Is it possible that I intimidate guys?

I am 21 years old. I have never had a boyfriend. I’ve never been kissed and I have never even gone on a date with a guy.

I have been wondering lately why.
I’m not ugly, I’m funny (to most), and I’m intelligent.

Not to toot my own horn here, because I HATE bragging but here are the facts:

I have a stable job, I no longer live with my parents, I pay my own bills, I have a brand new car that I got on my own, I travel, etc.
I run a successful business in which I have garnished a following of over 20,000 on Instagram and 7,000 on Facebook.
I graduated in the top 5% in high school.
I’ve published a book. I paint. I do crafts. I sing. I film. I edit. I photoshop. I am a Makeup Artist.
I’ve met celebrities and have flown to different states.

Is this intimidating to guys? I don’t understand. I’m so nice and I talk to anyone without judgement. I don’t understand.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I wouldn't say intimidating. Just, that would place you in a specific category, and most guys would by default think that you were looking for a guy who has done better than you in all those things. Or at least the same.

    But, also, most of those are pretty much irrelevant to whether or not a guy will be interested. Except the interests, those are cool.

    As for what's going wrong. I'd examine your body language, and whether you shut down sexual advances or not. The way you behave in interpersonal situations could be the biggest factor.

    You also have to let guys know that it's safe to approach you, or that it's safe to try something with you. You have to "invite" them with your eyes. Or, you have to play with them when they get in play-mode and start trying to establish rapport with you. Then, you have to let them know it's okay to push a little harder. It's all incremental, usually, and at each step, you have to let them know that it's okay to continue the game.

    Have you been around many guys? Any male friends? Any female friends that could hook you up with a date?

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  • Are you serious? Assuming you're not a troll or a shit poster then yeah, that's pretty damn intimidating for most guys. Even if it weren't, the first thought that ran through my mind is "she doesn't need me for anything". Guys often think in terms of "how useful I can be?" or "how much am I worth?" When it comes to dealing with women. That's typically what they look for in men, so a woman who matches or outperforms him in everything he's good at or has to offer is perceived as untouchable. "Why would she want me when she can do everything I'd be able to offer by herself?" Is what's going through the heads of the guys you meet. They probably don't see you as unattractive. You're too useful to yourself, as odd as that may sound.

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    • This is so interesting to me, because I’ve read upon the “superhero complex” that men have and their intrinsic need to feel like they need to save the day. I don’t understand how to market myself in a way that shows I need help... also... help in what aspect?

    • Hmm. I feel like the advice I'd give in your case is bad advice to give. I don't get the impression that you need help with anything, so the first thing to do if you want to seem like you need help is to become helpless. To me that sounds like an awful thing to say so I don't really recommend it, but I suppose the healthiest alternative would be to show willingness to take a back seat as far as a career goes. How you'd go about doing that is something I couldn't tell you, but I suppose if you publicly voiced the opinion that you think women shouldn't have a career and that they'd be better at home that would hammer the point home pretty effectively to any guy who's listening. If you don't actually believe that I wouldn't recommend saying it though. That's also a somewhat clumsy solution though. "Like killing an ant with a sledgehammer" as my professor used to say.

Most Helpful Girl

  • maybe you're the kind of person who only travels in packs and you're too busy having a good time with people you know (and also dont want to date you) to be put in situations where people who would want to date you can approach you. do you ever go out to social places alone or always to meet friends? try going to social activities like pub crawl or church service or happy hour at a restaurant alone and see who you meet. try to avoid couples events too where most people are already shacked. also, girls who wear a lot of makeup, i assume you on occasion do because you're a make up artist. that in itself is intimidating to guys who dont know about your other achievements.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 32

  • I'd assume that some are, but I think it's more likely that they are wondering where they would fit into your life, especially whether you'd have time for a relatonship.

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  • Going hard but you might appreciate it if your smart.

    1. No guy really cares about your job status besides you being willing to work.
    2. That follower number shits kinda weak.
    3. as long as you can hold a conversation no one cares what you ranked in highschool.
    4. all the art shit you do can be a good thing but you seem to be casting to wide of a net to be really outstanding in any feild.
    5. nobody cares about who you met when considereding dating.

    So no your not intimidating, you just don't know what guys looks for and so your projecting what you look for in a man and thinking they think in the same way.

    The fact you never dated anyone throws up some red flags, as if you have some kind of extream baggage or you have unrealistic standards and beliefs on what dating should be like.

    Men generally only care about you being there to provide your trust, support, and your touch. And being able to be a good mother for your future children. Almost none of the things you listed there align with any of that, but it dose align with what women want from men.

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  • Yea... but you lack confidence. You posted Anon. kinda dulls the whole thing. If... IF al that is true.. i can see why some guys will be intimidated. in that case and with all that go-getta attitude.. you Should be able to get a guy because you would have no problem making the first move.

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  • Things that are attractive to women, ie: jobs, intelligence, nice cars aren't the same things that guys are drawn to. The two big things are the way you look and the way you act. Not saying your personality doesn't come into play, but that's the gist.

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  • No I don’t find that intimidating at all, but maybe guys sense you have to high of an ego so they back off... it’s awesome to meet someone that is adventurous by traveling and outgoing and it’s also great knowing you work hard and pay your bills instead of living of some rich guy... maybe try asking out some guys, what do you have to lose? Ask them out for a coffee and drink and offer to pay, they would be amazed if you did this believe me...

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  • Sure it's possible but if you're not opening yourself up for guys to flirt with you then it's not going to happen. If you've never done any of those things then how are guys even supposed to know about the things you do?

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  • Do you make it clear you are available.

    When you see a guy you like do you treat him in a way that tells him you are attracted to him or do you relate to him like everyone in our life?

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  • Well, my question is why would guys be intimidated? And more importantly, how come do they know these facts that you've just listed? My point is and it's only my opinion, I think you do like to brag. You didn't have to mention your brand new car or the celebrities that you have met or the number of your followers. Anyway, personally- these things that you do and have don't mean anything to me. And most definitely don't intimidate me. Just makes me less interested.

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  • Success in a woman is attractive , its sexy.. But men want to feel , or know they will be a man, perhaps your success scares them, feel that they can't be the man they want to be, because you have taken care of all that yourself.. Play your cards differently in how you display your success.. I don't really know, I don't know you or how you are. But yeah, guys might feel a little intimidated. But good for you in your success! I wish you much more, both in your business and your love life.

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  • I wouldn't say intimidating, but usually when a guy, maybe or maybe not, sees how successful you are, he feels unneeded. Not in any way that there is something wrong with you, in which there isn't, but in the way that if you take care of yourself, they can't see themselves doing any better. If you really want a guy, you have to be the one to break the ice. It's a flip flopped situation really.

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  • I don't see why it would be intimidating although some guys might be giving pause because you seem to be so busy that they would think you don't have time for them.

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  • You probably come accros too preoccupied for relationship. To me it's only intimidating if you seem closed off and overly success driven. You'll probably have to balance it and show yourself available and open.

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  • Yes you are intimidating. I have not achieved many things in life. If I were to meet you I would compare myself with you and feel like a failure that's why I would stay away from you. Adios chica!

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    • Thanks for making me sad. I am 21 and I am a failure😑

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    • I don't need to think less of myself. I am inferior to you that's a fact.

    • Also I wouldn't dare to say these things to you in person because I would feel I am just saying shit because I am jealous or am I

  • fuck no, you dont put yourself out as available. if you did and guys refused, your not looking in right direction or your not what there looking for. being hugh high status does not translate to automatic attraction. you have to be girl guys want not what girl thinks a guy wants. since your intelligent you'll do well to remember every guy qualities a girl differently in 3 catagories.
    1) the girl want marry.
    2) the girl they want fuck and thats it.
    3) girl they leech off of and fuck and move on.

    me as i see this, your not looking at big picture what makes you stand out to guys. like i said throw yourself out there as being open and see how itll work.

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  • No, I think it's possible you don't have time to meet people excluding your time spent at social outgoing which are mainly for networking or work related.

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  • Men don't care about which you bussines in men only care about them tits&asses lady.

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  • Probably guys would think you are out of their league

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  • Either they think you're out of their league or maybe you just seem to aloof and preoccupied for a relationship.

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  • I'm 21 and have never been on a date. Does this mean girls are intimidated by me too? 😂Doubtful.

    No decent guy is intimidated by a woman's success. I'd suspect 1 of 2 things is happening. 1. You are busy and people assume you won't have time for them, and don't really make yourself available. 2. Guys assume you have a boyfriend or assume you wouldn't date them, so they don't even try. There are other possibilities, but those seem to be the most likely, and I highly doubt your problem is guys being intimidated.

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  • Maybe to some? Mostly the ones with self esteem issues. Try approaching them with kindness... Should work pretty well.

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  • Of course you clearly are successful and they probably don’t have anything to offer you so they don’t even try.

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  • No, you sound like a good girl who has her self together
    that is remarkable. -Hugs-

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  • How would you feel if an average guy approached you
    Independent but average

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  • Maybe try asking the guys out yourself nowafays guys are too afraid to ask girls out

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  • Yes but if you're intimidating a guy you are looking into the wrong guys

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  • Nah. I can't pinpoint your problem, but I can guess at it... Have you tried asking guys out?

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  • For some, yeah.

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  • Marry me

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  • No...

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  • How tall are you

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What Girls Said 8

  • If a guy is able to be intimidated by you the girl he ain't the one! That being said maybe some feel they can't measure up? Who knows, but dont lose heart. you're still young. I myself didn't get my first kiss till 20, and didn't get a boyfriend 21. Dont rush the timetable, you'll find a guy im sure

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  • No I don't think guys would be intimidated by that, they are only intimidated by meanness not friendliness, funny people or even people with interests, I think they are attracted to that.
    Maybe you need to approach them yourself or you need to be more outgoing or join a dating site then they'll know you're looking for someone to date.

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  • All this and younger than 24?

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    • Yes and quite frankly, it’s not bullshit. Everyone has a different timeline in their life in which events unfold. All this time without dating someone has allowed me to develop all these talents and whatnot. Sorry if your life timeline hasn’t unfolded for you as quickly as mine has.

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    • Who told you I’m trying to find a guy on a website where 99% of its users are anonymous? I don’t understand your logic.

    • Don't throw stones when you live in a glass house Miss Anon.

  • Maybe you should ask a guy you like out if youve never been asked?

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  • seems like you have busy life style, do you usually have time for yourself or are you always on the go? I imagine sense you run a business and are a makeup artist your schedule would be booked so maybe that's why you haven't found someone yet but just haven't realized it. Yes, some men do fine women who are financially ahead and everything together a bit intimidating but that might not be the main issue. Try taking some time off if you haven't recently to meet a potential partner. Or you ask friends to hook you up through connections.

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    • honestly that's nothing to feel bad about, you're only 21 so you have plenty of time to meet the right guy, don't rush it just let things happen naturally.

  • Sometimes I wonder the same thing. Except I'm ugly lol

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  • Have u tried tinder?

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    • Yeah, but most Tinder dudes wanted to hump and dump kind of thing. Not for me.

    • If you have friends that know some single guys that are looking for someone have them play matchmaker.

  • What kind if guys do you want to date?
    If you hang with celebs, models etc they can't br intimidated unless they have self esteem issues.
    But if you are trying to hook up with a regular guy, he just won't know what to do with you...

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