUME you don't mean it and are playing hard to get.

    0|4
    0|1
    • Because lots of girls actually say no when they just mean try again and it's because of that fucked up behaviour that rape culture is a thing.

    • @shoenron you saying that rapists only exists because some women play games? Hmmmmm. Don’t think so

    • Did I say rapists? I don't think so, read again. Your argument is invalid.

  • Men like the feeling of acomplishment - the harder to attain - the bigger the acomplisment
    Personally, what a bunch of crap

    1|0
    0|6
  • Despite what everybody else says, it is actually a biological drive. Men like to hunt historically, girls like to see effort because it means their partner is a more suitable mate and better to raise her children

    0|0
    0|2
  • They want what they can't have. They are hunters by nature. Once they get you, they will want someone new most likely.

    1|0
    0|9
    • And they say say "women mature earlier". Lol. What a sad joke I'd say.

    • Show All
    • You should date older men, I don’t date women my age either.

    • Yeah I should I want to 😅

  • It is not attractive at all. Playing mind games are immature and waste of time

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think it's being hard to get, I think its not being so available that she seems not needy.

    1|1
    0|1
  • Bc guys are so hrny and think she’s so cute they’ll do anything to get her.

    0|0
    0|1
  • I don't think it does

    1|7
    0|0
  • They don't, duh

    0|8
    0|0
  • You think so? I think it's annoying.

    1|7
    0|0
  • It doesn't work for me.

    0|5
    0|0
    • It shouldn't work in the first place on these that are secure or aren't players (you get a appearance that say you aren't girlfriend material, even no go for picky players) 😉

      (try the concept, be easy to get to know, take initiative, make thing's happen, have standards how that person should be on a personality level to get anywhere with you, also show your true self, make some effort)

  • It doesn't

    0|4
    0|0
  • Life is too short for insecure people

    0|1
    0|0
  • I don't think it does.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know I guess

    0|0
    0|0
  • It doesn't

    0|3
    0|0
  • Simple They like the hunt.

    0|0
    0|1
  • I’d think it’s the chase?

    0|1
    0|2
  • Because guys like pursuing things.

    0|0
    0|2
  • men just love to chase but then once they have girls (sex), they lose their interest. You go on a date, and on the first date (never ever met before), you have sex with him. He wouldn't think of you as girlfriend material but try to have you as his friends with benefits. I believe its such a privilege for girls having a right to make final decision on sex. We gotta play the sex card really well. I mean, I don't know about guys who are not at my age. But yeah between 18-24..99.999% are like this.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because guys do it too. They ask you out and then bail which a different version of playing hard to get in my opinion. Whoever pulls back the most gets the most attention as from what I’ve seen so far

    0|0
    0|2
  • Honestly? Sometimes , yes.
    Some men like it , others dont.
    Men are biologically programmed to go after the woman. Think about the cave man days. A woman had many suitors and she had the choice to pick , while they all chased.
    This also happens in the animal kingdom.
    Honestly it is a bit disappointing that men want women to approach them now , truly masculinity and femininity have changed and the times are weird now.
    But yes, lots of guys like chasing a girl. Others guys dont. It just needs to be done right.

    0|0
    0|0
    • "it is a bit disappointing that men want women to approach them now". Why do you think that is 🤔

    • @halfbowsey kind of a man thing to take the lead and be assertive dont you think? At least in personal life.

  • I don't know men are so easy and expendable it really doesn’t matter what you do to them.

    1|0
    1|3
  • It only works up to an extent. Girls who guys view as "too" hard to get will often get passed up for lower hanging fruit.

    Honestly, I feel like most guys go for the path of least resistance. If a girl makes herself readily available, why not? It's the men who are up for a challenge that are the keepers

    0|1
    0|0
  • Show more from Girls
    1

Recommended myTakes

Loading...