Has anyone else gotten AWFUL advice from a Moderator??



***For example,i asked a question a while back concerning African Americans and Caucasians dating.The response from the MOD was that I should basically,"Date within my own race and make sure that I'm not hanging around to many black people if I want to attract a Caucasian man."She also went on to say how I should probably act and dress if I wanted this man to be attracted to me,otherwise he probably wouldn't be...in her opinion. I was livid so I responded back with valid points arguing against her opinion and she never responded back. If I was her,i probably wouldn't either because her remarks were ignorant and embarrassing.

Have you ever experienced a mod giving responses that were just tasteless or offensive?

This question may be deleted who knows,but I believe it is MORE than valid.

Thanks for your responses.Hmmmm...I think my idea of a mod here was extremely...high.Mods are people,with opinions too.However,i do feel as though having some tact answering questions is nice and also being able to stand by your point upon a rebuttal.
But this is super cool...I see a different side to it now.I won't get my knickers in a bunch but I'll take it all with a grain of salt.Thanks for your thoughts and opinions.:)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Though it sucks living in a racist society, the reality is a percentage of white men are racist, and they are turned off by the idea of a woman dating a person of color in the past. Thankfully, this mentality has been shrinking the last few decades, so much that the teen generation is often amazed that some people are even racist. But that doesn't exclude this is a "common notion" to those of us older folks who grew up experiencing this mentality more.

    Was the Mod in question older?

    I'm 35 and I would say at least 10% of the white men I know in my age group would NOT date a woman who dated a black man in her past. People older than me will have an even higher consistency of this rate. The mod could have given you this "advice" because from her experience as an older woman it's been true.

    So long as she was not PERSONALLY dissing on black people and encouraging segregation then I wouldn't sweat it too badly, it could just be that she forgot to clarify that such a phenomena was one she didn't agree with.

    • This Mod was Younggggg.Young meaning under 25. I see your point,but I think she was just coming from a terribly ignorant place.I couldn't believe that her advice was based off of a very widespread idea of AA,She went on about how I shouldn't have too many black friends and how I should dress and speak etc...just to seem more...appealing.She doesn't know me,nor has she seen me,and this is her advice.So because I mentioned I'm AA,all of a sudden that broad stereotype came to the forefront...

    • Also,as I said...i wrote a rebuttal and there was NO response.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • Moderators here are entitled to their own opinions, be they wrong or right. I like that a lot =]

    Someone like Jacquesvol can be a moderator alongside someone like Tia. Someone like Palek alongside someone like FoolyCooly? Someone like WeaponZero alongside someone like Confused.

    I like that a lot. I've seen forums where the moderators all type the same - all that authoritative speech, well-to-do, mild-mannered business - all think the same - very conservative, and to some extent imperialistic - and who are very unkeen to give their own opinions, and will dance around them with as much political wording as possible. They're *easy* to mod, they're a safe option. Maybe one moderator is like that here, and they don't say much if they are.

    I like that. This forum takes risks, and I like that. I respect the administration and the moderation, and the more wrong the better, hey.

    • I hear your point,and yes,everyone is entitled to their own opinion,but I do believe as a mod you have a responsibility as we all do here.And that's to take responsibility for what we say.I almost feel as though,if this one girl can become a mod,then anyone can.Even the folks who just give BS answers just to stir up some mess on this site.Hence me having an issue with this one particular incident. AND then running away from the statements made was a cowardly thing to do. Be responsible I say.

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    • Thank you for the positive feedback. Having opinions and being fair are completely two different things. So it is not so much taking risks while choosing moderators, but rather trying to identify who can provide quality advice in a good manner and still be fair and calm even when a rather harsh or an opposite opinion is presented.

    • Ahhh, see. What I wasn't saying, but better. LOL. That's why they didn't choose me for moderator! Cha-cha! Hahaha.

  • I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that the answer/advice was actually accurate, even if it's not politically correct to say so?

    "make sure that I'm not hanging around to many black people if I want to attract a caucasion man."

    Sounds like completely sane advice to me.

    • Thank you. Someone who gets it! It may not have been PC but I fail to see how it was racially offensive, rude or whatever else she's trying to say.

  • I resemble that remark! All my responses are tasteless and offensive! However, they are never bigoted. As you say, such a thing is ignorant, though unfortunately too many people don't find it embarrasing.

  • Those would be the last people I would ask for help. Id rather have no advice then theirs.

    • Thanks for responding.I wouldn't go as far as to say that I wouldn't ask for their advice,(Because their are some who give great advice...whether I agree with it or not) but the user beneath you use the word "tact".It would be nice if some tact could be used in responding to questions.But I think over all,my idea of a moderator here is severely high and I think it needs to be lowered...because they are still people afterall with their own opinions.

  • Moderators have their own opinions on things, just as everyone else. They are just there to make sure no one gets too offensive.

    Anyway, after reading her answer and your subsequent comments, I say that she's not entirely wrong and I think that you are being too defensive about it (hence a question complaining about it). However, I will agree that it lacked a little tact.

    • Thanks for responding.Maybe you're right I am being a bit too defensive about it.I think my idea of a moderator on this site is a bit..."too high".This post wasn't entirely meant to be about my specific question,it was an example though.I wanted to see if others have experienced reckless answers by a mod before,that they thought were completely left field or something worse.Thats more the reasoning for this question.But I did feel her response perpetuated the same ignorance as other responses.

What Girls Said 5

  • No, this question will not be deleted. :) While I see some pretty amazing advice on this site quite often, none of us will agree with the advice we receive 100% of the time. As selfishstars stated, we have all given advice at one time or another that can easily be argued by the other side. :)

    However, if you ever feel that an answer to your question is offensive or explicit, please feel free to report the answer, and we will review it.


  • No, I have never gotten awful advice from a moderator before mainly anonymous users. I don't think people who are moderators always have to have really good advice because LOL I can recall a few times I have given really sh*tty answers and was brutally honest to some in a mean way :/

    • It's not necessarily about the idividual agreeing with me.The person could disagree with me and still have a legitimate point or an interesting aspect of things.But I can't tolerate a racially predjudice answer.I must have written about a five paragraph response for her to redeem herself or maybe further explain herself,but she did not. It was literally my first question on this site and it left a baddddd taste in my mouth.

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    • whats wrong with my username? :( seriously I have no idea, I must be a amazing advice giver :)

    • OMFG where was the racially prejudice in my answer? If you're that sensitive about race, good luck dating a white guy. If you can't handle 1 neutral suggestion that was meant to help you, I don't know how you're going to deal with the added pressures of an interracial relationship. I did not say anything racist or disrespectful so please, calm down.

  • Well, I don't think there's very high standards for becoming a moderator on here. But that said, no one gives infallible advice all the time---I've read a fair amount of poor advice, even by professional advice columnists (i.e. in newspapers, etc.).

    I've had one moderator call me out for providing "misinformation" and ask, "Where did you even get that idea?" To which I provided a link to an academic journal with studies that supported what I had written. Of course, the mod didn't reply.

    I've thought about applying to become a moderator myself, but have chosen not to, and part of the reason is because, while I think I give pretty decent advice, I know that not everyone agrees with my viewpoints or understands where I'm coming from (and thus, might view the things I say as tasteless, offensive, wrong, bad advice, etc.).

    • The popularity of your advice simply shouldn't be a selection factor (and isn't judging by the admin postings here).

  • I'm just now seeing this question. That may have been me who gave that answer. I can't remember but it sounds like something I might say lol. I didn't mean to offend you, but I do know that if you are black and want to attract more white guys (or guys of any other race), it does make them more comfortable if you hang out with more people of that race. It makes you look more approachable. People really need to stop being so politically correct and over sensitive about everything. Let's just look at things in a common sense way instead of being offended by everything. men approach women based off looks first since that's all they have to go on. So if you want to attract a certain type of man then it would be wise to appeal to him. That's all.

    • I think that's an ignorant way of looking at things and it was you who responded.Its not about being politicaly correct or not,its about perpetuating stereotypes and ignorance that society continue to push. Yout response did just that,and I even challenged you on it,and you still didn't respond.I would hate to think it a guy saw me with all of my black friends that sudenly that makes me unapproachable at FIRST glance.What kind of stupidity is that?Would you give the same advice to someone white?

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    • You do know I'm black right? Yeah and you need to stop freaking out, if a white guy did approach you, you'd probably scare him off with all that bs you type/say anything someone says something you don't agree with. Seriously, calm down. Good night

    • Black girl or not...im still challenging your points.Freaking out?Hardly.Just pointing out that in my opinion it's still awful advice and it's my choice whether or not to call someone on it...just as it was your choice to respond.Goodnight.

  • I don't think know why this question would be deleted necessarily, you aren't really attacking anyone per say.

    But I will say that I see far more non-moderators giving sh*tty advice than actual moderators. Yes, we aren't all perfect and we do make mistakes in judgment. With the advice on this site you have to take everything with a grain of salt. I have seen exceptional answers from level 1s and sh*tty advice from level 10s and vice-versa. In the end, it comes down to the individual and not their rank or moderator status.

    • Hey Enchanted,i posted this question because it for you to become a mod,your answers are reviewed etc,etc.So I'm thinking...whomever holds a mod status are able to objectively look at situations and give opinions.I was agitated by that mods response mainly because her response was like that of a couple of other ignoramasus who responded. I was just taken aback because it was someone prejudice. I pay attention to what happens on this site,and I guess I began comparing advice that I have seen...

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    • Tehzombie...haha..i wouldn't be surprised if I was attacked for my opinion by a mod on here.Whatever,its just cyberland.There are some good mods out there though.:)

    • I'm perfect and always give perfect advice (really wish I had a top hat and monocle smiley right here looking all smug. Would so fit for my comments like these :P)