What is holding you back from getting a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

Love is in the air but so is the Flu, wash your hands!
Love is in the air but so is the Flu, wash your hands!
  • Fear of rejection
    Vote A
  • I am not worthy to have such a thing
    Vote B
  • I am an Introvert
    Vote C
  • MeToo movement has ruined everything
    Vote D
  • I simply just gave up
    Vote E
  • I don't know where to meet Him or Her
    Vote F
  • Other (please leave a comment)
    Vote G
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh gosh, where to start...

    -I live in a relatively small city so most guys my age are already married, taken, moved away, or flat out not interested in me.
    -I'm mostly a homebody, so outside of going to exercise, the store, and work, I'm not that social
    -Apparently I'm "intimidating" to men, so they're afraid to approach me 🙄
    And in the past when I approached a guy or said I liked him, I got friendzoned... so it's a lose/lose situation.
    -I'm too old for playing games. Some guys like to play mindgames to test or see how I feel about them? Yeah I don't have time for that nonsense! I'm at the point in my life where I'm like, "Okay, do you like me or not? And if so, when are we going out..."
    In other words, I'm blunt which can turn off some guys.

    And...
    -I'm just done for now. At least for me, it's easier and less heartache and drama being single. I'll try again when the time is right.

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    • I hear ya.. are you stuck in that small city or do you enjoy the peace and quiet of one?

    • You know I keep saying I'm going to move away one day, but when with the humid summers, subpar job market, and minimal extracurricular activities for people to do around here... I still like it.

      I live in a town of roughly 12-13,000 people. And while the dating pool sucks, it's your friendly, old southern town so it's hard to turn it away.

  • it takes time to heal to be fair for the next and myself. i want to make sure i am fully ready.

    too many jump from one to another to avoid being alone... do you think this maybe another reason why so many relationships out there dont last... they still dont know what they want or who they are.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I work under the assumption that a girl isn't interested unless she shows me in some demonstrable way but all of the girls I see day-to-day either have their earbuds on or only make incidental eye contact, which I brush off as nothing. So I'm left with the impression that no one is actually interested in me. But even if they were, I'm not sure I'd be all that interested. I seldom see women that instantly grab and hold my attention due to my standards and the women I do interact with don't emotionally stimulate me enough to be interested in them romantically.

    So, I guess it's not knowing where and how to meet the rare type of women that physically and emotionally interests me.

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    • That is a good point.. many people today are immersed in their own world with head phones on and glued to their smart phones. It can kind of leave you thinking these things. You have to ask yourself or maybe even GAG... Where can I meet a rare type of woman that physically and emotionally interests me?

    • Neither myself nor this website know the answer to that question. I've been on this site long enough to know that the "answers" would be pretty generic and along the lines of "anywhere, school, the grocery store, church, at a bookstore, etc", and while all of these answers may be true, given today's social climate and women's proclivity to wall themselves off from strangers, it's more than likely not true.

    • Well people can view it that way but still give it a shot. It's only a theory until proven right or wrong. For me I could be the exception which I will always take that chance in pursuit of what matters to me. So in closing.. it's up to the individual to believe in what they believe and take action or not no matter how the cards are stacked.

  • "I simply just gave up".

    Because I don't believe it's worth my time or worth it at all. Once somebody had been single for so long they're going to realize that it won't make any real difference either way. I am MORE THAN CERTAIN that a relationship or any relationship simply does not guarantee any kind of ever lasting "happiness", "completeness", or "satisfaction".

    In fact it would be quite the opposite, set one up for even more heartbreak, disappointments, frustrations, anger, miseries and unhappiness.

    I still rather have nobody because I'll always have nobody to lose and nobody to lie to me and turn on me.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I was recently single and most of those were accurate.

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  • I have one now, but what held me back earlier was having three kids.

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  • I want to be smarter this time around and not become “official” after just a month of knowing eachother. Im going for at least 2-3 months of getting to know eachother first haha :) but i really like him and he likes me. Its so adorable how he mumbles my name in his sleep. And last night he slipped up and calld me baby and it was so cute. We just both ended up laughing. Then he asked me to b his valentine 😍

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    • When it's right its right but yeah after a month that is a bit of a short time frame!

    • I just love finally meeting someone who shares a lot in common with me

  • For awhile, because I was busy with school, Work, my hobbies.. didn’t have time for bullshit.. I waited for a decent guy to come around and now I’m dating an amazing guy who I’m nuts about 😘💕 Didn’t try so hard to find him.. he just came to me.

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  • i had one girl , later she played some games and left, so after that i don't find anyone interesting , and i don't want to meet someone as well, meanwhile once i am done with my degree i will migrate from my home country to US permanently i am so done with BS of my country

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  • Other; I'm still getting over a loss (death) and trying to help co-raise my 8-year-old daughter. While I'd love a relationship I don't know if anyone I'm with could actually handle all the stuff I'm going through right now.

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    • That may be true but in the end you need to let them decide. You start deciding this shit for other people then it becomes a self fulling prophecy. Hear me?

  • I don't know where to meet her.

    I've asked girls out and I've tried online. Girls I ask out usually say she has a boyfriend and online dating is like being in limbo. So many fake accounts and things leading to no where.

    The few dates I did get I quickly find out she's not the one. Even when we have a lot in common in the end she's just not for me. Or she was secretly seeing someone else.

    I want to find the person that says there's someone for everyone and kick his ass.

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    • That would be my ass you want to said KICK LOL only because it's true. I've seen it with so many people who have felt the way you do. It's just about having a positive outlook when shit goes bad.

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    • Well alright then

  • The fact that life is awesome whether I share my experiences with someone I love, or don't. It's taken me years to realize, but I don't need another person to be happy and it's definitely not required that I fall in love, anyways. The way I see it, if life is great, what could possibly make you want more?

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  • I have already met someone who I thought was the right person for me and it seems they didn't share the same kind of view.
    So the relationship chapter is done and closed for me already.

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    • Well most of the time mother nature puts two people together without the promise of ending up together. Most times feelings are not reciprocated by the other and it's rare that two people feel the same which why this is difficult to find someone for the rest of your life.

    • Naturally.
      But the nature of my personality is such that I would always compare others to her unfavorably, and be doomed to either settle for an inferior experience or try and carve a mental replacement out of someone else.
      And that's something I don't want to subject myself or other people to.

    • Fair enough... thanks for the comment

  • Before getting married I just thought I wasn’t made for that. That it was something so hard to find... tbh I didn’t really believe in love.

    God proved me wrong

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  • I am working on my own personality, physique and education.
    A longterm relationship would distract me from that.
    Im gonna enter a LTR when I am 30 and figured myself Out (mostly).

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  • women do not love men
    so no point in being with them
    they want men in pain and in suffering
    yet they always come back for money and resources

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC3ty9zwwPA

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  • I can either date women im interested in but it goes nowhere because they want to play the field or i can have a relationship with someone im completely not interested in.

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    • The key is to live a life of purpose and passion first. Once you have that you will attract the right people into your life.

  • I don't there is one reason. I don't think I can handle a relationship as I have trust issues, I can't handle too much drama, I can be too laid back at times. A part of me also feels like I can be too clingy as well. I'm afraid to get cheated on and getting rejected, I dunno if I am good enough or if my standards are high etc.

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  • Unfortunately I don't go out as much as I should due to my weird work schedule, so I don't meet that many people, and I don't like online dating.
    Doesn't bother me though.

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  • Other. Every option.

    Yes I fear rejection. I have to build a friendship gradually first which is self sabotage in the majority of cases as it is putting yourself in the friend zone, which does exist it just means being seen as a friend and never being deemed worthy of being anything else. For me it's a paradox because I cannot even know if I want a relationship with someone unless I am friends with them first. Ha! Makes me laugh, more of a scoff really, at how much of a ridiculous paradox this is.

    I also don't feel worthy, despite that loads of people think I'm really cool and they're like "cool shoes, dope shirt, rockin' the retro style, dig the boots" n' all that good shit. I do get much compliments on my character too, but I get mad compliments on my get up because I like to be stylin'. 'Ey anyway people think I'm worthy probably but no one knows me as well as I know me and I am not worthy. Main problem is I can only get artistic, creative based jobs which are almost always freelance. Anything in customer service and I am in a constant state of heightened anxiety, sensory overload, leading to an inability to smile, extreme fatigue, dizziness and an inability to function. Just because of having to talk to people in a very specific way that is not genuine of me whatsoever, so forced n' all. So yeah I can't make steady money, just occasional freelance jobs.

    Introvert is an influential factor to most of the other options, particularly the above two.

    MeToo movement.. this is only a very minuscule factor but I do indeed sense a significant shift in the attitudes of some females towards males, more than MeToo it's modern feminism which is more accurately described as misandry.

    Yes I gave up. I am content to be single now, and actually from having a small number of very brief, disappointing, confusing, uncomfortable, unenjoyable, vapid and empty flings I have found that I don't think I want to be with someone in today's society. I have become quite a cynical loner, albeit very popular with loads of casual friends and loads of people think I'm a cool guy but in reality I am very much a loner. I have come to be quite content this way though.

    Well yeah it's pretty difficult to know where to meet someone given that a horrifying number of young people conform to the vapid nonsense that is tinder. Another quirk of mine, besides having to be friends first, is that I don't know if I like someone until I meet them in person. That ought to be normal though I think. When I consider it I think it's insane to expect to know if you like someone without meeting them. I don't know how to talk to people online, which is weird considering I have autism. Oh there is this other thing, going out out, nightclubs.. oh but the problem is that it's so loud you can't talk to anyone, and by the way I actually love to dance but I dance to actual music not one or two dimensional rock music which is all vocals and not danceable and not charts shit like raves. But the other thing is I don't like it when people touch me unexpectedly, or when strangers touch me, so when I do go out dancing and a girl tries to come and dance with me I kinda' ignore her because I'm in the zone MY zone. I meet people where I can speak to them, which is why I sometimes end up smoking when I'm out which is not good for me. Anyway the world really is horrifyingly deprived of good places to dance now. Gosh when I think about the music that would play when my parents would go out I feel so envious. I'd love to be able to go out and dance to actual music. That'd be cool. Oh yeah and then the other thing is you go out and most people are so terribly insecure that they're just desperately trying to get drunk so they have the confidence to dance, to talk to people, to kiss a complete stranger. The first two I don't need any kind of mind altering substance to do and the last one I would not want to do. I actually don't like being around drunk people. They're idiots. Tipsy is okay. Sponge

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  • i really don't know where to meet a girl, i've tried 2 girls in the past weeks and one of them straight up skipped me and the other one is being really really vague.

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    • Are you in an all boys school at the age of 16 or something?

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    • Gotcha! Well go where young people go and you will be fine! You have such a gift of being so young.. enjoy your life dude... because it goes QUICK!

    • if i go to parties it'll either be drunk girls grinding on every guy they see or girls that are too bitchy, the ones i like are usually introverted to the point they almost never go out.

  • I've been in a stable relationship for 3 years now.

    What kept me from being in one up until then was my attitude. I thought that I had to make my life stable first, before I let another person enter it.
    And that's where the fun started. One day after classes, I stayed at uni in lab working on a project when a girl came in and asked me out. 3 years later, we're still together.

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  • Men usually do not get anyone if they are not chasers, which I am not so...

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  • Im ugly, i have no talents, im not good enough for anybody even as friend. There are probably more reasons but those are the biggest i think.

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    • Have you tried changing some of these issues?

    • Yes i've tried for many years but i always fail

    • I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. Look at the good things you have... and talents can be acquired. Good news is you have self awareness which many people do not have. Because of this.. you can make changes that are positive. We all have to work with the hands we been dealt. I am 5'6 bald 35 pounds over weight and I am a dating coach. Nobody has once said you aren't good looking enough to help me. So it can be done.

  • Waiting for a Godly man to knock my door . A Godly man able to maintain his family.

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    • i respect that.. just make sure you are able to be seen by these men or they won't be coming.

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    • :) I smile because I asked that question not long ago. I did that not long ago... knock on door.. she shot me down:) it's my work... two birds one stone, but I am older, oh well. I used to like fishing in my back yard in the dirt... never caught anything. had to end up going down to the local creek and lakes... then I caught some fish. good luck!

  • I got one. What used to stop me thoufh was my bipolar, among other mental dipshits, and how they affected the way I thought and acted and it really would just get in the way of me really connecting eith many people.

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  • I think I’m just very emotional and introverted. So not only is it hard for me to talk to people my age but when I find a guy I like, I fall too fast which puts myself in a position where I’m likely to get heart broken

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  • I have always been my own worst enemy with that being picky finding something wrong with everyone, procrastinating or half the time wanting be with someone the other wanting to be alone

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    • When you get to our age we tend to get set in our ways on many things. Totally agree. You are at least aware and can decide your future. Thanks for the comment.

    • I reconnected with a girl on FB a few years ago all I wanted was to take her out on a date she would leave me on read invited me over to swim which i don't swim but I would have gone then would leave me on read all the time showed no interest I got obsessed with her I have not seen her since 97 and I kept trying we didn't talk a year then we argued she didn't want to date anyone then finally she told me to take her out on a date and I ended up rejecting her lol that is the kind of guy that I am I waste all that time then I feel like I don't even like her now.

    • Well what comes with wisdom and experience at our age comes with a perfected BS meter. Good for you.. If they are wishy washy.. see ya.. no time for that nonsense.

  • Other. Because I don't know where to meet them, how to approach them, im an introvert AND im not worthy of a woman to be with. Not to mention this metoo and 52+ different genders bs.

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    • Well good news for you is that all of what you said an be rectified. You just need to find the answers if it's what you want. So don't give up!

  • Some of my past relationship. Ever guys that I did went out. didn't have same value of me. some of them did cheated. I dumped them. I was about give up. But then I give another go. see where this guy I did met on Facebook thanks to my thing. Didn't do online.

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  • Honestly, me. I don't have a lot of confidence, I'm introverted, and don't have good conversational skills.

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    • Yeah but what you do have is self awareness. You know this about yourself so you can do something about it... right? I was an introvert until I learned not to be.. everything is fixable in my opinion.

    • True. It's hard to change when you're 45, but I keep pushin'.

    • Don't we all ! Thanks for the comment dude!

  • Focused on myself... the guys I have let in were a let down. So it’s been almost a year and a half since I’ve bothered dating.

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    • In my experience relationships usually end how they began. Many women tend to ignore the red flags in the beginning because the guy is this or that or they don't want to ruin the small part of what is good in what they have. Next time.. ref flags appear... you get the hell out of that ASAP.

    • Yea I guess that’s true although my ex just completely changed and I was tired of it. But I’ve had enough red flags and mistakes to learn from since then.

  • I'm an introvert, and I don't think I'm in a good place or even ready to start dating someone. I think I should sort myself out before getting involved with anyone so I can put in equal effort in the relationship.

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  • I'll get there, I'm casually looking but as well, I'm gettin a lot out of my free time. GF's take a lot of energy and I'm putting that into other... what I think are... valuable pursuits to better my life and others. not enough energy for everything.

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  • Having yet to become independent and self-sufficient at the moment.
    Late bloomer.

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  • I don't want one really, I have a partner but he's not my boyfriend, I could have a boyfriend too likely if I wanted to find one.

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    • 7d

      As long as your happy right?

    • 7d

      @coachTanthony Exactly, the idea that everyone needs a single boyfriend/girlfirend and later husband/wife is a bit outdated, there are people that are more than happy to be single for life, and others that have relationships with more than one person at a time (and there's nothing wrong with ethical polyamory or open relationships, everyone knows about it and is consenting in these cases)

  • a lot. cockblokers. also i haven't found someone i truly click with.

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  • When I was most recently single, emotional baggage from my past relationship was the main thing holding me back. Prior to that it was introversion.

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  • Me and them literally don't speak the same language. I speak German and English fluently and where I'm stranded at nearly nobody speaks either. Population count in my area of residence is 1 million.

    Does that make any sense to you?

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    • Also there is a significant cultural difference.
      I'm oriented on the European/German culture. I think like a German, walk like a German, work like a German, understand and explain like a German, speak like a German, laugh like a German, eat like a German and live like a German.

      The eastern culture is just vastly different. I don't feel comfortable assimilating into what's not suitable for me.

      Sometimes people ask me why i do what i do. Some of them still don't understand me even after explaining. But that's okay because i know what I'm doing.

      They laugh at their jokes and i can't see anything funny in their jokes.

      No prejudices from me whatsoever. I just don't fit in in the east.

      And this is how to be "involuntarily single" for the dominating majority of the time... Even Less chances of success if you're male due to the dating market being the way it generally is (all this hunters and gatherers BS).

  • I don't know where to met them, i am an introvert and i also have standards. Basically I will die single

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    • Well where have you looked?

    • I didn't look anywhere, it's not like i goto a specific place hoping to find someone. I just go to normal places: college, shops, gym, coffee shops. (the frequency i visit them is that order). ALso, it is not like I haven't met guys I liked, but there is always and it doesn't develop further.

    • So it just hasn't happened for ya yet!

  • In my case I just didn't bother much, I've put some effort this last year and I'm sure it will become official this Valentine's day

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  • No house, no car, no money. I'm not ready for this.

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    • True man.. got to get those 3 in order first... that is for sure. Good luck to you dude.

  • 1. I refuse to get married.
    2. I'm eccentric.
    3. I hate drama.
    4. I'm too happy most of the time.

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  • Most guys today simply do no tlike to committ they just wnt to have fun

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  • Shyness and social anxiety. I still managed to get into a few year-long relationships, but those didn't really last due to a combination of incompatibility, my ADD, and anxiety.

    I am an amazing man but wish I could fix my brain. lol.

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  • I'm an introvert. I have extrovert tendencies but in my heart I know I will be forever alone for a few more years. I'm working on trying to be more outgoing though! Wish me luck!

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  • I never leave my house. i am depressed all the time. I don't have a job. I don't drive. I never had a relationship. I don't care about anyone anymore. I am dead inside. I don't have friends. I don't have a career. I don't do fun things. I don't even want get out of bed. I can't afford anything.

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    • Well all of those things can be changed if you wanted them too... sounds like you have chosen this for yourself, no?

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    • It never does. I just hate when people say I bring this upon myself. I constantly try to look foward. I don't want to un-employed or un-happy its just my situation puts me down. But people just see me as lazy.

    • Okay.. what is your situation exactly? if of course you want to discuss.. if not i understand.

  • Holy shit. Like…dude. Seriously, you're awesome. I fit into B, C, E and F, voted for E. And also D a bit. And A is expected, not feared.
    I don't know how you did it, but you made these option like exactly for me. So big, fat thumbs up for the options. This is how it's done. Right there. Others, take notes.

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  • I honestly don't know how to act around a girl that I like. I start talking and then my mind goes blank, it gets awkward and then one of us just walks away. Like, I have many friends who are girls and that's fine, I act normal around them. But when it comes to a crush of mine or something I just shut down and don't know how to respond to anything.

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  • I don't want to get a boyfriend because I already have a boyfriend :V

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  • I honestly don't think it's worth the investment.

    I've also wrote something mathematical recently about partners. If you want the proof, I could provide it, but the basic idea is this. Estimate the approximate amount of partners you will be with (call it n), find 37% of n, reject the first 37%, then go for the next best person.

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    • The proof of what? You not thinking it's worth the investment so others shouldn't either? People choose emotionally when it comes to another person being in their life not mathematically.

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    • Let me know if you do and I will check it out!

    • Just made it.

  • Not working rn so I feel like I shouldn't have a girlfriend without a job first.

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    • Yeah I agree.. dating isn't cheap! Need to get your MAN stuff in order first.. we have all been there man.

  • almost all of the options
    - every girl wants a tall man (maybe 6'0 or even taller) I'm only 5'6.
    - I've been rejected before, it hurts, and I don't wanna go through that again.
    - I'm almost 18 and I still have acne in my face.
    - I'm not rich, nor have a vehicle.
    - I'm an introvert, I don't talk so much

    anyway I don't have anything attractive.
    If I had a girlfriend, I'd be so nice to her, I'd make her feel so special, and I'd love so much, but anyway that's not gonna happen.

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  • Among other things that I'm not going into my complete inability to have a decent conversation and the fact that it usually takes me a few days to muster up the courage to actually talk to the chick

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