That makes sense. I get that anyone can SAY they don’t make it a habit of sleeping with someone on the first date... I don’t, but it happened. We talked for a little over a month before the first date. Dated for a short time & then he decided his feelings weren’t as strong. But the sexual chemistry is still there, even though we don’t really see each other anymore.
What would be a factor for you to decide it’s not something worth pursuing?
A factor would be if I don't feel any connection with that person. But if I didn't I would make it clear and talk to her before having done anything sexual in the first place.
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I get that & agree. If you work well with the person, what makes you decide it’s not worth pursuing?
Well, considering I know some details about him that makes me believe he’s not a player, & that sex makes an emotional connection to him as well, I feel like he’s genuine about the things he says to me. I can’t tell if I scared him off since he thought I was developing feelings faster or if he’s just not that interested anymore... like if there was something about me he doesn’t like in order to pursue a relationship. Normally I’d just move on if the person just kind of faded from constant communication to only when I make the effort. And I don’t make a habit of sleeping with someone right away. But i guess it just bothers me that I don’t really know what happened? And the mixed signals don’t help. I guess I should just stop trying.
What would make you slow things down?
I’d take it as slow/fast as she felt comfortable with. I’m happy to go with the flow, honestly. If we’d had that first date, and everything just clicked, and we ended up having sex.. great!If we didn’t feel like having sex, or even anything like that, then that’s great too! We could meet up for a second, third, fourth date, etc, and see where it went from there.
Say you have great sexual chemistry... the sex just keeps getting better... what would make you decide to just be friends knowing she’s totally into you?
If it really was that good.. nothing could make me want that. I’d want to stay with her forever!
What would make you decide you just want to be friends?
It's more a matter of trust. If I think she's the type to swing around then I'll treat her like she wants to swing around. If she seems like she wants just me then I'll treat her like she just wants me.
Aside from what?
Sorry, accidentally hit the submit button. As I was saying...Aside from my first girlfriend in high school, in every long term relationship I've had, the first date ended up with far more than a goodnight kiss.
So, what would make you decide it’s not worth pursuing if you enjoy the conversations you have & the sex is great?
You just hit the nail on the head; good sex and interesting conversation open the door. We figured out whether you were attractive within seconds of meeting you.
Okay, so why back off?