Why do MEN tend to avoid confrontation at all costs?

[lightbulb27]

I love finding those patterns... that is "you" stuff:) Not that you are the problem, but you are drawing that... that's the fun stuff to find in you... that is... if you don't like what you are drawing or how it is going, change "you" so you draw something else and handle it differently. It's the one thing you own. you are learning at young age, that's awsome.

I couldn't stand confrontation because I was beat to hell as a child emotionally, as well as treated wonderfully. My response to survival was to back away but to of course still feel the feelings of pain.

Find out what his childhood was like and that will tell some of the story of how he responds. There may be other factors... e. g. one opens up to another to "love" them and then has to fight and argue... who wants that pain? Arguing and disagreeing to a guy is a terrible thing... we aren't trained to negotiate and reconcile, were trained to smash and kill the other things. Vulnerability... the opposite to shame and key to love... we are trained not to be vulnerable and open up.

Then the other part is there are people who will abuse the other once they can get them vulnerable. So the guard is up. In the end, it's a psychological battle.

Confrontation hurts and as well makes it seem like we are hurting the other, when often times it seems with females just talking out their emotional junk helps them. It's just not something I find we are wired well for.

The more emotionally shut down he is, the harder it gets. I saw this play out with a customer of mine... she'd fume all day and then let him have it when he came through the door... he was spent from the day and just "took it"... until he blew his top. I was shocked noone was killed. She justed wanted to express her emotions. Allowing time to decompress is a smart move...

Lastly... sitting across the table like girls love to do... is confrontation to a male. We become defensive. Sitting next to, shoulder to shoulder... arm in arm... that's someone who has my back, a friend in battle. Not sure how female translates side to side. For him, playing with something in his hands to distract helps as well... so the setup to the discussion helps... sit next to, adjust tone, etc..

It's love... and war... lol:) Opposite brains... and training in an emotionally jacked up world with beings that want to be loved and secure.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the woman. But in general, women tend to expand on the confrontation. I'd be happy to talk if we were focusing on the issue at hand, not turning it into the launching pad for new, different, and previously unknown issues.
Also, some women tend to turn the guy's bad feelings (anger, hurt, whatever) on him, or make it about themselves. No guy wants that BS. Here's an example: We had plans, you cancelled. I'm upset. Rather than apologize and try to reschedule or make up for it, you turn it around and chastise or mock me for being upset, maybe toss in a "you don't think I'm stressed/upset too?" or a "you're seriously upset over this?". That's really infuriating.
Tackle the main issue first before bringing up a new one, downplaying the first one, or making it about you. I know someone like this and I almost never talk to her when I'm upset (or I hide how upset I actually am).

[MzAsh]

They do it out of intimidation. Fear of being wrong. Fear of suffering consequences. Fear of drama.

[Anonymous]

I think those men are still babies👶🍼🍼

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I generally try to avoid outright confrontantion because I want to avoid conflict and prefer to compromise, but of course it's not always feasible - sometimes confrontation it's necessary for a healthy relationship.
But also because most women around me can be pretty terrifying when angered.

[Finchie40]

Cuz us men can't stand drama, it's easier for us to walk away and just let it go then to argue over something that isn't really going to solve anything , All it does is cause more drama , so we tend to ignore it and walk away we will fight if it crosses a line but if it is petty we won't waste out time , , Most Girls love drama it's in their genes , so a girl will more then likely not avoid confrontation , so when she does run her mouth us guys sit their to protect her and try to calm her down the same time , A lot of times we are laughing in the inside on how crazy she iis acting and the shit that comes out of her mouth lok so it is kind of entertaining to us , so we will sit there and listen but if it esculates further we will be their to protect , at least that's what i do lol , I dated a girl that loved drama , she didn't back down from confrontation, if someone pissed her off she would snap on them and rip them a New asshole with her words , I would just sit there thinking ok babe time to calm down you are getting out of hand , the only time i will step in is if she was about to get into a physical fight. This 1 girl she had a confrontation with at a restraunt we were at i was just sitting there watching her motherfuck this girl that shouldn't of opened her mouth in the first place but the girl loved drama also , i guess she was trying to show off in front of her boyfriend who knows , but my girlfriend was ripping into her good and not backing down , i was sitting their laughing and shaking my head until the Girls boyfriend was about to stand up and get involved , I pointed at him and said Sit the fuck down! The look on the face when he saw me was classic , he pretty much shit himself and sat right back down so fast that it made me laugh on how intimadating i was to him lol So Yes i will let a girl run her mouth arguing and just be there to protect her if she is my girl , but Girls Love drama , case closed lol

[Anonymous]

It depends on the specific guy and circumstances, but generally speaking, it could be to avoid drama and/or an argument (guys are often "wrong", even if they are right lol). Or, a lot of guys aren't good at expressing feelings either. They are either uncomfortable with it (we are "taught" by society it's not "manly" to show/express feelings), and/or they may not know exactly what is bothering them or how to express it properly, so they just don't. This is a huge difference between men and women, a lot of us are the complete opposite of you that way. But, not all guys. I have no problem talking about mine, but a lot of guys do.

[JohnAlaska43]

im not afraid to speak my mind. But sometimes my feelings make me say stuoid things.
I know women love to talk things out. Its not easy for me to speak about things angry. Id rather simmer down and think sbout the question.
I dont try to hold the answer but sometimes its easier for me when im not upset.
Im always straight forward and dont hide my emotions when need be.
But if they are negative thought I go and try to process them.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Because we live in a society where just having a woman accuse him of making her have BadFeelz is enough to send a man to prison, how much worse is it going to be for him when she makes accusations that he was 'abusive' because he told her that he didn't like something she did?

[Smyth04]

I think most people avoid problems because they're too lazy to deal with them, but some others try to avoid hurting other people. I think I'm very outspoken about my opinions or views, and if someone argues with me, I don't stop until they stop or someone wins. Along with that, I sometimes feel like an arrogant jackass after I argue or disagree with someone, so I sometimes try to shut up if I disagree with something.

[UglyestGuyEver]

cos confrontation and arguments generally aren't a pleasure experience... its more like jus an annoyance... and i could deal without any annoyance in my life... i rather jus be chill and happy... thats why i try to avoid it as much as possible unless its absolutely neccasasry

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Here is the truth: We don't avoid confrontation. We avoid the way it makes us feel and look in the eyes of others. People find themselves avoiding confrontation and conflict for the following reasons and probably many more: - Fear of rejection when standing up for yourself.

www.elitedaily.com/.../1007777

[Anonymous]

Because women don’t fight fair in arguments. They often twist emotion with logic. They really don’t really care about what is right, rather BEING right but after tempers cool she might realize she is wrong. She may (or may not in many cases admit it). A guy on the other hand will fight with logic about getting to the truth.

So as guys when we are upset we tend to bottle it up because we might hit back with an unfair reprisal.

Now are all women like this? Absolutely not. But us guys have unfortunately met enough that we know it’s true.

Side note: my dad used to kick my ass for back taking my mom... even when he often knew deep down I was sometimes right. So you can see the impression that was set into from a very young age.

[Anonymous]

I’m not like your ex at all. If there’s an issue with my girlfriend I’m the one who’s like “alright, we’re sitting down, airing it all out, and settling this shit TONIGHT.”

I don’t like going to bed angry at my SO. Life is too short to not try to solve conflicts as soon as possible. Most of the time they’re not even that big anyways, and the longer you let them go unresolved, the bigger they seem.

[BigJake]

Because guys are taught from an early age that our feelings don't matter. If we get upset about something or if something bothering us, we're told to suck it up and deal. Therefore, when we have an issue in relationships, we just try to stick it out and hope that things will resolve themselves naturally.

[Chris12343212]

I don't know about relationships but when it comes to fighting another guy you can win a fight and still get your teeth knocked out. I prefer my teeth in my head and savings in my bank. God forbid I look European lol no offense my grandma is from the UK.

[TallAnon]

Because we are usually very candid and blunt and we know we need to be careful about these sensitive matters because we have something to lose. It's not something we're used to, it's not a situation we want to be in and ultimately we want to make sure that we handle it correctly. If we were blunt, we may end up saying something like "Just fucking leave me alone for a bit" and then the real drama starts and you could have ruined something you worked on for years.

[mT2359]

Obviously it bothers you... so it's up to you to clear the decks for communication to flow between you and your partner. May be he is insecure about somethings and wants to avoid making you mad. Even though indirectly, he makes every effort to let you know he is mad at you.

[FakeName123]

I am a highly confrontational person - but if you wanna spent your life with someone you sometimes gonna suck it up and try to take it in a more calm manner. Confrontation together with emotional investment can very easily turn into nasty fights.

[MrHopper]

Well i can't answer for the blunt thing, i think thats just manners.. as for being passive with the girlfriend.. thats just for an easy life... we all just want that really so "yes dear" as its known

[thelifeilead]

Cause we are ignorant! Actually the deeper underlying cause is that men have been told their entire lives to keep their emotions in check. Unfortunately what that leads to is not dealing with problems properly as they come up. Especially when it comes to the sometimes over emotional girlfriend. (Not her fault, women have been taught to over express and over exaggerate the issues and emotions) these stigmas are designed to keep people in check. Men who shut down don't question what is going on around them and same with women that are over dramatic. Stop for a moment and think, and pause, and relax, and you'll understand.

[Sevenpointfive]

some people need drama in their life or they feel the relationship is stagnant. i don't get it either

[40Ninjas]

Out of sight out of mind mentality. Guys process things differently then girls and that is not a bad thing. We are just different and it works for us. It is not our problem you women do not like it, that is your problem

[madgoat]

Perhaps he wants to be sure of his feelings before he speaks out about something, and ensure he's not just being irrational.

[MattNotMike]

I used to think women were scary and wanted to placate you / solve your problems.
Then I realized : "Holy SHIT you guys are annoying." and started confronting people when I thought talking would solve the problem.

However, some people are too smug, or too selfish to even bother addressing, so at that point they just kind of cease to exist in my eyes.

[MementoMori_]

From our point of view the question is "Why are women always forcing us to confront things?"

Nothing on planet earth scares me except when a woman says "We have to talk." That's my biggest nightmare.

[Liam_Hayden]

Bluntly? Most men are entranced by the V and worry that they will lose access temporarily or permanently if they upset their SO.

[nerms123]

That’s not avoiding confrontation. That’s being a fuckhead

[dovido]

Men with ego tend to not fight fights that they might lose so he fights in his head, therefore it gets worse and he can't lose.

[Juxtapose]

I don't know, I voice my concerns openly. It's easy.

I will withdraw if I am highly upset, but I'm not going to be passive aggressive, just isolationist until I get back to my normal state.

[joanofarcher]

I think they are raised to be agreeable towards women. They are afraid of hurting us probably because they see us as weaker.

[Anonymous]

Why do women need confrontations and drama constantly? There are more adult ways to handle disagreements. It's not that we are avoiding confrontation, we're just sick of your childish way of communicating.

[GreatnessBack]

I used to do that, then I learned it's better to state my upset-ness and move on from that.
Works a lot better.

[COMMODOREII]

When we get angry we want to hit something. So we walk away to cool off before we continue our conversation especually around people we care about.

[_SOARER_]

They are pussy
Simple and plain, and they fear being honest with you

[cavmanier]

Because men tend to not be good at expressing their feelings.

[Gedaria]

I would have thought you would have liked this in men?

[Hogoblin_of_Venice]

Because if it escalates and the other person taunts you, and you hit them, Assault laws are draconian. AND they don't punish the person that incited the violence. Nope they walk away scott free.

[MrMilti]

Its pointless to look at the problem, look for the solution.

[2os4ngeles]

Who wants to get in an argument with a woman? It's not like they play fair or argue honestly.

[humanearth]

To avoid a fight with someone they care about deepy

[Anonymous]

Honestly, because women don't fight fair.

They bring up stuff from years ago that was settled, they resort to tears and emotional threats.

Men argue logically, women argue emotionally, and women also are poor losers, they HAVE to have the last say.

They use emotional blackmail like "you don't love me anymore".

They also resort to physical violence, thinking they can't be hit back.

It's just not worth arguing with women 99% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Not all men do this but ones that do, more than likely like to make things happen their way! When that doesn't happen men tend to just stop talking and get mad...
I'm a man and I sometimes do it too...

[monkeynutts]

Sometimes it's better to not pick a fight if you know you probably won't win. Plus you can ruin a perfect moment by bringing up issues that will sort themselves out in due course.

[skeetskeetskeet]

Go back to being bad at communicating... Its easier that way

[esotericstory]

Because women will destroy you with verbal abuse if you raise concerns.

[Anonymous]

Because I don't think arguing with women is worth my time. They don't ever admit their faults so why even bother?

[Brad135]

Guys aren't good with emotional things, I guess its 2019 and all and guys have become more effeminate and such, but guys from earlier generations such as myself are brought up to be more emotionally inept

[BrotherFrost]

Because if things escalate beyond point of no return, and you cross all the lines, he can't punch you in the face like he does men.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why women tend to avoid confrontation at all cost

[Shiva987]

They scared of breakup, loosing friendly relationship and pressure on the men due to our stupid society and it's people.

[Anonymous]

I personally just want to make my girl happy. But anybody else can kindly screw off if they're trying to be "cute".

[MoscowMitch]

Because their parents taught them that they are always in the wrong.

[NerdInDenial]

Being direct would cause more emotional drama leading to a fight that could get “physical.”

[Daylight7550]

I don't avoid anything. I little fight all night long. You do not try to shut me down.

[Anonymous]

Because if anything at all happens we go to jail, lose our money and careers, and ruin our lives

[doublenb14]

Because women always has to complain about something and we just take life a minute at a time.

[lucas262]

You ever hear of a shit test?

Where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't?

[colin77]

im very communicative and believe in working out, but don't believe in unnecessary confrontation

[DWD1994]

Because a lot of women act emotionally volatile and irrational when we try to talk about it, so we just ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any idea how much it hurts our ears to hear women screaming at you?

[Iron_Man]

Not me I want to find out what's going on

[Pamina]

I don't think that's true.

[motownplayer2000]

Because when we are ready, we will tell you. Lol