Have An Opinion?
I have aspergers and in most cases I will not know if someone is flirting with me. Sometimes I may suspect they are, but have no idea if I'm right and no idea what I'm supposed to do. I absolutely will not make physical contact with someone without asking permission, with the exceptions of a mutually agreed handshake or fist pump although even those I usually don't do unless they do it first then I reciprocate, and the other exception is if I gotta' tap them to get their attention 'cause they got the headphones or some shit.So that's a factor. And actually I don't really know how to be intimate, or to go about trying to be intimate, or responding to intimacy. Also I hate kissing I think it's disgusting, it freaks me out. Quite a lot of intimate things freak me out and are disgusting to me actually; things that are generally considered normal. Actually when I suspect someone is very forwardly flirting with me it makes me uncomfortable because I think something is expected of me but I don't know what.. don't know what I'm supposed to do or say and flirting is very ambiguous. I would prefer someone to just tell me whatever, rather than trying to tell me with flirting.. because that doesn't work. So just tell me whatever it is you're trying to tell me with highly ambiguous, bizarre behaviour known as flirting. So whenever I used to have a crush on someone I'd just tell them because it's the logical thing to do.. I mean not every time because after a while I started to get self conscious, because apparently girls want guys not to tell them directly but tell them indirectly with flirting. Well I don't know how to do that so I used to just tell them, then get rejected. So I don't do that anymore.By now I've come to realise that I don't think I want to be with anyone really.. at all. Because the whole concept is weird, and I think relationships seem to make people highly irrational, and some people are very manipulative or abusive, even before starting a relationship just the whole flirting and hard to get thing is often manipulative and can border on abusive in some cases.So this is the reason for me. People say I'm good looking, and I'm very into my stylin' clothes in a vintage bohemian way or sometimes more retro. Mostly I dress '80s or '90s now I suppose but when I'm older I'll dress more '70s as I feel a lot of that look is a more mature, sophisticated look that better suits an older man which '80s, '90s retro doesn't so much. I'll be sad to stop dressing like I do now but at some point I'll be too old to make it work.
If you never had a girlfriend in this agerange, i'm sorry to tell you this but women Will never tell you this because they don't want guys to know and they Will never tell their true intensions. That's why you should never trust a females advice. She Will deceive you like they do in real life. You fall below the 20% of the guys they are physically attracted to and you have no other skills to compensate that with. You can only get to a decent looking girl with a avarage appearance by being different then the other guys and not be affraid to get to her emotions. You lack Social skills in the scense of gaming tacktics. You most likely put women on a pedistule and they subconciously pick up on that. So by you feeling intimidated by women they look down on you. A women don't want to be with someone they look down too. You most likely set yourself up for failure with your appearance. Also this picture you chose isn't you since you are a anonimous user and the guy on the picture is most likely above your age range and has the confidence look that women are attracted to. If you have self esteem issues you should identify where they stem from and you should do some research about female nature. When you understand that your life Will become easyer. Generally all girls advice they give you is what benefits Them directly if other guys and you Read it and it is not in your favour. They know but don't benefit from telling you. A women's word is worth nothing if her Actions don't match her words. I hope you take this serious and do something with it. Because i am not far from your true problems. Greetz
Your earrings can be mistaken for thug or gangster. I am just being brutally honest here and I know you are brave when you showed your picture here online for all to judge but I think that would be one of them! Because I do see people that sort of look similar to you with no problems getting someone... could it also be your personality? ! Are you a "jerk" and you didn't even know it? ! unfortunately some women are attracted to that though so it can't be that! Just don't give up is my advice to you. You're still young! You've got a lot of years left till you should really say that you will throw in the towel! Good luck! I am sure it's just a matter of time... Plus, I think people your age are still in college and are concentrating on their next career. I know it's not really naturaly to concentrate on the corporate work and stuff but that's the way society is! We need TWO people (usually) now to earn and bring home the bacon, not just one! so if you want a family, you need to consider that she (your next girlfriend) could be working and have no time really for a relationship right now! ... Unless you want to find someone that just wants you to work and they be a homemaker, then yeah my possibility that I said is totally realistic!
It could really be a multitude of things, it's hard to say without knowing you. All of my life, I've been told I'm pretty, beautiful, etc. and I believe that I am an attractive girl, but I'm also very shy, reserved (I have a very hard time letting people in too close and it comes off to some people that I don't like them, which really sucks because that's not my intention at all, but I'm working on it), and don't really put myself out there, so I haven't gotten a lot of interest, either, but I'm also not looking for it. I also used to have horrible self esteem issues and am still working on my self confidence, and the saying that if you can't love yourself, you can't expect anyone else to love you really is true. So, it could be confidence issues, the way you come off to people even if unintentional, isolating yourself, etc. Maybe there is something about the way you act that is off putting, even if you don't realize it. Again, it's hard to say without knowing you, so I'm just throwing out possibilities.
I've met two very very good looking guys that were unattractive to woman - one got rejected by 300 cause he stuttered whenever he liked somebody - another guy got rejected by 1000 girls cause he hit on strangers and he had scars on his face - the third guy which was also insanely good looking was very insecure and would get panic attacks at the thought of sharing a pizza with a girl.
Wouldn't "scars on his face" disqualify him from the discussion?
@zagor I discussed 3 guys and I said 2 were very good looking. The guy with scars were light scars - but he just looked like somebody who might be into drugs or other kinds of craziness - he looked shady - not ugly - so he got rejected a lot.
Probably because you are picky. Also unlike attractive young women, attractive young guys do not automatically get to cut in line. I recommend you google Corey Wayne or doc love. Their material is a bit dated now but the fundamentals are still relevant. Truth is virtually all guys have to put some degree of effort into dating. Good looking girls just need to dress well and be seen. It doesn’t matter what their personality, socioeconomic background, intelligence and education is for them. Guys WILL approach them. It might be the guys they want but they still get plenty of options. That’s it for them. Guys on the other hand are held to a much higher standard. It’s not fair, but you have to accept it. I was like you when I was younger. Was always told I was cute and attractive but I struggled to get the girls I wanted. But I wise up and got better.
Corey Wayne is a good coach!
You can start by putting your phone down and actually try to meet someone with similar interests.. hobbies... sports..., avoid trying to make yourself look good when most girls are not necessarily looking to be with a guy who spends more time in his looks than her... never take selfies... never use a blow drier... talk straight and show some self discipline and control.. body language can tell a lot about a person... avoid dressing too beat and let your hair grow not too long... no ponytails or phony crap... don't grow a nasty beard and always wear Armani Code or KC Eternity or Polo cologne... let the girls want to approach you and they will if you give it a try... I'm no casanova but I can tell you that there are plenty of fish in the sea waiting to meet you and you will be happy you toon my advice
Because your more than your looks. Your character, status, reputation, upbringing, religion, faith, lifestyle choices, ambitions, lack of ambitions etc will determine compatibility. Also, the biggest turnoff is lacking confidence in yourself. You must talk and communicate with people. Get to know women. I don't understand what is wrong with more than half of you people, both female, and male who acts so picky when it's not necessary. I only prefer to date a friend whom I know for years. And any new friends, at the same level. You have to choose ONE person. Not them all like its Pokemon going out of style.
1. Because they're not actually good looking2. Because they lack the social skills to hold a conversation 3. Because they're too focused on their looksUsually it's number 2. Very few girls will fall for a guy based on looks alone - we make up our mind when talking to the guy. Even if you're gorgeous enough to turn heads, you'll still need to be able to interact with the girl in order to date her. Number 3 will make a good looking guy unattractive real fast by the way.
Does it matter if I'm Indian and living in United States?
Dunno, I'm neither
What's hilarious is women can be just as socially awkward, but because society tells them it's men who are supposed to set the stage and drive the interaction, that there's no blame on her if it doesn't end how she wants, it must always be the man's fault
@Armourdillo who is talking about the girls not getting what they want?In my scenario, the girl sees a hot guy, checks him out, then forgets all about it. It's a guy who is asking how to get girls here. I'm reasoning from his perspective. You can't just sit around and be mad when nobody approaches you, that goes for everyone.
Right, but the you phrase it it's as if women are all these neutral partied judges and if they don't want him or want to talk to him it's 100% his fault and he's incorrect
@Armourdillo yes, when reasoning what he should do, that's the way you should approach it.A girl aski g why she can't get a boyfriend would get the exact same advice from me.
Okay, so if a girl makes fun of him for being 5'6, he should think "she a neutral partied judge serving me objective facts, so her laughing at my means means this rejection is 100% my fault and I must correct the flaw which has forsaken me in this interaction"
@Armourdillo how is that remotely related to anything I said?
Because you fail to address it and would rather have him belive women are all neutral partied beings so all flaws are on him
Try being brash and disrespectful, oh and inconsiderate women really like it. it makes a man seem wild, and women like a good exciting time. Also be emotionally manipulative they live for that. If you are honest, forthcoming, and have a positive attitude, you are probably boring. what girl wants a life of no drama? So make women hate you, they want to fuck guys they hate. If you are kind and polite to everyone and show people respect you seem Old fashioned, and remind them of their loser dad. So dont do that either. Hope this helps, by the way having a friend take a photo of you, taking a photo of yourself was genius!
Some guys, are jerks...But as for you, anon questioner, your profile claims you're 18-24... you're still young. Maybe the reason nobody seems to show you interest is because you don't know what a woman showing interest in you looks like...Or maybe, girls around you are waiting for you to make that first move - in most cultures, guys traditionally make the first move.
You need to have something to offer besides looks. Looks might catch their eye, but when you open your mouth you need to have something to say. Above everything else, learn to carry on a good conversation. When you hear about two people really hitting it off, it means they carried on a mutually interesting conversation non-stop with no awkward moments and without being forced or fake. Never underestimate the value of being a good conversationalist.
It is hard to sell a car if you never put it on the lot!Part of the game is playing, you gotta go out there, take chances, play if safe. Lose it all, hit the jack pot. Show romantic interest in someone if no one is giving it to you - a lot of people are waiting for other people to make the first move, so be the one to make the first move.
Dude, most women just don't fucking like men. They like a poster of a guy with ripply muscles, but even if that guy came to life, she would never talk to him. They're just not interested in actually being with a guy, they want to be single forever. This is like 50-60% of women.
girls usually tend to fall for guys personalities more than looks, I mean being attractive is a plus but a guy whos nice, respectful, mature, and treats me well and dont forget confident is what I tend to go for and so do a lot of girls. Guys usually like girls based off of looks (for a lot of factors with reproduction and scientific stuff) but girls are not primarily look based after middle school.
You may not have met a person with similar interests and chemistry. This takes time. Go out, ask friends to introduce you to women. Keep your eyes open at events. Chat with women casually at work, in line to get coffee, at the grocery. If you're very quiet and shy, you may miss opportunities.
Where are you from?
The Deep South. If you put out a good vibe, that helps, I believe. Use online resources too. You don't have to be on all the time. When the feeling moves you, put yourself out there. When it doesn't, chill. Stats says most people get into successful longterm relationships in their mid to late 20s and early 30s. No need to panic.
Who knows? Maybe where you are the women do not like your personality, like guys who are taller or shorter or slimmer or heavier or maybe they want a billionaire or? when unattached I probably go on dates with five or six different girls average per month. Sounds like I am super successful to some guy. But to get those five or six I might have to ask 40 or 50 women. I don't count the strikeouts, only the hits.
if that's you in the picture I can bluntly and honestly answer that question right now. it's because women think you're gay. i'm not trying to offend you in any way when i say that it's because when i first saw this picture that's what i automatically thought. 1. The black earring 2. The way your hair is combed and styled 3. The sweater and shirt you have on 4. The scruff on your chin. Basically it's your appearance it gives the impression that you're gay into guys rather than women but like i said if that is you in the picture and i'm not trying to be mean in anyway just trying to help and tell you what everyone else is thinking that doesn't have the balls to say it
This really sickens me I'll be honest. This guy came on here asking for advice and these cold hearted women are all giving the same cliche answer and not giving him the real answer he's looking for. FFS do NOT listen to any of these women on here because they will NEVER tell you the truth because that's how they are. They don't have the vagina to flat out tell you what's wrong with you to try and help you change that about yourself. "Women" and i use that term as the women who flat out lied to you on this thread are the type you NEVER want to be with they're the type you want to avoid at all costs. The ones who flat out lie right to your face. This was actually a good shit test for guys down the road to weed out the deceptive liars who will cause them problems down the road in the long run
These "women" on this thread flat out disgust me with how they just blatantly lied right to your face and don't have the vagina to tell you what they're really thinking. It was disgusting to read the comments on here which really turned my stomach
Stop assuming, man. You don't know how a woman thinks, and you don't go around grouping all of us together. I am one of those women who do not put looks first one thing I will say that you may have a point being right, is that a fat picture is him then it's possible he does look homosexual. But not everybody is going to assume that. You obviously got issues. He has to decide what kind of person he wants to be in what kind of mate he has to be for another person. At the end of the day, looks fade, it's not going to help you have a stable relationship. Don't know what kind of women you've been hanging around with.
@btbc92 How do i have issues by being honest and advice that WILL actually help him in the real world NOT some cliched crap being spewed out of everyone's PC SJW mouth? If that's how I have issues by being honest and not telling the guy a bunch of crap that won't help him any in the long run then yeah I am proud to have "issues"!! And secondly I NEVER once said looks don't fade because everybody who is willing to admit it knows looks fade over time there's no getting around it. But I'm not going to sit here and lie and spoon feed a bunch of crap advice that doesn't work to the poor guy when he's just trying to reach out for advice. And since NONE of you so called "women" on here are willing to do just that it's best he hears the truth at some point from someone who will call it like it is so he CAN better himself with USEFUL advice and NOT a bunch of crap that you "women" seem to be giving him.
Because that is false advice. That may be your prerogative and that is your business. But do not assume his goals are YOUR goals. He wants to better himself is the advice I gave him. And that is to get to know women. WE ARE NOT ALIENS. we are not toys and were not fresh meat. We're not ANIMALS. We're human beings with emotions, thoughts and feelings just like YOU. And you're trying to turn him into some kind of playboy. Women HATE that crap. As many times I have shut down plenty of guys who didn't share my values or desired to get to know me, that is why he is suffering. But HE has to decide what kind of woman he wants. Somebody who will wait until marriage to have sex, or somebody who screw anybody and call 'boyfriend', somebody who is loyal and faithful, or somebody who is not concerning about commitment. He has to know these things. You cannot just go up to every woman and expect her to say yes, or stick around. Common Sense man. Your 41 years old. You should know this. And if you're not married or kept even 1 partner, your even worse off. You men don't really put in the work. It's common sense.
You say we women spoon feed him crap, but guess what, he wants to date WOMEN, not MEN. If he wants to date another you, I'm sure he can check you out if you're single.
I at least don't want him with a bad woman or a poor choice. But hey, that's on him. I can care less about his looks. If he is not having godly values, want to serve God and get out of the world I don't want him just because he's another handsome face. Looks are deceiving. I got to see if that person can contribute to an actual relationship. Other dumb chicks will take people like him, use, abuse and then dump him when they're unhappy.
@btbc92 You need to quit putting words in my mouth. I NEVER once said he shouldn't get to know women just like i NEVER once said looks don't fade. Obviously he needs to get to know women being able to talk to them. So quit jumping down my throat and putting words in my mouth over things I NEVER said.
@btbc92 oh like how you're acting and behaving towards me right now completely abusive. By insinuating stuff that I never once said when in fact you don't know anything about me or how I think other than the little piece of advice i wasn't going to sugarcoat to stroke somebody's ego.
Oh, I'm not putting words in your mouth. I read it as it is. Your talking about how women on here sicken you? You have some nerve. Most of them are not doing what you say they are doing. You are wrong. This person never posted up his picture. And whether he did or didn't is irrelevent. What matters is what and HOW he chooses to go about finding a mate. And he has to get to know himself and find out WHY he is seeking a partner that isn't selfish. Because he has to be ready to take care of another human being. Dating is not a game. And it is sad that people like him have self-esteem so low it borders on self-hate because he wants to please a woman. He has to build relationships with people. That is where he needs to start. Not dating.
@btbc92 Yes you ARE putting words in my mouth. Show me where I mentioned about NOT getting to know women or talking to them or how looks DON'T fade. Show me where I even once said any of that. And if you claim to have read it as it is then you need better reading comprehension skills. Because clearly yours are NOT where they should be. I was giving the guy blunt honest advice and all you did was bash me for trying to help him out. And also who's to say that isn't really his picture. When I made the original post I was under the assumption that it was which it clearly might or might not be. And I never once said he shouldn't get to know himself or his priorities or what he wants out of a relationship. And yes dating is getting to know a person and marriage is being able to take care of the other person you're in love with to support that person. And yes maybe he does have a confidence issue and does hate himself who's to say Yes or No neither one of us know what goes on in this guy's mind other than by what he posted on here. But you really need to quit putting words in my mouth especially on stuff I NEVER once said. This is the second time this happened to me today so far. And it gets sickening.
And it does sicken me when I see people on here not being honest and sugar coating the truth or not giving him the truth instead giving him poor or useless advice that won't benefit him in the slightest
You're the one making so many assumptions even for the Asker. His questions are broad and should be objective:1. He feels he fails to attract women. Which 9/10x is not the case. There are often women and girls who are more and likely attracted to him, even physically, but he more and likely is too oblivious, too brainwashed to go after what society deems suitable in physical attractiveness, or he is lack experience talking with the opposite sex in general [e. g being in an all-boys school or cult that forbids interactions with females]. Even my own father would say his priorities are wrong and he had over 40+ women. He's short and got made fun of because of his height so many didn't want to date him then.2. He wants to know why he's having a hard time attracting or getting a date. Because we as a society have destroyed good relationships and values that allow people to form healthy relationships by courting friends and those we knew. Not complete strangers, yet people want to know why there is such a divide. I would not be surprised that he never bothered asking his female friends, or befriend one he could see himself attracted to, and talk about such matters with them. 3. He never had a girlfriend, which shouldn't be his priority and feels nobody should romantic interest. He is too stubborn and afraid to go out, take a chance and get to know people. To mingle. So this is all on him to figure out. I don't have to insult you. You're not telling him the truth because you don't KNOW his truth. You even call on the fact that we think he's gay based on a picture you think is him. "This really sickens me I'll be honest. This guy came on here asking for advice and these cold hearted women are all giving the same cliche answer and not giving him the real answer he's looking for." <-- So don't be a hypocrite saying I'm insulting you when you're the one insulting my gender and indirectly directing it at me. Double-check your own self.
Stop saying their sugarcoating. Their not! Their opinion is there's. Stop thinking people have to be mean and nasty because nobody wants him for whatever you're making up in your head! Only THEY know why they wouldn't date him. You say it's useless then where is your dating partner or spouse huh? Stop assuming every women who don't date you or people like him or people in general because of looks or their not attractive. I have my rules how I wished to be courted, and they have their rules. That's what happens when you ask out strangers you don't know. That's why I perfer friends, because at least you share similar or the same values. There are women out there who just WANTS a man to honor them, take care of them and be a provider. To be a TRUE LOVER. All those other women your talking about are more and likely shallow women who are whorish or who are noncommitted. I am not putting words in your mouth. Your advice is what makes it useless and will leave him single.
@btbc92 You really have some issues going on. You have no idea if he went to an all boys school or not. Second you have no clue if he had 40+ chances or not. Third you don't know if he has female friends or not. You don't even know if he's short or tall since he never once said anything about his height. And you have no idea if he did try going out and mingling with women trying to get to know them. You're making all these wild assumptions on things you don't even know. Unless you actually know the guy then quit assuming all these things about him unless you're projecting how you feel about yourself onto him. Because not once did he ever mention any of this stuff you're saying in his post.
So, he never asked:"Why are some men not desirable even if they're good looking?""Why do they have a hard time getting a date or attracting someone?"He NEVER said and I " on ": "I never had a girlfriend and noone has veer showed me a romantic interest in real life."Hmm. For somebody so hellbent on making women look bad judging by your replies and answers, I can see your the one not being rational and logical here if you think I am assuming about him. Those are just examples and variables that he more and likely refuse to see for himself and is in denial. I have observed people and relationships since I was a toddler. What I say is not just based on my experience alone, but from the experience of others and talking to people outside and on GaG since 2011. I ENGAGE with people, communicate and get to the ROOT of the PROBLEM. Even relationship and marriage experts would tell him and you no different. He has PROBLEMS with women. Period. And what I listed is one of or all of the top main reasons why he's SINGLE. He even admitted to other users in the comments that he never tried talking to any woman because he DOESN'T APPROACH THEM. And that he is 'AFRAID' of what we would THINK. Common sense tells you you got that going on, your not getting anywhere in life. Smart guys go for them friends like smart women. Dumb people go after people who they don't know. Every person who tried dating me and I don't know them, I REJECT them. I don't KNOW them. And there are friends of mine and others who I met even here who say the same thing. So I am not projecting.
@btbc92 The fact that you reject strangers because you don't know them is rather dumb. Because before you knew any of your friends they were strangers to you at one point then you got to know them and that's how you became friends with them. The way you think is so mindboggling and baffling I can't even wrap my brain around the way you think it's completely illogical.
"You have no idea if he went to an all boys school or not. Second you have no clue if he had 40+ chances or not. Third you don't know if he has female friends or not. You don't even know if he's short or tall since he never once said anything about his height. And you have no idea if he did try going out and mingling with women trying to get to know them. You're making all these wild assumptions on things you don't even know. Unless you actually know the guy then quit assuming all these things about him unless you're projecting how you feel about yourself onto him. Because not once did he ever mention any of this stuff you're saying in his post." And this is how I know your hard of hearing. Where did I say ANY OF THIS STUFF!:"You have no idea if he went to an all boys school or not." Did I say THAT? I said this "or he is lack experience talking with the opposite sex in general [e. g being in an all-boys school or cult that forbids interactions with females]. E. G, exampli grata, for example? Learn to really read. I said: "Even my own father would say his priorities are wrong and he had over 40+ women." I never said he had 40+ chances!I said what I said because he may HAVE female friends. If not, he better go get some friends then. Twisting up my words without really reading and lack comprehension skills. And this is no insult. This is truth. Because your being too emotionally engaged instead of being objective for his needs. People like him lack basic social skills and ediquette. He needs to fix that first instead of brooding over chicks.
@btbc92 I'm done wasting words because you clearly act like you know how this guy is when clearly you don't and I can see I'm not going to convince you otherwise. Like I said the way you think is really fucked up
"The fact that you reject strangers because you don't know them is rather dumb." No, its smart, because ever guy I screens wanted me for premarital sex. They didn't share my values. I told them I will only date them if we were friends first and got to know each other, and they didn't want that. They only came to me because I was another pretty face. Not my problems. "Because before you knew any of your friends they were strangers to you at one point then you got to know them and that's how you became friends with them." I was always a friendly person and was open to befriending them. I felt like I knew them in spirit and in the heart. They weren't strangers to me. That's how I have many of my friendships lasting over 14 years and there are MANY. Guys included. I had poor friends who used, abused and bullied me besides physically fought me. They were strangers. I don't open up to people I don't trust and sense something is not right in their spirit and heart. I get warned spiritually about people. "The way you think is so mindboggling and baffling I can't even wrap my brain around the way you think it's completely illogical." Of course, it sounds mindboggling and baffling because you don't really care to know how healthy relationships work. You think its all based on your perception because you're carnal minded. The world doesn't go based on your lens of view, and neither does it go on mine. But I choose who I invite and will not invite in my life. I have the right as you and everybody else. Relationships with people I choose I plan to keep for a lifetime. Not for a season for people to come and go. I choose something authentic and stable. people have choices in this life. And I will not settle for less than what I know I deserve.
WASTE WORDS? Try to CONVINCE ME? There's no convincing. You're the one acting as you know him. I don't. I got my own problems but I am knowledgable enough to know where and what his problem is. It's up to him to take it or leave it. It's not my problem. Your the one that's messed up. So don't come around like your being a moral compass to him and your shaming women on top of that. That's disgusting. You really are a hypocrite. The Asker sounds like an interesting guy who needs a bit of a push but needs to settle the demons he has to wrestle first. You cannot put the cart before the horse, and he feels like he's being left out. Who knows, relationships may not be for HIM. That is realistic as I had to determine even for my own. He has every right to be afraid today as I have. But he has to decide how serious he wants to take it and how badly he wants to be with somebody. I have seen guys just sit there staring at me and even having people try to convince me to talk to him. If I don't already wish to speak with a person I won't speak. As my father says, nobody is a mind reader. You want something, ASK for it. And you let NOBODY try to stop you from going after what you want. Period.
@btbc92 Well if every guy you screened wanted premartial sex then they weren't the right guy for you and only sleezebags and you deserved better. i don't know how you screened these guys who only wanted premarital sex if you blantantly asked them or not but you did what you felt was the right decision. Look dating is never easy nobody said it was. And nobody should ever bully or physically fight another person but that shit does happen which is said but it's a part of this world and how this world works which is really screwed up. As far as physical fighting I had more than my fair share of physical fights in my day. Even to this day I get guys who are 2x to 4x bigger than me trying to fight me but the moment they realize i don't back down and bully them back and even ready to take out a weapon out of my pocket as a neutralizer they instantly back down. Heck several weeks ago I had some cocky security guard who was 4x my size try to bully me but when he thought i had a weapon in my pocket (which i did only not the one he was thinking of) i let him keep thinking that and it scared the shit out of him and he backed off and that saved my ass from getting physically hurt but even if he had tried laying a hand on me i would have drawn my actual weapon out and regardless if he had 2 other goons with him who were 2x my size they were still scared shitless to come anywhere's near me. See in those type of instances I have the upper hand advantage psychologically by letting them overthink and assume shit that never really was there to begin with. Point being (after getting off track) nobody should ever bully someone else just because they feel bigger than the other person because you never know just how dangerous that other person you're trying to bully can be. Because if a bully tries bullying the wrong person that bully will just get bullied back even worse than they dish out. which most people don't like. They like to dish it out but can't take what they dish out.
@btbc92 Wow thats cold. So basically a guy can be the sweetest most caring guy in the world but if he won't go up to you to talk to you you'll leave him high and dry because you won't talk to him first regardless if he shows interest and is just shy. WOW that is really cold. For all you know you could be passing up a great opportunity with a really wonderful guy but you'll never know because of that attitude and how you think
The point I am making is that HE has to decide how he wants to seek a partner. I did what I had to do because I had no choice if I wanted to succeed in that area. Because of the very things your saying is why I chose celibacy and never dated. Dating, first of all, is not hard. It's actually very easy. What's hard is a marriage which is another level. People just make it complicated and more difficult than it needs to be. And those complications are not necessary. I screened them out the moment they say that they didn't want to befriend me. I learned the hard way how most guys and people think today. I always was open to anybody and dating when I was younger. But I told them that I wasn't ready for that. They didn't want to hear that. They disrespected me, disrespected my virginity, my parents, my faith, and they think that I would want to date or be with somebody like that? Somebody I don't trust? No thank you.As far as the bullying is concerned I have to watch myself because I had psychopaths threaten me and even the people who bullied me wanted to kill me. One was going to kill me in Kindergarten. Another wanted to put a bullet between my eyes. You can say I'm illogical. But I rather protect myself than be used or shot/stabbed dead. I grew up and lived in the ghettos of NYC where gangs will be shooting, killing robbing and raping past midnight and even in the daytime. That's my life. People are still stabbing, fighting and killing each other. I don't want to see the Asker with the wrong kind of person just because they find him or he finds them attractive. I want him to think rationally about his choices. Because I went through it all. And came from a domestically abusive household on top of that. I would not tell him something to hurt him.
Plus their the ones shaming me and asking WHY they got to be my friend first and how I'm crazy. If I'm crazy like they said and told me I'm not worth dating and will be a bad mother, sex partner, girlfriend or wife. Why would they date who they date, get dumped or dump whoever and try to get my attention after the choices they made? They made their choice and hurt me in the process making me have self-doubt, hatred for myself and even bitterness towards men on that level. And that was wrong. I grew up, asked God for forgiveness and to heal me from my pain and take away that bitterness. I had to learn not to pay attention to such people. And all I am telling him is that he needs to learn to do the same. To go after what will make him happy, be he first has to learn to love himself and be content with his life first before he can go attracting the right kind of person in his life. Everybody deserves good partners. But we also have to earn it and be prepared to sacrifice for those we love too. And nobody, for the most part, is willing to do that. Only very few do and last and make it today.
@btbc92 I'm sorry you went through all that. I know what it's like to come from a domestically abusive home. The reason guys left when you wanted to befriend them was because of their fear of being put in the friendzone and never having an actual chance of dating you. That's the very first thing that crossed my mind when i read that part of your last reply. You got to realize something when a guy hears the words friend coming from a woman's mouth especially a woman he's interested in dating that's the equivelant of the kiss of death to a guy. Meaning a guy has no hope no chance of ever being with that woman. and he would be doomed as the shoulder to cry on guy the oh he's just a friend. which is worse than death to almost every living breathing male walking this planet. I know it's a really fucked up thing but that's how society made it today. And there's nothing wrong with being a virgin or wanting to wait until your married or in love or expecting a guy to value your faith and morals and beliefs after all that's what being in a relationship and having a partner is all about. I been to NYC never ride a bus at or after midnight there. During the daytime it ain't that bad. In fact i rather spend a week in the worst parts of NYC than one night in Newark NJ that place is a living hellhole like RI and MA and certain parts of CA.
@btbc92 And I'm sorry you had to deal with psychopaths who wanted to kill you. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. No one should ever have to go through that kind of shit. It's definitely not right and completely fucked up. I know what it's like all to well to have people fight me early on in elementary school all the way up to senior year of high school and one thing i've learned is bullies never change not even in adulthood they go on to try and bully others even in adulthood but what they don't realize is sooner or later they encounter another bully who doesn't put up with their shit and bullies them right back.
@btbc92 Listen you should never doubt the decisions you make especially when it comes to dating. When i was younger back in high school there was this girl who had the biggest crush on me BUT my gut instincts kept telling me to steer clear of this one because she reminded me to much of my abusive psychotic mother. Come the last few weeks of our senior year my gut instincts were true. She showed her true colors as clear as day. Years later I went to look her up on facebook and I came to find out she had a kid a son no less who's father wasn't even in the picture anymore. And guess what everything my gut instinct told me that would happen came to pass only with some other poor sap who took the blunt of what would of been my chaotic turmoil. Look long story short never doubt your gut instincts because more often than not they're usually right.
That's not me being cold. That's me honest about what I want. If he wants to talk to me, he has to do it. Not other people. I only go to people I want to know. I would be happy to know them if they make the effort. But they don't. A man needs to be a leader. And if he is too shy to not do anything, then how can I be attracted to that? I would only be able to see him as a friend and nothing more. If he can't protect me, be stable enough for me, I will have to be the one to do the work and wear the pants. That is not my job. That should be his job. That type of person needs to step it up. I had shy guys say something to me, and they won my respect. Why? Because they didn't let their shyness stop them for going after what they wanted and that was to talk to me. They didn't allow themselves to be invisible. They were visible to me. They have to learn and grow. I needed an equal, not somebody I saw I would god forbid be seen as a controlling person. Shy guys like that often don't want to be told what to do. I cannot be with that kind of person. So it is not me being cold. I already foresaw what they would be like. Somebody who I could accidentally hurt because of my intense nature, and somebody who was going to hurt me as if I was insensitive and was going to control them. As an INFJ I am too emotional to thinkers, too rational for the feelers. I rather not hurt others for their own good and they often don't know until its too late. I suffered enough. And I will not dump my baggage and responsibilities on another person. And they deserve to know who their getting involved with. If they cannot meet my needs and I cannot meet theirs, I rather let them go instead of being irrational and selfish.
@btbc92 See and right there when you said you would only see them as a friend proves my point why guys are afraid because they're afraid of you friendzoning them like you just said you would. Some guys aren't good with going up to a woman and talking especially when it comes to a woman he's attracted to for fear of being rejected or worse friendzoned. You got to put yourself in a guy's shoes when you act. How they would feel and what they would think and how they would act when they see a pretty girl they like. You're entitled to your own opinion and how you want to pursue a relationship that's entirely on you for you to live the life you want to live. But some of those shy guys might happen to make great leaders once you get to know them. Some of those guys you're quick to judge and reject and friendzone might have been badly hurt and possibly even abused severely and/or cheated on by someone who was heartless and those same guys could make great husbands great fathers but you would never know because you're to quick to judge and unwilling to compromise. Look when I see somebody who wants to talk I go up and talk i don't hestitate regardless if they do or not. And this is coming from an INFJ as well. It's just i don't always tell people I'm introverted I'm just sometimes good at hiding it other times not so good depends on the situation.
I realized and know that they believe that friend means never anything more. But I never told them that I wouldn't try. Because the person I chose on that level to date is somebody I expect to marry and have children with. I cannot be with somebody who isn't compatible with me. I believe the best relationships are those who grew up and started out as friends. A lover should also be your best friend. Not a stranger you still don't know after you married and had kids with. I never judged them. I was willing to give them chances and instead I get cursed at. I have a friend who didn't want to date a friend. But after all, she went through with so many ex-boyfriends and now an ex-husband, she learned. I'm not like those other women. The same way most guys hate being treated like their other men is the same way I am tired of being treated like I'm other women. Heck, I would have gotten married at 13 if it was legal or even 18/21 if I had the right kind of person, but I didn't. My mother was sick and she died 3 years ago, I had no money, I didn't even go to college. I had more life pressing matters to be concerned about than dating. I trust my intuition every single day. The same way your intuitive is the same way I am and experience the exact same thing you do.
" See and right there when you said you would only see them as a friend proves my point why guys are afraid because they're afraid of you friendzoning them like you just said you would. " So should that mean they should give up and try to change and be the kind of person I need? That's not friendzoning. I need to see growth. And many of them like I said before refused to grow and mature. I need to see what he can do and who he is. He has to prove that to me. If he feels he shouldn't then he can't complain that I never gave him a chance. Because I did. I don't have to immediately judge. God shows and tells me who is right for me and who isn't. And many of them aren't and wasn't right for me. Every person I rejected, I dodged a bullet. Because they were into and hiding a lot of things especially sexually from me. And God had to reveal it to me. I know how to be in other shoes. I have been called shy before. But, I don't allow what I went through to stop me from getting to know others. Remember, I am not chasing them. They're chasing after me, somebody they don't know. I need to see courage. No courage, then I can't trust them. Besides a lot of them don't like me once they see my intense side. Your an INFJ too, you should know. I intimidate them and many have said that before. That's why I said I rather not get hurt. I had many curse me out because I wouldn't respond to how they wanted me too. I never did anything to deserve that. I always mind my business and try to stay out of trouble. If their so quick to be attracted to me, then they can't be upset that I made the decision that they aren't right for me after I told them why. A lot of them were not nice people. Just pretending. And the moment they find somebody they toss them up in my face and mocked me. I am not dating a jerk. The others who weren't were kind enough to accept my reasonings and never did what the others did.
If they cannot trust me with who they are and who they want to become, I cannot help them. I'm not somebody who can fix their problems. They have to change for themselves like I had to change for myself. If they cannot come to me, then I am not the person they trust, and that's okay. It's sad, but it is okay. Because loving relationships require trust also. Therefore it would not be a healthy relationship, it would have been very toxic with arguing and yelling because of that. The attraction is just attraction. It doesn't mean anything if one refuses to do something about it. I gave up on relationships years ago since middle school. So I will not lead a guy on knowing that I took myself out from dating. That's how tired I am.
In MY opinion... Its kind of expected of men to do most of the legwork when we meet someone new but a lot of us (especially me) are just waiting for something very specific to fall out of the sky right into our lap and love us the way we are. I know it doesn't work that way, but I'm still waiting.
Is the guy in the picture you? If yes then... You're perfectly handsome... You just need patience. Girls don't just fall for looks... Every single thing matters to us... From the way you talk to the way you eat... Everyyyyything
Maybe you’re just not a good looking as you hhink,, maybe you’ve been told all your life you are good looking and you never had to try to develop any real personality. Maybe you are unaware of the possibility that people aren’t driven by vanity
To me, it's about attitude. How he is as a person. And do I even get along with him?A guy can be incredible attractive, but if I don't even get along with him or anything, then I wouldn't consider going out with him.
Because unlike for men being physically attracted to woemn purely based on physical attributes (usually youth that implies health and fertility), women do also have quite a lot of soft factors - which often includes social status and confidence.
Maybe you just come off as arrogant macho jerk or are rude in manner or gesture.Sometimes it's your fault, some people just suck at life.
I'm the same, but we'll know when we meet the right one. Only once paid really attention to a girl in real life and even told her she means a lot to me, but it was a disaster. Even made a take about it last winter.
To quote judge judy;Beauty fades, dumb is forever.
Probably your approach. How many women do you greet by name? If you don't know how to start a conversation then it's time to learn.
It's a combination of looks and personality. But if you only have personality, you might be shit out of luck...
Girls sit there like dead fish especially if you are good looking. Average looking guys are less intimidating and if you are outgoing and social thats like 80% of the battle with gorls.
So simple. They lack masculinity. If you don't have confidence, assertiveness you will not look attractive even you have pretty face. You have to have personality also. Most women are not going to approach you or ask you, you have to do that.
As a guy, ever wonder how some of these REALLY attractive females end up with some of the most broke ass, downtrodden looking guys?I dunno man...Girls are weird. It never makes sense.
With that attitude it’s unlikely you’ll ever figure it out
Im not trying to figure it out.As far as im concerned, its her choice, her opinion.To each his own.
They usually have no personality or a bad personality or attitude.
Because a lot of it is personality. Are you unconsciously sexist, racist or homophobic? That stuff can make a good looking guy seem really unattractive
Woke liberal men are often a even bigger turn off for women than guys who don’t care. That doesn’t mean it’s okay for guys or anybody to be racist bigots. But passive pleasing politically correct guys come off as ass kisses.
Ya. Mine were just a couple of things but those are also turn offs. Personality means a lot more than looks to women
That is true. But being agreeable and sensitive is not something women like and being woke is all about that for a specific group of people (but it’s fine to trash conservative straight white guys). Ironically liberal women are often more attracted to strong conservative guys.
Because there are many more things on earth that matter other than looks, if not more.
They have something unattractive about them that isn't physical.
In my experience good looking me are fucking useless. I had a few pretty boy co workers... They were pretty but couldn't do the job for shit
Nice story but what does that have to do with the question?
Men's attraction comes from being skillful and confident.
Lol, lets pretend thats true
Yea let's pretend that men being beautiful has only been a thing for the last few decades
It hasn'tMovie stars were adored by women 100 years agoBeautiful people were adored in the roman empire
Bcs they were rich , famous and had a high social status...Yes the Roman empire... how the mighty have fallen. Guess beauty didn't offer much defense from the barbarian tribes that sacked it...
It didn't but neither would better soldiersAnd they became famous because of their good looks, not the other way around. People always cope with this bullshit excuse
Maybe.But as I said, my opinion is based on my experience with guys who were considered beautiful but didn't know how to use stretch foil correctly or operate a forklift without flipping over several hundred cans of soda.
And how would a woman know this when you go out to a bar or a club? From my experience if you are good looking women will just approach you and do most of the speaking if they are attracted to you
I don't know. I don't go to bars or clubs bcs I don't like hanging with those types of people
Personality is important too. I don’t want to date a rock
Because guys, men, have to know or learn, and how to exhibit so many different types of behavioral-traits, behavioral-skills, social abilities or talking abilities, in order to have success with women
Because beauty is subjective and you're probably straight.
Because looks aren't everything. You actually have to be pleasant to be around
Takes more than looks to get a date, that goes for everyone.
Perverts and conservative men are never going to have my interest
So... everybody lol cause you're either a conservative or you're a pervert.
@ChiTown33 perverts aka needy, unattractive guy, conservative guy aka weak, insecure guy.
@Mamamialetmego i take it you're a pervert because i wouldn't want to admit to being a liberal. Lol
@ChiTown33 I'm fucker 😂
of all the men that i have met i can verify that most perverts are conservative
As opposed to liberals who ALL are perverts.
It’s not about looks. It’s more about personality. You need to be confident as well.
It is often about personality, how you handle yourself, how you talk and what you talk, the general vibe you give off.
It depends on how you carry yourself and treat others. Your personality matters more.
Could be the way they approach or don't approach at all.
I don't approach at all. I just care too much what people would think if I come off stupid.
Then that's the problem right there
Because they're not actually good-looking or have a shitty personality.
2 uglies have disliked my answer 😂😂😂😂
Ure prolly delusional about your good looks when ure not
because dating for a man is passing an endless series of shit tests. If you do or say the wrong thing you lose her.
Because they might don’t have a good personality or something 🤷🏻♀️😬
Personality, trying too hard, looking desperate. It's not always about the looks.
What do you mean trying too hard?
Some guys think that all they need are looks. Their personality is usually really bad because of it.
Maybe because you're not good looking.Also you're ethnic which means you're a write off for most women who only want white men.
Scared of what could be greatPast experiences Every excuse but to be happy
money attract women. if you are UGLY looking but you have money women will be all over you.
If those are the kinds of women after you then you need to realise that they're not the right people for you. Most women really aren't after money. They want to connect with you, to talk to you, to laugh with you and to love you for who you are. Money has nothing to do with that. You can't buy love
That boy needs a freaking haircut.
You have to BE a friend to HAVE a friend.
Maybe just too full of themselves
Because they have bad personality
Because it takes more than looks.
You're definitely attractive. I mean I don't know, maybe you intimidate some females? I have no idea but you're my type.
Maybe you aren't as good looking as you think?
Then you’re obviously not good looking
It’s their personality
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