Is He Flirting?

I’m a divorced single mom who’s been out of the dating game for a long time. I wanted to focus on my mental health and get my self esteem back on track before l started putting myself out there again. I’ve had an online dating account for a few months, but I don’t take it too seriously, and log in maybe once a week.

But there’s a security guard at my work that I’ve been talking to, and my best friend (who works across the hall) swears he’s flirting, because he always makes it a point to say hi, makes goofy faces at me when he walks by, and one day chatted for about half an hour about his friends, funny stories, how he outgrew a lot of friends from his hometown, etc. But maybe he’s just being friendly? I’m super clueless about guys and I don’t want to ask for his number and find out I was Misreading cues.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Think about it like virginity. Remember how nervous you were before your first time but then, once you did it, you weren't nearly as nervous after that again. Well, in a sense, you are like a relationship virgin and it's that first "expression of interest" that is scary. So, what we need for you is to come up with a secret way of expressing interest without expressing interest (since you may not actually be interested in the guy...)

    OK, this is what you do...

    All heterosexual men are evolved to assist females in distress. If a female comes to us seeking our advice or assistance, almost certainly, we will perform our duty unless there is some higher duty.

    So, come up with some artificial problem or minor real problem and go up to the security guard and seek out his advice/assistance. This opens the door to either small talk or a date-that's-not-a-date as he goes to wherever you need him to solve this problem of yours...

    The bottom line in this is that you get to spend time with him without the context of a date which is obviously stressful.

    Furthermore, this is how friendships get born and the best romantic relationships are friendships that organically evolve into romance between good friends.

    Anyway, he's doing what he can do in his limited capacity as a security guard at work, but, as a female, you have that "evolutionary upper hand" and are free to seek out his assistance or advice (preferably something NOT work related).

    Once he does assist you, you can always "thank him" in some way such as buying dinner for him or baking him cookies and delivering them to him at work or whatever.

    This is all positive reinforcement and that's good.

    The first step is out of the way and you are no longer a "virgin" in your informal relationship with him. Now, both you and he are more familiar with each other and conversations will be easier between you two and things can move forward if you want (or not if you discover he's not for you).


  • I mean I honestly think you friend could be looking too much into it. It's very likely he's just being friendly. The question is, do you want there to be something more with him?

    • 6d

      He’s attractive and really funny & I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to exploring something.

    • 6d

      Ah I see, well then definitely feel free to continue to build your guys' friendship and see if you can get his number. Then you might be able to see where this relationship develops. Best of luck

  • Well sounds like he might not be outright flirting but it sounds like a relationship is starting to bloom. see where it goes don't write it off.


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