Why do I struggle with rejection from guys so much?

ever sense highschool I’ve always had a rough time with getting turned down by the guy I liked. I don’t think I’m ugly or anything and people tell me that I have a bubbly personality. I’m pretty out going and I love to make friends but I get really discouraged when it comes to the guys I like. Im very bad at flirting and I think that may be part of the reason? but I honestly don’t know. I used to get bullied pretty badly in highschool by both guys and girls and that also discouraged me a lot when it came to dating, I felt like no guy would really ever want to be with me because people would often call me “the weird girl” I didn’t know how to really be anything but myself but it also felt pretty isolating and lonely. I don’t know how to talk to guys without being awkward and it makes me not want to try because I feel like I’m just going to get turned down again. if anyone has any advice to maybe make things easier for me when it comes to dating it would be appreciated!
Updates:
I appreciate the positive feedback and advice! Thanks y’all!

1|1
522

Most Helpful Guys

  • Rejection is hard because attached with it is a perception (sometimes, a reality, but not always) of denial to one's character. When someone rejects you, you feel as if they are denying who you are or that your credibility is insufficient to their standards.

    Rather, see it as an incompatibility instead of a flaw of character (interpersonal and character development is for you to work on by yourself, not for others to pick on).

    It's going to hurt no matter what, but at least you can control your perception and take action to building yourself up instead of tearing yourself down. Sometimes weird is good - interpret it as someone different, non-conforming to the status quo - maybe you just removed a small group of guys that couldn't comprehend the amazing things you have to offer. Why have a bunch of people like you when you can have a few that really care and that one guy that will fall in love with you for simply you?

    Time is a powerful element - be patient and build up yourself (don't fake it and put on masks to fit in, make your reality someone else's and draw people to your awesomeness).

    You're not alone on this. If people were more honest and considerate, things would go smoother and better for both parties involved. Yet, we deal with this element of rejection. Think of it this way - every rejection tries to push you back from being you - use it as a stepping stone for being and building a stronger, better, and even more compassionate version of you.

    Good luck on your endeavors and stay strong.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I struggled with this myself around that age. Things that i did i wouldn't suggest anyone else try, but I'm going to attempt at relaying the messages i feel were important.

    Remember to be yourself. Get used to meeting people as yourself instead of what you may think they want to meet.

    Without extremes *** the worst the average person is going to say is "No." It may be more hash sounding but realistically unless they are someone you all ready have a friendship with you will probably never run into them again. So forget about it, because they did.

    Remember your own self worth. The most important. Remind yourself that they are doing you a favor by rejecting. It is a lot better than "yes" for the wrong reason.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Omg. This was also my nickname!! I've always struggled with the same kind of stuff. Personally, I just had to wait for someone to appreciate my quirkiness and let me be myself. My best advice is to smile more. My husband always wishes I was happier.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Loading...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 20

  • You've answered your own question as counselor. You poured out a variety of wounds and lies that put you in a state of shame, lack confidence and self esteem. The problem is that mental state then is self fulfilling... imagine stepping up to bat with an attitude of failure and the wounds of missing the ball every time. It causes more failure.

    As young people we can get labeled and those labels are lies and often projections from other peoples junk. You'll have to do some work to resolve those wounds and move past them. Frankly, most everyone needs to do this in some way as they keep messing with you until they are resolved.

    There are techniques to employ, do some research, talk to a counselor, etc.. Some simple approaches:
    aa) process some of those feelings, speak the truth into them, and counter them with the true positives that support you as a person. Lookup theophostics as one technique. Get counselor if need be as you have some verbal wounds... that likely make you sensitive to negativity and rejection.
    a) stop giving a f#@k about other peoples opinions. lookup TED talk on that subject to learn more. Basically, dont' care what other people say nor base your life on their responses... this takes pressure off you so you can be the real open fun you and have something to offer. Don't go the wrong direction with this... not caring about anything or anyone, I'm not saying that. I'm saying take that emotional intensitiy off the hurting things they say so you can be your true beautiful self. Then that comes out and you become attractive!
    b) it hurts everyone to be rejected. But you will get some yesses. Build your self esteem and confidence. Practice.
    c) determine who you are and be that authentic self to guys. Learn to flirt in ways that are true to you, watch other women if you have to.
    d) the more attracted usually the harder it is to communicate. the above will help.
    d) Learn about guys and how they communicate. e. g. sitting shoulder to should feels good to a guy... face to face is confrontation. For girls... face to face is deeply intimate.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Guys are ridiculously insecure in general, take it from a seasoned vet. at being rejected! 😉 Often, they're probably intimidated by how outgoing you seem but do NOT change that, this just means you haven't met someone who deserves to be with you. He's on his way, hang tight. 🙂

    1|0
    0|0
  • Because rejection sucks no matter who you are. Whether you're a man or woman, my advice is the same. Everyone should approach people that they're attracted to regardless of gender, (which it sounds like you have been). Rejection is part of the process of dating. You just have to keep trying and practicing. Realize that if you're rejected, it is most likely that they're just not meant for you. Don't obsess over it, just note it and move on. Good luck!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Shit girl, if you ever figure something out, lemme know cuz that's how I am as of right now.

    The best advice that I can give you is to put yourself in a cycle beyond relationships, like hobbies or working out, such that whenever you are rejected, you have things to put your time and frustration into. But don't give up. Just because most of your coin flips are landing on heads, doesn't mean it can't land on tails on the next flip.

    1|0
    0|0
  • The flirting only works with certain kind of individuals in the right circumstances.

    Be direct and cristal clear instead what your ) interest also intentions are and make them happen with action. Physical touching helps to escalate thing's subconscious, like the arm handles shoulder, holding the hand as long as possible until you notice the other one gonna take the hand away and make breaking of the physical contact first.
    Normally do you invade the others privacy a few step and go back one, in the beginning you go back totaly until you have reached a certain point.

    In the same time start with build wide rapport and use hooks you gotten from the wide rapport to ask deeper questions on (to create deep rapport) and ask deeper questions on those answers and so on to you got very deep and then drop the subject and start with a new subject from those hooks (other subjects) you got with the wide rapport and begin to do the question on the answers process again until it's very deep again before dropping it and go up to the surface again. try to do that about 3 times, if more it's very high risk the other one get serious feelings for you. don't forget to be interested in what the other one is saying and that you interested otherwise do it feels fake for the other one soner or later.
    Also own the silence between when someone says something. if you're nervous say it. don't forget to let the other one ask questions and get answers.

    The talking bit also works to get friends, creating connections with for what ever reasons you need to have good connections with. try to avoid negative subjects.

    The more different feelings you can make the other one feel the better, even bad one's for old memories are good one's, but avoid insulting. they can be flipped to good ones but you must have developed certain skills to make that work.
    Avoid yourself to feel awkward or creepy feelings, they are contagious on a subconscious level.

    (games usually fucks things up very quickly)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just be polite and mannerful. Ask how their day went. Treat them like a person you care about. Then ask them out at some point soon or some point later.

    When it comes to your looks and personality, just understand that you're a catch. What really do you lose if one person you like turns you down? There are plenty others and, not to be ignorant but I don't think you'd get labled a creep or player.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There's just a lot of stigma on rejection because we think that awkward is the worst possible result. Albert Ellis (a father of behavioral cognitive therapy) went out of his way to test this by asking 100 women out just to show himself there wasn't anything really to be afraid of about rejection. Bullying can damage the ego so we just have to remind ourselves we're good and really have nothing to fear. I always thought I was either ugly or black was ugly in high scholl and then had a completely normal social and dating life in college

    1|0
    0|0
  • The reason you struggle with guys, it's because you were bullied by other guys. So it more of a defense mechanism. So you won't get hurt again, so when your defenses come up guys don't know how to respond to you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • change a few things about yourself for better. then keep trying.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I try to keep them within my writing n love n live my life without minding teenage minds attraction towards my genitals or sex life. After all they have great affect on my failure.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This sounds a lot like me... Insert depression joke here.

    Seriously though, what I reckon we both need is a little more self esteem and a bit of practice flirting with people. Even with friends.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Are you approaching the males, in the way that the male makes an approach?

    0|0
    0|0
  • rejection is hard to deal with dude xD you're not the only one.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don’t I know anyone that handles rejection well so don’t feel bad you are not alone here.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Im use to rejection. You deserve love and to be loved!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Story of my life yes..

    0|0
    0|0
  • Does no boys approach you. Or you fussy

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's wrong

    0|0
    0|0
  • Love you xxx

    0|0
    0|2
  • l understand

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 4

  • I am kinda in the same situation. What is strange that whenever I show too much interest in a guy they become uninterested. Yet, the guys I don't even notice end up falling for me... i guess, you should just calm down, and when it's meant to. happen it will.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I realized god has the right person out there continue to focus on bettering yourself ( school, fiitness, social life) and everything else will fall into place. Also most teenage boys are just looking for sex so they are going to reject girls they think won't give them that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • just be yourself.. and the one who likes you for the way you are will definitely come your way..😊

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because men are trash. They claim they want a woman to approach them but what they mean is a hot attractive drop dead gorgeous modelesque woman.
    But if they approach any girl she will most likely be okay with him as long as he is average looking , confident and takes care of himself.
    Just stop approaching guys. They lie and say they like it but believe me girl when I say it just doesn't work. Women aren't supposed to approach men.

    0|0
    0|4
    • Funny you say that a lady friend of mine approached her husband not only did it work, she proposed to HIM and they've happily been married for 13 years.

    • Show All
    • We can take it the other way around. why do females claim they want to get approached but reject anyway!

      Couldn't it be that this person wasn't interested in the approacher from the start or is it different because it's a female that the guy should be in to her marry her by default just because she approached?

    • No kidding! So those women that don't get approached need to do one of two things assess what it is about them that is repellent. 1. change it hopefully for a better outcome. (and or if that fails) 2. take matters in their own hands and start approaching.
      Of course it's societal norm for men to do the approaching. But you have to give a guy a reason to approach.

Recommended myTakes

Loading...