Should I bother with a cheater?

Very long story, let's see how short I can make this.

I knew this guy since I was a freshman in high school (I'm now in my third year of college). He went to a different school and he liked me but I turned him down when he asked me to be his girlfriend and we lost touch.

Fast forward to four years later, we recently caught up by email and he has a girlfriend of two years. Upon this discovery we made another discovery, not only do I live on said girlfriend's parent's street but since the lease ended on their appartment they moved in with her parents, making him my neighbor.

We've exchanged numbers and text and chat on the phone, always flirting but he only talks to me when he's at work, which I don't mind so much.

Flirting is as far as it's gone and now I'm madly crushing on him. I've been notorious for having guys fall in love with me, stalking me and generally being creepy but I use them to an extent (bad, yes, I know.). This guy refuses to be anywhere in the same league as them, saying that he's my friend not just another guy that I can use.

With that in mind, he genuinely cares about me, I know this or I hope it to be true. We talk like bestfriends and share secrets.

Last week he told me about an affair he had about six months ago. To say the least I had very mixed feelings, I was jealous, mad and felt bad for his girlfriend and angry that he had sugar coated what he said about this girl earlier that "nothing will ever happen" when something did happen.

Monday we were sharing secrets again and he told me of another affair that happened a few weeks ago. And he went into detail about how he got away with it. I was angry but I knew how to deal with it this time, it wasn't so bad but that still didn't make it right.

He's admitted that I'm "hot" and I have yet to admit that or anything of the sort but I'm pretty sure he knows that I like him but nothing has happened and I'm not exactly sure where I fit in in his life. His girlfriend does not know about me. I've never had to deal with anything like this before, most guys that wanna cheat are very upfront about it but not this guy.

I have a theory that he's just insecure and needs to feel needed and appreciated. I think this is because his girlfriend is in medical school and makes twice as much as he does, maybe more, so she really doesn't need him and she always seems to be gone. I feel like he has no one to talk to and that this is where all his cheating comes from and that I may be a replacement for the closeness he once had in his relationship. I would talk to him about this but I don't know exactly what I am to him.

Another theory would be that he's doing it because of the mere opportunity, because he can. He's more conventional looking, not exaclty handsome and his girlfriend suits him. Maybe he's just trying to prove to himself that he can get a girl like me, as conceited as that sounds. :(

I don't know what to do.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Get on with your life, you don't need someone that is not sure where they want to be.

    As a guy that has been around I can honestly say that until we hit 30 we really don't know our ass from our elbow.

    If I was a chick I would not take anything seriously until I was at least 26.

    Live YOUR life 1st the rest is just for fun. (and he won't really die because he didn't get to screw you too)

    Opportunity's to find happiness happen a lot more often than you currently believe.

    To quote an OZ comment, he's a wanker!


What Girls Said 1

  • stay out of it. once you become a cheater you can never turn back. I know how it feels to be cheated on by personal experience and I would never wish that upon anyone especially on a serious relationship. think of how you would feel if you were in his girlfriends shows. tell him what he is doing is wrong and that if he like you that he has to break up with his current girlfriend to be with you and even then it is risky


    dont go there its a terrible place to be

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