What advice can I give to my friend?

My good friend , who has 2 kids, just recently filed for divorce and is the final stages of it. She has confided in me that she has been talking to her co-worker and they even she was married there was an attraction there between them and he is single. According to her, she already knows he has a reputation for sleeping with other women, but at the same time these women knew what they were getting themselves into, it's just that he wanted sex with no strings. Well she has told he doesn't do that anymore and she feels that he really likes her and won't just use her for sex. Well they've been talking for the past 5 months and they have had communication problems on and off meaning and that they he doesn't express how he feels towards her. What complicates things is that they already had sex together already. She complains that he doesn't call as much and is totally done with him and doesn't want to talk to him. Well when she doesn't talk to him, that's where he says that he misses her and says some other things, than she ends up being cool with him. Then after a few weeks, the pattern happens again which has been going on for the last 2 months. She finally ended up telling him that she really likes him and is emotional and he says that he feels the same way, but at the same time she doesn't want to go through the same pattern again. So she tells me that she's just laying back and not doing anything. If he calls to say he wants to hang out, she'll decide if she wants to or not unlike before if he wants to hang out she would go straight to his place. She says she's in control now and that he really has been persistent with communication and she feels that he really does like her. She says that if he didn't like her he would just get sex and not talk to her like the other women that he has done meaning just sleep with them. Her plan was that she won't answer his calls,texts or hang out and that he would just give up but it has been the opposite, and that maybe he's proving to her that he wants to be with her. So she texted me and asked what I thought if what she's doing is correct but I haven't replied yet would like to give her and answer. This is what I would like to tell her. My thing is first of all it's co-worker that works on the same floor as you, that's already bad news. Secondly to me it's nothing but a game and that when she said that she's done, to me that means no communication..period but the guy said he won't let her go. I just think that knowing he has a reputation he might dump her because he already got what he wanted from her . In my opinion, nothing good will come out of this for her, and that I think that being divorced has got her emotions running and she should focus on her kids. Her co-workers tell her to stay away, but I guess she won't listen since she's attracted to him. Does my opinion/advice sound good tell her? Any other suggestions would be helpful


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hello, good friend of this (from what you input) women who clearly is going through a rough time, and has zero thinking/emotional capacity. 1) they already had sex if she wants something serious it will not happen. Even less with his reputation. 2) she thinks she has "control" of whatever they have going on? Standing ovation to the jerk/a-hole for making her think that. 3) tell her to move on and spend ALONE time. Tell her to find satisfaction in pampering herself with massages, getting her nails done and going shopping for a few new outfits and then tell her to go meet another man wait tell her to go meet a man and to send this boy to hell. 4) this one's for you if she will not take your advice, she's going to become very-very annoying to you when she wants to vent to you. If she won't take your kind advice, don't answer her calls and let her get what she already knows is coming. Good luck to her and she has a good friend in you hopefully she see's that.

    • I like your response, although if you don't mind explaining what you meant by she thinks she has control, but he's making her think that? I don't get that. The ironic thing is that I got a text saying she's in control, then I texted back to her what you said about he's making you think that, and she said back that she thought about it could be true but she really believes he's not and I didn't reply back. I'm just curious in your opinion, how do you see this ending and when?

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What Girls Said 2

  • She think she's in control because he makes her believe that. This pattern has been going on for two months! That is waaaay to long and he knows that whatever he does she'll be "cool" with him at the end. And since she already gave him the cold shoulder and she let herself get re-charmed the pattern will continue until when he finds another women to add to his "charm list" so he's ego can grow even bigger. Tell your friend this! 'The more in control you try to be, the more out of control it becames' WHY is she still this immature mans yo-yo? This ended before it even had a chance to start.

    • I did tell her this and she told me but she still believe that he really likes her because he's asked her to come over even when he has his daughter there and to her that really means he likes her because why would he invite her to his place if he has his kid around because the kid could tell her mom that daddy brought his woman to his place and that would create drama. She also told that me long term she doesn't see them being like husband and wife, how contradicting is that. My Friend is weird

  • He is telling her what she needs to hear, so that he can keep sleeping with her.

    And yes, you're right: her being in the middle of a divorce means she's vulnerable, and guys like him target girls like your friend because of it. Especially women who have kids.

    He's clearly a manipulative, selfish, jerkoff.

    • I live in another state so I can't really tell what's going on, I only go what I'm being told. She did mention as well he grew on her and that she didn't plan this it just happened so do you think it's her fault as well and I'm curious what do you think will come out of this?

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    • Wow, she shouldn't be hanging out with that guy if she doesn't like him in return. Clearly it's sending him the wrong message. She's doing the same thing that jackass is doing to her!

    • I agree, but the reality is, you can't help who you're attracted to. What I've learned is that if from reading stuff on here is that if there's no chemistry in the beginning, you're pretty much screwed. I don't blame the guy for stepping back

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