What can influence it? I always thought of attraction as being there or not early on. How can It develop over time?
Well for example I was only moderately attracted to my girlfriend when I first met her. We dated a while and then started having sex, and after a while I really started seeing her differently and she just seemed more attractive to me. Hard to explain but she definitely grew on me.
But there was an initial attraction there which was just there. And that just grew.
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But both of these require some level of initial attraction right? Like have you ever become attracted to a guy you didn’t find attractive at all at first?
Yes. Yes, I did. That probably wouldn't work for guys I'd found absolutely ugly, but I rarely ever met people in my life I'd find really ugly.
So for you - what is it that makes a date someone you can have a great chat and great time with but someone you just don’t see yourself dating long term or being in a relationship with?
Could you please rephrase your question? I'm not sure if I'm understanding it correctly.
What makes a guy a great date? And what makes them a guy you had a great time with but can’t see being in a relationship with?
I... do not really do dates. I'm more of a letting things develop naturally kind of person. But fine, for example I had that one friend I really found attractive when first meeting. While getting to know him, I slowly found out that he has been to jail multiple times due to grievous bodily harm in the past, was a smoker and occassionally took drugs. So while he has been fun to be around as a friend I most definetely wouldn't want someone like that as a partner. At one point he even strait up asked me if I found him attractive (no idea why) and my answer was "I must admit, I did at first. And theeen... I got to know you."
Interesting. So do you think it’s often better to get to know someone as friends And see if anything happens than go on dates?
I see. So do you think you’d reject someone if they asked you out?
Well I'm in a relationship so the answer is pretty obvious. But even when I was single I'd reject anyone who'd tried to make advances just based off on looks alone.
But looks still matter when things happen naturally right?