Dating advice = confused??

Ive been looking at how to go out with girls lately, as I feel my love life has been kinda non existent. I've gone through a ton of articles and asked for advice through websites such as this one and I'm wondering if its normal to suddenly feel like every girl I meet I should try it out on.

I had a uni meeting this evening and I was sitting next to this girl. I'm not sure if she's my type but it felt like I was trying to force myself to see that she (and another girl) could be a possible date opportunity. I know that if I hadn't read any of this stuff before, I wouldn't have been thinking things like that, but now that I have gone through all these articles about how to attract women or go on dates, I'm starting to feel like I'm not being true to myself because I'm fully aware of all of my actions, as opposed to being myself.

Has anyone else experienced this? I know dating takes time and its only been about a week since my sudden awareness of my situation. Now I'm really confused cause I've read a lot of articles, seen a lot of youtube stuff and all that and it just feels very weird to be doing all of this.


Most Helpful Guy

  • The online dating advice (I give plenty) is fun to read because it helps open your mindsets up... while most regular guys don't realize they can have choice with women (so they settle) YOU get to pick and choose the girls you really want. That's powerful and should get you excited!

    What you're feeling right now is a feeling of uncertainty. That's pretty natural because you're going through a phase of personal growth where it's all new territory. Your unsure how your new mindsets and actions are going to help, or hurt you.

    David DeAngelo calls this "Transition Vulnerability." Its that phase of your personal growth when you're transitioning from the safe world you currently know, to the new (and potentially unsafe) world you're getting to know.

    You're transitioning from chump to champ, but you're vulnerable because you're not a champ yet, but you're stepping into the ring with women who are champs... this can feel ... scary! Simply because you don't have enough experience under your belt to feel like you can handle anything these girls can throw at you... and trust me, there will come a time when you DO feel like you can handle anything they do or say.

    But it takes time. And patience with yourself. And experience.

    There's really nothing a girl can say or do that matters ultimately.

    If a girl doesn't like your approach or your attempt at flirting and teasing, you might upset her. That's the only danger.

    That's the WORST thing that can happen. She get's upset and tells you off.

    If that were to happen to me, and it's NEVER happened, and I've talked to hundreds and hundreds of pretty girls, then all I would do is take a step back, apologize for coming across in a way that upset her, then I'd walk away.

    1) If you approach women with the intent of seeking getting to know if they're fun and cool, then you'll come across appropriately. Fun, and cool.

    But if your intent is to trick girls, or hurt them, then your intent will make them angry with you.

    No woman is going to be pissed off that you found her cute and attractive. She might not care, she might annoyed, she might be bored. But she's never going to be upset and angry.

    2) Stay cool, fun and unreactive to her reactions. If you can train yourself to stay centered amongst the emotions of others, you'll train your body to never panic, and to always be focused and clear.

    3) The fastest way out of this scary transition period is to experience as much social interactions as possible, as fast as possible!

    Talk to everyone you meet, man woman and child, and you will soon discover that there's almost nothing you can say that will upset anyone, ever!

    Welcome to the club dude!

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    • Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure however if by knowing all this, it actually makes me a better person or a worse person. Atm my friends all perceive me to be the 'nice guy', the one everyone knows as being nice and friendly. I have a lot of girl friends but no girlfriends. How can I go about finding the balance between what's good about me now and what's good about me with the knowledge I supposedly have now?

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    • I'll add this last part...

      Guys end up in the "friend's zone" because they don't take action.. instead they worry about screwing things up so they do nothing.

      Instead of building rapport and being freindly, you should be building tension (attraction) and flirting more heavily.

      This way your intentions are clear for her AND you.

      Then simply escalate. Call her. Have dinner with her. Laugh and play with her. Then kiss her when you most want to. Nothing bad can ever come of this.

    • I agree completely with everything you've said and your third point about social interactions. I feel like I am just starting to get to champ state as you called it and I've been doing nothing but placing myself into social interactions for the past few months and I have definitely changed. So, original poster, go to as many social functions as you can and just talk! You will know rather quickly if things are clicking.

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What Girls Said 1

  • After I read a body language book, I couldn't help but flirt with guys... It made me realize I was a huge flirt & still am, but a year after reading it I've found a guy worth flirting with, & he's responding ;) just find girls who your attracted to :)

    • Yeah I definitely get what your saying, but atm I feel like every girl I meet I am feeling attracted to (some more than others), and I'm not sure whether its because I've been reading all this stuff and I'm forcing myself to, or whether its because I really do find her interesting. How can I tell the difference?

    • Relax. Take a step back. Do you have anything in common? Do you find her attractive? Do you feel any chemistry...

What Guys Said 1

  • Pay attention to the stages you go through, when you start learning seduction you might start getting some progress, come close like getting a number or making out even but then something goes wrong and you forget all the good progress you have made and go back into a slump, make sure to look out for that behavior is my best advice and pay attention to all the things you have done right and how your experiences compare to where you were before

    • Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure what you mean by going back into a slump. I've never experienced any of this before so I don't noe what you mean by getting some progress etc and then something going wrong.

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    • just recently I made out with a 10 model at a festival I was at, while I was talking to her tho, another cute black girl started talking to me and trying to get my attention, because I was hitting on the model girl, I thought that I should just focus on one at the time so I ignored the black girl and didn't make a move. The model girl ended up giving me her number, but just recently canceled a date and stopped returning my calls, I went into a little slump because at the time I thought there

    • was nothing to learn, but now I realized that there was, and I didn't pay attention to one of my own rules "you don't know where you stand with a girl until you f*** her" What I should have done is hit on the lack girl too and get her number rather than focusing on one girl who may or may not lead to anywhere