If a girl says she doesn't know what she wants, but still talks to you and another guy, what does it mean?

My fiancee of three years recently decided to move back home with her parents. She is 23. She moved back home a couple of weeks ago, and I found out that she has been talking to another guy since before things were officially ended with us. I knew she was moving, but the relationship, while very strained, wasn't officially ended.

I am 25, with a masters degree and am looking for a great job. we lived in a small town, and she is from DC, and moved to get a good job and such.

I found out that the two of them kissed and have been talking since. This man is 37, no education, and a cook at the restaurant she worked at. he has since asked for pictures of her every day, told her things from her facebook profile as his favorite things to do, and even wanted to get a motel room for a few hours before she left town the day she left! She did not take him up on the offer, but it was offered, nonetheless.

She came down to finish our apartment, and met up with him after she told me that we have a chance to work out our relationship. Her best friend (also my best friend) is against this guy, and told me that they did not do anything but kiss, but he wanted sex.

Now he is trying to tell her he wants a relationship with her. To me, this only screams that he is in this for sex.

However, throughout all this, she is telling me there may be a chance for us, but she still talks to him exponentially more than she does me.

We had our issues in our relationship, and she says she can tell I have changed. I would not have asked her to marry me if I didn't want it to work. She says that while she wants to believe that I have changed, she is scared of getting hurt, which is what I know this guy is going to do.

I am at my wits end. I know that she wants her space to figure out what she wants, but how can she figure out what she wants if she is talking about a relationship with this guy and is telling me that there may be a chance?

I feel like I am being strung along, and I do not know what to do in this situation. I do not want to throw away three and a half years of my life for something like this.

What does all this mean from her end? I have no clue what she could be thinking. ANY advice is helpful!

I promised her before that I would not argue as much and would do what I could to help her around the house. I was getting my masters during this time, and worked every single day, mostly out of town. I lost my job and motivation, and messed up.


Most Helpful Girl

  • why is she afraid of you hurting her? And what was the problem before that you needed to change?

    • I needed to help her out more around the house. I worked out of town while getting my masters degree, so I was out 24/7. I picked up bad household habits. I told her I would fix them, but never really held up my end of the bargain.

    • Show All
    • Well good luck :)

    • Thank you so much, you have truly been a big help!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • The reason you feel strung along is, because you are.

    I'll break it down for you the most honest way I can:

    1. She broke up with you after she met him = She chose him over you

    2. She kissed him = A kiss is sometimes more intimate than sex

    3. She tells you there is a chance = You have more potential, Financially.

    **this may not be true, but sweetheart, you know if you plan to marry this girl, you should not have to compete with someone who doesn't treat her right.

    4. She's scared of getting hurt = She hasn't let go of the past between you two. Some women rather choose a clean slate, then spend time mending wounds.

    My belief is if someone breaks up with you, you need to remember, whatever that reason was, the love they had for you was only that strong. Think about it.

    Whichever path you choose to take, I hope your future wife loves you as much as you love her.

    Best of luck.

    • I seriously think this is the best advice that I have been given. And I completely agree. I posted this over a month ago, and things have really came to light in my situation, and this is the complete truth. I know now that she is obviously not the one like I thought she was, and that I deserve to be happy and have someone love me as much as I love them. She still has things of mine, and I hers, and she will not meet me to exchange them, nor mail them. Holding onto them. I don't know what that means..lol

  • She's scared of getting hurt, but she was talking to another man before you two were broken up? Interesting..

  • Pray for her and for you, it's easy to mess up because you may not have god's spirit it will help you out.


What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like she's just ready to move on, but is afraid of what you'll do if she says she doesn't love you. If she's bringing up excuses like "you don't help around the house enough" and says that's the reason why she's breaking up, then I can't help but think that.

    • That is what I thought too. But, I gave her an out. I told her that if she did not want me in her life anymore, then I would bow out and do my best to move on. She tells me that she just does not know what she wants, that she can see I have changed, but is scared of getting hurt again. I just do not understand what she is doing, when I gave her a true out.

  • I don't understand why you would post so much information but miss the important things like how long were you two in a relationship for? Why did the relationship end? Who ended the relationship (I assume her from your question)?

    • I am sorry, it didn't post right. it missed my first paragraph. we were together for four years. it ended because we had a huge fight over one of her friends. I worked mornings, she worked evenings usually till 11 or midnight, and never really saw each other. She ended the relationship because she says I let her down. I have changed since she left, because it was such a huge shock.