Is “I don’t want a relationship right now” ever really legit?

I’ve always believed that when you find the right person that you’ll change your mind about relationships and want to be in one. However, recently one of my best guy friends, who’s spent the last 2 years saying he doesn’t want a relationship, has been seeing this girl who I thought FOR SURE was the one who’d change his mind. But she didn’t and they just ended. I asked him what the hell was up because he was letting go someone amazing and he said “I moved for my career and am still figuring out my life. i May not still be here in a year, I’m new to the area and want to get settled. I have so much I want to work on for myself that I need to be single and selfish right now. Even though I’m in love with her, if I committed to her I’d be a shitty boyfriend right now and she deserves more than that. If she was okay with casual until I’m ready I’d be more than willing to do that but that isn’t fair to ask of her. I love her so I have to let her go. I want her to be happy”

This shocked me and now I’m wondering if guys who have said similar things to me in the past weren’t completely full of shit.

Just curious what your guys thoughts are on the subject. Is there ever a reason where “I love you but don’t want a relationship right now” isn’t complete BS and actually the truth? Or is it truly just that you’re not the one if they’re telling you that?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Sure. There are plenty of people for whom career will come first. There are also plenty of people who just aren't ready and want to work on themselves first, whether it be something they're facing in their lives or some wall in the past that they have to break down before they feel comfortable having a relationship again.

    Plenty of people out there don't want the traditional married life and kids - they just want to keep things casual. And I say, more power to them. We've reached a new time in our lives as humans when people don't feel they have to stick to traditional routes - if you want a family and kids, great. If you want to be single for the rest of your life, have casual relationships, or don't believe in the institution of marriage, that's great as well.

    The more options people have when it comes to how they live their lives, the better. That way, everyone can have what they want and nobody needs to feel that they HAVE to do what everyone else is doing.

    More options= Better for everyone.

    Also, you're making the assumption that they were right for each other - but you were on the outside looking in. Anyone who has friends and who has loved before know that friends don't always get it right when it comes to who is or is not THE ONE. Maybe your friend is one of those who wants to keep it casual. Maybe your friend is one of those who wants to work on himself until he can get to a place where he feels he's ready for a relationship. Maybe your friend just isn't really into the girl in question.

    People are complex. People are varied. People are individuals first and foremost.

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    • You knocked with your answer. The best one I ever read and you are completely right because it is ssomething that just recenty happen to me and even if Im 47 years old single, no dating no boyfriend no kids and never married, the guy I am attracted to now, we only had been on dates 2 times and I enjoyed his company we ended up making out at the end of each date but we are not a couple we are not in a relationship either, in fact we dont even see each other often or on a regular basis but we are friends. He enjoys being single and being with that freedom that only being single can bring him, but he does not want to have a relationship much less get married inthe future. He says he does nto want the drama that comes to being ina relationship steady with a woman So I dont know if he wil ever really find the girl who will change his mind about relationships or he will contineu to be a single bachelor forever and just will enjoy to hang out with his buddies and fool around with girls and having fun.

    • He is 45. I wish I could go out with him again for a date but for him if we go out again for another date and this will be our 3rd date together he wants to have sex finally with me. Because I think that the more I see this guy like to more dates he wotn like it becaue for him dating more and going out more often with a woman or me is like developing a relationship eventually and relationship is something he does not want other than being friends wth the woman. So is the reason the guy and I we dotn see each other that often, even if I wish i see him more often becaue I like him and he knows I do. So the more dating I do with this guy sex has to be involved probably in most dates. Guys at that age (mid 40´s who are stll single) do not settle anymore with just date, dinner and talk, they want more out of it, otherwise they rather dont waste time on the woman who do not agree on that. That is my belief what happen with single mid age men.

  • It’s bullshit mostly from my experience. As a teen, I asked a girl out over the phone. She was rejecting me politely & eventually explained “I just don’t want a boyfriend right now.”

    Three months later, she was dating my classmate...

    I no longer believe any woman who uses that excuse on me. It just won’t work. Every girl attractive enough to grab my attention will always be open to relationships, no matter what they say. And if they reject me for that false reason, I would doubt they’d do the same for Channing Tatum’s doppelgänger

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, he respects himself and her to know that she deserves better than what he can offer her right now. He knows the timing isn't right and isn't going to allow her to consider lowering her standards by asking for something casual because he knows that would only benefit him. He's not a boy, he's a man. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 28

  • It can be true. I think that everyone should figure themselves out first before trying to involve someone else in their lives. If you're not happy with your life and feel that you need to make changes, it's not really fair to radically change who you are in a relationship. In other words, you may be changing from the person that they were attracted to. It can just be a line, but I've said it a few times and genuinely meant it.

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  • Some people just genuinely can't connect with others on any kind of deeper basis. So it can be entirely honest to say that you like spending time with someone but that love just isn't likely to happen. Not everyone is built the same, emotionally or otherwise.

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  • Yes definitely, I don’t want s relationship right now... with you. In my experience this is the real reason more than 80% of times. Specially I find girls using this to now hurt someone feelings, don’t they realize that it’s more hurtful when you see her with other guy? It happened to me recently. Well... that’s life.

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  • Yeah this happens a lot actually. I would say this is rarely a response that we guys lie about. I would also say that this is not selfish to do but rather responsible. Acting in this manner and focusing your yourself is actually a very adult response.

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  • No, it's not.
    That poor excuse for a breakup line is just that: an excuse to be a liar. Ultimately, if you are not ready for or don't want a relationship you shouldn't date.
    Girls do this.
    Guys do this.
    I find it downright disturbing and annoying.

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  • It might be legit, I'd rather not be in a relationship if I'm super busy with work or school. I'd want to give my girlfriend time because they deserve that. I wouldn't want to risk treating them poorly

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  • Yes it can be legit. I am seeing an great girl right now and the last thing I want is an serious relationship with her. If she becomes not happy with being casual she can just move on with someone else and I won't lose any sleep over it.

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  • Maybe sometimes, but usually "I don't want a relationship" does not include anything about an "I love you".

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    • Yeah he says he’s in love with her. He tells her that as well. So 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • Yeah, little white lies are designed to save grace. Never been into them myself, and for good reason. Honesty is the only road to progress. That said, my point is that most men don't run from someone they love, they run towards them. Saying shit like that is usually just a cover. Not saying outliers don't exist, just that I've never seen one and probably never will.

  • its just another way to say "i rathr keep my options openned, im not crazy about you".
    they will change their minds if their options would narrowin. I've seen that so many times.

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  • Some people have baggage. Baggage that makes the healthy in relationships. And the now they need too deal with it first. You have love your self first.

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  • More like you're super cool but you'll just complicate my life but if you're down for a uncomplicated fuck buddy then I'd be cool with it. But you're still a super cool chick.

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  • This guy seems genuine. I think he is mature enough not to be full of shit. But I think any guy who is young like around my age, is almost always full of shit when they say that

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  • Rarely ever legit. Literally everyone I know that's used that line has started seeing someone soon after. It's code for "I don't want a relationship WITH YOU right now. "

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  • Legit. I've been there and it's just that you don't want a relationship. Odd that he did start one for a short while.

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    • He didn’t start one. They kinda did casual but for like a year and then it got the point where casual wasn’t working and she wanted more. He seriously considered being in one with her but ultimately decided against it. That’s when I was super surprised and asked him to explain his thought process there and he said ^ what I explained above.

    • Hmm... I don't understand this whole "casual" thing everyone talks about... Anyway that's a completely valid reason as to why one wouldn't get into a relationship. I know I turned down a relationship for that reason. There's quite a bit of commitment to a relationship that not everyone wants to put the effort into and if you're not trying then why do it?

  • No, that's some fucking bullshit. If they say that, they're looking for a relationship, they just don't want one with that person.

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  • Yeah, if all that person wants it sex or maybe they simply are too messed up in the head to justify bringing another person into that!

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  • It can be completely legit. I don't really want one right now. And up until recently I didn't have the energy to reach out and take care of anyone else. To think of anyone else, to be there for anyone else.
    Sometimes, I need to recharge and work on myself. Otherwise it wouldn't be fair for anyone I would be in a relationship with.

    When I have a million things on my mind. A ton of things I need to take care of. I can't properly focus on a relationship and give it the attention it deserves, the attention it needs to be healthy and have us both be happy.

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  • I've done this during flight training. I was flying 2-3 hops a day
    and at night as well. And being a Marine officer isn't easy.

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  • My cousin was a flake until recently when he finally settled down. He's 50 this year, but until about 2 or 3 years ago he'd show up at every holiday event with a new girlfriend for as long as I can remember. He was fairly adverse to commitment for a while, but he'd said recently that he's glad that he waited so long and that if he hadn't he'd probably be pretty irresponsible and his marriage wouldn't have worked as well as it has. He has a daughter a little over a year old now, and at the very least I think for her sake it's good that he waited. I don't think he wouldn't have made a good father before.

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  • Does it really matter?
    Seems to me you made up your mind on this matter long ago.

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  • Yeah. When I say it I mean it. I don't joke around with shit like that.

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  • I can definitely understand that but I've been on both sides so it's awkward.

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  • I really don't right now and it's pretty legit

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  • It’s a legitimate excuse for ambitious people

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  • No...

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    • Elaborate haha

    • If we want to be technical, it depends on the individual on whether that is just an excuse or a legitimate concern. When I said, “no” I don’t really consider it a legitimate excuse. I would need more information from the person. Things are often avoided.

  • I have been there. Sometimes you just need space

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  • Yes. It's ignorant to think otherwise.

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  • Definitely can be the truth.

    Most men who don't want to settle down, don't.

    There's a group of men in the middle who are ready to settle down but not in any rush, so they are the 'if they meet the right girl' ones. But plenty are just … not interested, either they're too busy, or they're having too much fun.

    Guys who don't get hookups are much less likely to 'not want a relationship'.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I don't know I've always wondered if it's a real thing too

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  • I would always choose love over career maybe because I’m a girl

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  • some times , other times its i dont want a realtionship right now with you

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  • Yeah it's legitimate for me.

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  • He probably had a bunch of side bitches

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  • Usually it’s BS. At least they were polite tho

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  • Of course.

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