Do you believe that men and woman are attracted to different personality traits in a partner?

When I was dating my ex I liked his vulnerability and his gentleness and how quiet he was. Now I realize those traits turn me off rather than turn me on - they seem very feminine to me - I feel he isn't masculine enough to attract me.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Of course we are. Men and women think differently, it's the reason this site is called "girlsaskguys" not "peopleaskpeople".

    Some will say that these differences are mainly down to social conditioning which will have something to do with it, but they pretend as though we're not biologically different when we clearly are, and these biological differences matter. Many of these people are obsessed with encouraging men to act like women, women to act like men, pretending that we think the same way and want the same things. It will never work.

    There have been many studies done on the differences between men and women. Also the impact that hormones have on our behaviour - which is something that most people way under-estimate. Ask anybody who takes hormone treatment whether that be testosterone or estrogen. Look at the way women act differently during certain points in their period cycle, or during pregnancy. Behaviour is heavily influenced by hormones. I've had feminists here go completely nuts, start hurling insults at me and block me just for mentioning this, which is strange.

    The hormonal birth control pill affects women's tastes in men:

    www.scientificamerican.com/.../

    We have an inbuilt ability to detect whether somebody is a good genetic match for us depending on their smell. This isn't a conscious thing, you don't smell someone and think "he/she is a bad genetic match", you just smell them and you feel less sexual attraction to them without realising it. The birth control messes with this ability in women, making them choose different men. In fact, some studies show that the birth control influences women to choose less masculine men as partners:

    www.theatlantic.com/.../

    As for women who are not on the pill, they tend to become more attracted to masculine men during ovulation. And if their partners are considered to be more masculine, they report greater sexual satisfaction at this time:

    www.livescience.com/...ertile-women-manly-men.html

    www.psypost.org/.../wives-masculine-husbands-satisfied-peak-fertility-study-finds-48909

    This is because, despite the feminist nonsense that will tell you otherwise because they like to ignore biology, it's completely natural for a woman to prefer a more masculine man and to find those feminine behaviours you speak of to be a turn off. When fertile your hormones literally drive you to prefer that so that such a man will impregnate you. Your sex drive is designed to drive you to reproduce with the strongest mate you can find, to raise the healthiest children - even if consciously you don't want children and it's only sex for pleasure.

    Masculinity is a side effect of testosterone. Those facial features they speak of - masculine facial features - come from high testosterone. Testosterone is also linked with muscular strength and mass (obvious since steroids are all testosterone-based), better health in general especially sexual health, and higher fertility. Low testosterone is linked with the opposite - and a lack of testosterone = a lack of masculinity = effeminate behaviour. Your biological drive, when working properly, wants to keep you away from those men to avoid having weak children.

    www.healthline.com/.../side-effects-of-low-testosterone

    As for men, well men with high testosterone tend to prefer women who are very feminine, as spoken about in this video:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LZZJTR0GxE

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  • I have learned that the traits that are really important to you are usually not the ones you think - often you aren't even aware of what the traits are that attract you. And for that reason, you could be attracted to 5 very different people who have a ton of different traits - but they each have a few traits that you respond to even though you don't realize what they are.

    Obviously some people are more in control of their attraction and some less, but most people have things they have to have, even if the rest of the person isn't at all what they think they want.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • No. It depends on the person and what they personally like. If you're traditional/old school then you'll find traditional traits attractive. But if you're not (like myself), you won't really care about that stuff.

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  • hmmm... I know what you mean. I think I need gentleness in a guy though, at least when he is with me in a romantic way.
    Vulnerability is different. I want a guy who is a rock when he facing the world, to protect my own vulnerability.
    I don't know if that makes sense.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 25

  • Ha. Guys learn from experience that women don’t want a guy who shares all of his feelings. They want a guy who shares less than her & is a ‘rock’ so no matter how nuts she feels & acts she can depend on him to not jump ship.

    Traditional women also want a guy who is always responsible for everything so she wants him to lead so she can’t be blamed for any errors in judgement.

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  • I think it depends on the person, but many are attracted to typical masculine or feminine traits, whether they admit it or not. In my experience most women prefer a more masculine partner and vice versa men usually prefer a more feminine partner. It's not a rule but a pattern.

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  • Yes, we do. In response to your comment of your ex, equally, I o not like masculine traits in women no more than I like feminine traits in my guy friends. This being said, I equally appreciate assertiveness in both men and women. I do not care for, "wishy-washy" personalities.

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  • Yes. Men are attracted to and value beauty (implicitly fertility).

    Women are attracted to status and charisma. (Status as in desireability among women, career, leadership among other guys).

    That's why guys get it all wrong when they assume women are just like themselves and focus on looks and muscles.

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  • Google MBTI, take the test, and it will tell you what personality types will work with yours.

    I'm an INTP.
    So what works with mine is: ENTJ, ESTJ, and INFJ.

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  • Well everyone has its own tastes, and they are not static (although they don't ususaly change much). It can also be the case that you automatically associate those traits to him, giving a bad mood to you (I have no idea how it ended so I'm guessing here)

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  • I have those traits myself , although I'm absolutely not feminine in any manner. Actually, some of the most gentle people I know have a display strength beyond normal. Are you sure you made the right judgement ? ... just saying.

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  • yes, and that's a big issue for "nice" guys... they aren't attractive to a lot of women. we all have our aspects of what is attractive.

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  • Yeah of course, it's a standard part of attraction. There are crossovers where a man and woman will like each other based on the same traits but often it is difference that attracts

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  • Well yeah, of course. Guys overall want a girl who is submissive (in bed at least) and girls overall want a guy who's more dominant, especially in bed, but also elsewhere in life sometimes.

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  • Yes I do. It’s that stuff that makes us who we are in each of us. It makes us different to the next person.

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  • Yes sometimes we cjange over time. But if you love the person you will yry and make things work out.

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  • I like people as similar as possible to me. Some people do. I can’t understand why.

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  • Nope i think they turn u off cause those traits were of your ex

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  • I think it happens on a person by person basis. Gender doesn't seem to have much to do with it.

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  • you tend to attract a like minded person but also opposite attract eachother so it's very confusong

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  • Yes they are

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  • Men and women are different , so yes

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  • That doesn't sound so
    far fetched.

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  • Sounds like your ex was a her not a him

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  • They say opposites attract

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  • Absolutely, damn straight

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  • What you described above is extremely depressing. You are the one that dumped him right? I’m almost sure you are.

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  • Yes, of course. For the most part, men and women are attracted to the opposite personality traits. Masculine and feminine, yin and yang. Nothing feminism does will ever change that because it's in our DNA.

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  • I don't think so cuz i love sports and girls don't like me unless they like they same teams/sports

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What Girls Said 9

  • Yes
    It's why I say date lots of different people to find what you do like

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  • Yes, men are attracted to different traits than women.

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  • Men are only attracted to looks and women money/power

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  • I tend to hide my feelings and be kinda rough myself, so I don't need someone who's the same lol

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  • I am attracted to women who got some similar traits and some different.

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  • Yes.

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  • Obviously lmao

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  • Yea of course

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  • Yeah

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