Its been about 7years that I've been seeing one person off and on. We started as friends with benefits while we were both in a relationship. It was easier then bc there was no pressure just freedom from our shitty relationships... then i started to want more and the cycle continued. Through these past 7years, I've been in different relationships and in between those relationships, I've maintained a friends with benefits relationship with him. I have been in love with him, he's claimed he loved me too. We attempted very briefly to commit to one another but i was anxious while with him that i couldn't take being in the relationship. I kept fearing he'd cheat, i wasn't feeling like there was a difference between the friends with benefits relationship we had versus us committing. Throughout alll of this, it always has been me who i feel like has cared more. He has flaked on me with out calling orc texting... he has lied about his life... i have been pregnant by him twice once ectopic pregnancy then the next time he forced me to get an abortion then he told me he already has a child- 4 years old! I didn't know this. After that, i didn't see him for a couple months n now we are back on this rollercoaster. He text he every morning saying good morning, we chat a bit, we have sex once a week, he leaves, i feel good for a day bc i was "gifted" with his presence then i feel empty n lonely after- cycle repeats itself. Its like im having a reoccurring dream that won't change. I love this man so much... n im scared i will never be free of him. He's literally like a drug that i can't get off of. He gives me just enough 0f himself to keep me around but i never feel like I'll have him fully. How can i break away? I get physically ill bc of this.