Guys attitudes towards fat girls - why can a girl's weight be a deal breaker?

Hey all. So I am a shapeshifter, in the sense where I am constantly losing and gaining weight so you may see me one year and I am really in shape and the next year I am packing on a lot extra. So I've recently gained A LOT of weight that I'd previously lost (new job, depressive episode). I'm not justifying this weight gain at all as I am aware of the health implications. I am not saying this behaviour is normal.

But here is my question. I have noticed the change in guy's attitudes toward me based on the number on the scale. When I am in good shape, everything I say is funny (it's probably not) and I get a decent amount of attention (I am not particularly attractive, I am just highlighting that my shape is responsible for this if any attention). When I am overweight i. e. now, guys are almost afraid to be seen with me. I'm the same person, same weird quirks and interests but not a guy in sight.

It makes me really cynical in my interaction with men when I am thin. I have had the situation again and again - when I'm thin, I'll meet a guy, he's being so nice and sweet, he's laughing at my jokes but I put on weight and he pretends to not know me and starts avoiding me. Okay I get it - you want to make it obvious that the stakes have changed and you are no longer interested. But is the reaction and the disgust justified? The only thing about me that has changed was my looks so is this all that this was ever based on?

Can you guys explain the thinking here?

It's really bumming me out. I'm at a point where I just don't take any guys seriously anymore. I know I need to shape up again but this side to it is just really bothering me; it makes me feel that it is the only thing I need to do to be able to meet the right person - and that doesn't feel like a good thing.

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What Guys Said 4

  • It works both ways really but in general people find people who look fit/healthy more attractive than those carrying extra weight. There are people who prefer curvier girls though.

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  • If men could their height between short and tall they would experience the exact same change from women. It's called biology

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  • Um, a little off topic, but you need to write a book or something. This is fascinating.

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  • It's nothing against overweight girls per se and to a certain extent, it's judgmental and perhaps superficial. The reality is like attracts like. People are attracted to other people that are wired the say way they are.
    For example, you don't see top level athletes with obese partners. I'm not saying either is right or wrong; they're just different. This scenario plays out unconsciously with people all the time when we meet a new person.
    The other fact is, whether you're overweight, have a disease etc; these are signs a person is not managing their life well. Why would anyone want to partner with someone who isn't managing their life well?

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What Girls Said 1

  • Men and women do this. You've just experienced first hand the "Halo" effect. Attractive people are given extra "points" in characteristics because people like looking at them.

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