What type of dates have you younger girls been on?

Younger girls (14 to 20) or parents of such a girl

I have a son who is coming up on 14 very shortly. He has a few girls that like him (they are rather obvious about it). My wife and I are helping him to have good, healthy relationships with girls.

What types of 'dates' have you younger girls been on? Chaperoned with parents or possibly older siblings? Or were you allowed to go on regular dates already? Perhaps group dates with a bunch of you? Or are your parents considering your still too young for this just yet?

Parents of younger girls - have you allowed your daughter on such dates? What types of dates? What did qualities of the younger guy did you expect? Must walk her to the door? Meet you? Anything you wouldn't accept? (baggy pants, body piercings)



Most Helpful Girl

  • I would say by age 16 they should be allowed to go on regular dates. Having your parents chaperon a date at 20 would be highly awkward, at that age he should be able to make adult decisions for himself. What you can do is just guide him on how to property treat the girls that he dates and to make smart decisions. Trying to control him too much might make him rebel. He's only 14 so I would think he would probably just go to a movie or something like that with a girl. That's pretty much what people that age do. If you wanted to, you could chaperon the date, I would assume that either you or the other girl's parents would be driving them wherever they are going. You can go with them, but maybe give them some space to have their own private date. If it's at a movie, sit a few rows back.

    Just for the record, I'm 21 and my parents had little to no control over my dates. I didn't date though until I was 18 (not many guys, I use to live in a small town). But I turned out fine, not promiscuous and am very responsible.

    • Very good feedback. I am not proposing we go with him at 16 or older. It is these early years that I want to give him a much better foundation than I had. I did not have good releationships with women and was way too sexually active for my age. I don't him making the same mistakes. Did you parents have any requirements of your dates? Must come to the door (no honking for you to come out)? Did you go on any 'group dates'?

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What Girls Said 5

  • I don't think chaperoning their dates is a good idea - I know I'd have been very ashamed if my mom came along to dinner, even if she sat a few tables further. The only "chaperonable" date that I can think of is the cinema, and you pretending that you were intending on seeing that movie anyways :P

    What you can do though is drive them to and from the date-place - which will likely be a public place anyways. That way you get to meet the young lady in question and ask her about herself a little. You also get to decide the amount of time they spend together.

    Most important thing is having THE TALK with him. Not just the sex talk, the how to treat women in general talk. What they like, what they don't like, what RESPECT really means, etc...

    Kind of dates : going to the mall, just strolling around, pic nic, cinema, school dance, house party (those are risky though), arcades... it depends what their interests + location (rural or urban) are really.

    Qualities expected : The must walk her to the door thing is adorable, and looking at most teens I see around me, I doubt they do that haha. Your boy's date would definitely melt confronted with such chivalrous behavior :)

    I think it's very sweet that you want to steer your son in the right direction :)

    Oh and since you're gonna ask, I'm 23. Didn't date until I was 17, because I was an ugly duckling who grew up to be a swan pretty late haha

    • I don't totally agree with you, but I appreciate your feedback. Thank you!

  • i'm 16, my mom lets me go on normal dates

    • Ok. Do they have any requirements of your dates? Does he have to come to the door? Do they insist on meeting your dates? What are your curfew hours (if any) when you are out on a date? Do you do couple dates or 'group dates'? Thanks for the input!

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    • I like those conditions. Not strict and not too loose either. Thanks for the feedback.

    • yeah but personally if I can't introduce a guy to my parents I don't think I'd be interested in him

  • One of the parental focus groups covered this:

    At 14 "parental chauffeur" is your unofficial title on a date. Some kids appreciate it, some don't. You do it anyway.

    Curfew... Some kids appreciate it, some don't. You set one anyway. Mine was always 7PM. Lock-out at 7PM sharp.

    Calling... Not everything runs perfectly smoothly. If he's stuck at the bus stop, she's having an emergency, or whatever, he should feel comfortable calling you. (Same goes for the girl.) It's not babyish; it's a sign that he has a supportive family, a solid game plan, and good values. The kids may appreciate it, they may not. You set the calling rule anyway. (If he does not have a cell phone, review places where he's going to be and where he will be able to make a call in the event that you're not chaperoning -- sorry, chauffeuring.)

    Clothing... You check what getup they have on -- nothing too low, too high, or too tight. Some kids appreciate it, some don't. You check anyway. You should know if the other person has tattoos, piercing, etc.

    Meet the other person. If you don't know who your kid is with, you won't be able to keep track of who your kid is becoming. Some kids will agree, some kids won't. You do it anyway...

    Timing and funds... The occasional mid-day date at the mall or local diner is alright, but know where they are going and when they are expected back. Give him a budget and outline what it is reasonable for him to pay for and what it is NOT reasonable for him to pay for. He might appreciate it, he might not. You tell him anyway (or he'll get suckered into paying for some girl's whimsical shopping spree one day when he's older).

    No one said parenting was easy, and at this age, you may be tempted to give your kid a bit too much leeway. It's important to check on them and provide as much guidance as possible (which it looks like you're doing). Some kids think they're mature and know it all. AHEM, this is especially common now, when they know how to reprogram everything on your iPhone and you don't have a clue. They feel like they know a lot, but often they don't know enough to be on their own. That's why they have parents. They may believe this, they may not. You parent them anyway. ;-)

  • You sick pervert

    • I am asking for my 14-year-old son - NOT FOR ME. If you read the question carefully, you would know that.

  • let him do his thang teach him to be smart and make smart choices if you are to involved he will resent you and you will noe NOTHING high school years are a very iffy time for the parents you need to be involved but completely give him his independence or else like I said he will lie and avert your questions and advise

    plus kids are dumb its not like adult dates they don't know what they are doing its so funny

    • My parents weren't involved with me at all. I was very sexually active at 15 and shouldn't have been. So, I am the product of the other extreme - no parental involvement at all. How old are you? When were you allowed to do normal dates?

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    • ur a good dad I think you will do the right thig

    • Thanks for the vote of confidence. I certainly hope so.

What Guys Said 2

  • I understand you wanting to protect you son but think of this first; would both of the them really like you to be there? Personally I'd feel extremely awkward if my mom ever went with me out on a date when I was younger. Let them have fun and keep everything safe if you make sure he understands about sex and everything that comes with it. If he is taught properly and understands the situations that might arise then he should be more then competent of handling things. Good Luck

    • That's a bit further than I am willing to do based on my own experiences growing up (my parents weren't involved at all). What age are you suggesting this happen at?

    • Personally I never really had the 'talk' considering I only grew up with my mom who felt weird talking about the subject but she did always teach me to respect and listen to women and I've never faltered with that advice. First time I went out alone on a date was my first one when I was about 15, picked her up, said hi to her dad and went to the movies and back home around 10p.m. Obviously it's a lot different now but that's how it went when I was younger

    • If you were 15, who provided the transportation? Did they just drop you two off or stay with you? I agree with you about it being a different field these days thus my question being posed in the first place. Thanks for the feedback!

  • 14 is too young. Same rules for boys as girls. 16 if their grades are good.

    • How about the chaperoned types of dates where my wife and I take him and his young lady to a movie and dinner? We would let them sit off by themselves but not out of sight. What do you think of that?

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    • Old enough to have kids out of HS. These were the rules my wife and I laid out for her kids.

    • I kind of thought that might the case based on your answer. Thanks for feedback. It is appreciated!