Why am I only hook up material?

Question

This guy, who has a long-term girlfriend hit on me. I obviously, rejected him. What makes me only good enough to hook up with and not worthy of an actual relationship? I don’t dress in a manner that is suggestive or shows a lot of skin. I’m not constantly flirting with guys. I’ve never been one to have sex outside of a relationship. I don’t really go out to clubs and parties often. I’m career and goal oriented. I’m smart and ambitious. Why am I not worthy of a serious relationship? I honestly, just feel like giving up and staying single for the rest of my life.

Answer 1

Aethereal | 434 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Explorer

From your description of yourself, you seem like wife material, not someone to just hook up with (not that I even know what makes someone "hook-up material"). The only possible reasons that come to mind are:
- You go to the wrong places, or hang out with those kinds of people. This is partly unlikely since you already said you rarely go to clubs and parties. The company you keep could be the reason though. When you're out with friends for example, do they look and act like "hook-up material"?
- You're a workaholic. Being ambitious and career oriented is great but too much of that suggests you don't have (nor want) time for anything serious. A bad work-life balance destroys relationships.
- Your personality could be a factor. You might come off as aggressive, dominant, intimidating, even arrogant. Some guys don't see those traits as great for a serious relationship, but will be okay with something (very) shallow or short-term if the girl is beautiful.

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Answer 2

BigZeet

Xper 2

You may just be attractive to other guys or an unfortunate target for them as a distraction. Doesn't mean you're not worthy of a serious relationship. On a side note you should avoid thinking you're entitled to a serious relationship. Not saying you're not what you've described yourself to be, but don't let these kinds of encounters discourage your character. You'll most likely be approached by people like this, so you might have to do some digging among the more reserved guys to find what you're really looking for.

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Answer 3

btbc92

Influencer

You have premarital sex. That's why your hookup material. They can't respect you if you cannot respect yourself. And they sense that from you. You are who you attract most of the time. You have to change you how you approach relationships and your sex life. Stay firm and grounded by changing your outlook on men.

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
Wow. Aren‘t we judgmental? I have sex with only one guy in my entire life (whom I had a five year relationship with) and I lack self respect?
btbc92

+1 y
Yes. Because one, it's not judgmental. It's about making the right judgments for your life so you wouldn't have that problem. So if you want to say I'm judgmental, then why judge thse men who wants sex? If you can freely give sex to somebody who your not married to for 5 years illegally, why should they be denied of what is freely given? To men, sex is sex. And as long as they get sex why should they respect you? I had plenty of guys who mocked me for not having sex before marriage, and those same guys are shocked and happy that I never had done what you did because I don't behave like your behaving. That they wished more girls were like me because many of you act entitled and everything else. My standards and principals are clear as day. While yours are not. My boundaries are clear and firm. While yours is whenever you say. To them, that sends a message that you're not worth committing long term because your behavior will be unpredictable. Especially since you sexually active and experienced. This means you will judge them just as much as they can and will judge you sexually. It's very sad that you want to call people like me judgmental yet get upset when you can get what you want with these men. Maybe learn from those choices instead of getting defensive? Because until you change it won't change your encounters.
btbc92

+1 y
I don't know what happened in your last relationship. But something is very wrong if you can't get it together with whoever you were with, whether they were in the right or in the wrong. Everybody deals with insecurities in some way, shape or form of another. But there is a pattern between premarital sex and lack of self-worth. That person should be somebody you TRUSTED. And now they left with something precious of yours that you cannot give to somebody worth keeping and fighting for. It doesn't mean you won't recover or have a happy love life at some point. But because of your choices, it will be much harder had you just waited. It's about doing what is right from the beginning. I am my age, is still a virgin and get this, NEVER DATED ONCE. You know why? Because I know my self-worth, and that I am worth more than dirt. And I refuse to be treated any less than a human being. And if I am not going to get what I deserve you can forget about me handing my virginity to any man who isn't my husband and isn't prepared to be committed to me and only me as I should be committed to only him. You will be judged silently 99.9% of the time by your ACTIONS. And actions speak louder than words. Men, for the most part, SPEAK ACTION. If they don't see it. If your energy doesn't show it. If you do not perform those duties that make you unique as a woman, they will not be attracted to you. No matter how beautiful, amazing with your personality or upstanding as a woman you are. You must be the woman even you would be proud of. Not regret becoming. It is never too late to change. But do not forsake the valuable lessons life has to offer you.
Show All Show Less
Asker

+1 y
My boundaries are unclear? I said I don‘t have sex with any man I‘m not in a committed relationship with. You‘re making it seem like I‘m sleeping around indiscriminately. But continue on your high horse and thinking that you‘re better than everyone simply because you‘ve never had sex outside your marriage (which I‘m not knocking).
btbc92

+1 y
Whoa, stop with the unnecessary jealously. I strictly told you that they can sense that your not worth committing to BECAUSE of your sexually active. The point is again, FOR MEN. NOT what I say, ask any guy if you don't believe me. Sex is SEX! No, your boundaries are not clear. You have what I like to call broken boundaries. I have never said you sleep around. But that you have low standards to the point that you prompt up somebody you call 'boyfriend' and only have sex with him, yet you cannot and will not have sex with them. They would rather go for a person who is willing. And your defensive attitude doesn't make it any better. I don't have to be on any horse. You just chose to be lower than what you can be as a woman by yourself. I never told you to make those choices. I am not above you nor below you. You just choose to sank instead of swim.
Asker

+1 y
How am I jealous? When did I ever imply that I was jealous? What is there to be jealous of? And I‘m not sexually active being that I am not in a relationship at them moment. There a virgins that men view as not worth committing to, just as there are there are women who are sexually active that men see as worthy of commitment.
btbc92

+1 y
Again, to them it makes you seem entitled for no logical reason to their eyes. Apparently you sound like you don't know much about men for you to accuse me that far. I'm only telling you the reality by experience. And I have experienced it many times for me to remain as I am. For those reasons exactly. At the same time, you getting guys who have girlfriends. I used to get the same thing too. You can't do anything about those types of guys because they have no respect as it is for not just you but who they are with. But at the same time, you are still picking up bad suitors. When I changed my outlook and stop putting it all on guys, the easier it became for me to see clearer why men behave the way they do. And they do it because of so many of you women, whether your Christain or not, religious, spiritual or not or whatever your affiliation is or call yourself, you do the ONE thing these men want: Premarital SEX. Making it extremely tough for people like me, which is why I declared celibacy to find a suitable partner who will wait, who will agree to those terms and will commit. And actually stay. Think about this. Men are driven to be in a relationship with a woman for one thing: SEX. They are not looking for love. They give love in order to obtain sex. THEN they will commit. And that is a big maybe. So if you want to gamble with your physical, spiritual, emotional, mental and psychological wellbeing, you go ahead. I am trying to help you see where you're going wrong at. You have to look at yourself before you look at these men. Because while I am glad that you looked at those other factors like your outfits and such. GOOD! Most would not. However, you're not looking deep enough. And you need to take this time to really evaluate, even if you have to journal things to see that.
btbc92

+1 y
You are showing that jealous by telling me in an envious manner for me to continue on my high horse. That is not necessary and is proving to be very rude. It's the energy and the attitude you put off that lets me know you are. You are active if your not a virgin. And the way you are coming off at me, I can indeed see why they do not want to commit. It's about the intent for sex. And what you're not seeing is most of you if not almost all of you who are sexually active are very much the same and alike. You just handle and have sex differently than others who are active and have premarital sex. To you people, sex is a performance. So, of course, most guys want sexually active girls. They don't want LOVE. They want a perfromance. To you people, love is pleasure in the form of sex and it isn't. In turn, you end up hurting each other thinking its love and you don't know why your hurting. Because sadly that is our reality. I just choose not to gamble on my life especailly since it took my late mother's life after getting affected with HPV and got sick with cancer that killed her. You don't understand how a man's drive actually works. If he was having sex in the form of marriage and waited for marriage to have sex he would be committed sexually to his wife. The imprint on her, not sex. A man who has sex outside of marriage is only imprinted on sex. And therefore will be very choosy at times on how the woman is performing sexually just like women do because they have the experience. You cannot have commitment and then have this negative mentality. It will destroy your intimate relationships with men. Now that men have experienced it so many sexually at such young ages as young as 8, they now expect it.
Asker

+1 y
Okay. Clearly, nothing is coming from this exchange. Thank you for your opinion. I hope for find the type of man that you‘re looking for. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Asker

Wow. Aren‘t we judgmental? I have sex with only one guy in my entire life (whom I had a five year relationship with) and I lack self respect?

Answer 5

btbc92

Yes. Because one, it's not judgmental. It's about making the right judgments for your life so you wouldn't have that problem. So if you want to say I'm judgmental, then why judge thse men who wants sex? If you can freely give sex to somebody who your not married to for 5 years illegally, why should they be denied of what is freely given? To men, sex is sex. And as long as they get sex why should they respect you? I had plenty of guys who mocked me for not having sex before marriage, and those same guys are shocked and happy that I never had done what you did because I don't behave like your behaving. That they wished more girls were like me because many of you act entitled and everything else. My standards and principals are clear as day. While yours are not. My boundaries are clear and firm. While yours is whenever you say. To them, that sends a message that you're not worth committing long term because your behavior will be unpredictable. Especially since you sexually active and experienced. This means you will judge them just as much as they can and will judge you sexually. It's very sad that you want to call people like me judgmental yet get upset when you can get what you want with these men. Maybe learn from those choices instead of getting defensive? Because until you change it won't change your encounters.

Answer 6

btbc92

I don't know what happened in your last relationship. But something is very wrong if you can't get it together with whoever you were with, whether they were in the right or in the wrong. Everybody deals with insecurities in some way, shape or form of another. But there is a pattern between premarital sex and lack of self-worth. That person should be somebody you TRUSTED. And now they left with something precious of yours that you cannot give to somebody worth keeping and fighting for. It doesn't mean you won't recover or have a happy love life at some point. But because of your choices, it will be much harder had you just waited. It's about doing what is right from the beginning. I am my age, is still a virgin and get this, NEVER DATED ONCE. You know why? Because I know my self-worth, and that I am worth more than dirt. And I refuse to be treated any less than a human being. And if I am not going to get what I deserve you can forget about me handing my virginity to any man who isn't my husband and isn't prepared to be committed to me and only me as I should be committed to only him. You will be judged silently 99.9% of the time by your ACTIONS. And actions speak louder than words. Men, for the most part, SPEAK ACTION. If they don't see it. If your energy doesn't show it. If you do not perform those duties that make you unique as a woman, they will not be attracted to you. No matter how beautiful, amazing with your personality or upstanding as a woman you are. You must be the woman even you would be proud of. Not regret becoming. It is never too late to change. But do not forsake the valuable lessons life has to offer you.

Answer 7

Asker

My boundaries are unclear? I said I don‘t have sex with any man I‘m not in a committed relationship with. You‘re making it seem like I‘m sleeping around indiscriminately. But continue on your high horse and thinking that you‘re better than everyone simply because you‘ve never had sex outside your marriage (which I‘m not knocking).

Answer 8

btbc92

Whoa, stop with the unnecessary jealously. I strictly told you that they can sense that your not worth committing to BECAUSE of your sexually active. The point is again, FOR MEN. NOT what I say, ask any guy if you don't believe me. Sex is SEX! No, your boundaries are not clear. You have what I like to call broken boundaries. I have never said you sleep around. But that you have low standards to the point that you prompt up somebody you call 'boyfriend' and only have sex with him, yet you cannot and will not have sex with them. They would rather go for a person who is willing. And your defensive attitude doesn't make it any better. I don't have to be on any horse. You just chose to be lower than what you can be as a woman by yourself. I never told you to make those choices. I am not above you nor below you. You just choose to sank instead of swim.

Answer 9

Asker

How am I jealous? When did I ever imply that I was jealous? What is there to be jealous of? And I‘m not sexually active being that I am not in a relationship at them moment. There a virgins that men view as not worth committing to, just as there are there are women who are sexually active that men see as worthy of commitment.

Answer 10

btbc92

Again, to them it makes you seem entitled for no logical reason to their eyes. Apparently you sound like you don't know much about men for you to accuse me that far. I'm only telling you the reality by experience. And I have experienced it many times for me to remain as I am. For those reasons exactly. At the same time, you getting guys who have girlfriends. I used to get the same thing too. You can't do anything about those types of guys because they have no respect as it is for not just you but who they are with. But at the same time, you are still picking up bad suitors. When I changed my outlook and stop putting it all on guys, the easier it became for me to see clearer why men behave the way they do. And they do it because of so many of you women, whether your Christain or not, religious, spiritual or not or whatever your affiliation is or call yourself, you do the ONE thing these men want: Premarital SEX. Making it extremely tough for people like me, which is why I declared celibacy to find a suitable partner who will wait, who will agree to those terms and will commit. And actually stay. Think about this. Men are driven to be in a relationship with a woman for one thing: SEX. They are not looking for love. They give love in order to obtain sex. THEN they will commit. And that is a big maybe. So if you want to gamble with your physical, spiritual, emotional, mental and psychological wellbeing, you go ahead. I am trying to help you see where you're going wrong at. You have to look at yourself before you look at these men. Because while I am glad that you looked at those other factors like your outfits and such. GOOD! Most would not. However, you're not looking deep enough. And you need to take this time to really evaluate, even if you have to journal things to see that.

Answer 11

btbc92

You are showing that jealous by telling me in an envious manner for me to continue on my high horse. That is not necessary and is proving to be very rude. It's the energy and the attitude you put off that lets me know you are. You are active if your not a virgin. And the way you are coming off at me, I can indeed see why they do not want to commit. It's about the intent for sex. And what you're not seeing is most of you if not almost all of you who are sexually active are very much the same and alike. You just handle and have sex differently than others who are active and have premarital sex. To you people, sex is a performance. So, of course, most guys want sexually active girls. They don't want LOVE. They want a perfromance. To you people, love is pleasure in the form of sex and it isn't. In turn, you end up hurting each other thinking its love and you don't know why your hurting. Because sadly that is our reality. I just choose not to gamble on my life especailly since it took my late mother's life after getting affected with HPV and got sick with cancer that killed her. You don't understand how a man's drive actually works. If he was having sex in the form of marriage and waited for marriage to have sex he would be committed sexually to his wife. The imprint on her, not sex. A man who has sex outside of marriage is only imprinted on sex. And therefore will be very choosy at times on how the woman is performing sexually just like women do because they have the experience. You cannot have commitment and then have this negative mentality. It will destroy your intimate relationships with men. Now that men have experienced it so many sexually at such young ages as young as 8, they now expect it.

Answer 12

Asker

Okay. Clearly, nothing is coming from this exchange. Thank you for your opinion. I hope for find the type of man that you‘re looking for. Best of luck.

Answer 13

MissDawn7961 | 1.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

if you have had sex and not married , then the person you had sex with has spread your having sex with him around so now males feel that your only good for a - hook up - ! do not give up but do not have sex until you do it with your husband on your - honeymoon - with him

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2 People

Answer 14

cavmanier | 3.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

It sounds like he was either looking to have fun with you on the side but maybe he wanted be with you instead of her current girlfriend.

Single guys often want to mainly hook up, especially if they are confident enough to approach you. If a guy is confident to do that, he can meet a lot of women.

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Answer 15

J2ohhhhh | 260 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 7

You put yourself in that position when you're surrounded by people who are more into hook up. Carrier and goals are quite materialistic things and attract people with certain mindset what results looking at you as a hook up material.

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
I swear, I can’t win. If I had absolutely no plans or goals, I would be labeled as a loser. Now you’re saying that because, I have goals and plans, I am not wife material. Okay.
J2ohhhhh

+1 y
Now you label yourself as a hook up material, you're not doing any better with that one either.
Asker

+1 y
This doesn’t even make any since.
Show All Show Less
Asker

+1 y
*sense

Answer 16

Asker

I swear, I can’t win. If I had absolutely no plans or goals, I would be labeled as a loser. Now you’re saying that because, I have goals and plans, I am not wife material. Okay.

Answer 17

J2ohhhhh

Now you label yourself as a hook up material, you're not doing any better with that one either.

Answer 18

Asker

This doesn’t even make any since.

Answer 19

Asker

*sense

Answer 20

BrotherFrost | 193 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

Never as a question like this without providing:
-Two picturs, one of you wearing night out clothes, and another one where you are wearing everyday work clothes
-Your job and title at work
-List of your hobbies
-How often and at what kind of places do you go out

This is the bare minimum if you want a real answer.

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Answer 21

slatyb | 7.7K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

That’s just one guy. How do you imagine you are going to meet anyone if you don’t go out and don’t give guys any hint that you are available and interested?

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Answer 22

Ceasar97 | 115 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 7

tbh, I don't really know enough about you to tell you. It could be that you are attractive that all guys just want sex with you. Where do you meet most guys?

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Answer 23

Thatsamazing

Guru

He likes you and wanted to have sex with you. This isn't complicated.

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Answer 24

Bigmofo

Xper 1

Don't be guilty of anything . That won't do much good for you. There is nothing bad and nothing good in this world. You will eventually find the one you want.

React

Answer 25

COMMODOREII | 5.6K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Woa hold it there. You will find the right guy. He will come around, you haven't dated every guy. 😎

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Answer 26

poneglyphs | 926 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

okay, you do you.

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1 Person

Why am I only hook up material?

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