Is it a turnoff if a girl hasn’t been with a lot of guys?

So I have been talking to this guy for a little while now. We were on the phone the other night and somehow we got into talking about exes (not a great topic to discuss, I know, but it just came up). Anyways, he kind of hinted at asking me about my dating history and I told him I’ve only been with one guy in my 24 years, and it was a guy I dated for 5 years. He’s normally super chatty but he got quiet for a good minute or two when I said this and said he “had to process it”. I probably shouldn’t have let it get to me but I was wondering if I maybe I put my foot in my mouth and said something bad? I wanted to be honest with him but now I’m thinking I told him too much. Honest answers please! Thanks!

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I can't imagine why that would be a problem for most guys since it indicates stability and commitment.

    Out of the gfs I had before I was 24, as far as I know, only one had had more than one other boyfriend, so I would have seen that sort of stability as a plus.

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  • Although I have a psychological attraction to women who've had SEX with many men, when it comes to how many guys they've been in a relationship with, I really don't care if it's ever been 1, 10, or none.

    Having few relationships or never had one in her life does not disqualify a woman for me. I'm surprised there are guys who care because it's usually women who tend to ignorantly judge a guy's worth and level of experience based on whether he's ever been in a relationship or not.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • That is not a turnoff at all but rather a quality.

    The fact that you only had one guy in your life is a sign that you are a person that is reliable and faithful. Those are qualities that I would be seeking if I were a guy and I would see you as a person that I would like to be with.

    Numbers of guys/gals in life do not say anything about someone's character, likes or personality. You can have a lot of experience in many fields with one single partner.

    His reaction was probably that at your age, you SHOULD have had more according to his own experience. That in turn, does tell me much about a guy that expects a girl to have had multiple BF's in her adult life.

    That reaction tells me that he is likely to have been going left and right to gain experience and that his character is perhaps not as reliable as many other people and certainly not as reliable as yours.

    So, see it as a compliment for your qualities and not as an indicator. that something is wrong with you.

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  • I would think that not sleeping around with a lot of people would be a good thing nowadays! Less sexual partners means you only sleep with people you really care about, you're committed, and less chance of catching STDs.

    I guess it depends on your partner- some people prefer an experienced partner over one with less experience... that would be my only guess as to why he might be upset? A stupid reason regardless to have to "process" it.
    Anyway, you didn't tell him too much; you did the right thing in being open with him. Trust me, there are plenty of men that are happy to be with women that aren't promiscuous

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What Guys Said 78

  • You said the truth, that's always the right thing to say.

    That's kind of a strange reaction he had to your response. If he's bothered by the truth about you, then (my random stranger opinion is that) you're better off not wasting your time with him.
    I think more likely he's reading a lot into your answer. Maybe that question was leading somewhere. Without knowing him, I couldn't speculate further on what he's thinking though... I can't imagine having that reaction myself.

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  • You only have slept with one guy is awesome. It means you take your relationships very seriously.

    Tell every guy you've only been with one guy before and most of them will love you for that and besides you want to see who the idiots are who have a problem with it early.

    You have more to offer by having a low boy count than if you had a higher one

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  • no its not a turn off
    my girlfriend that im now in relationship with for 8 months and its going gr8
    she was a virgin before she met me she is 20 y old i dont see that as a turn off
    it makes me feel more respect to her
    if u sleep with a lot of guys im not seeing u as girlfriend potential or wife or whatever
    you are just a 1 night fuck if u slept with a lot of guys
    thats my thinking

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  • How is that an issue? Seriously? What guy in their right mind would want a girl that has been with the entire city that you live in/gets in relationships off and on? I would much rather be with a girl who has never been with a guy before over a girl that has been with 2+ guys.

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  • Either he is looking for sex, or prioritizing sex as the most important part in the relationship.
    Only sex requires experience, relationship doesn't matter.

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    • Or may be he is looking for virgin, or perhaps he has no dating experience so he feels ashamed of himself in comparison.
      You are only around 18-24, a 5 year experience is a very very good one.

  • I think the fact that you’ve insinuated you have a 0% record in being a cheater/slut would be good enough for me if I were in his shoes. A girl who is interested in me with a lack of exes shows just how much I mean to her in comparison to others.

    Though your worries may not be the reason for his “processing”, if it was (hypothetically) then his hopes that you were an easy buy have been crushed. He should not be worth your time with that attitude

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  • Yes.

    Every guy realizes that you will naturally compare him to every previous guy you had. The more guys you've had in the past, the less likely that he will "measure up" and be the best. We need to "win" in the competitions in our lives.

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    • Sorry I MISREAD your question. I thought you said HAS BEEN WITH A LOT OF GUYS.

      No, you are fine. In fact, for the same reasons that I outlined why we don't like women with a lot of experience is the same reason why we like women with little experience.

  • Think you might have misread his tone. Like him saying he needs to process it could just be he was in disbelief that you didn't have tons of guys hitting you up in highschool or at least didn't act on the ones who did. Or he may be surprised you had such a long dating history with only one guy at that age, because it actually is relatively uncommon depending on where you come from.

    But no it is not a bad thing. Nor do I think he looked at it that way.

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  • Well I think a description of his mood when he said processing would be essential here. That stated. I will give an answer for both possibilities. First if he prefers experience this really shouldn't be an issue. As he wouldn't be your first. Some men can get daunted by being a woman's first. The other option is that he doesn't want a woman with experience this is plain stupid and frankly would be foolish on his part.

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  • lol i wonder if this question was asked by an influencer, because it is clear that. men dont like sluts and guys prefer woman that are not promiscuous.
    if a woman had a lot of partners it shows her instability and also weakness that she can't keep one guy interested enough to form a relationship.
    r

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  • It's a turn on actually. To be honest, I hate our generation. I'm 28, by the way. I lost my virginity at 23, and I've only had 4 partners since then. In the world we live in today, people have double digits by the time they are like 23, which is stupid.

    In a world where people are getting STDs left and right and in a world where people are extremely superficial, I find it refreshing to meet a young woman who hasn't had that many partners.

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  • Definitly more a turn on , it depends on the situation but it can show that a woman is able to maintain a long term relationship or doesn't just hop a round like some do. As some boys and girls do

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  • maybe he thought 1 was too many, or it sounded like you are only serious which he didn't want. What you said is not a turnoff for the right guy, you did it right, you dont own his reaction.

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  • I don’t mind either way. I don’t know why guys are so obsessed with the idea that she should have less ex boyfriends though. That doesn’t necessarily indicate more commitment from her at all.

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  • I'd prefer it if she hasn't but I think if she had its how she had then. randomly having sex with people in lanes etc, sleeping with everyone with no shame or a few guys but over a long period of time.

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  • I don’t see how any guy could be put off by that. You were being honest which in this scenario is the right thing to do. If anything it would leave me thinking what there was to process about it

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  • Just the opposite I would think. But.
    Hoo the hell ask that question.
    That's like some dumb ass asking after the fact.
    How was I. If you have to ask you need more practice !!!

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  • My viewpoint is be either did not believe you'd only been with one person OR he's a little scared you were with one man for 5 years. That length of time may be a concern if you're worried about whether she's over the previous man. I would worry about her attachment to him, if I was a rebound, and if there were other men after Mr 5 year but before me to allow for 'rebound effect'.

    Regardless you did the right thing by telling the truth. He may require some assurances that he's not the rebound and you're taking him seriously. Only being with one man sexually will typically not be a concern. I say typically because some may see the lack of experience as a negative in the context that you may not be aware how to receive and give pleasure. Others will see the lack of experience as a positive - less STD risk, opportunity to "train", etc., and some may not care either way. So, it depends, on the guy.

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  • No not a turnoff for me I actually prefer a girl that isn’t going around guy to guy cuz that means she has respect for herself and will have a true commitment to a relationship. Good for you for staying true

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  • It shouldn't be, and I don't think it is that often. Perhaps he was wondering how someone as wonderful as he perceives you to be could have had only one relationship? Maybe he thinks that you may have some emotional baggage... I dunno.

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  • Not at all. If anything it's a turn-on. It means that you're most likely the kind of girl who really values sex and only has it inside a relationship. It means that you stayed loyal to one guy for a long time. These are things guys look for in a long-term partner.

    If he finds it a turn-off most likely he's just looking for sex, and in that case he'd rather have a slutty girl because she's less likely to make him wait, less likely to get hurt if he has sex with her then leaves, is more likely to accept a casual thing, than a girl like yourself. In which case unless you're looking to become one of those girls, it's a good thing if it makes him leave you alone so that you can find a guy who is serious.

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  • tbh... to me it is a turn on...
    But there's lot of other factors involved

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  • Maybe he's not looking for something long-term, and five years sounded like a lot to him.

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  • Uhm, no, not usually-- usually it's a turn off if she HAS been with a lot of guys

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  • It’s the exact opposite, actually. The vast majority of men have a clear preference for women with little to know sexual experience for marriage.

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  • Either he has been with dozens of women, or he was after you only for sex, then would dump you and that his goal would not fit your mold.

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  • The more you sleep around the more I don't want anything to do with her

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  • It's actually really good if a girl has a low partner count. It makes her more relationship material.

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  • It is a turn off for me. It makes me think she doesn't have the experience to know what she wants. Relationship wise and sexually.

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  • Yes, it is. I would prefer to be with a girl that has HAD a lot of sexual experience.

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What Girls Said 27

  • I generally prefer a low count in a guy too.
    However I can't speak in guys' name.
    I once told a guy I haven't done stuff yet and he went "wait, so you're 21 and haven't done anything, no sex etc?". And I said yeah and he stopped replying lol
    Oh well, one less judgmental guy to deal with😂

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  • What... i don’t even get this question. How would that be a turn off... wouldn’t you want your girl to have been with u fort if anything. I mean even if u weren’t her first boyfriend.. it shouldn’t matter that much. I just don’t get this question but my answer would be no it definitely shouldn’t be.

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  • It's actually a turnoff if a girl HAS been with many guys. Sensible, good guys believe that too. There is the occasional jerk though.

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  • He was probably surprised. Most people are doubtfully when I say I've only had two partners too. I was with one for a decade and another for three years. It's pretty rare to see now days and he's possibly got a higher number so maybe he just feels badly or embarrassed about his history since yours is so little. Talk to him openly about it and keep being honest. You need that and good communication.

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  • For me, no matter if it is a guy or a girl, a low count and being able to maintain long term relationships is definitely a plus in general, I know everybody has different stories, but in general.

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  • He should feel intimidated & honored that you’ve only been with one guy. That is so dope and if he doesn’t acknowledge that or treat u like a queen, keep it moving. He is not worthy of you. That’s so decent that you’ve only been with one guy @ 24. Go you!!

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  • its not what you said itself, I think its what it represents, that u r into serious longterm stuff, that you aren´t a casual fling, maybe even that you see him a potencial longterm boyfriend

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  • I don't think it's that but the fact that you've been with him for 5 years. That's a long time in which you got attached and made memories with your ex. He might think it might be harder to get him out of your system you know.

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  • He’s probably processing it as far as if he wants a relationship with you. I agree with most of the men. He doesn’t want t take advantage of you. Guys never do with a “good” girl but it’s a turn on and the type they want to be with. So he’s probably figuring out if he wants a long term relationship with you or if he’s not ready to settle down.

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  • I'm not a guy obviously but I'm curious to hear opinions on this, you've been with one guy but he was abusive.
    People never consider things like this either. That can be a reason why she's only had one boyfriend.

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  • It could have just made him nervous. Good girls who aren't promiscuous in this day are rare so he just might have thought, "will she never be intimate".

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  • I think he’s just scared that he might not measure up to the previous dude, since that must have clearly been a very powerful bond you had with that guy if it lasted that long.

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  • My husband was pretty glad I'd had some partners, and I am glad he had some. It's kind of a turn-on for us.

    Of course, he's the best I've had, and vice versa.

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  • Maybe he was not put off by the number but by the time. 5 years is a long time and maybe he was worried because you have still the memorys with your ex.

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  • Definitely not I believe it's the other way around when it comes to her having been with a lot of men.

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  • Seems to be in my situation theyed rather have a girl with experience

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    • well not all guys are like that I don't want a girl that's been with a hundred dudes I rather have somebody who's only been with a few guys

  • Maybe he thinking if he good enough for you or not.

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  • Well some guys like girls with a good amount of experience and some don’t. That’s it.

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  • Why would I care either way?

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  • Nope, that means you are a good girl. Keep it up

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  • No. Why?

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  • With the sexism in our society and mens egos, many will view it as a positive. I've only been with women so far and I'm just getting into dating guys and haven't been with one yet. I'm not telling any guy that until I know he respects womens sexuality. Any guy who prefers or demands women to be inexperienced when he isn't the same way - do not want him. I respect women too much.

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  • For most guys I dont think it is. Guys don't seem to like to share lol

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  • I think it’d be the other way around, that they’d be glad you hadn’t been with many guys.

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  • Depend on the man and his expectation of the relationship. Some men want a virgin while others want a skilled experienced older women. Even if a lot of men doesn’t care about virginity, they will préfère a pure girl to marry, and a hoe to play with.

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  • I know it's a turn on for guys. I think he just wants easy sex, he's not looking for a long term commitment. Also he was probably taken back by your response because he's used to women dating a lot of guys and having a lot of sex. So he maybe it's his first time meeting a girl with self-respect. Though I honestly don't get why guys say a lot of women have a lot of sex. I only dated one guy and I'm a virgin. All my friends are virgins... Like not all of them are working the corner... I don't know where they are meeting these whores but probably on apps or shady places.

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    • I agree I myself don't want a girl who's been with a whole bunch of guys so I definitely agree with what you're saying

  • I dont think what he was talking about was that youve only been with one guy, it seems because of how long youve been with that guy. Five years of being together is a long time and it must have been pretty serious.

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