"But I've yet to have a guy say yes when I asked him out, even for something as simple as going out to dinner or watching a movie together."Having self awareness is the biggest asset anyone can have so... why? Why is the above statement true for you?
Have you asked your friends what they think?
@Cynicaldreamer You got me sis. Unless men lie (they do) or they're on that bullshit (they are), then I have no earthly idea why a great girl like you would be rejected by these broken cowards. They're right, they're NOT good enough!
@DorkVader is in the house!
Well, I'm probably not their type, or they're not attracted to me in that way. Or in the case of me asking out a friend I become interested in, we've been friends so long, they now see me as just a friend rather than a girlfriend... I'm taking some educated guesses here Coach, so your guess is as good as mine. For example, one guy I asked out years ago said that he liked me, he was attracted to me, but refused to date me. He said he wasn't good enough for me. Okay, fine.Only for him to ask me a few hours later to help him with his dating profile. Yeah, I'm not even kidding. So I knew that was a polite way to say he wasn't into me. I think I just need to reevaluate the men I approach or am attracted to. Why can't men come with a sign over their heads that tell us if they like us or not? LOL
I am working on the sign.. could take a while though. Just an FYI.
@DorkVader Dork! I'm coming to your new place on Singles Awareness Day with some chocolate so we can eat our weight in chocolate while we wonder why no good men have snatched us up yet! LOL
@Cynicaldreamer We're going out with paintball guns and shooting single men who dare come in public without a sign
@DorkVader That's just the way it works when you're the one doing the asking out - you're gonna end up asking people out who aren't attracted to you. Imagine a man asking one or two women out, getting rejected by them, and then saying "I'm a great guy, those idiots clearly not good enough!". That's the kind of thing every "nice guy"'/incel thinks. But for some reason women think that if they ask out guys and they don't mostly say "yes" it must be because they don't like to get asked out? Makes no sense.
@coachTanthony You're killing me Coach, lolI think that should be your next Mytake: Men for dummies!
@englisc You gonna have to forgive me, claws out tonight. Rejection happens, I get it. Being rejected by people who claim to like you or who idealize you as "too good for them" even though you asked them out, so obviously you're ok with the disparity in cool points is just ludicrous. Count your stupid blessings an awesome girl asked you out or shut your stupid lying mouth.
@Cynicaldreamer Men for Dummies! 😂😂😂😂😂
@cynicaldreamer I get it.. men for dummies would be a good start for sure. Venus and Mars.. remember that book? Nothing has changed.
We need it simplified for us women who fall short of Venus.
Or not lol
@DorkVader He must be writing one up for us now! That or he knows we're a lost cause and figures we're on our own, LOL
@DorkVader I don't really know what you're saying. I've been asked out by girls I liked, and to them I said yes. The ones I said no to I just wasn't interested in. It's the same for men and women. Women just don't get it because they constantly pat themselves on the back for fuck all, and they always put it down to "oh he must have been intimidated by me because I'm too good for him" or some bullshit like that.
🙄 Typical. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, the rest are stupider and are from Jupiter
@cynicaldreamer not that I'd ever call you stupid. That was a jab at myself
@DorkVader No offense taken! I'm just sitting back reading this to see where it goes. Don't hurt him too much now
@englisc Do try and keep up. The provided examples were people that @Cynicaldreamer had asked out previously and gave her weird, faulty logic answers as to why they couldn't date her when she asked. Now, women pat themselves on the back because we have to. It's called having high self esteem. We build ourselves and each other up instead of doing the guy thing of ripping each other down and thinking it's okay, because that's what guys do. We think we're great, we don't understand when men don't agree. It's fine. We can handle rejection, but we don't understand why participating in this male dream sequence of asking men out isn't working for some of us.
@Cynicaldreamer I would never! I'm a lady
@cynicaldreamer @dorkvader Popcorn popped... cheeto bag opened!
@cynicaldreamer @coachtanthony Maybe I should disclaimer that all women don't build each other up, only the good ones?
@DorkVader @cynicaldreamer that is 100% correct.
@DorkVader@coachTanthony So very true! That's part of the reason I don't have many female friends: too messy and rather than trying to help each other, they try to make themselves look good while putting others down. I don't have time for such nonsense. Coach I'm gonna need some of that popcorn; I'm gonna be up a while doing the WoW tonight and need fuel
@cynicaldreamer I am playing COD.. so I am right here with you!
@DorkVader Yeah, that's true, people give bullshit answers as to why they can't date people all the time. Women do this to men also. They do it usually to let you down gently. Guys probably come out with more nonsense because they're not used to having to reject women who ask them out, because it doesn't happen very much. It's still the same thing - all to avoid simply saying "sorry but I don't find you attractive". All I'm saying is that it's the same for men and women. I get it, but at the same time as a guy I can see how it's just false. Looking at this from a guy's perspective, as a single guy I had to do most of the approaching. Because they don't have neon signs above their heads to tell you whether they're interested or not, you're basically playing a numbers game. The only way to tell if someone is interested in you or not is to ask them out. This means facing a lot of rejection. Some girls would like me, some girls wouldn't. A few would say "no" before one would say "yes". That's just how it works. And the reason those girls said no is because I wasn't attractive to them - but I didn't care because I knew that there'd be others who did. Just knowing that gave me the confidence to not care and to not put too much weight on it. I didn't need to come up with any other reason or try to justify it to myself in any way.
@englisc There you go! Women ask out significantly less men, and we are pretty selective in who we ask for one reason or another. We like them, we've sussed out they may like us, so the rejection smacks a little harder because we've done a little more investing. Women typically don't have to play the numbers game lol. We have planned an entire military coup and ran through several simulations before even approaching the dude. It's a different animal altogether
@Cynicaldreamer @coachtanthony My Fellow Nerds! I HEART YOU GUYS!
@DorkVader What I'm getting at though is that if I were to use the same logic women use, I'd give up after the first one or two rejections and assume that women just don't like to be asked out when that's obviously not the case. Then you do get guys actually who act in the same way you just described, who don't play the numbers game, because they lack confidence and are deathly afraid of rejection. And when it happens to them it crushes them. That's why you see these guys who ask a girl out, she says no, and then he's all angry like "you're an ugly bitch anyway eat shit and die". I had a woman say that kind of shit to me too once lol.
@engliscI think it's a different animal altogether, but it's not the same sort of motivation behind "incel" males and women. It's a different mindset, because women are used to being approached, while these men who give up are dooming themselves because there's no other avenue of approach, if you see what I mean. If a woman never asks out a man, she'll still be pursued. But if that scared or nervous guy never does, he's essentially dead in the water. It's not fair but we didn't make the rules.
I can relate to the second paragraph of what you said so hard. I have had it where guys were into me like I was into them but then after establishing interest, there ended up being some other disconnect somewhere. It’s like you can’t win for losing.
@sd1223 Right? Same here girl! I've had guys admit that they like me, but as soon as I try to make a move on them? Nope. Connection lost. I think it's the whole "they want to pursue us, yet they don't use us pursuing them" concept. Which I don't understand, I really don't. They want us, yet when we make it clear we want them, they lose interest? Smh
Just because they don't like you doesn't mean they don't appreciate being asked out.It's *far* more likely they just aren't interested in *you* specifically, but if a girl they were in to or a girl that was their type made a move then the chances of success are pretty good.
@AllThatSweetJazz Yeap, I figured as much! I definitely considered that was the case. I know I'm not that attractive, I can admit that. So the logic of guys wanting to be approached goes out the window if you're not attractive or their type...@DorkVader Well, it sounds like I'm gonna be single the rest of my life 🤦♀️
@Cynicaldreamer: men will gladly date outside their type and being confident and sweet is actually more attractive to a lot if guys. Let me ask you this: what is it about a guy that makes you ask him out?
@Avicenna Honestly it varies. But for most part, there has to be some connection there AND I usually ask him out if I think the feeling is mutual or they at one point expressed interest in meAs a matter of fact the last two guys I asked out, both supposedly liked me and were interested in me at one point. The last guy was the one that initially pursued me!Yet when I asked both of them out? They wanted to remain friends How does a guy lose interest THAT FAST? That's what irks me! It's as if they want to pursue us, but not the other way around. Or the fun is over once they realize you like them, lol. I wish men would just say what's on their mind without twisting things around. I'm too old for those games! That's why it's easier to stay single.
That's really bizarre. I've found it helps to have a good general idea of the type of person you're interested in.
@Cynicaldreamer I doubt you'll be single foreverrrrrr unless you choose to. From what I know about you, you're a go-getter and eventually, you gonna go get what you deserve, lol. I'm joking a little bit. But you are a tough, resilient, results based person and I think men don't like that. They like manic pixie dream girls that make them feel strong and needed or whatever. I think, when you find the right one, like Sheryl Crow said, Strong enough to be your man, it's gonna be a good day.
@Cynicaldreamer: Ask out a guy you like without puzzling over what he is thinking. Its too hard to get that right. Make sure you ask out mature guys.
@Cynicaldreamer: Yeah I don’t get that either. They don’t even want to give me a chance and see where it could go. Sometimes I get so fed up with guys but I know one day I’m going to meet that special guy. Like my aunt said you have go through a few frogs to get to your prince.
“So the logic of guys wanting to be approached goes out the window”No... it’s the exact same situation that guys are in, why would it be any different for you?
I don't think you did anything wrong, they just aren't into you as you are into them. That's a common occurrence amongst many individuals that attempt to date.
@ImagineSketchy True. After reading and talking with some of you guys here, I realize rejection goes both ways. Guys aren't the only ones that get rejected... and that's okay!It just means I have to keep trying until I ask one that does find me attractive
I don't think what you've described is so much of a gender role issue (vis-à-vis guys disliking women who take the initiative) so much as a personal issue of perhaps bad luck with rejection. It's also possible that you're overly optimistic in the guys you're shooting for. Don't feel too bad because that's the same reality for most guys! Just think about it for a sec: if asking girls out were to work out in guys' favor most or much of the time, do you really think we'd be hearing so many guys complain about the burden of their role as the initiator? No freaking way LOL! We'd love our role in that case!
You just said it... it's confusing and frustrating, so easier to give up! I've been there... and it leaves one in an alone and confounded place. There can be a lot of reasons why they say no, one of which is... it's easier to say no:)! They were hurt before by your rejection (if you rejected), so giving you what they got. Their initial attraction faded. The challenge with asking is that we personalize it... guess what... it isn't all about you, it is about them, their self worth, respect, are they good enough (one of them said he wasn't). If you just take what they say as fact and shut down, then you need to change. It is not just attraction that is the issue.The other thing is what and how you ask. e. g. to be turned down for dinner... that's quite harsh... even if they just like you as a friend.Lastly, there certainly is something to the guy being the pursuer that makes us feel good. I have had women lead and ask me, and accepted some of those, but some I don't. and I don't pursue others because of where I'm at, not them. Don't personalize the rejection so much. I see quite "average" women get married. I think there is something to matching "energy"... synergy... that works.
Try to put yourself in the same situation if someone do the same thing.What works on you.(guy's are more similar than you realize what works when it comes to love. what can differ is sexual lust. everything is about trigger right feelings and enough of the right one's when it comes to minimum effort. if you really want to get best results you need to trigger a lot of different ones even those that you doesn't consider to have to do with making someone love you as more than a friend. you must be physical to to trigger, not talking about sexual. there are a lot how to to get it right. if you want to know more specific just message me)(you have 3 primary areas you need to triger to make the other one fall in love. "Visual" "Logical" "Emotional" . only two only creates for example friend, two other creates friends with benefits. If you only get "emotions" you only get love, more specific hopeless romantic love, that one only last up to 2 years max if the other one's doesn't get triggered and that rarely happens since that phase messes with logic that makes us believe it's also logical. players uses that against you to get what they want with fast kicks, lov developed emotions goes for it and that happens to be majority of female's under a certain age)Are you in to everyone that approach you and spill their heart.Do you have patience that it takes time.Do you even wo the guy.
Thank you for MHO.
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"Which is why they reject women who are "too easy""They reject "too easy" women because of their body count, not because of they initiated with a guy.Men overwhelmingly appreciate being asked out. A tiny sliver do not.I think with a little reflection it should be apparent that you're projecting how you'd like men to be.Weird, how the way women tirelessly insist that men are is also eerily similar to how women seem to want men to be. Big thinks.
Could be true but then again, evidence suggests not. But I'm not a man. I can say what I want and it's all speculative anyway
The evidence says they appreciate it.
YEAH!!! Why go to the grocery store when I can HUNT?Oh, cuz that'd be stupid, I forgot... What you said was also stupid. Hunting is done out of necessity, not convenience. Ain't nobody got time fo dat shit!
@dragonfruitA But have you actually TRIED it? Have you ever made the first move or asked a guy out and had positive results from that?
At long last, our savior has arrived!
@Flower7 Yes, I've asked out a guy at least three times. The first time i was declined but the other two times they accepted. the last one went really well and he was someone I really liked.
@dragonfruitA Were these guys that you'd known for awhile or were they strangers?I'd like to become better at asking guys out, but don't know the right things to say to them.
@Flower7 One of them was a high school classmate, we didn't know each other well, and he rejected me - at first. after we'd gotten to know each other in classes, he realized our similarities and shared interests and came around. It ended up being one of the most meaningful relationships I ever had.The next was a guy who was my teacher (outside school). He wasn't that much older than me - both in our twenties. He said yes and we went out casually - we couldn't be in a relationship because I had to leave the country.Lastly, it was pretty recent - last year. I was crazy about him (i still kind of am). when I found out he was leaving the state, I immediately asked him out. I wanted at least a few hours alone with him, getting to know each other. It was one of the best days of my life. We text and he's been supportive through a tough time. I don't know what we are - not dating - I guess we're "friend-things".
@Flower7 Don't worry so much about your words. Just remember to be polite and straightforward - don't use words that will make them think you're asking to "hang out" (as friends/acquaintances). Many guys have told me it's best to actually use the word "date" in what you say. Also keep in mind the possibility of being rejected. You can be rejected for possibly these reasons: they're taken, they just went through a breakup, they're not a gentleman, they just lost a loved one and aren't feeling like dating. Ofc these aren't the only possible reasons.
HMMMM is right
Yes that would be a shocker for sure.
Well, if he wants to pursue you means he likes you. If you want to pursue somebody doesn't mean they like you.
Yes it does. But when I pursued apparently letting them know I liked them was a turn off. I guess I made it too easy but I hate playing games by hiding how I feel.
When guys say they think they like it they really do - but only by girls they're attracted to. Just like when girls say they wish someone would ask them out - what they really mean is someone with the right face, height, weight, age, etc.
@zagor is absolutely correct. This is the vast majority of people see it.
Can you give an example of this?
You know how you'd never ask a five year old what he wants to wear because he'll choose the spiderman outfit? Instead you control his choice "do you want to wear the red or blue shirt?" He thinks he's made the choice but really you did. Well its the same with men, you got to treat them like children. Just mention a new place to eat, how much you like that type of food, how you hate eating alone but would love to try it this weekend... effectively you're asking him out but he'll think he's the one making the move.
We dont care about thinking we made the choice. We just want women to make the 1st move.
No that definitely won't make him think he makes the move, that's you making the move. Your just dumb.
Let me correct your poor English. "He MADE the move" "YOU'RE just dumb". Please finish school before calling your betters dumb
stfu we all wanna be the chosen one LOL
Oh yes spotting a little typo somebody makes in his second language definitely discredits him.
That's not a gender thing, that's a you thing. Sorry.
They might not be used to it, so they emotionally retreated?
@DonCachondo That doesn't explain why they were the first one to express interest in me, told me they have a crush on me, etc.
Then you're contradicting yourself. They expressed their feelings to you first. This post is about being the one to ask the other out, so if they already did before you did, what was your point? Maybe those guys were salty about being made to wait I don't know
@DonCachondo Expressing feelings to someone and asking them out are two different things
Not in the context of OP's question. This is clearly about making move indicating interest.
@DonCachondo The question says: "ask them on a date". It says nothing more than that.
Because they don't exist in real life, right. In reality nobody gives a fuck, everyone likes to not do something and still get it
Men don't exist in real life? Fuck me and their clever simulations
@Chase7777 I’m not saying introverted guys are not a thing but generally, a lot of guys simply don’t like it. People start giving less fucks when they’re in their twenties and even then they will still have opinions on every damn thing.
@DorkVader sarcasm is new to you, apperantly.
You probably had experience with the dumb ones, only natural that they don't like it and want to hold onto meaningless traditions.
@Chase7777 the dumb ones are generally the ones you meet.
If you rely on getting ask out without doing any work yourself than getting dumb ones seems a lot more probable. At least from my observations.
@Chase7777 my dude, I literally speak from experience. I’ve asked several guys out and all of them were weirded out by it and said no. One of them actually said the reason they said no was bc they didn’t like that I asked THEM
Don't ask idiots, problem solved.
So by that logic women don't like to be asked out by men. Do you realize how often most men get turned down by women.
He's got a point.Most of the time a guy gets nowhere with a girl, welp guess they must not like being asked out by guys. Guess we better stop doing it.Seriously though, do you realise that getting rejected by guys 80% of the time still wouldn't mean that guys dislike it?
Well, he might have been too attractive for you.