3 mo

Ever have a lover in your life you can't break away from?

Its been about 7years that I've been seeing one person off and on. We started as friends with benefits while we were both in a relationship. It was easier then bc there was no pressure just freedom from our shitty relationships... then i started to want more and the cycle continued. Through these past 7years, I've been in different relationships and in between those relationships, I've maintained a friends with benefits relationship with him. I have been in love with him, he's claimed he loved me too. We attempted very briefly to commit to one another but i was anxious while with him that i couldn't take being in the relationship. I kept fearing he'd cheat, i wasn't feeling like there was a difference between the friends with benefits relationship we had versus us committing. Throughout alll of this, it always has been me who i feel like has cared more. He has flaked on me with out calling orc texting... he has lied about his life... i have been pregnant by him twice once ectopic pregnancy then the next time he forced me to get an abortion then he told me he already has a child- 4 years old! I didn't know this. After that, i didn't see him for a couple months n now we are back on this rollercoaster. He text he every morning saying good morning, we chat a bit, we have sex once a week, he leaves, i feel good for a day bc i was "gifted" with his presence then i feel empty n lonely after- cycle repeats itself. Its like im having a reoccurring dream that won't change. I love this man so much... n im scared i will never be free of him. He's literally like a drug that i can't get off of. He gives me just enough 0f himself to keep me around but i never feel like I'll have him fully. How can i break away? I get physically ill bc of this.
Ever have a lover in your life you can't break away from?
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