He doesn't plan or pay for me?

I have been going out with this guys for about 6 weeks or so and things have been going very well. We have a special and unique connection that I have never had before with a guy. We are both 31 years old.

Here is the thing. I'm finding that I'm the one who is planning dates for us. He hasn't put too much thought in that area of planning and I don't want to get in the trap of me doing all the work. We do go out to coffee shops during the week to meet up, but I was disappointed this weekend when he had nothing planned for us to do (it was our first weekend together). We did go out to dinner once, and when the check came, he said, "Oh I guess I'll take this, we didn't do too much damage here."

On top of me planning things, he basically doesn't offer to pay for me when we go out, so I feel as if our "courting" stage isn't quite there. We both are crazy about each other mind you, but I'm just disappointed that he hasn't put too much effort in planning things for us to do. He knows that I'm crazy for him (I asked him out), but maybe he feels as if he has me and doesn't have to try too hard?

Also, I think that I'm one of his first serious relationships, so maybe he just doesn't know? but that is hogwash because aren't all guys aware that they should pay in the beginning stages of dating?

So, this weekend I told him my feelings about this. He was very surprised and thought that he was already courting me. I told him that he needs to plan more, give me flowers, find things for us to do together. He is working on this.

How do you tell someone, it would be nice if you paid for me once and a while?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to confront him about it and tell him that being in a relationship entails responsibilities, and that those responsibilities need to be split 50/50 between both parties involved. You need to let him know that it won't last if you have to handle all the responsibilities and do all the work.

    • Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. I did confront him last week and he is working on it I guess. He has been making some excuses as to why he hasn't been able to plan things (some legit). He just moved to my area, he is going to have surgery on his nose which has been bothering him, he has 2 guests living with him in his studio,and his car just got hit. So, I understand his stress, but I feel as if he should step up the plate. Am I being too hard on him?

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Seems that he is taking you for a bit of a mug. He sounds lazy and happy to sit back and take take take. If you are too crazy for someone and not getting it back in return then he has you right where he wants you, there for his beck and call and paying for everything.

    Here is my advice, change it, say next week "sorry I can't see you this weekend am catching up with my friends" be sweet be lovely about it - then he will wonder why, what's going on, he will start to worry and guess what he will prob come up with a plan for the following weekend because he will know. Its a much better way than nagging cause it works 9 times out of 10.

    Read "Why men love bitches" for lots of tips on how to handle lazy men - its not how it sounds either!

  • wow.well id guess id just say it like a smart ass and see if that works like when he might say something then say yea like you pay for me and everything! and see what he said then jusat say I don't mind paying sometimes and all but its nice to be payed for.