My boyfriend has never gotten me a gift?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years.. I’ve gotten him a gift every holiday.. spent over thousands of dollars on him and he has never gotten me a gift.. his initial excuse was “I don’t know what you like” ...

He’s kinda cheap sometimes so I didn’t want to stress him out so I will always tell him before a holiday..”you don’t have to get me nothing special.. I would be happy with a $10 necklace as long as it’s from the heart” .. the holiday comes and his excuse would be I want to get you something better but it was too much money but that’s not an excuse because there’s been several times where he’ll spend hella money on dumb shit and he just had extra money and again that goes to back to my first response with him which is “I would be happy with whatever you can afford to get me” and then on some holidays he’ll see I’m upset and lie and said but I did get you a present and he’ll sit there and see if I really will harass him about it like “oh really I want it now ” but I’m not that type of person so I would just be like “yay give it to me” and he’ll say something like “I will later” and I never bring it up again and he’ll never bring it up again which of course I know him by now there wasn’t a present to begin with..

He lied obviously and today’s valentine day and of course he seen me upset and did that stupid lying ass shit saying he has me a present.. do I want him to get it for me? Like what the fuck.. Like he wants me to harass and say yes now go get me a present which I hate because if he does that I know he really doesn’t want to get me one and I don’t us errand why the fuck he does that... so now I’m laying in bed alone while he went to go smoke with his friends and it really confuses me because when I try to break up with him.. he tells me all these things like I love you.. I want to have kids with you.. if you talk to another guy I’ll never talk to you again but then does shit like that so now I’m really just depressed and confused.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Sounds like my ex. He would do the same and the fact that he knew I never cared for gifts. He never bought me anything. It was always an excuse and then will ask me for money and of course I will give him money or other things without even questioning him, " why " but for some reason he will have money for alcohol, going to the bar and buying drinks for himself and his friends, and buying weed. On my own birthday my dad had to pay our dinner and I had to buy the alcohol for the both of us and of course the next day he had money for weed. He always knew what to say to keep me around until I guess I was just to boring for him and he ended it.
    I wish I could of done it but go by how you really feel. Some times being in a relationship and being depressed is never okay even if you do really love him. Just really think how you really feel about him. While you're alone. Is this something you want to keep dealing with? Or just end it and not give in with what he is saying so you won't leave?

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  • Well, your passage was very long, so I didn't read all of it, but I got the gist of it. "I don't know what you like" isn't an excuse to be honest. You've been dating for five years.. if you don't have ANY IDEA what I would like, then you don't know me as a person and these past five years have been pointless to be honest. Stop throwing away your money on someone who isn't even putting in half of the effort into the relationship and who doesn't understand the importance of appreciating your significant other and expressing your love to each other.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • So you vulantarily buy him expensive gifts... to expect something back...
    doesn't he provide emotional gifts as in being supportive... if he smokes with his friends thats don't to him to stop and focus on you but your relationship should be about emotions and material things...

    I have never brought my fiance a present and her non for me either men want emotional relationships and general understanding from the ones they love

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    • Well he went to go smoke with his friends on Valentine’s Day so there’s not much emotional support there either... I told him even a cute card or text would of been nice.. I’m more after the Principal of it not the gifts

  • OMG you need to get some standards for yourself and FAST. Get rid of this dude and find a guy who won't cause all this pain and frustration.. I could hardly read this without wanting to throw up.. is that what you want? People who hear this get sick because it's so crazy? Come on... you are better then this and you know it. Date somebody who has their shit together and that includes you.. you get your shit together too!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • He's lazy... Lazy to make an effort to get to know more of you. Of what you like, what makes you smile. At the end of the day, it's not about the gifts or the price of them, it's the thought that counts the most that he wants to bring a smile to the love of his life.. Even a handwritten love letter on piece of paper can do so much than a store bought gift. But he chooses to do nothing...

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  • I dated a guy like that. He never took me on a date and we were together for 2 years. Never said anything nice about me and never bought me anything.

    He’s not going to change. Leave him.

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    • They wouldn’t because I don’t even have any photos of myself lol

      What are enough even asking? Mind ya business

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    • @Thotkiana No, you just like to have the last word. You just said 'bye', and yet you're back.

  • He seems really selfish. You clearly deserve better than him (to second everyone else saying the same thing). One-sided relationships like this never end well. It should be 50-50 in normal circumstances like yours (I say that because, if a partner's going through something major, one might put more effort in than the other, as would be expected). But, clearly that's not the case. As aforementioned, he's being selfish. 5 years and he doesn't know what you like? As you said, something small that's from the heart would totally suffice to show he's thinking of you and cares.

    My experience in a relationship like the one you're in, is not a good one. I lost a lot. Time, energy, money. In my last relationship, I did and got everything I could for him and he never reciprocated. It seems small and trivial in the moments, but no gifts (even small and 'corny' cute ones) is a major red flag that he is hella selfish!

    Bottom line, I'd leave and find somebody better. You seem like such a giver, with a kind heart, so it won't be hard to find better than that guy. ❤ Hope I helped u!

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    • One more thing - he's also emotionally manipulating you into staying with him. This won't end well. You truly deserve better than him.

  • That is because he's probably spending it on other girls.

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    • You really think that's what happens? Or maybe it's just one sided? Not everything needs to be cheating 😅

    • No he doesn’t... he spends it on himself

  • Ew what the fuck. You're dating a lying, lazy, selfish and un-thoughtful (I know this ain't a word) loser.
    Get rid of this pig. Even friends fucking gift each other occasionally.
    He even uses that controlling "if you talk to another guy" line? Please, just tell him it's over and then BLOCK him so he can't send you any of his guilt-tripping 'i love yous'.

    You're dating an immature fool, ain't nobody that would be proud of dating him. Dump him, respect yourself for goddsakes.

    If he can't even give you something you'd give a friend at very least, then end it. He even went smoking with his mates on Valentine's Day after giving you ZERO when you have on previous occasions gifted him. Run, get out, even if he manipulates you by proposing, do. not. say. yes.
    You won't be happy with him, you'd have to live with this lying ass dude for the rest of your life.

    If a person is broken I'm the beginning and never changes, they're only gonna get worse, 5 more years, a decade, 30 years, etc into the relationship. That's just how it is. If you aren't happy now, you won't be happy later.

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  • Don’t feel so bad. Out of all my exes only two ever gave me gifts. Seriously though, if he knows you’re upset and still won’t buy you anything when you’ve been good to him, it shows he doesn’t care. I think you need to re-evaluate this relationship. You deserve better.

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  • Why are you with him?

    What the fuck is wrong with you? Fucking leave

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  • First things first you've been with this guy five years and doesn't know why you like... Right... second he's got money to buy dumb shit but not a gift for you... third the smartest gesture of a gift I'm sure would be appreciate... fourth the dude is a piece of shit there was never a gift to start out with and lies knowing you won't call him out on it or pursue it thats why he says he will give you the gift later... My advice drop the boy and get you a man who will treat you the way you deserve

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  • Five years... it is safe to say you allowed to get away with this and he knows it. Probably even jokes about it. You set yourself up for disappointment ling ago.

    I am impressed you get him things and continue to do so. Usually it is just us men who live with this one sided thing. I was informed yesterday that some women actually do give gifts to men too - still a myth in my world, but I have zero reason to doubt either of you.

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    • If it helps to believe in it more, I gift my boyfriend too. And we help each other out when the other goes through financial rutts

    • Understood, but after 5 years passing of allowing him to get away with little to no effort... get what I am hitting at?

  • Truth is he doesn't think you are worth spending money on.
    Since the beginning he didn't but you let him get away with minimal effort and this is where you are after 5 years.
    At least you learned your lesson... now move on and find someone who is welling to make you happy your way

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  • He's lame. If I think enough of a girl to date her for more than a few months, I will think enough of her to buy her... something. But I don't like giving gifts at random because it feels like sucking up. I usually give them associated with an occasion.

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  • He does just enough to keep you around... the bare minimum. He sounds the like the worst employee of boyfriends

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  • Just the fact that he lied to you knowing you truly wish for a gift is enough to break up with him and he might say he loves you but I personally wouldn't say his actions fit to this bullshit

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  • That is a fucked up guy. He knows you want a little something and not to beg for it.

    He sounds manipulative as fuck.

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  • He does sound pretty cheap and selfish. I think you should stop putting so much effort into giving him stuff and when he ask about his gifts just give him that same crappy ass excuse and let him see how that shit feels.

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  • Don't spend lots on him. You're being non specific and it doesn't work with him.
    Take control and specify what you want from him. The more specific the better. Otherwise, march him down to the store, make it an event, make him pay.

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  • I suggest you leave him and find someone who actually cares about you and about getting to know you. After 5 years he should know what you enjoy doing and what your favourite shops are. Basically dump his ass and find someone who gives a fuck.

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  • I don't know what you like is simply saying I don't care what you want because even if you weren't dating, being around someone for 5 years is long enough to know what someone else likes. I'd say get rid of him

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  • I say you should stop giving him presents. Don’t do for him if he’s not giving it back. And stop expecting a present it’s only going to upset you because you know he’s not going to give your a present. Save your money an your energy. I guarantee If you stop giving him gift he will wake tf up.

    I had an ex like this before I bought him everything and he knew it but when it came to me I got nothing. I finally woke up and said fuck it. He doesn’t care about me why am I doing this. Do you know he caught on an start buying shit. It got to the point where I stop buying him shit all together and he ended up buying me everything. The roles completely switched. He ended up being abusive later down the rode.

    I met someone else (a real men) who doesn’t even want me buying him things he always says save your money bluh. He treats me better. The point is know your worth don’t go out your way for someone who ain’t going out their way for you!

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  • Stop buying him gifts, he dont deserve to receive any from you.

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  • I saw this one, I just paid a lunch for a friend of mine and she cried and said her boyfriend never did something like that for her, you should tell him how it troubles you.

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  • The dude is obviously going through some shit. At this point, there may be no way for him to see how much this is affecting you. He may never change. It may take some serious soul searching for him to improve his life, and it may be best to move on. Once it hits him that his behaviors were the cause of it, he may decide to get his act together.

    Later down the line (a year or so), if you don't have a boyfriend and he doesn't have a girlfriend, and you still care about him, check in and see how he is doing. If he got his life together, then maybe consider taking it slow dating him again. If you find you are just so much happier without him and find that you are better off, at least you can both move on.

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  • You leave him and I find your a new boyfriend he is @Iron_Man

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  • Why are you spending money on him... especially when he’s not giving you anything. I’ll be damned.

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  • He's heavy on excuses and light on action. Leave before he pulls you in any further.

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  • Blah blah blah. Tldr if you're unhappy move on and quit whining

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  • Dump him. I won't be with a man who doesn't buy me anything.

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  • Looks like he hasn't invested a lot in the relationship.

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  • First relationship?

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    • I had on realationship in middle school then I got to high school and met him when I was 15 so... I would say pretty much

    • Don't settle for him. The world has much better people. And among them there's a good guy who really deserve to have you. End this relationship and Go find him.

  • ur dating mr crabs. i could never

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  • Does he have money issues?

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  • You settled like fairy dust on a lamp.

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  • He cheap and hates shopping that simple

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  • Why exactly are you still giving him gifts?

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  • Yeah get a new boyfriend

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  • Sounds like he's a fuckboi.

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  • fist pump to him

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  • Yes that is very sad , you deserve better Miss.

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  • I'm impressed you lasted 5 years...

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  • Nah you need to dump him

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  • Love yourself.. You don't deserve such

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  • Not even a card? Leave that bitch.

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  • How many gifts have you gotten him?

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