Should I be mad that my boyfriend only wanted to sleep with me at first?

We've been dating a while and are madly in love, but I feel like our foundation was a lie, because I thought he legit wanted to date me.
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Look, a lot of guys before they even meet the girl are wondering this “I wonder if she gives some good head?” So it’s not built on lies it’s just attraction. Guy sees attractive girl, guy steps up to the plate and gets the girl and then let’s his “vulnerable” side out after maybe a couple of dates

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    • Even if his plan was to ditch you after sex?

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    • Well nothing is perfect, and something that seemed perfect might of seemed weird or awkward for the other person, besides in the first date you don’t know what the other persons intentions are, and they could always lie about what their true intentions were

    • Very true. That has happened a lot in the past so I'm glad he's being truthful.

Most Helpful Girl

  • People are attracted to each other in different ways. For most guys, usually, the initial attractions are more of a sexual nature. So, I don't think you should take it personally and be mad at him. Because in the end, he did show that he loved you afterwards, right?

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What Guys Said 32

  • He's proven his love. That is what matters.

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  • Given that what you describe is the new "default" setting for relationships based on what I've read here I'd say "no"

    I'm fascinated by this question. Why do people (of both genders) sleep together before being in a relationship, then be totally astonished that all the other person they hooked up with for sex initially wanted was sex?

    I'm confused.

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    • That's why I dont have sex out of exclusivity.

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    • I’m so glad you said it, I was just wondering the same thing. Was beginning to think I was one of the only ones.

    • I have a complicated mind.

  • Thats... how it works. Similarly you don't actually 'love' him. Your subconscious values XYZ in this guy but to protect your own ego and viability to other men you call it love. The second he can no longer provide XYZ *poof* goes that love. Talk to some older women. They'll give you the low down, no bullshit.

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    • If you're love can go "poof" that's not love.

  • I mean, getting into my relationship, me and my girlfriend were best friends beforehand, not to mention I loved her boobs, so I kinda started with the intention of getting my hands on those big, squishy mounds, but now we love each other, and I care about her truly and appreciate her a person.

    So with your boyfriend, considering where you are now, nah. Maybe a bit upset at the realization, but nothing to hang onto.

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  • Let it go and take the win. You won him over and made him love you.

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    • Great way to look at it. Thanks😁

  • He wanted to sleep with you and then he wanted to keep you. It doesn't get much better than that. He got his nut and sees you as worth more.

    You are over thinking things.

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  • Lust brought you together, and love kept you together 😉 corny but it seems to be what happened 😂 usually the only reason a guy approached a girl is because she’s physically attractive. That part is natural

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  • There's no point in being mad about something that's not valid anymore. The foundation may have been a lie, but it's not a lie now. You should worry about now, the past is gone, if you're in love today it's all that matters.

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  • i get being a bit upset at the realization but not much sense in being mad now.

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  • I'm not exactly sure what you should be mad about? So, I guess my answer is no.

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    • Exactly... I thought the whole point of initial attraction was the desire to sleep with him/her

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    • @latinabutterfly96 oh I'm not saying sexual attraction isn't important. But to me, sex is something that involves your emotional feelings for someone as well.

    • I guess I can see how you could be disappointed that he doesn't hold the same views. But, now that you're in a real, committed relationship, it shouldn't matter anymore.

  • Wanting to be physically with someone being first is completely normal. If things developed further, mazel tov.

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  • 100% of girls I've gotten into a relationship with, I only wanted to have sex with them initially.

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  • What would have been the lie would have been if you had sex later...

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  • That is how the game is played he did nothing wrong

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  • that's how it litterally always starts. don't blame him. that's how it works.

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  • Lots of relationships are like that in the beginning.

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  • That's my favorite way to fall for someone actually, through good fucking. The touches can get so intimate.

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  • Did you expect him to love you for all the deep personal connection and time spent together when you first saw him?

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    • No but I expected him to be sincerely interested in wanting to go on dates and get to know me, not have the mindset of just sleep with me and ghost me after we did the dead. Granted that didn't happen but that's what his intentions were.

  • He thought you looked good enough to sleep with. I take that as a compliment.

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  • I don't think that you're in any way unjustified in being upset with him over this. May I ask how you know this though? Did he tell you?

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    • Yes. We talk about everything.

  • I'm not clear on what is going on. He loves u and you r dating but he doesn't want to date you?

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  • What do you think the driving motivator to get men to date is?

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    • To get married

    • No. Lul. Men only decide to settle down after a while. As the saying goes. Women are the gate keepers of sex, while men are the gate keepers of marriage.

    • Not saying marriage isn't a goal of dating for men, just it usually doesn't come into play untill after you he has taken down all of his walls, and it's a result of simple biology. Sex Ed 101. Men have the ability to have children with multiple women at once, so In time after a big war that wipped out 75% of the men, men who evloved to have sex before commiment had more children and thus that genitic opunisism survived into later generations, meanwhile women who have sex before commiment useually was left as a single mother, less likely to have her children survive and thus women evloved to be much more willing to commit before having sex and men to have sex before committing.

  • That is mostly how things start.

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  • So you don't like having sex with him...

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  • Douchebag. You should quit... actually.

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    • My best friend, who ignores my questions now... she always falls for such pricks thst are just in it for a "short thing" however they think that should work... well anyways, they leave and she is depressed because it all seemed so well... she loved one guy and then after coming back to her after quitting because he didn't want to visit her with period pain (in the same street) but rather her to come over... he later told her that he never loved her and she just thought that and all that nade up crap so he washes off all guilt of himself...

    • Long story short: if you are such a guy, whoever reads this. You newest goal should be to stay as far away from ne and my friends as possible.. I've always wanted to try and fit someone sicilian Diving... shoes..

  • I think you need to clarify what you are asking.

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    • So you're mad that he didn't really like you until he actually got to know you?

    • No that all I was to him was just another pretty face to prey on.

  • Very sad l would love to date and get married

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  • Yes. Be mad at him. Dump him. The fact that he only wanted to bang you overrides the fact that he fell in love after he got to know you. He was supposed to love you without knowing you, and ONLY THEN was he allowed to be physically attracted to you.

    The fuck was he thinking?

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  • That's what most guys probably want at first.

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  • My ex never forgave me cause I foolishly told her that I wanted to sleep with her since we first started dating.

    All men want sex but if that is all he wanted then yeah be mad but get over it.

    1 Make sure you keep him around for 6 months no sex. If he is around then see what happens.
    2 Guys wait for girls they want to bag and dump 4-5 months.

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    • We have sex once a week though.

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    • How not?

    • In time you will get over it just talk it out.

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What Girls Said 14

  • It was the same case for my best friend with her first partner. They married after 10 years of relationship and are still happy together.
    Sex is the first motivation for a lot of guys. It doesn't mean that it cannot change completely later on.

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    • Thank you😊

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    • I wouldn't deny it lol...

    • What if I tell you that a lot of things guys think is care isn't that great either? Some people just aren't a great match for one another and cannot appreciate their partners efforts. It's not always this way though, believe me. I do value the smallest things my boyfriend does for me and he does so aswell.

  • However it started is in the past. There isn't any logic in being mad at the past. It already happened. Its over. Things worked out. If anything you should be glad that he changed his mind and realized he wanted to be more with you

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  • You need to either stfu with this or leave. there's no need of you holding grudges. y'all want honesty then bitch about it.

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    • I never asked him. He just told me haha

  • People change, my boyfriend and I were only friends for a long time but in the end we fell for each other

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  • No you shouldn't be mad most guys feel that way until they get to know how we are as a person.

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  • Yeah bt you should just let it go cos he's madly in love with you now

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  • well id be bothered with the fact that we may not be on the same page when it comes to casual dating...

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  • It's only natural that he wanted to sleep with you. If he was using you for sex you wouldn't be in a committed relationship

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    • That's true thank you.

  • Uhh...
    And you didn’t want to sleep with him at first?

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    • Not really. I wasn't attracted to him at first.

  • Why would you

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    • Because it makes me question if I'm just a placeholder until something better comes along.

  • If he originally wanted you for your body, he must've initially thought you're hot. That should at least make you feel special.

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  • Every guy wants to bang at first but that changes once he sees you're different and not someone that the world has sampled.

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  • Insult him for raping. He will never forget you

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    • That's a little drastic.

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    • @Anon Are you a guy with lots of sorrow in his heart? 😂😂😂

    • Yeah shooting is illegal. It's hard to understand what you're saying but based on "Even if it comes you did lie nothing happens to you. But you can bring him in jail 95%" it sounds like you want to falsely accuse him of rape which is.. illegal (hence "shoot him").

  • physical attraction is how things start

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