Would you stay with a guy your family didn't approve of?

I've been dating this guy since September, but we have been talking since February. I really love him, I can't even say like. We are engaged and my parents are happy for me, but I'm not convinced that they are. Every time I bring him up they seen to get annoyed. I know it can be annoying so I don't bring him up. He is very respectful of my decisions, but doesn't really talk to my parents. When he tries they just walk away, so they don't put in any effort either.
Updates:
I've gotten a lot of feedback from both sides it is my life he is not a bad guy. He tells me everything and I mean everything. My parents don't know him like I do. They let me go out with him and then they talk to my sisters about him. I hear this from my sisters. They should tell me directly not behind my back.

1|0
3428

Most Helpful Guys

  • I think the first step may be to sit down and have a chat with your parents openly and honestly about your feelings. It could be that they feel things are moving quickly but dont want to upset things by saying that.. it would seem there is something they wanna say but can’t or haven’t yet.. getting that out in the open would be good as your gonna marry him and they will be part of that I assume. As you love him I’m sure they will see that and get on board with really opening up to him and letting him in also. Remind them that you love them and them Bringing your fiancé into the family means would mean a lot to you. :)

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thank you! I haven't even thought about that honestly, but I will give it a try

    • Sometimes it’s just about them realising that they are loosing their little girl... your warmth and love will win with them :)

    • That's what I think too. I know that when i become a parent my little girl will always be my little girl the same if i have a son. Now that i think about it i don't think anyone will ever be good enough for my kids and they probably think the same

  • Don't make same mistake I did. Ieft family for a women now regretting.

    0|0
    0|0
    • That's exactly why I want them to at least get to know him. He really is a sweet person, caring and respectful. Since love is blind maybe they see something I don't.

    • They will only see what they want see. Not necessarily agreeing with you. Family can be very judgmental at times of marriage. Emotions especially in holiday season can be tested times to bring up topics they might not be ready for. Biggest factor will be how will you pay your wedding etc.

    • I've been saving up since I've started working at 18 I have a decent amount and so does he. He also has friends that are djs so that saves money too

Most Helpful Girls

  • So you constantly talk about your relationship and when your family gets annoyed you turn into 'they must hate him!!! he must be a bad boy" like what? oh I saw the update why do you care what they think? and for all you know sisters could had made that up. Some women get jealous and do fuck up things.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I don't know about other people but if they really don't like him wouldn't you think your mom bring it up? I mean if they care about you they talk to about him. Sounds like your sister made it up or you go confront your parents and see what they say. Don't say it's sisters who said that say it was like your aunt or something.

    • Thank you I will try talking to them

  • Yes, I would because it’s my life. My family is pretty easy going as long as he treats me right, and has a job. He’s family lol

    1|0
    0|0
    • Agree 100% This is love and maturity.

    • I agree with this too he has a good job making good money and respects me and my decisions my parents just don't see that I don't know why but they don't. I had to hear from my sisters what they think not from her directly. I try to get them to talk to see how they feel and they don't "don't have time" if they have time to talk to my sisters about this why not talk to me.

    • Accept your parents for who they are. As we mature, we become an individual and make adult decisions. You want that love from your parents, it may not work the way you wish, but trust that they will stand by you and love you and allow you to make the mistakes in life. Thats how we learn.
      If you met a man who you can give yourself to trust and love him. Then ask yourself, if you are making a good decison.
      I would give it more time for the relationshp to mature a bit more.

Recommended Questions

Loading...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 26

  • First of all, do they have any realistic reason not to approve of him? Parents often don't think anyone is good enough for their kids. They may be most disapproving of the fact you got engaged after only being together for a few months- I can definitely see feeling disapproval about that.

    4|5
    0|0
  • You can't trust your own decisions completely while you are young. You need authoratitave guidance. Perhaps your parents are not the ones, who's oppinion you trust. In that case it is better to choose other people with life experience, you feel you agree with.

    Making your own mistakes is a very slow path.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Uh, engaged after 3 months? I wouldn't be on board as a father.

    1|1
    0|0
    • But we have been talking since February dating since then too. Its not like I'm going to marry him next week.

    • Show All
    • You can spin it any way you want, but it'll be a longshot. So you got engaged with no wedding date then?

    • Yes. We were thinking summer next year 2020 since this year is almost over. We know it was rushed he just wanted to let me know that he wasn't afraid of committing. That he is serious about me.

  • You can go and ask your parents directly. You are choosing him as your life partner so go and ask your parents opinion and the reasons for disapproval. Always communicate directly with your parents on such topic. Don’t let anyone to feed you with miscommunications.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Lmao you got engaged after just a few months together? That's a recipe for disaster. But maybe that is why your parents don't like him because they think it is too early to get married. Maybe try telling your parents that although you are engaged, you will not get married for a few years so they can warm up to him

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'm going to give a universal answer and say: If she's grown she can make her own decisions and stay with him if she so desires, BUT she should keep in mind that her parents may disapprove of him for a reason and they might know something you don't.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Food for. thought

    Destroy 25 years of relationship + 9 months of hard labor by ur mom just for 5 months

    Your choice your consequences

    And remember only your parent will love you forever... only your parent will accept you when the whole society rejects you
    Only your parent know you better than you know urself
    They have seen what you have not seen... they are the future... ur are the past.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'm sorry that's just parents. I took one look at my stepdaughter ex boyfriend and I did not like him and I was right he was a drug head and he get on meth and pulled a gun on my stepdaughter and my grandbaby and I went off and now she has a great men now and she now has twins so I'm a proud grandfather of three beautiful grandchildren

    1|0
    0|0
  • so if my family didn't approve of the partner i'm with, then something must be wrong with them that i don't see wearing my pink love shades xD you know how love makes you blind. i trust my family a great deal and if they don't doubt my partner i will at least do my best to see what makes them not like my partner.
    maybe my family just missunderstands something or whatever but yeah if my family doesn't approve of them, that would be a big concern for me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I dated a girl for 2.5 years my friends and fam didn't really like that much I mean I loved her. Now ur engagement tbh I think was a little fast because ur still in the honeymoon stage but ur life ur decision but if he makes u happy then I wouldn't bother with it and as long as he can help provide than all the power to u if they love u theyll accept him

    0|0
    0|0
  • even if he is the best guy in the world he is still the guy who is "stealing their daughter", so maybe they just can't help it but seeing him trough those possessive glasses/prism, it is a very likely possibility

    0|0
    0|0
  • My family doesn't have a say on who I see. It's not their business, and I couldn't care less about their opinion.

    2|1
    0|0
  • Really depends on the reasons. There usually are ones that others can see that you can't so keep that in mind

    1|2
    0|0
  • Why don't you just ask your parents, that you're in a relation with him? One single solution to problem. Don't be late, both can convince them or confuse them

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't depend on my family's opinion. However, they do have a more neutral opinion than me on her, usually, which is something to have in mind. Don't depend on it, but do consider it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You should let him fuck your mom a few times, so that they will have a change of heart.

    0|0
    0|0
    • What's wrong with you

    • That's what my psychiatrist told me when I visited her last week. She said she's never seen anyone as fucked up mentally as me. You know what though, I think I am the only one that's sane, and all the rest of you are fucked up mentally.

  • They are happy for you, but they probably think you are moving too fast. They also might not really "get" what you see in him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I was in this situation once roughly 12 to 13 years ago. Back when I was dating this beautiful, amazing girl who I loved very, very much. Hell if anything she became my fiance' but unfortunately that didn't last. Her parents didn't seem to mind me, ( or perhaps so I thought ) but her sister on the other hand,... holy shit! She just fucking hated me to no end for no reason. Yes I know that was blunt, but that's the best description I can give. She hated me to no end, her & I spoke very, very, very little to none. She could barely tolerate my presence ( I'm surprised she can tolerate my existence! ) overall, yes once again she just hated me to no end for no reason.

    The only time she ever spoke to me was when her & I got into a heated argument after my ex-fiance' & I broke up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Girls hate their parents so they do it on purpose.

    *Real Tawk*

    0|0
    0|0
    • I love my parents that's why I care about what they think about him. He has not given them any reason to dislike him so I don't get what the deal is.

  • I think they see something you don't. Trust the people who care about you a bit more.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just see what happens over time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • yes yes yes

    0|0
    0|0
  • Eh... it depends on the reasons

    0|1
    0|0
  • Is he a bad boy?

    0|0
    0|0
  • love is love

    0|0
    0|0
  • Who cares, do what makes you happy !!

    1|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 32

  • "My parents are happy for me but I'm not convinced. " why do you need so much assurance and validation? if they expressed happiness for you accept it and move on. you're making it bigger than what it is.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Unfortunately I am a people pleaser (bad trait I know) so i care what they think about him. I tell myself that I'm the one who is going to marry him not them, but then I think they will not want anything to do with us. I think a lot I know.

    • Girl get a grip before he dumps you. this insecure stuff is mad annoying. grow up

    • He actually cares about what they think about him too. I think it deals with tradition we are both Mexican and parents have to give approval before they marry

  • Depends on their reasoning. I married a guy right out of high school no one in my family cared for him... wish I would have listened didn’t work out now looking back I am able to see everything they saw

    0|2
    0|0
  • It’s your life, not your parents’.

    If you try to base your life decisions on what makes then happy you’re going to make yourself miserable.

    5|1
    1|0
  • My father isn't too fond of my boyfriend, but since he isn't too fond of anyone except the people he chose as friends long ago, and I don't have a strong bond with my father, I don't care.
    My mother doesn't have a strong opinion about him one way or the other, so that's fine.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would but my family's opinion is important to me so I wouldn't be perfectly happy. it would be better if these two found a solution

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yep because I’m dating him and they’re not! But usually in your case. It’s new and that why the family doesn’t approve once you get married they have no choice but to get to know him.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes. If they didn't have a solid reason rmto dislike him

    2|0
    0|0
  • I don’t understand how that’s relevant. Key word is “you”.
    Your relationship, your approval.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes. My boyfriend and parent hate each other but I'm still with him because he makes me happy.

    1|2
    0|0
  • I got engaged and had a baby with a guy my family didn't approve of. They just learned to avoid each other at family functions.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes, my parents are way too traditional, conservative and racist. They want to find a husband for me lol

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes, I would. But wouldn't stay with someone who doesn't like my family.

    0|0
    0|0
    • He likes my family he even tries to talk to them, but they don't talk back

  • If they have a bad reason to disapprove then yes. If they have good accurate reasons then it depends on what those reasons are

    0|0
    0|0
  • No I wouldn't. I care a lot about what my parents have to say. Friends, I don't care but parents opinions always matter to me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • All that matters your happy and he makes you happy it shouldn’t matter what outsiders think.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Well yeah, my family is not the one marrying him so they don’t have to approve of him lol

    1|0
    0|0
  • You don't need anyone's approval to be in love.

    2|1
    2|0
    • I understand that, my problem is that I'm a people pleaser unfortunately, which is not a good thing I know. If he is going to be part of the family I would rather them at least put up with him not reject him entirely. I do love him, I would just like them to see him the way I do.

    • From what you've intimated, you might as well try to push water uphill as get these two parties to come together. You have a fiancé, someone you wish to marry, I hope, if you make a decision to stand by your man your parents will intimately learn if they don't want to lose you they are going to have to meet your fiancé half way and I hope he can do the same

    • I really hope so too. I love my fiance and we want the same thing. Start a business, have kids own a home live the "American dream" travel. It's all I ever wanted with the right person. They just don't see that.

  • YES! My parents hate Christians but my husband will be Christian.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes lol... I’m dating them not my family so their opinion doesn’t really matter.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Of course, you are the one that has to be happy

    1|0
    0|0
  • do u have more money than him?

    0|0
    0|0
    • No he has more money than me

    • Show All
    • then I don´t understand why they are´t happy for u, is your family toxic¿

    • I dont either

  • If i love him
    Yes

    1|0
    0|0
  • no i trust my famils instincs

    1|1
    0|0
  • Talk to your parents about it

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would until they done something terribly wrong

    0|0
    0|0
  • My brother's opinion matters more to me. If he doesn't approve, I wouldn't stay with him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he makes you happy, and you’re sure about the marriage then i wouldn’t worry about what they are saying (or not) If you want to know what’s going on i’d say talk to them. Get their opinion on your engagement, ask about any worries or concerns they have with it and try to explain to them that you are really happy with him and sure about what you’ve decided.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You're engaged after dating for only a few months?

    Yeah, that's a huge red flag that there may be other relationship problems your family be see that you dont, aside from the absurdity that you got engage so quickly. Also indicates a possibility of a maturity issue.

    You dont need your family's Approval, but not everyone makes wise or responsible decisions. That's the catch. But you are an adult. If you're still so immature that the main issue here is your parents lack of approval, then that's a lesson in the making that you'll have to learn from on your own. As for your parents, have you asked them if they have any issues with him or what they think about the relationship. Having a conversation is a good start. You dont need to need their approval to want to understand their perspective on things.

    In any case I hope you're at least having a long engagement. I guess an early proposal wouldn't be the worst thing if you agreed to be engaged for an additional year. Just get to know him very well before you say I do. A few months is no time.

    Good luck!

    1|0
    0|0
  • I fought my parents. He didn't fight his.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes 100% it's not their business and they are assholes anyway who lacks empathy so I don't care what they think of my partner.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Show more from Girls
    2

Recommended myTakes

Loading...