Did I ruin my chances or does she still want to hang out?

Ok so I met this girl last fall and she had a boyfriend. She broke up with him and started talking to me shortly after. We got pretty close but she decided to give the other guy another chance and ended things with me.

They dated about 5 months before breaking up again. Couple weeks later she texts me saying how sorry she was for how she treated me and hoped I would give her another chance. Well I did and for the next couple weeks we've been hanging out every single night after school/work. Slowly we've become more intimate (telling each other personal things, holding hands, cuddling, taking naps together).

Couple days ago she began acting a little distant and awkward toward me. So I asked my best friend if his girlfriend (her best friend) had said anything. He told me that my girl felt as though I wasn't as interested in her as she was me and that I didn't really like her. He suggested I make my feelings known asap.

So today I laid it all on the table and told her how much I like her and enjoy spending time with her and that I would love for it to continue to grow. And that when I sometimes come off as indifferent or uninterested it's because she made me nervous and I didn't know what to say or do sometimes.

Ok here's the part I don't understand. She responds back with "I like you a lot too but I'm also not ready for a relationship. I'm sorry I don't know how to put that in a nicer way. I do like hanging out with you though."

What does this mean? Is it over b/tw us cause I ruined it and made it awkward or does she still want to hang out and stuff until she is ready? I honestly have no idea

few hours after this conversation she was back to texting me and talking to me over facebook. Acting like nothing happened or changed. Really don't know what to think about this girl.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like she was being honest, she really isn't ready for a relationship. She keeps going back and forth between you and this other guy hoping to alleviate or distract herself form some issue, but it's not working. My advice is that you stop seeing her immediately. Tell her if/when she has figured and sorted out whatever it is that is keeping her from having a real authentic, committed relationship complete with love and trust, that you would like to try again with her, and are willing to start from square one. But until then you cannot be a part of her flip-flopping. I would go so far as to NOT offer her your friendship, because that would probably be hurtful to you, and you both could slip back into the same patterns.

    • Thanks that's kind of what I was thinking I'm going to have to do

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • To me it sounds like your her "security blanket". She doesn't actually want a real full on relationship with you, but she likes having you there inbetween her real relationships. A lot of girls do this that don't like feelin alone. I could be wrong tho.

    • I was concerned that that is what was going on too or maybe maybe I was just a consolation prize

    • Show All
    • I agree. I don't want to be someone's #2 draft pick

    • good for you!

What Guys Said 1

  • the simple truth is that you didn't f*** her, what do you think the other guy was doing those 5 months? do you think it was cuddling and holding hands, no, he was banging the sh*t out of her. Then you just nailed your decent into the friend zone by putting your feelings on the line, I mean, who the hell gave you the advice to do that? You should never verbalize anything like that and if you do then don't expect any different result from the one you got

    • She actually brought up the topic of sex a week or so ago. She explained that the last two guys she had been with had cheated on her with multiple people. One of which was her fiance. And that she refused to have sex until she found someone who really cared about her. So what was I suppose to do about that?

      And it was her best friend who I'm pretty good friends with that suggested I tell her how I feel.

    • You need to start looking at the girls actions rather than what they say, so the last two guys who she was with including the guy she wanted to marry were all players, what does that tell you? that she likes players. Now, it's up to you if you want to date this girl or not but you should pay attention to what the truth is, and avoid advice from most women, there are a few cool ones like the one that wrote the article "lets just be friends" you can check it out in my profile, but avoid most