How can I not be an easy choice to a guy?

[yrdady]

K this is easy advice to answer and I enjoy answering it. You get taken for granted. This is so easy. Set a price for things. I don't mean money and please do not turn into a queen. You can do what I say without being a queen. Humbly set a price for your time. I mean quid pro quo. Or just do what makes you happy. You might enjoy the book The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand or objectivism. It questions the virtue of altruism. You have to be somewhat selfish but rationally so. That doesn't mean you can't give or be charitable, but you do it rationally and you don't feel that the world owes you when you give it. You prioritize your own happiness and find your own meaning. But... you can stay humble in the process. In fact it should be matter of fact- or it will turn me off, and that's another problem.

And here's the tough part. You often have to give to get, and I struggle with this. Even when pursuing your own happiness in the realm of others, where even social interactions should be a fair value exchange, sometimes you have to have loss leaders I guess. You have to give to get. But you don't have to keep doing so. It's easy to start living in the promise of something, feeling like the world is going to owe you or you've been promised things based on your behaviors, but they may not come true, so be aware of that. This is a hard lesson for me and it's hard for anyone who doesn't feel they have options. They are easy pray. Even if nobody wants to hurt them it's easy for their expectations to get ahead of reality. I've never been great at getting fed and rewarded from social groups. That's a whole other reality. I can be charming when I need to be sometimes, but not generally when I need something from somebody, so take my advice for what it's worth. Maybe a lot may revolve around reputation- how easy you are. I don't know. Oh and make him wait for sex. I would be happy to wait for sex if she kept talking to me and I knew she had a reputation of a wholesome person. It's when they make me work for their mere attention- that I don't feel is a very nice test and I usually end up forgetting about them. But I would almost be happy if a quality girl made me wait for sex but didn't withhold anything else- and that last part's the key.

[Adam1978]

People are nice in general so it is not enough to be picked. Not being nice is a sign to be rejected. But being nice only makes you stay as a candidate you have to do more like show or tell them what you want. Being nice doesn't tell anything on its own.

[MzAsh]

Up your standards and boundaries. Require them to qualify themselves to you before they earn a spot in your life. The ones worth your time will comply and respect you for it, not hate you for it.

[genericname85]

by establishing conditions a guy must fullfill before you hand them your niceness. it's called having standards.

i'm not saying you don't have standards. but if you're getting with guys that take you for granted or abuse your niceness, you need better standards.

[TheSimonymous]

Look for a guy who has these qualities as well. It's hard to find a suitable partner, I know, but I bet that there must be a guy out there for you who is just as nice to other people and gets taken for granted as you are.

[Filipe97]

Please don't change who you are because you were hurt by someone who did not deserve your kindness. There are plenty of guys who love nice girls. Me included. Instead of changing who you are find someone who values you. Remember one thing: when you are a nice person you don't lose anybody, they lose you.

[DeeToPlay]

Specifically what are you doing to give guys that impression of you? I like women who have developed the talent of being both assertive and soft simultaneously. Always know what you're looking for and how to get it.

[I-am-a-nobody]

You probably need to be more selective. Hang out with higher quality people.

[Bad_Man55]

Gotta say no or ignore people. Resist the urge to be nice all the time

[yenofed840]

because nice people think other people also nice and think more positive.

[Anonymous]

Don't be someone you're not. It's not easy finding someone. For any of us. Hang in there. You just haven't found the right guy yet.

[CikaZivan]

Why would you even care?
Someone who likes you the way you are will show eventually show up.

[RHK36]

You being nice will almost always put you in that situation to be taken for granted.

[makriks]

By showing your value and speaking your opinions from your mind and not trying to copy someone else

[Anonymous]

usually the people who consider themselves to be nice aren't really that nice

[FakeName123]

Have standards and a spine.

[Massageman]

Don't OFFER him the choice!

[JosephJoestar60]

You're picking the wrong guys. You're welcome.

[Jack9949]

I don't know