Why is it so hard to let go of someone who doesn't love you the way you love them?

Why is it so hard to let go of someone who doesn't love you the way you love them?
Updates:
So many great answers. Thank you all who participated. Here are a few more I would of chosen if given the opportunity:
@tarrava
@peege
@lovethedove
@pinay_ako
@fulloflife
@hispanic-cool-guy

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think the underlying issue that causes this it is very hard to understand another person. One can express words to convey thoughts, but one can’t give direct thoughts. The knowledge that people lie and the fact that language isn’t always perfect gives rise to misinterpretations or false hopes.

    Alone, imperfect words may not be an issue. People still get the gist of things, after all. However, people with feelings also have a certain amount of what I call “crush bias.” More specifically, people who have feelings for another tend to manipulate events and words in order to try and paint a scenario where the other person is acting that way because the feelings are being returned. It’s a biased overanalying. The classic example is someone staring at another person and thinking that means something, but it can arise also from something like a platanic compliment like a friendly “oh haha you’re so cool.”

    This all in turn melds together into a world of false hope— that our love is surely not unrequited and the dream is reality. Confirmation bias ignores the ugly possibility of being just friends or even acquaintances, because who wants to be rejected? It becomes very hard to let go of this world because of all the time spent creating it. Even if the person straight out rejects us, our brain still searches for a way that we don’t have to live with rejection. “Maybe if I preserve my feelings, she’ll change her mind eventually? Maybe she didn’t really mean what she said? Maybe she’s just waiting for me to do [X]?”

    The thoughts creep into the back of our heads and until we rule out possibilities and declare once and for all that the person wasn’t just all that into ‘em. This takes time, and the time varies for each person.

    At least, well, that’s my take on it.

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  • People hang on to the hope that their partner will change. They rarely do and love makes you do crazy things.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Because you already have high hopes... Have dreams and wishes to be with that person and draw your future life with them... This is like a whole new 'created reality' ... So leaving one reality can be hard, often people don't even want to understand this is only in their dreams... Don't want to realise that person doesn't feel the same

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Because you gave them your all and when they left you, they took everything away with them leaving you with nothing...

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  • Love makes you clingy

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  • Fear of being alone

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  • It is actually not that difficult at all.

    Once you realize that the person that you love the way you do, which is unconditionally, profoundly, with your heart and reason and then you realize that this love is unilateral, you know you have made a mistake by investing your feelings into that person.

    You are the only one to blame for that state because if you would have taken sufficient time analyzing the relation before such intense feelings were involved, you would not have let yourself into that venture in the first place.

    Recognizing you make a mistake is difficult in itself because you don't want to realize that you failed.

    Taking measures against this failure is easy if you know how to react and have sufficient willpower to act accordingly.

    I have done that mistake and it took me only a few minutes to make my decision and to make a clear cut.

    Once you know how to obliterate involved feelings, it is a rewarding decision. Important is to never look back and think "what if?". That is the biggest mistake to make.

    Once the clear cut is done, all you have to do is look forward and never look back. If you start to regret anything, you lost and it is indeed hard to separate because you miss what was good but not regret what could have been improved or not so ideal after all.

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    • Love is a powerful thing and it doesn't happen often. People tend to ignore the red flags for love and end up dealing with the consequences later. The devil gives you the first hit for free and you chase that high hoping things will work out. Some people just don't believe they will ever feel that way again with someone else and stay in a one sided disaster.

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    • likewise, you always have good inputs

    • Hey same to you!

  • Expectations.
    For those that love on their sleeve there is a vulnerability they leave themselves naked emotionally & expect the same in return. When it’s not met with the same enthusiasm, commitment, interest or matched feelings it hurts them. But it doesn’t immediately teach them to leave that person alone. They want to do “ something” to alter the other persons feelings

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  • Because humans are built to crave exactly that thing they can't have.
    Women tend to say that's a men trait, to love chasing and to take for granted what they have ~~ Its not a Male flaw that's for sure!

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  • Been going through this myself. Taken me 3 years to be in a place to respond.. I'm writing him a letter to him with all my feelings on it and the emotions he has put me through.. I've done 3 rewrites so far. He may never see it, but it is really helpful to be honest with myself over why I put our friendship on such a pedestal. It has been a real emotional rollercoaster. But so very helpful.

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  • Because even if they don't love us, we do. And our hearts like to hope. It will find flaws or anything that will give hopes and make us believe that we can get the person as we want and save ourself from the pain of heartbreaking. But the saddest thing is we still get hurt in the process. :(

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  • It’s always hard to let go of someone you love because they meant a lot to you, regardless of their feelings for you. It’s going to take time but it will get better I promise :) they obviously weren’t worth it if they didn’t see how amazing you were, you deserve someone who loves you back- nothing less.

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  • Cause, you pour your heart and soul into her and it's like she's gives the finger to say fuck all that shit and leaves without looking back. Very sad. 😢

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  • cause people invest so much of themseleves into a relationship so early on these days. how can u move in with someone after a year? how r u letting a man see ur naked body after just some short months?
    these days the love isn't valued or special. people run on "if it feels good then do it."

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  • For me, its becuz it hurts so fucking bad, the sadness is unbearable, literally have chest pains. Try to hide it, mask it, surpress it, smoke it away, lie to myself that im gonna be ok. But the emptiness in my heart will never refill.

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  • I automatically lose all romantic and sexual attraction to anyone who isn't attracted to me or whom I don't like for any reason, for example the moment I realize some girl is a feminist my dick can never rise for her again

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  • Two reasons:

    1. Emotional Attachment and Investment.
    2. You had sex with them.

    Both are soul binding and creates soulties. So even if you don't like them anymore, you still desire them.

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  • I think has to do more with how much historicity or "expectation of a future" you putted into. Hey we're humans.. and well, story telling is already a process. There's people that they might recover fast and others try to do it, yet it will take some extra timing.

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  • Well either they are just some evil person that actually tried to deceive you by pretending to have feelings they apparently did not have, or you put your eggs into one basket and did not do enough to recognize obvious signs. Also, we have a tendency to focus in on one person when we get heavily infatuated and not realize we need to keep our options open until there is real commitment.

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  • Because the love for you ties back to a strong childhood emotion for you. For them, they don't feel the connection or they don't feel sufficient value (in case of girls), so they go elsewhere.

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  • Ugh. For me I don’t want to start over with someone else. I don’t want to tell secrets to someone new. I don’t want to give my body away to someone new. I can’t imagine my life without him. I pictured myself being him for the rest of my life. Us having our own place together and going on vacation together. It’s just exhausting to start loving someone else who isn’t the person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with.

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  • For me it's because I'm not willing to distance myself. He's my best friend so I've had to work on thinking of him as my best friend (with benefits) and nothing more. I've focused on the friendship more.

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  • Even if they don't have feelings for you, that doesn't mean your feelings for them will automatically dissipate...

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  • Because when u love someone it doesn't just go away like that. It takes time and sometimes it doesn't go away at all.

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  • Because we aren't suppose to love someone to the point we worship them as if they are God.

    When a person loves so hard another person their life literally revolves around them with intense emotions which isn't healthy and those emotions aren't easy to break off especially once sex has been involved.

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  • Because you loved them a lot, got attached and invested and usually that kind of thing is hard to let go of.

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  • Because of your fantasy on how great you thought they were... love is kind of like strongly admiring someone so much... to the point they take over your mind.

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  • I'm afraid there's no easy answer to that one the only thing I will say is it's better for you even though it breaks your heart which is better for you not to be in that relationship loving someone more than they love you it's not a good place for anybody I'm afraid mate you've just gotta suck it up sorry I can't be more positive would you trousses it's going to break your heart you will get over it and when you meet somebody that loves you as much as you love them he will forget about the heartbreak and you will be in a better place that's easy to say and I'm not trying to say it to make you get over it because that's not the point of point on trying to make it eventually you will see so that was a right thing to do but you're still going to go through a lot of her and that's just life and it's s***

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  • Because we tend to idealised things, people that we can not have. And the truth is that while having them we finding out that they are just ok like other girls...

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  • I think there are a lot of different reasons for that.

    For example, some might have invested a lot in expressing that love, which makes it difficult to just accept that failure.

    Sometimes it's often due top protection if traits that aren't result there. You think this individual is perfect and the only one for you because of a trick your reptilian brain played on your primate brain.

    It could also be the result of an irrational or undeserved sense of entitlement in a party similar to the first point. Example: nice guys, spoiled-rotten brats... etc.

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  • Letting them go is the right thing to do. Love frees.

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  • Pride mainly if we're talking early on. I advise anyone if they have feelings for someone at all let them know. I think where a lot of people make their mistake is they wait, they let those feelings build ( this other person may have no clue). Then they finally let it be known and when it's not returned they feel betrayed.
    Later on it's generally for the actual developed feelings. You have to remind yourself almost no one feels the same rhing at the same time in relationship which is why someone always feels they're giving more to it then the other.

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  • Because there is no closure. If you have closure then it is much easier to move on.

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  • Got me!! I've been asking women that question for decades and they can't give me any kind of a good reason!

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  • It's so hard because u really love them but they don't love u or like u but because they know we or the good ones to a great wife one day

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  • I think it has something to do with "wanting what we can't or don't have"...
    We start to think there is something wrong with us, why doesn't that person like me? And obsess over it. We live in a society that values praise and reward, we would feel accomplished if we got them to like us. Another thing may be a need of approval.
    It hurts when someone you like doesn't feel the same, and in a way we seek a remedy to the pain. It's a sign of weakness I think. Personally I don't like people who don't like me, I want someone who does want me!

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    • Science shows that expressing interest in someone raises their own attraction towards that person, so you’re not wrong.

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    • See that’s just so sad. You should have said something to him!

      But oh well.

    • I did I freaked out on him lol

  • Because you realize your expectations will never happen. I think this was kinda obvious.

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  • Because you still love them no matter what and the feelings make it hard to let go

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  • Because people want and like what they can't have its human nature

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  • Because you see them as perfect, while they see you with your flaws...

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  • I must be an outlier, because if she doesn't reciprocate I just move on.

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  • Hope and a weird optimism even when you are a pessimist the rest of the time...

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  • Its not very easy but l had to do it many years ago

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  • I'm So Sorry for your Pain, dear... xx

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  • Feels like wasted effort. It's heartbreaking

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  • Cause sometimes we want what we can’t have.

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  • Getting attached to someone is hard

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  • Should be

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  • I wish I knew. Hope, I suppose.

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  • Is it?

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  • Because its uncomprehendable

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  • bcause ur an emotional person

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  • It just is man.

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