I’m on the down side of my life, I’m 23 and recovering from alcohol addiction. I want to have that special someone in my life more than anything and I’ve spent years dedicating my life to finding her. I’ve settled for a girl who was abusive, I ruined my first love at the age of 17, and I fell in love with the abusive girl. I’ve only ever had 2 real girlfriends ever and the one I love is now having a baby with another guy. Every girl I’ve tried getting to know has a boyfriend or they just don’t see me as a potential boyfriend even though I treat them better than anyone they’ve ever known. I’ve spent so many years not knowing what it feels like to have that support and love in my life to where I have given up on living entirely. I don’t believe there is love in the world for me and I want someone to prove me wrong but nobody ever has. I don’t know if karma is kicking my ass for ruining my first love or what. All I know is I’ve done everything I can between dating apps, to going out and meeting people, to getting out of my shell and trying to be confident and nothing has ever worked or lead me to a relationship. I wonder if I screwed up the only chance I had in this world and now it’s over for me for the rest of my life.