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I think all of us experience jealousy at some point. It's a natural feeling for humans to have but there is a fine line between healthy and unhealthy jealousy. For example, my sister and I were always compared to each other and it created a bit of a sibling rivalry. When we were teenagers, it was at its worst. But as we matured, we began to realize how our differences made us special and we both had something to offer the world. Now I can say that I genuinely feel happy when she succeeds and I don't ever want her to fail just to feel good about myself. It's about realizing it can be toxic and to put a stop so it doesn't reach that level. If it pushes you to work harder on bettering yourself, it's healthy. If it makes you wish someone harm and causes bitterness/resentment, you really need to dig deeper and find out the underlying issue :)
Yeah, it’s human nature. What important is that we don’t act on it, or else we might drive our S/O away
I've acted on it a few times. Fights and stuff. I would say stuff to someone and they'd throw a punch
I don't believe that. Not everyone get jealous. It's [unfortunately] common but i've never been jealous. It's actually one of my red flags. I can't stand jealous people specially if they refuse to accept help in order to heal their issues. I've studied psychology for many years, i can argue and prove that the major source of jealousy is an internal insecurity. People get jealous when there is doubt, self-consciousness, lack of confidence and lack of self-acceptance within them. When you be assured of yourself, be happy with yourself, your life and feel fulfilled, you'd never feel the tension of jealousy. Jealousy is a negative emotion rooted in our insecurities.
@UnknownReflection You may be either overthinking or not quite connecting the dots to see the whole picture. Jealousy is extremely common. It becomes problematic if acted on in a fundamentally harmful way. There is an appropriate way and an innapropriate way to act on it.But let's say this. If you have a girlfriend is spending more time with her male best friend than you, to the point where there are nights she doesn't even come home, how would you feel? How do your emotions inspire your actions starting from that point?
sorry wrong thread
I agree jealousy is common. But jealousy is rooted in people's insecurities. Period. I also agreed that there is appropriate way or inappropriate way to handle it. That's why i've mentioned earlier, that [the only way to keep jealousy harmless is to control it early on before it consumes the person]. However, there is no such a thing as [Positive or good type of jealousy]. There are two facts: 1. By psychoanalysis, Jealousy is rooted in people's darkness and insecurities. 2. Jealousy is rooted in negativity and destruction. I'm not overthinking anything. The concept of overthinking doesn't even apply here. Overthinking is a mental condition caused by several other mental issues as Social Anxiety as one example. I'm looking at everything by psychology and that's how it is. To answer your example; why would feel jealous over such condition? lol There is nothing to jealous about. This simply means my girlfriend has chosen to cheat with someone else for whatever reason that i wouldn't care about. I will cut the relationship and move on very easily. Nothing to be jealous for. As i;ve said, i've never been jealous in my entire life in any departments of my life. As i've also mentioned before, even as a kid, i never had rivalry with any other kid. Never felt jealous for someone having something that i don't, being in a way that i am not, getting an attention that i am not getting, or any other thing. I've never experienced jealousy, i can't stand jealousy and i will not interact with people who get jealous often unless they desire to heal their insecurities and mindset and become healthier and find their inner peace with their life.
mhm. Well I asked how would you feel?And I didn't say she cheated. Why does this situation make you feel that she cheated? And if she did cheat, why would it matter so much that you would cut the relationship?
And I don't believe I said jelousy innately positive. But I do think it is simply an emotion like many others that indicates something wrong. Or perhaps we are just diving into some philosophical and psychlogical semantics.
[To a point where there are nights that she doesn't even come home] . . That draws the line of cheating [In dictionary book]. You left out so many details so in order to answer your question i had to picture certain scenarios on my own. Your story description tells me: -I am aware that she is spending time with a male best friend more than me. -She does not notify me that she is not coming home. Therefore; she is cheating. If she notifies me, i wouldn't have much problem. Unless it becomes continuous. Now, i don't have any problem with the gender. Even if the best friend be Female, when two people are together, there are priorities. Spending with friends is not the priority of a together a life. It's only logical that when you have a partner, you need to spend more time with them than your friends. It's part of my values and principles. But how i feel about the gender? i don't care. We are civilized human beings. We can be friends with the opposite gender. lol. 90 % of my friends and best friends are females. There are lines of respect, dignity and civilization. So the fact that my girlfriend would have male best friends who happen to be very close won't sweat me. I'm not insecure about that therefore, i have nothing to be jealous for either. The only issue would be the fact that she is spending more time with the best friend rather than me and that shows that she is ignoring me so i'm gonna have a serious conversation about it to settle it down. But your descriptions gives out cheating vibes, due lack of critical details. So i had to assume it on my own through the circumstances. And What? LOL No decent human being cheats. It's one of my red flags. If you have a problem, break up then be with whoever you want to be with. But sneaking behind one's back is disrespectful and unforgivable, therefore, i break the relation in order to free both of us. Once a cheater, forever a cheat. I won't never remain with a cheater. It's another part of my values
Perhaps! I agree! and in my point of view, Jealousy's message is to show that something is wrong with the host. Something is wrong, exactly, [With the person who's feeling it].
Let me agree with you though that comparison is a thief of joy. But this doesn't mean that competion isn't a fundamental part of life and therefore is useless. I just don't think we're there yet. Philosophies and Religions such as Stoicism and Buddism respectively, might be there in an ideal sense however. We just have to catch up to such ideals. But even the greatest teachers of Stoicism for example, even all the way back to its founders, were not perfect Stoics.I think if maybe we were kinder to people in our lives who are susceptible to the emotion of jealousy, they wouldn't be so afraid to admit it and seek/accept help.
Your views on cheating seems to contradict the idea that life is just a journey. And jealousy, which calls for destruction in some way, is triggered when what one values appears to be infringed upon by another. That's essentially how I see it and why I said we may be engaging in semantics
It's possible. Because at this point i lost my sense of understanding with where you are going with the subject. Because i have failed to see how not accepting cheating has anything to do with the concept of life as a journey. Well you believe jealousy triggered when what one values appears to be infringed upon by another. But i believe, jealousy triggers only when there is an underlying unresolved insecurity and discomfort inside a person's subconscious state. Otherwise; there is zero logical reason for a human being to experience jealousy. The relation of [Life is a journey not a competition] to the subject of jealousy which i brought in before is because i believe [Many] triggers of jealousy from the competition. It's about logic, common sense and inner peace to me. Examples: When a guy hits on your girlfriend and you get jealous, that is because something is wrong with your perception and internal status. Whether you have lack of self-confidence with yourself. Lack of self-worth with yourself or trust issues with your girlfriend. Otherwise, there is no healthy reason to be jealous for. When you someone driving an expensive car and you get jealous, it's because there is something wrong with your views and common sense. Whether you are unhappy with your own life. Or you are brainwashed and being insecure that just because someone is driving an expensive car it means they are better than you. Which means you allowed society to impacts you negatively and make your mind unhealthy about the priorities and actual values of life which also means, you do not have inner peace with yourself. When you see someone having an accomplishment and you get jealous. It means there is something wrong with your wisdom and logical sense. Whether you are suffering from lack of faith in your own abilities or you have emotional insecurities about seeing someone else winning something. All of these are rooted in the sense of competition at the same time.
We are not out there to complete against each other in the society. Life is a journey and we are part of it as one unified unit. We all have our own advantages and disadvantages Our own stories, our own experiences, our own talents, our own circumstances. And every single one of us come with a unique Life Blueprint. We should NOT compete with each other and compare each other because of it. You don't compare an apple with a banana. Both are fruits, different sizes, shapes, tastes, and benefits of their own. That's what the circle of the universe with humans is about. Once people look at life as a continuous journey without comparing themselves to another, they will learn to appreciate who they are and how they are. Once they achieve that, they will never find a reason to feel jealous and insecure again. Cheating is entirely a different story. It's a conscious choice that people make. It has nothing to do with the concept of life. It's an immoral act. And do you think i am being harsh about jealousy? I mean i totally agree that we need to support people and make sure they seek for the proper help. I never attack people because of their jealousy but because of the fact that jealousy is common, people justify it and that personally makes me to avoid jealous people as much as possible because they are toxic and they will toxicate anyone on their path. They can only be helped once they accept help. The fact is, you also mentioned [Jealousy is very common] Yes it is! but does that make it justified? Hell no. Guess what? Mental illness is common. No one is immune of mental conflicts that doesn't mean we should justified it and get away with it. We need to fight it and heal it instead.
The crux of my response to your implicit argument that jealousy is always to be looked upon with contempt is as follows."jealousy, which calls for destruction in some way, is triggered when what one values appears to be infringed upon by another""... even the greatest teachers of Stoicism for example, even all the way back to its founders, were not perfect Stoics.I think if maybe we were kinder to people in our lives who are susceptible to the emotion of jealousy, they wouldn't be so afraid to admit it and seek/accept help."
Nope - I went ten years without feeling jealous
But you became jealous after that? XD
It's a natural feeling we all have. It's seen always in a negative light, but it's an appropriate response often times it's just people like to shame those who dare feel that way. It really needs to stop. It's a human emotional response that is healthy but like all things, dangerous when overdone.
Yes, however their reason for being jealous isn't because of a relationship. I believe it usually has to do with things you envy others for in general. This could be pertaining to their physical appearance, lack of mental disorder, desiring their strength, speed stamina or what have you. Everyone gets jealous at some point for some reason.
Your question and update does not really coincide with each other. My wife and I are actually extremely jealous of each other.Your update to me sounds like your are talking about unfaithfulness in wanted your mate's friend. Since you added "whom you want for yourself"
I do, don't like competing against other dudes. Usually just walk away. I don't go after the woman every guy in the room wants.
Yeah I know why guys dont stand a chance. Girls are shallow
Shy guys *
Ohh yes I have been jealous plenty before. It’s normal
I am jealous and possessive and that's naturalIt's how men defend their women from other men
It's a natural human emotion. It will happen at some point in a monogamous relationship.
Yeah even if you are not a jealous person it part of your nature and you will feel it at some point whether you admit it or not
Yes it’s common for people to get a little jealous when they think something is going on but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop trusting your significant other
Yeah people who dont get jealous are just honestly weird
I think so, when you care for someone you get protective
I would argue that being protective is entirely a different emotion and behavioral function with jealousy.
not entirely. Protection is the act of instituting security where ever lacking. Jealosy is a desire for security.
@UnknownReflection I did not mean to say it was the same but I do think it's a natural reaction when feeling protective about someone, when we get jealous isn't that the fear of losing the object of our desire?
@Allebana When you mention [ when we get jealous isn't that the fear of losing the object of our desire?] i've tried and pictured a scenario and in that pattern, Yes; there is a connection. Although, my argument remains that being protective and jealous are different [well you've mentioned now that it wasn't your intention to say they are the same anyway!]However, if you're not insecure about yourself, you would never be [jealous] of someone else. Jealousy is heavily rooted in an insecurity which is a very destructive and negative emotional pattern to explore and experience. If you trust yourself and your objective of your desires, you'd never feel jealous over any other involvements. Protective means caring for someone Jealousy means you're insecure about yourself and your life.
@Lightning8 You might be right in a way but i am not convinced about the concept of [Desire for security] related to jealousy. Jealousy is an utter creation of insecurity. People feel jealous only when there is doubt, lack of confidence, lack of self-love, self acceptance, self-control, self-discipline, emotional wreckage and weakness in one's mind.
@UnknownReflection Well, jealousy is a response. But, in my opinion it becomes a bad thing at extreme levels where it causes one to be controling and substantially harmful. It all comes in varying degrees, and my conjecture is that most people deal with it to some degree.But, if we're talking about the roots of jelousy, such as the qualities you mentioned, let's say an individual suffers from some issues there. Should we then virtue signal to people like that? Would it be okay behaviour from us as perfect, secure people in this vein to shun insecure people, rather than to help them?No one is perfect in my opinion, and those who are strong today were once weak.
@Lightning8 Of course no one is perfect and no one is immune from mental issues and insecurities. I actually have a theory that every human being beyond exception has experienced and carrying these three mental conflicts: Phobias, Obsessions, Traumas. With the subject you have brought in, i have to say; definitely we need to help people who suffering from such issues and not to outcast them [If that is the point of your statement]. Although, this is the trick about jealousy, we can help people, only if they accept our help and above that, only if they understand that they have an issue. I disagree that Jealousy comes with variety of degrees. My idea is close to yours but a little different here. I believe jealousy is one clear line, just one extended degree not being divided in different forms. And the only way we can keep jealousy harmless is to diagnose it and control it early on before it reaches the rage level where the person get consumed by it which they start to act upon their jealousy as the result. And jealousy has only one nature = Negative. Jealousy is only destructive. Like a two sided blade. You try to cut others but it will cut your hand even deeper. It will cause destruction to everyone involved.There is one exceptional point as well; we can feel insecure, sad, angry and so on. But it doesn't have to always turn into jealousy. Jealousy is rooted in insecurity but also forms when you start thinking irrationally which itself is a negative behavior. [It's been estimated on average people speak 70,000 negative words and statements to themselves]. Those negative words turn into irrational thoughts if continued, and that irrational thinking can create an unstoppable sense of jealousy which is entirely unhealthy and it's not related to being protective over someone really. Personally myself, i've had my own issues but i've never felt jealous even once. Not even as a kid. I know that also because i spoke about this to my mother a lot.
I do not think jealousy is a bad thing, it stems from feeling threatened which is what I think you two call insecurityI believe jealousy arises when we see a third party as a rival and that's the insecurity you mentioned: finding someone who might best you and take what you believe you deserveto me insecurity builds up when you actually lose against this rival eg. someone more attractive "stealing" your partner, a coworker getting the position you wantedas I see it competition is only natural and so is jealousy and every other feeling and none of them are inherently bad, "how much" we feel depends on our biology since these emotions are produced by chemicals and interpreted by our brain and none of them *makes* us do things although our judgement is sometimes clouded in the end it is us who decide what to do and what not to and what's wrong and what isn't
@AllebanaYou have some good points to think about and explore. However at the moment, i disagree with your perception. Competition is not natural, it's unhealthy. As much as i am highly a competitive individual who always strive to win and always takes everything seriously, yet [life] itself is not a competition, it's a journey. Those who considered life as a competition and consistently compared themselves to others, ranked and rated themselves proven to have less happier life and their emotional conflicts are over the roof. Life as a competition is toxic to the society. I don't see any benefit to jealousy. I'm speaking of years of monitoring this emotion and i've experienced many cases. Jealousy always ends destructive. The fact is, that's how exactly jealousy and insecurity kicks off. When you start to view life as a competition, you keep gaining insecurity and jealousy over whoever that tops you. This whole circle is unhealthy to an extend. Jealousy and insecurity are directly involved. Simply you don't get jealous if you have a healthy stable mind without putting yourself up there as competing for the world thinking the world is out there to get you. It's not biology, it's Psychology. You are right about [jealousy stems from being threatened] but this also symbolize what i am trying to prove. You won't never ever feel threatened if you are [ Not ] insecure. Only insecure people who are dealing with self issues. Self doubt, self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-worth, self-discipline would feel threatened by an outsider. If you are mentally stable, assured of yourself and feeling fulfilled with your life and who you are as a human being, no one and nothing can break you. You won't never feel jealous and you won't ever feel threatened. Insecurity, jealousy and mental illness go hand in hand.
Nah too much work. Plus never had a reason to do so.
Sure. Different levels and different reasons but every one does at some point
Respectfully, as much as i understand your statement is based on your perspective and experience which is crafted according to the information you have consumed in your life, yet; you can't speak on behalf of billions of people. I have a full list of activities and emotions that people [think/imagine/believe] that everyone does while i have NOT. On top of them: -I've never been jealous -I've never had crush [Crush is one of the most idiotic things i've ever discovered in my life so far].
Point taken and good for you. I however didn’t just focus on the picture. The question as I took it was jealousy in general at any level. Could be about a car or clothes not necessarily about a partner
Children are often jealous or envious... you can read it on their faces. So pretty much everyone at some point in their lifetimes has been or will be jealous. Not considering that... and applying it to only relationships, I’m sure there are many fortunate people such as yourself.
I've never spoke about relationships. I've been also speaking generally. I've never been jealous of anyone in any depart of life. I've never had a reason to do so. Believe it or not, i've had such discussions with my mother before about my behaviors as a child, she confirmed that i've never been show any jealousy as a kid. I was always just minding own business. Focusing on my own life and being a calm kid and a lot wiser than my peers. I don't have a single reason to be jealous. Life is not a competition, it's a journey. Jealousy is rooted in people's insecurities. I have nothing to be insecure about because i don't compare myself to others.
Of course they do. Expect a shitload of people to be full of shit and say no though.
Nope.It's just like hate, some get it the rest doesn't.
I never have, never do, and never will! 😊
Of course everyone does from time to time
nope, i have never been one to be jealouse.
I do not know. I haven't gotten there yet.
Jealousy is part of us all.
Yes everyone does at some point. ♥️🥰
I don't know if everyone does, but sometimes I do
I like this answer. I don't know everyone so I cannot speak for everyone. I can only speak for myself and I do get jealous also.
If you have feelings for someones absolutely yes
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