What ever happened to just dating?

Ever since I was first "on the market" some 20 years ago, it seems like no one just dates anymore. It's got to be a full-fledged relationship (or FWB these days) or nothing!

I keep meeting guys who assume after one date that we're in a relationship - and we haven't had sex, so it's not that. Yes, I would like a serious relationship, but how can how can you know if you want to be serious with someone unless you take some time to get to know them?

I feel very pressured a lot of the time (again, not in a sexual way), and it's a huge turn-off. Have other people experienced this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, people don't understand friendship and want exclusivity right away. It's the cultural paradigm of instant gratification.

    People don't understand that a lot of disappointment and pain is avoided when relationships develop and mature at their natural rhythm rather than always forcing the pace.

    Then they write in to sites like this and complain about the way they were treated. Usually things won't work out when you are in a hurry and if you want to know whose fault it was, look in a mirror.

    In many cultures it is customary to date in groups for a long time before pairing off.I think we should start that custom here in N America. Of course a lot of people ARE doing that, informally, more and more.

    Great question mama.

    • Yes, we do live in a culture of instant gratification - and also a throw-away society. So if said relationship (or marriage) doesn't work out, you can just toss that person to the curb anyway and move on! As hard as it has been, I have really been taking my time since my divorce 3 years ago, so that when I do get into a serious relationship, it will be a great one, not just okay (or bad!).

    • The right thing to do, of course. Best of luck!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • People have become in it for themselves and not for the other person (the way it should be). They want to know upfront if it will benefit them and if it won't then what's in it for them? They would rather not waste their time and get to know the person and develop a thriving relationship if they can get what they want somewhere else easy. It's all about them.

  • Well what I wonder is that where did dating multiple people at same time come from.

    Monday: Tom, Tuesday: Simon, Wednesday: Erik, Thursday: Tom, Friday: Stephen, Saturday: Tom, Sunday: Erik

    Dating schedule example. If I'm scouting for someone for something serious, I do it one at a time.

    I'm not saying it somehow immoral not even assuming any of those "dates" included anything more intimate than dinner. Just not for me. And no, I don't assume it is serious after watching a movie. But if woman decides nope I'm not for her, then move to next one and not have dinner with me in between Jerry's and Billy's time slot. Are they in so freaking desperate hurry that need to date many at same time?

    But I'm not sure if you were talking about keeping it as just "dating", so can scout other players at same time too.

    • Let's say I meet two interesting men at the same time. Why do I have to decide right away whom I want to pursue a relationship with? Can't I have dinner with "Jerry" on Saturday and go to a movie with "Mike" on Thursday without being a slut or desperate? I just want to spend a bit of time with someone and get to know him. I'm not talking about months or anything; just maybe 3 or 4 dates.

    • Well yes sure, but it is ok to make clear to these Jerry and Mike both that you are dating other one too. That way they get change to say, that's cool or good bye. Consider it as test number one.

What Girls Said 3

  • I think people have gotten more chicken about the whole dating thing because it's so easy to get the "benefits" while putting forth very minimal effort. Admit it, dating is WORK and we are LAZY!

    It's very discouraging at times, and it can't be blamed on just men either. We women do our share of shortcutting when it comes to relationships as well.

    i feel that this is a VERY destructive and very frustrating trend to me as a female. The guys who DO ask me out are only interested in the physical attraction, and the ones who are actually decent and respect women quite simply do not date. It's scary.what will happen to future generations? The marriage age is getting higher and higher, and the success rate of those marriages is getting lower and lower.

    Dating = Searching for a Marriage partner. No if's and's or but's. Why is that so hard to swallow as of late? UGH

    At any rate, it's encouraging to see some NORMAL people who actually think dating is good! HIGH FIVE to all of you!



  • i feel the same way.a lot of guys that try to "get to know" me only want a sexual thing.but then when I'm in a relationship then want to do whatever they want to do. People are lazy.they don't want to take the time to do anything they just want to get right to it.

  • Hmm I dunno. Me and my husband dated for almost a month before we decided to take it to a serious relationship. We made sure we knew each other well enough to make that decision. I guess most people think that after one date they know each other well enough.