Why do MEN tend to avoid confrontation at all costs?

[Anonymous]

... Especially in relationships or dating? My ex did this constantly. He was extremly candid and blunt about EVERYTHING! Almost to the point it was embarressing and i had to apologize for his behavior. But if he was upset about something or at me, he would avoid the subject altogether, but hold an attitude and act passive making it obvious he was mad.

Sadly this is not the first man I've been with like this either, its been a pattern with all.

So why do y'all do this men of G@g?

Updates:

+1 y

Just wanted to add i have a very go with the flow attitude and i dont enjoy emotional matters of such either. I dont complain and act petty over small things, but if im dealing with a large issue i feel its logical to communicate said issue and be done with it. This is actually a trait I've come to learn as I've been bad with communication in the past.

[lightbulb27]

I love finding those patterns... that is "you" stuff:) Not that you are the problem, but you are drawing that... that's the fun stuff to find in you... that is... if you don't like what you are drawing or how it is going, change "you" so you draw something else and handle it differently. It's the one thing you own. you are learning at young age, that's awsome.

I couldn't stand confrontation because I was beat to hell as a child emotionally, as well as treated wonderfully. My response to survival was to back away but to of course still feel the feelings of pain.

Find out what his childhood was like and that will tell some of the story of how he responds. There may be other factors... e. g. one opens up to another to "love" them and then has to fight and argue... who wants that pain? Arguing and disagreeing to a guy is a terrible thing... we aren't trained to negotiate and reconcile, were trained to smash and kill the other things. Vulnerability... the opposite to shame and key to love... we are trained not to be vulnerable and open up.

Then the other part is there are people who will abuse the other once they can get them vulnerable. So the guard is up. In the end, it's a psychological battle.

Confrontation hurts and as well makes it seem like we are hurting the other, when often times it seems with females just talking out their emotional junk helps them. It's just not something I find we are wired well for.

The more emotionally shut down he is, the harder it gets. I saw this play out with a customer of mine... she'd fume all day and then let him have it when he came through the door... he was spent from the day and just "took it"... until he blew his top. I was shocked noone was killed. She justed wanted to express her emotions. Allowing time to decompress is a smart move...

Lastly... sitting across the table like girls love to do... is confrontation to a male. We become defensive. Sitting next to, shoulder to shoulder... arm in arm... that's someone who has my back, a friend in battle. Not sure how female translates side to side. For him, playing with something in his hands to distract helps as well... so the setup to the discussion helps... sit next to, adjust tone, etc..

It's love... and war... lol:) Opposite brains... and training in an emotionally jacked up world with beings that want to be loved and secure.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the woman. But in general, women tend to expand on the confrontation. I'd be happy to talk if we were focusing on the issue at hand, not turning it into the launching pad for new, different, and previously unknown issues.
Also, some women tend to turn the guy's bad feelings (anger, hurt, whatever) on him, or make it about themselves. No guy wants that BS. Here's an example: We had plans, you cancelled. I'm upset. Rather than apologize and try to reschedule or make up for it, you turn it around and chastise or mock me for being upset, maybe toss in a "you don't think I'm stressed/upset too?" or a "you're seriously upset over this?". That's really infuriating.
Tackle the main issue first before bringing up a new one, downplaying the first one, or making it about you. I know someone like this and I almost never talk to her when I'm upset (or I hide how upset I actually am).

[MzAsh]

They do it out of intimidation. Fear of being wrong. Fear of suffering consequences. Fear of drama.

[Anonymous]

I think those men are still babies👶🍼🍼

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I generally try to avoid outright confrontantion because I want to avoid conflict and prefer to compromise, but of course it's not always feasible - sometimes confrontation it's necessary for a healthy relationship.
But also because most women around me can be pretty terrifying when angered.

[BrianTG78]

Hi Ashh, respectfully I'm gonna confront this one head to head. When you ask "Why do MEN tend to avoid confrontation at all costs," especially in relationships, I have to assume you're saying women don't do that in or outside of relationships, and that all men avoid conflict in and outside of romantic relationships. You've come to this conclusion because men you've been in relationships with showed this pattern, and now you feel it's appropriate and correct to generalize that all men avoid conflict.

It's never accurate to generalize about an approximate "half" of the human race. You stated that your ex was so blunt and candid it was embarrassing at times. Doesn't sound like he was afraid of conflict to me. With that being said, since he was so blunt and candid he'd probably already expressed his needs, desires or expectations from you prior to the situation or action that disappointed him later. Probably not every time he got upset with you, but if that was the case he most likely expects you recognize what you did to upset him and apologize. Then move on with confidence it wouldn't happen again. Or he would have expected you to confront the situation head on as to why you didn't agree with him or respect his position when it was originally the topic of discussion, or if it's a common courtesy in a romantic relationship, or any personal or professional relationship. So when he's quiet, he either refuses to repeat himself or he doesn't feel you'll learn from the situation. Maybe because he feels you don't care about his feelings, needs or concerns. Maybe he felt it was beyond your comprehension. The purpose of an argument is to make progress, not to have a winner. Maybe he's not confident he can have an progressive discussion or argument with you. So instead, he'd rather take that time to do a little math on the "is she worth keeping" scale in his head.

I think it's important that I voice this opinion of mine to you as well; Both men and women avoid conflict in and outside of romantic relationships at times. Just about every situation, emotion or action in this world will be handled differently by every individual at different times, but there will most certainly be similarities amongst both sexes. I've personally witnessed both men and women avoid speaking to another individual for days. My sister would go silent for a week or more.

There are a few unrelatable situations, I'm sure... Men will never fully grasp what women go through during pregnancy, but they can learn about it and empathize.

My hopes are you'll consider a different approach with your questions in the future. Here's my suggestion for the above referenced question. "I've found that almost all of my exes chose to avoid conflict when they were mad at me. I feel I've always confronted problems head on with my partner, so I'm wondering if this is something anyone else has had to deal with. Guys, have you dealt with this? Ladies, am I the only one?"

[Finchie40]

Cuz us men can't stand drama, it's easier for us to walk away and just let it go then to argue over something that isn't really going to solve anything , All it does is cause more drama , so we tend to ignore it and walk away we will fight if it crosses a line but if it is petty we won't waste out time , , Most Girls love drama it's in their genes , so a girl will more then likely not avoid confrontation , so when she does run her mouth us guys sit their to protect her and try to calm her down the same time , A lot of times we are laughing in the inside on how crazy she iis acting and the shit that comes out of her mouth lok so it is kind of entertaining to us , so we will sit there and listen but if it esculates further we will be their to protect , at least that's what i do lol , I dated a girl that loved drama , she didn't back down from confrontation, if someone pissed her off she would snap on them and rip them a New asshole with her words , I would just sit there thinking ok babe time to calm down you are getting out of hand , the only time i will step in is if she was about to get into a physical fight. This 1 girl she had a confrontation with at a restraunt we were at i was just sitting there watching her motherfuck this girl that shouldn't of opened her mouth in the first place but the girl loved drama also , i guess she was trying to show off in front of her boyfriend who knows , but my girlfriend was ripping into her good and not backing down , i was sitting their laughing and shaking my head until the Girls boyfriend was about to stand up and get involved , I pointed at him and said Sit the fuck down! The look on the face when he saw me was classic , he pretty much shit himself and sat right back down so fast that it made me laugh on how intimadating i was to him lol So Yes i will let a girl run her mouth arguing and just be there to protect her if she is my girl , but Girls Love drama , case closed lol

[Anonymous]

It depends on the specific guy and circumstances, but generally speaking, it could be to avoid drama and/or an argument (guys are often "wrong", even if they are right lol). Or, a lot of guys aren't good at expressing feelings either. They are either uncomfortable with it (we are "taught" by society it's not "manly" to show/express feelings), and/or they may not know exactly what is bothering them or how to express it properly, so they just don't. This is a huge difference between men and women, a lot of us are the complete opposite of you that way. But, not all guys. I have no problem talking about mine, but a lot of guys do.

[JohnAlaska43]

im not afraid to speak my mind. But sometimes my feelings make me say stuoid things.
I know women love to talk things out. Its not easy for me to speak about things angry. Id rather simmer down and think sbout the question.
I dont try to hold the answer but sometimes its easier for me when im not upset.
Im always straight forward and dont hide my emotions when need be.
But if they are negative thought I go and try to process them.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Because we live in a society where just having a woman accuse him of making her have BadFeelz is enough to send a man to prison, how much worse is it going to be for him when she makes accusations that he was 'abusive' because he told her that he didn't like something she did?

[Smyth04]

I think most people avoid problems because they're too lazy to deal with them, but some others try to avoid hurting other people. I think I'm very outspoken about my opinions or views, and if someone argues with me, I don't stop until they stop or someone wins. Along with that, I sometimes feel like an arrogant jackass after I argue or disagree with someone, so I sometimes try to shut up if I disagree with something.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Here is the truth: We don't avoid confrontation. We avoid the way it makes us feel and look in the eyes of others. People find themselves avoiding confrontation and conflict for the following reasons and probably many more: - Fear of rejection when standing up for yourself.

www.elitedaily.com/.../1007777

[UglyestGuyEver]

cos confrontation and arguments generally aren't a pleasure experience... its more like jus an annoyance... and i could deal without any annoyance in my life... i rather jus be chill and happy... thats why i try to avoid it as much as possible unless its absolutely neccasasry

[Anonymous]

Because women don’t fight fair in arguments. They often twist emotion with logic. They really don’t really care about what is right, rather BEING right but after tempers cool she might realize she is wrong. She may (or may not in many cases admit it). A guy on the other hand will fight with logic about getting to the truth.

So as guys when we are upset we tend to bottle it up because we might hit back with an unfair reprisal.

Now are all women like this? Absolutely not. But us guys have unfortunately met enough that we know it’s true.

Side note: my dad used to kick my ass for back taking my mom... even when he often knew deep down I was sometimes right. So you can see the impression that was set into from a very young age.

[BigJake]

Because guys are taught from an early age that our feelings don't matter. If we get upset about something or if something bothering us, we're told to suck it up and deal. Therefore, when we have an issue in relationships, we just try to stick it out and hope that things will resolve themselves naturally.

[Chris12343212]

I don't know about relationships but when it comes to fighting another guy you can win a fight and still get your teeth knocked out. I prefer my teeth in my head and savings in my bank. God forbid I look European lol no offense my grandma is from the UK.

[Anonymous]

I’m not like your ex at all. If there’s an issue with my girlfriend I’m the one who’s like “alright, we’re sitting down, airing it all out, and settling this shit TONIGHT.”

I don’t like going to bed angry at my SO. Life is too short to not try to solve conflicts as soon as possible. Most of the time they’re not even that big anyways, and the longer you let them go unresolved, the bigger they seem.

[mT2359]

Obviously it bothers you... so it's up to you to clear the decks for communication to flow between you and your partner. May be he is insecure about somethings and wants to avoid making you mad. Even though indirectly, he makes every effort to let you know he is mad at you.

[TallAnon]

Because we are usually very candid and blunt and we know we need to be careful about these sensitive matters because we have something to lose. It's not something we're used to, it's not a situation we want to be in and ultimately we want to make sure that we handle it correctly. If we were blunt, we may end up saying something like "Just fucking leave me alone for a bit" and then the real drama starts and you could have ruined something you worked on for years.

[FakeName123]

I am a highly confrontational person - but if you wanna spent your life with someone you sometimes gonna suck it up and try to take it in a more calm manner. Confrontation together with emotional investment can very easily turn into nasty fights.

[MrHopper]

Well i can't answer for the blunt thing, i think thats just manners.. as for being passive with the girlfriend.. thats just for an easy life... we all just want that really so "yes dear" as its known

[thelifeilead]

Cause we are ignorant! Actually the deeper underlying cause is that men have been told their entire lives to keep their emotions in check. Unfortunately what that leads to is not dealing with problems properly as they come up. Especially when it comes to the sometimes over emotional girlfriend. (Not her fault, women have been taught to over express and over exaggerate the issues and emotions) these stigmas are designed to keep people in check. Men who shut down don't question what is going on around them and same with women that are over dramatic. Stop for a moment and think, and pause, and relax, and you'll understand.

[wildbilly123]

I feel if there is a problem , get it out in the open, hear each other out and reach a solution without petty bullshit... if i am with a woman and there is a problem , i most certainly won't raise my voice, get ignorant, if she is wrong then fix it. If you are wrong fix it. Simple

[40Ninjas]

Out of sight out of mind mentality. Guys process things differently then girls and that is not a bad thing. We are just different and it works for us. It is not our problem you women do not like it, that is your problem