Why does playing hard to get make girls more attractive to men?


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  • Simple, they want what they can't have. Different type of example but for instance I was seeing this guy for a few months, one night he pulled me aside and simply told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and he doesn't think he will be for another couple of years. Grateful That he had the decency to tell me, not totally grateful enough because he had led me on for a few months not even thirty minutes after ending things with me I walked in on him in bed with another female. Sure enough I picked myself up and moved on, in fact his bestfriend was there to pick up the pieces and I fell in love with his bestfriend through a friendship acouple months later. All of a sudden he heard through the grape vine that we were becoming close, he instantly wanted me back. Devoting his love to me etc. Through another mans failure to see my potential I fell for his bestfriend and have been with him almost three years after. He wanted what he couldn't have, like a child who threw a toy he didn't want to play with he found interest once he saw another boy cherishing the toy he found faults in.

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What Guys Said 166

  • It does not- it comes off either as disinterest or immature game-playing.

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  • Some guys confuse a woman with a "hard to get" game with a woman who has high standards. They think that if they win the affections of the woman, it means they have passed a test.

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  • The only benefit I can think of for me is that if she's a desperate person with no life of her own, she might be able to fool me into thinking she's not for a little while until I get really close to her if she plays hard-to-get.

    But that's just a deception on her part. She's basically sort of lying to me and making herself seem more social and busy than she actually is. And if she's too hard to reach, I got to crush and fall madly for girls I never even dated for a long time in my teenage years. I'm not going to twiddle my thumbs and wait around very long before I set my sights on another with one I've only dated once or twice if she's very difficult to meet again.

    I do prefer who is independent and has her own things to do and her own life because that type of girl allows me to also be the same way. But if she genuinely has that, there's no need to play such games. She'd genuinely not be available to talk to me and see me 24/7, but if she's interested she will spend much of her spare time with me.

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    • * I got [over the tendency] to crush and fall madly for girls I never even dated for a long time in my teenage years.

    • * I do prefer [one] who is [genuinely] independent and has her own things to do and her own life because that type of girl allows me to also be the same way.

    • But again if she's interested in me for more than just sex, then playing hard to get and pretending like she's not desperate and is so socially active when she actually isn't is a very surefire way for me to lose interest in her once we do become close and I realize the truth about her. If she just wants to have sex with me, she might be able to get away with it for a short while if she doesn't do it too much, but these days I'm not going to stick around once I realize she's actually a very high-maintenance needy type and just fooled me into thinking she's not.

  • I personally think it's a waste of time lol. Why spend time faking you don't like a dude when you could be spending it having fun together/getting to know each other freely? I like down to earth women that are just real with me, no games.

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  • They like the chase. its what makes us men. but beware... some girls dont know when to stop the hard to get game... and the game changes. maybe he wanted to get her and keep her... but after she played hard to get for so fucking long... he just wanted to get her just to say he did... and toss her when done.
    then she gets mad and says he didn't like her in the first place... but the reality is that he did. she just wore him down and he had too much invested to just turn around...

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  • IF a woman were to play Hard to get with me.. she'd see the back of my head as I walked away. BOYS may like that crap but men don't play, participate, or encourage head games.

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  • Honestly I never understood why anyone - male or female - would play hard to get. I realise that feelings are not always binary; sometimes you're ambivalent about a person or the feelings wax and wane but if they aren't there more than they are you have an answer. It takes time to figure out your feelings but you need to be as transparent as possible.

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  • I’m going to be quite honest. I don’t find playing hard to get to be attractive. I am too direct and quite recently have become a bit more prideful. The easiest way to lose me is to play hard to get. Quite frankly I can put my interest in other potential partners who will give me the time of day.

    The moment you show disinterest I get put-off. I love mutual energy.

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  • I personally don't like women to "play" anything. That's just dishonest. Say what you want and what you think.
    Of course, I imagine that guys who only want sex like to pretend that they're having a meaningful relationship, so maybe playing hard to get kinda simulates that in fast motion.

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  • Not at all.. If the guy is genuinely interested and not flirting for fun, the "hard to get" attitude is a big put off /speed breaker. The girl needs to be mature enough to know when not to let go of a genuinely decent guy by her acting pricey.

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What Girls Said 31

  • Who told you that?

    I learned the hard way when I was younger and stupider, that does not work. If anything, it drives guys away to easier, or more willing females that don't play mindgames.

    I'm not saying be easy. A little challenge is fine. But if a guy likes you and the feeling is mutual, tell him! It's not that difficult.

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    • Yeah... basically there should be back & forth and not one person doing all the work. Like he makes a move, then you make a move, and so on

    • Yup that’s the reason I don’t focus on one because my college is full of woman who play mind games lol

  • It DEPENDS on the guy and their personality and mentality. Personality types I witness personally that likes that are ENTPs or ENTJs. They love the chase, debate, and anything that excites them intensely. They go for what they think they can have. Even if the girl says NO. The big issue is that most girls think playing hard to get is the best way to get ANY guy, and this is completely false! While some men are deluded into thinking that the girl is often testing him to see if he is willing to go for her. The problem with that is this: it HURTS BOTH PARTIES.

    The guy feels like he is NEVER going to catch her.
    The girl thinks the guy isn't worthy enough to win her.

    The fact that we have these messed up misinterpretations is hurting others too. Because now guys think the girl is interested when she probably ISN'T interested in him, and she isn't playing hard to get. She IS hard to get because she doesn't want anybody, let alone that guy to get her. At the same time, the guy is just going to eventually give up and now the girl misses the attention and gets mad when he is actually with somebody faster than her. It should not be a competition.

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  • Um what where you hear this? It's actually the opposite, guys don't like when girls play hard to get cause it's playing games. They want a straight forward answer if you are interested or not.

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  • I'm sure playing hard does not make a girl more attractive, nor mature. Anybody who "plays" in dating world or a relationship isn't mature or worth the energy. I mean anybody who intentionally plays hard aren't mature.

    However, there are some who seem "hard to get" and that's because they have standards, I mean reasonable standards, such as not sleeping with someone on first date, that's a good quality to have, since being "easy" isn't attractive either.

    It's just like anybody can get cheap things (and girls) but very few can get the ones with quality.

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  • I don't think so if anything it only pushes the man away and he moves on.

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  • If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” Bob Marley.

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    • Nah. You’ll come to understand no one is worth suffering for. Especially if all you want to do is make them happy. I’ll take my positivity and good vibes to someone who wants them, tyvm.

    • @MittenstheGlove I feel suffering in this quote, is referring to accepting someone with their flaws, and easy is someone who doesn't respect themselves because thats the way they deal with their flaws. It's awesome that you want to make them happy, but in reality for relationships you have to work on them, so by building them you suffer in a way, but in a way that is valuable and worthwhile.

    • You don’t have to suffer to build anyone... :/ That’s where it starts. You can be perfectly happy to help someone mature and become better people. Do not suffer for someone else.

  • Nah. That's only creepy guys.
    You say no and they ASSUME you don't mean it and are playing hard to get.

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    • Because lots of girls actually say no when they just mean try again and it's because of that fucked up behaviour that rape culture is a thing.

    • @shoenron you saying that rapists only exists because some women play games? Hmmmmm. Don’t think so

    • Did I say rapists? I don't think so, read again. Your argument is invalid.

  • Men like the feeling of acomplishment - the harder to attain - the bigger the acomplisment
    Personally, what a bunch of crap

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  • Despite what everybody else says, it is actually a biological drive. Men like to hunt historically, girls like to see effort because it means their partner is a more suitable mate and better to raise her children

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  • They want what they can't have. They are hunters by nature. Once they get you, they will want someone new most likely.

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    • And they say say "women mature earlier". Lol. What a sad joke I'd say.

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    • You should date older men, I don’t date women my age either.

    • Yeah I should I want to 😅

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