What do you do if you are not one of the priorities of your partner?

My boyfriend is busy with work which I understand and won't disturb. It's just that I haven't seen him for a week (we live 10 min apart), and would like to see him on the weekend, he said one of his old friends will come back in town and he won't have time for me. That's how I realize I am not one of his priorities. Especially I will be gone next week for Thanksgiving and he knows it , we won't see each other next week either.
Updates:
He said he is full on his project , and he has to meet his old friends , and sleeps well, has no energy for me now. So he wants to hang in 2 weeks. I ll just focus on myself and also catch up with some old friends.

Thank you all for your opinions !


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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yeah but I don't understand how him hanging out with his friends has anything to do with seeing you he can't do both

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    • So did you get to talk to him yet about it hopefully he can hang out with his friends and then after you finish hanging out with his friends come hang out with you what's wrong with that I think that's a great idea

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    • well if he wants to be 100% focused on his project then why is he hanging out with his friends stay home and focus on your project. Do you agree cuz I don't see how you can give 100% to his project when he's hanging out with his boys that makes no sense

    • Thanks for the MHO

  • lol wtf? that's pretty messed up, is he going to be with him 24/7, sleep together, and etc? lols... can't he stop by your place at night, or at least invite you to come out at least one day out of those seven days and be like "yo bro, i would like you to meet my girl" or something like that?

    but well, i usually just do the same thing people do to me, treat them the way they treat me, if i'm not the priority then i won't make them my priority either. when they be like "wtf man?", i'll be like what do you mean wtf? i just did the same thing you did to me so stfu, lols!

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Most Helpful Girls

  • It depends who the friend is. If it is somebody he has known for more than 10 years - then I can understand why he would feel meeting with this friend is necessary. If it is just a random person he barely knows and there is no family history or significant reason for meeting them and the person did not travel a long distance to see them - I would begin to distance myself from him.

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    • he knows that friend for at least 4 years and she went away for graduate school and finally came back to home town. So yes it is a good friend, but still I feel he should leave some time for me.

    • Also he needs to go out to watch game with his dad , and he can't bring me because he is not ready for me to meet him

      But then he has time at nights, he needs to focus on work and spend some alone time

  • I can understand that seeing his fried if he hasn't seen him in years or he's just popping back into town for a visit because he gets to see you more often than his friend

    I recommend that you chat to him and not fight him, and come to see his point of view, if it's acceptable to you then tell him that you want to see him before you leave, if not wrap up the relationship and start a new, a guy who is in love with you or loves you would always make a plan to see you, there's pros and cons to any relationship, find out which one has more and then decide. There has to be a compromise somewhere in the plans and relationships

    It used to be the same with me although a lot further in distance and I spoke to him about it and now when he can he makes plans to see me for long periods of time since we've been in a long distance relationship for about 5 years now.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • You need to talk to him directly about it. It sounds like you are not on the same level of the relationship or have the same commitment level. That will just open things up to get worse or get emotional.

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  • 10 minutes apart and he still can't find the time to see you? if you aren't his priority then he shouldn't be yours either, i'd just move on. Nothing worse than a person not putting in effort in a relationship

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  • Okay so his friend must be a guy he had not seen for a long time. So i guess meeting him will make them relive their past again or catchup with each other.
    That doesn't mean he can't meet up with you.
    Go to his door and talk with him or ask him to meet up with you and tell him how you feel about all this.

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  • Bring this up imediately. Your needs need to be met. Distance doesn't kill friendships but it can hurt romance if both partners aren't into it

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  • Geez so if he sees his friend he don't see you as a priority? Yeah it sucks but how long will he have not seen his friend and how long to see him again? Maybe you could fill in these questions so we all have better perspective.

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  • Seriously? If I ever lived that close to a partner, I'd hope to see her daily!
    If I were you, I'd dump him.

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  • Yeah sounds like he's really not interested in you like he should be very sorry he's doing that to you

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  • Dump his ass if he can’t make you a priority in his life why should you make him be one in yours

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  • One idea would be to get a little peace of meat for the side.
    You know just in case of an emergency.

    Just so you know. I've got some spear time during the week.
    Just in case.

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  • Since how many years are you in relationship?

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    • half a year ish , not long
      He is 30 and 6 years older than me , I feel we have some 'age gap' in dating world

    • Definitely it seems you are not his priority at 10 min distance. Age gap means nothing in dating world. Age is just a number. Just talk to him clearly on this issue. If he gets annoyed on this, don’t hesitate to move away. Relationship is a two sided affair not one sided.

    • Okay , thank you for your suggestion!

  • Get a new partner. Duh.

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  • Accept or move on.

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  • Read the Law 11 Of Power

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  • I don't want to be the priority. We have totally independent lives from each other. Our responsibilities take up a whole lot of priority and focus.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I could not accept that from my partner. I would probably move on from that relationship.

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  • Find something else to keep me busy and that's it until we have time for each other. It should be planned. If you want to see him badly, express that you feel neglected. Overall you mean to tell me you can't be separated from him for a week? This has to do with attachment issues and not whether or not you're a priority. That's not healthy.

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  • If your not a priority in his life you need to give him a ultimatum, and say “ Show me that I am a priority, and that you still love me. If not we are through.”

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  • Talk to him about the issue. Tell him your expectations (eg that you want to meet at least once a week). See if he delivers. If not decide whether to stay or leave.

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  • He is a douche. I have to work and go to highschool too.. but I still have time to do whatever I want. Its not about priorities is about what is more important to you.

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  • @Iron_Man @Tombelbee we talked about going to a ball game if we were ever to get together in person

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  • I dump him! I must be the first in line, just how i would put him first. Otherwise good buy!!

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  • I will find someone else for whom I will be on priority

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  • I have to work and have appointments too but even I can make time for my Boyfriend. We meet once or twice in the week and spend all weekend together

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  • Have a talk with him because he obviously doesn't have his priorities ordered correctly.

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  • Then we couldn’t be together

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  • Become one or leave

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  • Well u can go and surprise him.

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    • Well what kind of old friends it can be girls
      So yeah u really need to see him face to face when his friends arrive

      At least go be a detective
      And keep out of the spotlight and see if his friend are girls or guys

      Then u can tell if he is cheating on u or not

    • oh lol , he said it's a girl and a bunch of their old friends , No No not cheating on me. I trust him in that, he has strong moral standards
      not inviting me because maybe he isn't ready to introduce me to his oldest friends

    • He should be ready to introduce u if not he is hiding something
      U need to double check to see if he is not cheating because he can say one thing and that could be a lie

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