Would you date someone that admits to being dumped?

Okay, my question is more a measure to find out a few things...

According to a news broadcast, men are more likely to date women that have been dumped, opposed to women that dumped the guy...

Conversely, women are more likely to date a man that dumped women, than a man that has been dumped by a woman.

What are your thoughts?

I am nutral.

However, I find it amazing that women would prefer to date a guy that dumped his ex... Don't that mean you are more likely to be dumped by him yourself? I don't get the logic...

  • I am a guy that rather date a girl that has been dumped by an ex.
    Vote A
  • I am a guy that rather date a girl that dumped her exes.
    Vote B
  • I am a girl that rather date a guy that has been dumped by his ex.
    Vote C
  • I am a girl that rather date a guy that dumped his exes.
    Vote D
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Girl

  • It doesn't make a difference to me personally.

    But if I can take a stab at why men and women view this differently:

    A man might worry about dating a girl who dumped her last boyfriend because:

    - he sees her as a woman with high standards or who knows what she wants; she isn't willing to settle---if that guy wasn't "good enough", am I going to be? (which puts a lot of pressure on the guy to meet all of her standards, and makes him worried that if he doesn't, he's going to be dumped too--which is difficult for any person, but I think has an additional "ego bruising" effect on men)

    A man might prefer a girl who has been dumped because:

    - he sees her as more willing to accept a man's flaws or to work on problems

    - he sees her as more committed and less likely to stray or break up with him for the next appealing guy who comes by

    - the last guy "hurt" her---so he sees the opportunity of being her "white knight"; he can swoop in when her self-esteem is hurt (making it easier for him to get her), and he can make her feel better (I've noticed a lot of guys have the tendency to want to "fix things") and show that he's a better guy than the last

    Girls, on the other hand, might not want to date a guy who has been dumped by a woman because:

    - she sees him as someone who wasn't "good enough" for the last woman. She thinks there must have been a good reason why this last woman didn't want him, so she doesn't want him either. There were things about him that made him a bad boyfriend, or flaws that he had, that this other woman couldn't "fix" or change, so she thinks he still has those characteristics and I might not be able to change them either. If he wasn't good enough for another girl, he's not good enough for me.

    - if she dumped him, he might still have feelings for her. What if he dumps me or cheats on me if she changes her mind? What if he's constantly comparing me to "the one that got away" and is just settling for me?

    She sees a guy who has dumped women in the opposite light:

    - he doesn't have feelings for his ex (since he broke up with her), so he's less likely to want to go back to her or cheat on me with her.

    - He sees something in me that she didn't have; I'm better than her (women can be really competitive in this sense)

    - She didn't dump him, which suggests she still wanted to be with him---that means he likely has the characteristics that a girl wants in a boyfriend.

    • Heh, my favorite little debator... Long time, no see... :P

      Okay, then in your statement pertaining to women, I am one to believe in the bullsh*t that a man that wears his wedding ring to the club and get hit on by women to be true. Is it because they want to see what the woman he is married to see in him? I have done it before, and I had a lot more attention wearing a wedding band at a club than whithout... I was just curious about that...

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    • Effectively speaking, All of the above, you are practically correct. It is a sad truth. I have conducted my own survey of the matter and likewise asked the important questions that yielded answers similar to how you discribed it. When I attempted to have both men and women rationalize their positions... Well, the men fared a little better in rationalizing. Women, however... You got the idea. Although, the level of rationality in men left quite a bit to be desired in terms of logical

    • perception... In other words, it made some sense, but still steeped in irrationality, and conversely the women's pov seemed to lack the least bit of rationality. Well, All I can say is either way (male or female) it is irrational. Giving me the assumption that is mostly subconscious override of what is usually affects reason. Similar to the "mental breakdown" often incoured by Phobiae.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • why not? I like people who are real and understand that that doesn't necessarily mean they had flaws, it just means either one of them had issues that could not be solved

  • From experience, don't give them a reason to dump you in the 1st place. It doesn't matter about the past because it obviously didn't work for a reason.

    • True... But everyone are biased subconsciously when it pertains to who dumped whom... As it is said by selfishstars: "A man might prefer a girl who has been dumped because:

      - he sees her as more willing to accept a man's flaws or to work on problems

      - he sees her as more committed and less likely to stray or break up with him for the next appealing guy who comes by."

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    • Effectively speaking, it is a subconscious bias that is hardwired. I am happy at least you can override primitive instinct with rationality though. Subconscious ques are often associated with the most primiive portion of the brain.

      Personally, I don't care either way. Because in the end, a person is defined by their actions, past present and potential future based upon past occurrence. I never worry about it, but for those (women) that get wrapped up into it, all I can say is,

    • "good luck with that dude that may add you to his list of casualties, opposed to someone that may be committed..." LOL

  • I think for girls, they think if the guy was the one who got dumped, then maybe he has a habit or a trait that is undesirable because studies have also shown that women put up with more than a man does. And sometimes men like to date women who have been dumped because if it was a recent dumping, they hope they can get sex out of it. I know this isn't always true, but its just a few maybe reasons.

  • I think I prefer to date a man that dumped his ex than one that got dumped. This is because I think he would know more of what type he wanted, than just want her for the sex.

    This opinion of mine is probably biased since I am with a man with very low self esteem and the only girl ever to ask him out he said yes because he didn't think he will ever get asked out ever again. He was her "bitch" and did everything she wanted, had sex how she wanted and when she wanted and where etc, and moved in with her when she wanted etc. She ofcourse slept with other men and danced with other men and showed more attention to other men than to him and flaunted that she had more boyfriend than he had friends (he had none). anyways, she finally dumped him by telling him "sex means nothing" with you, and then kicked him out of her mom's boyfriends house. So I find that he is a poor loser who doesn't know what he wants and is only with me because I sort of threw myself at him. Once I found he had no type but just any girl, I sort of wanted to exit. You know? He only talked about his ex as if she was a whore that he did multiple positions, multiple foreplays, with tons of food, all over the town with... sounds like he is talkign about her like she was not a human being but only his sex toy. Anyways, I start thinking he will treat me like this and I was right. Why am I still with him? I do feel sorry for him, and feel like he won't cheat on me. And I do feel like, I love him... I'm not sure. But he got dumped and he still loved her and would have done anything to make her stay... you know? So I would rather have the guy dumped the girl and say that he hated her and she was a mistake and he was stupid for sleeping/dating her, and a waste of his time and he is so over her. Than a guy who is like, she was the love of my life whom I had so much sex with for 3 years and now it's over... I'm so sad and I would have done anything to make her happy so I get more sex, even though she treated me like crap and didn't even pay attention to me or listent o me or wanted to do anything with me and she called me names all the time... blahblah balh but I still love her so much because I am a huge loser who needs the sex and no women will give it to me but her... blah blah blah

    and just to let you know I am the women who always does the dumping and I dumped way too man y man and I was getting really sick of the dating game so he came in at a time where I wanted to just settle so yes... I did choose a guy who was dumped. But I didn't like it so next time (there will be no next time) but I think now I would have rather chosen a guy who did the dumping... if you get my drift. That is just my personal biased opinion.

    • So what would you think if he dumped you? That would mean that you are beneath him as well?

      Let me get my point to you... I never dumped anyone I dated, I was dumped. Why? They cheated on me knowing my disposition of cheating. Cheating to me is a declaration of intent to leave the other. Moreover, I have one relationship we left on good terms, her4 problem was that she was a pacifist, and I was in the military. My standards are high, and my self esteem is high enough to be confused

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    • if you will dump me right off the bat, ofcourse I would not date you! gee! I don't have sex before marriage either. I don't think I am insignificant but just saying. This is all my biased opinion ofcourse out of my experience I have never had a guy dump me. I have done all the dumping. I do not think all guys who have been dumped are bad. You seem to be offended dude. Just don't look at it like that. Look at it in another way: it's just one girl's story of her love life. that's it.

    • Not offended, but amazed by ypour level of arrogance and the fact you sound like a prima donna... That is all, no offense.

What Guys Said 1

  • I'd definitely date a girl that has been dumped, I don't trust guys judgement of a good girl.