What do you consider leading someone on?

At one point is it considered that your leading someone on?

I feel like its a pretty blurred line. For example I've been torn apart for having spent some time with a guy as friends and their was some potential and I really enjoyed spending time with him so we decided to go on a date. That night he held my hand and we kissed. Walking away from it I realized there just wasn't a spark and i was feeling what I was supposed to feel. I felt terrible and I talked to him about it and he got mad at me for leading him on. When in the moment things were going well and that seemed to be the natural progression.

But I feel like sometimes you just dont know if something is really there until the kiss...
What do y'all think?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • This situation highlights one of the differences between men and women. When a man meets a woman, we make a visual assessment of her (not consciously) and we instantly know that we are attracted or we are not attracted. This guy assumed that you were capable of the same instant judgment and you should have known you weren't attracted from the outset, and therefore, you were leading him on.

    I know that women sometimes need some experience with a guy before they realize whether they feel an attraction. It may be that, if you had gone on two or three dates with him, you would have started feeling an attraction. But it is too late for that now.

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  • Why do girls believe there is a spark? There is none, there is chemistry in a relationship definitly. The best kiss I got there was no spark, extra excitement...

    It was a sweet romantic kiss and the first of many.

    Now you can feel that it is wrong from a kiss sure but breaking it off cause of no fireworks kiss. I feel is wrong.

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    • its not like i was expecting fireworks but it didn't make me feel attracted to him at all...

      And i have felt a spark when kissing a few different guys.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I wouldn't say you intentionally led him on but at the same time I can understand why he would feel that way! Perhaps you should just apologise for hurting his feelings and explain it wasn't intentional? Then the balls in his court and he can either decide to accept your apology or carry on being upset about it! That's down to him! You were honest with him as soon as you knew you weren't feeling it! That's more than a lot of people would do!

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    • i did apologize i just keep having situations come up similar to this in the dating world. So i feel like in order to "be fair" and not hurt anyone i can't give guys chances or really do anything... and thats frustrating because then there's no point to dating or i just look like im too picky or too hard to get...

    • It is hard! I'm in the dating game at the moment too so I feel your pain! At the end of the day, someone is always going to feel upset when getting rejected, whether that's from the first message or five dates in! You did everything right! You've certainly got more balls than me! Don't let it put you off dating! The right guy is out there somewhere! And when you find him, if he has a brother send him my way 😂

    • thats actually really reassuring. Thank you! And good luck to you too. Looks like we both need it hahaha

  • You enjoy kissing and sleeping with the men you like. You obviously didn't like him enough before the kiss anyway. I feel bad for you, because you think that you can fall in love and get the spark after a kiss ;)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 35

  • It was unfair of him to get angry with you- you couldn't necessarily be expected to know right on the spot and you informed him about how your felt soon thereafter. Truth is, he led himself on, you didn't do it.

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  • I think he's wrong. What he experienced is just the normal course of dating. "Leading someone on" isn't something that happens in one date -- it goes on for months or years, with one party never intending to commit while the other keeps waiting and hoping.

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  • Simple
    If it is lust, it will fade out
    If it is love it will grow

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  • Spending alone time with each other on more than one occasion. Time is the factor here so it could be anything consistent over time and exclusive to one person (or if you are keeping your options open, exclusive to those you like and would like to date).

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  • Well people change mind all the time, what you've described I don't think that you were leading him on. Infact its better that as soon as you've felt so, you cleared it out. Leading on would be not clearing out, pretending to be into him, wasting his effort etc... You did good for him you should not feel bad.

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  • Depends on perspective and trust. I consider it to be intentionally going on with a relationship that won't go anywhere which you didn't. Maybe it takes 1 date to find that out, maybe it takes 3 years of dating, it all depends on the individuals in the relationship and how long it takes to decide if it's forever or not.

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  • If you didn't feel a spark why did you kiss him? That would have been a much more appropriate time to tell the truth

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    • I didn’t know there wasn’t a spark UNTIL I kissed him

    • Show All
    • Sex and a kiss are two wildly different things...

    • Kinda, but not really. Kissing is similar.

      It was referred to in the movie Hitch, and I’ve heard more than one girl confirm it, but girls judge how a relationship will be by the first kiss.

      See the thing is, I understand why you said what you said. You’re looking at it logically and thinking “I wouldn’t kiss a girl I didn’t already have a spark for.”

      But girls being different in so many ways fall in love differently and select mates differently. I think for them falling in love is in part based on how the guys personality makes them feel. Feelings are completely subjective, especially in this scenario and there’s no rhyme or reason to them. So trying to understand that logically is impossible. There’s no formula for it. That’s the trouble with women and dating.

      It’s in part why when younger we scratch our heads and think “why is she with him” when it’s not a good rational choice.

  • It's leading them on when you don't express somehow that you're not interested, so they have the impression that there's a chance. That's why most girls will let it drop somehow, like a guy will mention the weather and she'll blurt out "My boyfriend really loves the wind." Lets the guy know it's not happening.

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  • nypost.com/.../

    is the line clear enough now? Its impossible to prove intent before hand and plausible deniability is a woman's greatest weapon, so all we have to go on are her ADMISSIONS to her peers, and his intuition.

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  • It’s not at all a blurred line. It’s simple. If the other person is interested and your not, tell them.

    I think what you did was not at all leading him on, and he should not be a baby about it. You were a stand up gal and told him how you felt. No harm, no foul on your part and well done!

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  • It's not leading someone on if you TELL them like you did. But many people jusy don't and I think then it constitutes as leading on for sure.

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  • Oh boy where do i begin it all doesn't matter in the end unless both are compatible right but on the other hand some people like to practice on people tht are incompatible and even tease just to see if how easy it was to get thier attention its just a game if u ask me so just play to win am i right or wrong is tht not what we all do just be careful or you'll have to start all over again

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  • The kiss is the telltale. Be glad you didn't have sex. As guys we're programmed to fuck, so be glad you didn't fuck him.

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  • If they like you, You know they like you, You dont like them, And you're talking to them. You're leading them on.. not hard to understand really...

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  • I think if you are basing your decision about dating someone on their and your performance during a brief kiss you are abdicating your responsibility to properly and fairly assess the merits of a long term relationship with them.

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    • there are other things that go into it besides just the kiss. Maybe this might sound weird to you but its almost as if it woke me up a bit. they say that attraction is blind and we had hung out a few times with groups of friends and stuff and that was the first time we ever really got to be alone. I don't know i guess when any potential of chemistry went away i was able to also see things that took away from anything long term.

    • It does sound weird to me. But then I am a pragmatist, I don't make decisions based on feelings if at all possible.

  • i dont believe in that nonsense of "leading someone on"... that person chose to follow... you dont lead anyone on, we all have the inkling to see where a certain path leads and we follow what we think is right. if its not, there is a choice to deviate. there is no such thing.. whoever thinks they were being "led on", that is their fault.. for the most part at least. thats why i tell people to know what the fuck they want.. FIRST.. then go out into the dating pool. it like "cheating"... no one plans on it.. it just fucking happens.

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  • Going for expansive date and wasting his money then claiming you're on your period to avoid action 😂

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  • Putting out all the signs both obvious and not so obvious that you want to take it further but then ending with a clear friendzoning

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  • Making them think you're actually interested and giving them hope , when you're not really interested

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  • It is probably a conflict in the order of how different people's romantic interests develop.
    I too would be pretty upset if someone changed their mind after a kiss, because for me a kiss is a definite "formalization" of mutual romantic interests, rather than the gauge.

    Personally, I also prioritize looking at long-term character compatibility as the source of attraction (such as the type of their character, their values and goals in life etc) and can't really emphasize with people who seem to abruptly lose and gain attraction over what I personally perceive as totally trivial factors, e. g. "sparks" and "chemistry" or what not.

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  • I think I could.
    Like if she were gorgeous and fun and was someone I was attracted to and then to find out that she had a deal breaker item. What if we've gone out on a few dates, I really like her I'm really attracted to her and then we have sex for the first time and she got her clit pierced or nipple piercing or some hideous tattoo on her lower back on panty line area.

    I mean YUCK. There is no way I'm going to go anywhere long term with her. But if only she didn't have these gross, deal breaking things to me I'd really like her.

    I may just keep dating her a bit to enjoy some of the other perks even though I know I'm going to bail before too long.

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  • Leading on is intentional. If you knew you weren't going to give as much as you received, and you accepted whatever he gave you without telling him so, that's leading on. If he gave more of himself than he "should have" without explicit cues from you, that's on him. Players lead people on. Most people just take chances that don't really work out for anyone, but the very sensitive types often conjure some excuse as to why it's not their fault and someone owes them something. "I'm the victim... blah blah blah!" Those people need to learn to accept responsibility for their choices.

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  • Women's feelings are most-often inaccurate and irrelevant to existing reality.

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  • as long as you tell him when you feel it doesn't work

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  • Leading someone on Is usually a manipulative behavior to get something from them.

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  • Saying you'll be their boyfriend or girlfriend or hinting around at it and then just dropping them

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  • When you say your gonna insert penis but then you just insert pain (also no penis) yo feel me

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  • Trying to get really close to a man if you're a married woman or a jailbait teen girl.

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  • girls are natural at that shit.

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  • Throwing bricks at them when you didn't mean to.

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    • Talk about seducing someone against their will

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What Girls Said 20

  • If you didn`t know he was into you before the kiss, then you weren`t leading him on. If you knew or even had a slight suspicion without being sure about your own feelings, you lead him on. This is because you had nothing to lose and you felt like it wouldn`t be a big deal if you ended up not liking him after all.

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  • I think you’re fully entitled to say ‘no thanks’ at any point. He has no right to have any say in it at all. You owe nobody anything, and his feelings are not relevant

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    • I disagree fully with your comment. If he is a nice guy who genuinely felt a connection with the asker, then he deserves to be let down gently because we have ALL been in the position at one point or another where we feel something and the other person doesn't. The exact problem with society lies in what you said "his feelings are not relevant" EVERYONES feelings are valid and relevant and if that's what he feels, that's what he feels, same for the asker. I would instead give the advice to let him down very gently and to ignore the anger he may carry as that will just be frustration- again a reflection of how much he liked her. There's no need to disregard people's feelings like that because if it was the other way around? You would be saying "he could have let you down gently and taken your feelings into consideration". Just saying

    • @stardust96420 I feel like a lot of times we think that the choice is between hurting someone or not hurting someone when really its usually between hurting someone a lot or a little. I felt it was best to tell him sooner rather than down the road out of fear just because we had kissed. PArt of me (especially given his reaction) felt obligated to just keep going with it and hope that something developed but then i feel like THAT would have been leading him on. I tried to be honest yet considerate of his feelings. But even in general, not necessarily just in this situation. A lot of people have said that going about things that way is leading people on a being a hoe. So i dont even know anymore. Apparently i can't do anything right.

    • Aww honey, I think you handled the situation very respectfully and fully kept him in the loop, it's definitely not my definition of being lead on, being lead on is when you ask what's happening and they dodge the question, one minute they want you next they don't etc. You kept him fully up to date with your feelings and I don't think you done anything wrong, it's not like you gave him misleading signals for days at a time or anything, honestly I don't think you have done anything wrong and I think deep down you know that, don't let his opinion of the situation cloud what you KNOW which is the reality of the situation, Good luck xx

  • thats not leading on, thats giving someone a chance
    leading on would be you knowing that person is not for you but you still flirt/hang with them and give them hope

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  • Kudos to you for talking to him; many people lack that courage and are passive aggressive. To me, the line is whether or not you honestly told someone. You told him honestly-- clean conscious. Will he be hurt? Yes, understandably so. Give him space.

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  • When you make your intentions with them known and rather than agree/disagree they just participate without actually telling you they have other plans, or no intent to be with you.
    Leading someone on is entertaining and playing the role of a boyfriend and not officially agreeing to be together, or saying no. The person usually just flops round doing what they want and being vague.

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  • That doesn't sound like you lead him on. It's just that you weren't on the same page and he didn't notice it while you did. I get that he'd be mad because of what it seems on the surface, but you didn't really do anything wrong.

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  • Lying about liking someone, intentionally making a move, well knowing you don't want something and playing with their feelings
    You didn't lead him on, you gave it a try and figured out that this isn't for you

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  • Either the spark is there or it's not. You can't force it so why go any further?

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  • I agree with the fact you don't know if there is chemistry until you kiss. I wasn't attracted to my boyfriend until I kissed/ smelled him.

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  • thats not leading someone on. thats just realizing you two aren't a good match. Had you stayed and began making plans to live happily ever after and left, THAT would be leading him on.

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  • Before you went on a date, did you already feel there wasn't a spark? Did you feel like it he wasn't someone you didn't want to get involved with on a serious or long term note?

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  • Making it seem like you like someone romantically and have intentions other than just f**king them when you, indeed, just want to f**k them.
    It's pretty simple actually.

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  • It was just a date he's probably more embarrassed/ offended that u got to know him and then rejected him bc he will feel like it was more something to do with him than just not wanting a relationship

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  • For me it is when you know someone is interested in you and you keep spending time with them / having sex with them. Only to throw the boyfriend or girlfriend card at some later point.

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  • Making someone believe you romantically or sexually like them when, in reality, you do not.
    xx
    ~ Mrs Manson

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  • Umm your a bitch for that.. who knows what you said to him before that.

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    • Why you gotta come at another female like ^^^ that? Im clearly trying to learn from my mistakes here and your comment isn't even constructive its just insulting. Besides we had never talked about anything like that before that point.

  • A guy liked me but I was "too nice" to tell him that I dont like him so I kept talking to him. I tried to show/imply to him that I was not interested. I took forever to text him and I didn't talk to him in public (a lot) but he just kept coming back. One day I just got so stressed out by him that I told him the slight truth. He took it well but little did I know he was talking, intimately, to multiple girls. So now I regret telling him some of the truth. I should have written a whole essay about what I dont like about him. I wanted to hurt his feelings.

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  • Feeling lead on

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  • I have no idea

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  • Leading someone on is when you intentionally flirt with them and so on, only to finally diss them in the end.

    You didn’t lead him on, id say. You were genuinely interested in him at first and then saw you weren’t into him anymore. (Reminds me of a song called HAIM by The Wire. Listen to it!)

    Anyways some examples:

    My EX female friend told her ex boyfriend she’d date him again once he lost weight. She’s dating another guy while he’s losing weight

    Flirting with a guy you really have no intention with but you make it look like you do

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