What should I do?

What should I do?

I met this guy and we seemed to hit it off on our first date (We'll be going on our second date soon).
He likes me and is attracted to me but I can't help but feel insecure.
I feel like I'm dating out of my league. He has an amazing personality and he is a genius.
We have similar interests and I can easily talk to him even though my social anxiety inhibits communication at times (he understands).
I have feelings for him but I feel like I could never measure up.
How do I get over feeling insecure?

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726

Most Helpful Guys

  • Firstly, thank you for taking the time to speak your mind. Secondly, I think you are criticizing your self a little harshly, by saying: 'but I feel like I could never measure up.'
    If you can talk freely to him and (he understands) even though your social anxiety inhibits communication at times.. and... Yet, he still understands you. Is this not something good?

    I do not think that you should stress about what you have said thus far ( I have all too often stressed over my insecurities or, how I think, I should or should not measure up to other people around me).

    However, I would, if I was in you position; speak to your closest and most trusted friend and tell them about your situation and see what your closest friend says... they may ask you; What is it that makes you feel that you could never measure up? Or What makes you feel insecure within yourself? Lastly, Why do you ever, need to measure up to some else's abilities or intelligence?

    Are you not unique and special in your own way? (this includes all of who you are inside as well), not just how other people see you; but rather who you are inside - This is what matters most.

    It is what lies within the heart of the person, not just, the external qualities of that person which, defines the person. Your Heart and Mind, Body and Soul together, make you who you are as a person. You are Unique and Therefore, there is never any need to measure up your self with someone else, simply because you feel that you could never measure up to be the same as the other person.

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  • You're going on a second date. That means he's already interested.

    He may think he's dating out of his league by getting you to agree to a second date.

    If your profile pic is you, then that's VERY possible.

    Don't use sex to boost how you feel. It doesn't work.

    Talk to him and get to know him. I mean REALLY get to know him, not the superficial stuff in a first two or three dates. You're 21. What's your hurry?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • See what exactly makes you "insecure", honestly, do you unconsciously compare yourself with him? For ex. there's this amazing guy my sister's friend met, they looked like made for each other and stuff. He was a cook, she couldn't cook. He'd often cook new recipes to impress her (we all knew him too well), his intentions weren't to show her down or patronize her. But she took it to heart. That a women should at least know cooking. Well well well, that insecurity ruined their relationship, but they solved it (well, kudos to me๐Ÿ˜‰)

    Some girls even ask this:
    he could have any girl, then why me?

    He ain't an idiot, he knows what he wants. Don't read too much into it!

    Bottom line, comparison to other ladies or your guy won't get you anywhere. Accept your flaws and move on.

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What Girls & Guys Said

624
  • Learn to trust him when he says he really likes you.

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  • So here's the simple breakdown. If he likes you, he'll continue wanting to meet up to date; if he's choosing to spend his time with you, then he's interested. That should be all the reason you need to stop your insecurity.

    Everyone has insecurities, but if you go into a relationship you have to be a little more confident in yourself otherwise it'll weigh you both down.

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  • You just had a first date hun. Stop overanalyzing it all. Just relax and go with the flow. If he didn't want to date you then he wouldn't. Men are pretty straight forward, they don't date people they aren't attracted too. Your a beauty, just be confident in yourself.

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  • What u got to be insecure about. Im sure the guy has insecurities himself everyone does wither they admit it or not. If you really like him and he understands you then what's there to be insecure about.. i bet u are beautiful inside and out.

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  • I know how you feel... My boyfriend is out of my league and I feel insecure. But if he likes you, I think it's worth going out with him, even if it won't last.

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  • Firstly, value yourself more. You two are dating because both of you see something in each other. It is never a one-way thing.
    Secondly, you are robbing yourself of a wonderful phase in any relationship, the getting to know the other person part. This is the only time 'measuring up' doesn't matter.
    Lastly, relax! If it is meant to work out, everything will fall in place. Just. Be. Yourself.

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  • He's seen something in you that you haven't seen in yourself. Give him a chance if he's as good as he sounds because by the sound of it he's a keeper, so if someone else gets hold of him, I doubt she'll ever let him go.

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  • All you need to do is get it out of your head.

    If you donโ€™t, then he will have to work extra hard to prove that your insecurities donโ€™t phase him.

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  • You need to pull yourself together or plan to be alone forever, your choice. If your self esteem is extremely low best thing to do is not date because you're going to put the guy through unnecessary shit which isn't fair.

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  • Get over your social anxeity with him
    Explain that you need time to get used to him and forget about this "out of my league" bullshit, he thinks you're just as amazing as he is or even more, otherwise he wouldn't be dating you right now

    Don't make him feel like he makes you feel uncomfortable
    He might think you use this social anxeity as an excuse to take a break from him because he's annoying or such too

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  • He may very well be the most devoted fellow to you and yet your anxiety will never allow you to ever feel secure with him. Which can cause you both moments of strife. You have to figure out your anxiety/insecurity because chances are your insecurities will get the better of you causing you to be the one who does the pushing away from him and not the other way around.

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  • Hey he's attracted to you. Thats all it matters. Some guys like to be kind of more โ€œdominantโ€ or better than their girl (no offense please) so you'll actually make him feel happy in a way.

    I know how you feel. Just be lucky that you have someone attracted to you. Im fucking ugly and the only thing I attract is hate. Good luck โค๏ธ

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  • Just because he a very smart man does not mean he desires a very smart woman , be yourself and have just have fun im sure thats what he wants and enjoys from you

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  • Your relationship because of this will end up failing. At least your honest and deep down you know you don't deserve him.

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  • Just go for it and see where it leads... just don't have sex to assure I likes you and not just your body

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  • Just be yourself , treat him the way you want to be treated , all we can do , we can't force people to love us all you can do is guide them by being ourselves

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  • Out of his league? OMG your a pretty woman and you can communicate easily with this guy... sounds like you on the same team!

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  • Just dont rush.
    Things will eventually work out or fall apart.

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  • Just be yourself and you will be fine. A guy can tell a nervous girl and if he's nice he will take it slow.

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  • If he like you then no need to worry. He wants you. Go for it

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  • Start with self love , slowly it will build up and you will have great confidence in yourself

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  • Stop thinking, just go with the flow. If it works, good, if not, well at least you'll try.

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  • If he likes you there is no reason to be insecure. Get over it and enjoy it

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  • Good time to watch Say โ€œI love youโ€ and learn that itโ€™s okay.

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    • Show All
    • lol i was asking bc i didn't think anyone else knew what it was ๐Ÿ˜‚โค๏ธ

    • and yeah it does. i feel like that was one of the only animes I've watched where there was a cute romance but an added element of the girl being horribly insecure and quite possibly depressed

  • get laid

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  • What are you insecure about?

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  • Its all in your head

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  • DATE HIM

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  • Have more faith in yourself.

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  • u don't. either u stay with him and let go of your worries, or let your worries get to you and continue to remain on your own

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