How many guys date down to get more power and dominance?

Question

like a good looking guy who dates a very very ugly girl cause he wants a relationship where he doesn't have to treat his girlfriend like an equal or consider her feelings or sacrifice that much to have her interest

Or a girl who avoids dating a rich guy cause she doesn't want a guy who is mean to her knowing he can replace her if she doesn't accept the bad treatment

Answer 1

BCA6010 | 785 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

I would not, and I don't know many guys who would except if they're just looking for quick sex, in which case they have no intention of being with that person long anyway.

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2 People

Answer 2

Anonymous

Men date down because it's less stress, and women never respect men that aren't better than them.

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6 People

LizzyHale

1 y
That’s equivalent to saying men don’t respect women unless they cook for them... sounds very silly
Lynx122

1 y
@LizzyHale No your comparison is silly there's no logic behind it at all.
LizzyHale

1 y
And how is there logic in saying women don’t respect men that arnt better than them 😂. My manager at sonic when I was 18 was better than me I hated him. It’s an illogical statement
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Lynx122

1 y
@LizzyHale You didn't understand what he said. He didn't say women like all men that are better than them. He said women never respect a man that isn't better than them. Like if you're in a relationship with someone if the guy doesn't have some advantage like status, money, maturity, looks whatever it may be women don't respect a guy if they think they can do better. He didn't say you automatically like every guy who's your boss or something.
Opinion Owner

1 y
@Lynx122 exactly. Women won't date EVERY man that's better than her, but she sure as hell won't date ANY man beneath her. Men consistently date underneath them.
LizzyHale

1 y
Oh ok I’m that situation THAT makes sense. Because I respect anybody below me. But when it comes to dating it’s different. So if you think about it, men won’t date ugly women (or at least would much rather them be pretty if they got to choose), women won’t date loser guys. It’s primal and how most men and women are wired. Women are wired to want the leader of a group because they have authority and can provide better for the family. Just like animals, the males always have to prove their strength against other males to get the ability to mate with the female (s). It’s like that with us to a certain extent as well. I don’t care about strength of a guy but the mental strength and leadership is important to most mature women. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Opinion Owner

1 y
@LizzyHale But men get criticized when we go after what we want "primally"
LizzyHale

1 y
A man that doesn’t go for his primal wants, and a women who doesn’t go for her primal wants are both rare. That’s fair to say. Men get criticized because they have nothing to lose but money if they have a kid. Women don’t get criticized because people know that non-hoe women are very very picky for good reasoning because women has money, her body, and 18 years to lose if she gets pregnant by the wrong guy. I think hoe’s get very much criticism and you pretty much know right away if a women is a hoe or not.
Opinion Owner

1 y
@LizzyHale That's not true that we only lose money.

Answer 3

LizzyHale

That’s equivalent to saying men don’t respect women unless they cook for them... sounds very silly

Answer 4

Lynx122

@LizzyHale No your comparison is silly there's no logic behind it at all.

Answer 5

LizzyHale

And how is there logic in saying women don’t respect men that arnt better than them 😂. My manager at sonic when I was 18 was better than me I hated him. It’s an illogical statement

Answer 6

Lynx122

@LizzyHale You didn't understand what he said. He didn't say women like all men that are better than them. He said women never respect a man that isn't better than them. Like if you're in a relationship with someone if the guy doesn't have some advantage like status, money, maturity, looks whatever it may be women don't respect a guy if they think they can do better. He didn't say you automatically like every guy who's your boss or something.

Answer 7

Opinion Owner

@Lynx122 exactly. Women won't date EVERY man that's better than her, but she sure as hell won't date ANY man beneath her. Men consistently date underneath them.

Answer 8

LizzyHale

Oh ok I’m that situation THAT makes sense. Because I respect anybody below me. But when it comes to dating it’s different. So if you think about it, men won’t date ugly women (or at least would much rather them be pretty if they got to choose), women won’t date loser guys. It’s primal and how most men and women are wired. Women are wired to want the leader of a group because they have authority and can provide better for the family. Just like animals, the males always have to prove their strength against other males to get the ability to mate with the female (s). It’s like that with us to a certain extent as well. I don’t care about strength of a guy but the mental strength and leadership is important to most mature women. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Answer 9

Opinion Owner

@LizzyHale But men get criticized when we go after what we want "primally"

Answer 10

LizzyHale

A man that doesn’t go for his primal wants, and a women who doesn’t go for her primal wants are both rare. That’s fair to say. Men get criticized because they have nothing to lose but money if they have a kid. Women don’t get criticized because people know that non-hoe women are very very picky for good reasoning because women has money, her body, and 18 years to lose if she gets pregnant by the wrong guy. I think hoe’s get very much criticism and you pretty much know right away if a women is a hoe or not.

Answer 11

Opinion Owner

@LizzyHale That's not true that we only lose money.

Answer 12

aWes0MeNeSs | 859 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Influencer

I think it can definitely happen, but what I see more than anything in the case of "dating down" is people who settle because they are either desperate for a relationship and are willing to take what they can get even if it isn't truly what they want, or they have low confidence/self esteem and think they can't do any better. Either that, or they see something in that person the rest of us don't (even if the person is absolutely nuts and treats them terribly).

Ironically, I've seen the lesser of a couple actually berate and try to destroy the confidence of the better one in order to try to brainwash them into thinking they're lucky to have them and can't do better, and that they have to accept them if they don't want to be alone. I had a loser ex try this with me, but what he didn't realize is that I don't mind being alone at all and would much rather be alone than have someone treat me with disrespect and try to control me. I was also not born yesterday and am not new to overgrown spoiled brats trying to manipulate me, so I saw right through it.

Also, you'd be surprised how easy it is for people to bullshit their way into things. There are a lot of people who have absolutely nothing going for them who know how to talk a big talk, and a lot of very gullible people who fall for their crap. I have seen the most pathetic people with not a single thing going for them in their lives at all brag about how great they were, and there was always some stooge who believed it and was oblivious to everything beyond the big show that person put on.

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Answer 13

Anonymous

This happens a lot more often than people care to admit or realize. I’ve seen it in men and women.
It can be rooted in control and power but could be insecurity and jealousy or both.

From experience, my ex told me he regretted dating me and he knew he shouldn’t have dated a pretty girl and will only date or marry a girl that’s not pretty because he can’t take the jealousy and he wants a girl that doesn’t have many options. Yea... insane. It was crazy and I was completely miserable. It was the worst relationship I’ve ever been in and would never choose to go through something like that again. We couldn’t go anywhere or do anything because he was too busy getting upset about a man noticing me. Even day to day errands like going to the gas station or grocery store gave me stress because I knew he would get upset. It was awful.
His logic was crazy. He said if I’m getting that amount of attention then it’s impossible that I’m not cheating on him.
It didn’t matter how many times I reassured him or explained that I chose to be with him and that he was insulting my character and our relationship constantly.
When someone is that way, no amount of reassurance will remedy their paranoia and insecurity.
I’ve had guys tell me that they wouldn’t be my boyfriend because I’m too attractive and it would bother them.
I knew a woman that was the same way and she would only date men that were much less than her.

It’s sad but it’s a real thing.

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2 People

Answer 14

DizzyDesii | 3.5K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

I once dated down in terms of looks but our personalities were equal. This dude still played me. So i dont even base it on?/10 anymore cause people are gonna right you or wrong you no matter if they look better or worse than you. And yes a lot of people do date insecure people because it helps them get feel secure/dominant over that person. However when that person still cheats on them or leaves them, it causes that supposedly secure person to question their own ego which can sometimes be a good thing... it humbles them

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Answer 15

Dongtai | 677 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

This is an interesting question. I’m incapable of dating down while maintaining my own self-respect and confidence. I’m not sure why it’s like this. But if I view a woman as “lesser” I subconsciously shrink to the point where she’s “more than”.

For that reason, I always go for girls who I either see as my equal or above me. When she’s above me, I step to the challenge and rise until I become her equal or higher. For some reason my partner choice brings either my best or worst out. I have to choose a woman who pushes me to my best self.

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Answer 16

rjroy3

Guru

That's more common of women in my experience. Most guys who do that genuinely don't feel they can do better. While I've met several women who know they can do better but date down for other insecure reasons like cheating.

Knew a girl in college who openly said she dates down because she's afraid if she dated someone as or more attractive than she is that they would end up cheating on her. She was the most vocal about it out of anyone I met. But several girls have said the same in less obvious ways.

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Answer 17

soleil2666

Xper 7

This is funny - people always thought that about me, and it hurt a lot - because the underlying cause was so she could meet my parents and not feel defeated - nor them feeling embarrassed.
I've moved up in the world, compared to my parents, 3-4 classes - and I am still stuck at choosing someone who would appeal to me (and whom they'd just stare at unable to say a word - perhaps just cry) - and someone they could related to (who, even if a 10 in looks, would still be 2 classes behind).
The devil and the deep blue sea (and the cost of moving up in the society - my belly starts to ache, to this day, about it - it's been close to two decades like that (also the reason for having no children yet)).

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Answer 18

Reaperbot666

Guru

guys tend to date at equal level or down. typically true for age, looks and income.
girls tend to date at equal level or up. typically true for age, looks and income.

reason why he might date down. she is more likely to be loyal to him. because she feels lucky to even have him around. so less chance she'll step out on him for someone else. if both of there needs are maintained. however there might also be a dominance factor to their relationship as well. could also be he likes her personality. because she does not act like a stuck up b-witch most of the time.

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1 Person

aWes0MeNeSs

1 y
Unfortunately, in my experience it's not true that if either partner, man or woman, is the inferior of the two, that they are more loyal. Cheaters typically have no self control to begin with and like to think the grass is always greener on the other side even if it clearly isn't (and many try to come crawling back when they realize their mistake). I don't know how many attractive people I've seen cheated on by their average or below looking partners (who also didn't really have anything else going for them), but it's been quite a few. I even had an ex who had nothing going for him (he still has no job to this day) who cheated on me, with another girl who refused to do anything for herself as well.
Reaperbot666

1 y
@aWes0MeNeSs can somewhat relate to that. since my ex who was roughly equal to me in looks, age, income. pretty much cheated on me nearly the whole time we were together. only found out when a girlfriend of hers called her out on it right in front of me. because I was planning to marry her but called it off once I found that bit of information. even had to question if the kids we had together were mine or not. so went to get DNA testing to prove it.
aWes0MeNeSs

1 y
I'm sorry you went through that, that's awful!

Answer 19

aWes0MeNeSs

Unfortunately, in my experience it's not true that if either partner, man or woman, is the inferior of the two, that they are more loyal. Cheaters typically have no self control to begin with and like to think the grass is always greener on the other side even if it clearly isn't (and many try to come crawling back when they realize their mistake). I don't know how many attractive people I've seen cheated on by their average or below looking partners (who also didn't really have anything else going for them), but it's been quite a few. I even had an ex who had nothing going for him (he still has no job to this day) who cheated on me, with another girl who refused to do anything for herself as well.

Answer 20

Reaperbot666

@aWes0MeNeSs can somewhat relate to that. since my ex who was roughly equal to me in looks, age, income. pretty much cheated on me nearly the whole time we were together. only found out when a girlfriend of hers called her out on it right in front of me. because I was planning to marry her but called it off once I found that bit of information. even had to question if the kids we had together were mine or not. so went to get DNA testing to prove it.

Answer 21

aWes0MeNeSs

I'm sorry you went through that, that's awful!

Answer 22

Petra150

Xper 6

I'd think it completly oppersit. A real guydon't give a shit about dating up or down, but I think a real guy as mine do excatly as he's heart dictate. My hubby 25 cm shorter , 14 years older, less educated and never been to a gym , date me out of pure love and showed me what life were all about, ad he's the father to our two wonderful girls , and my passionated lover every minute we are together.

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Aydgeway

1 y
... what about the ones who date up?

Answer 23

Aydgeway

... what about the ones who date up?

Answer 24

EABsTUQ

Xper 6

I dated down once (by the way dating down is such a egoic phrase). I didn't do it so I could treat her bad. I was conducting a immoral scientific/spiritual experiment. I justified it by telling myself she was getting value out the relationship too which she did. The point is I always treated her good and played the part even though she was a awful person and all my friends female and male agreed she was and thought I was nuts for dating her. After 3 to 4 months I ended it because I couldn't take how mean she was. I like to define dating down as dating someone you don't care about losing. You have no attachments. Anything outside of that is superficial. And also any guy who dates a girl so he can abuse her is fucked up. And yes I realize what I did was immoral too. But I never hurt her except for ending the relationship and wasting 3 to 4 months of her time in regards to relationships. But technically everyone you don't marry is a waste of time assuming marriage is the goal.

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2 People

Answer 25

Anonymous

Well since childhood I always said I won’t marry a rich man because he can talk down on me. I value my self respect a lot. I never compromise on looks but I am very good looking myself. I have a supermodel figure and most men are just intimidated by me. I’ve onky had one boyfriend since I was 15 and I’m 22 now. He’s five and a half years older than me and I intend to marry him. We’re the same social status and that’s what I always wanted. I guess I just fell in love with him and the rest was history.

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1 Person

Answer 26

ButtaGrey

Xper 3

For me, dating down as you call it would be beneath me. I’m quite sure that there are both, men and women that do such because of their own insecurities and control but, hell nah.
I have all the power by my damn self. Balance is needed, at least for me it is.

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Answer 27

Anonymous

This is complicated. Truth is most guys seek peace and tranquillity when they get into a relationship. We do NOT enjoy the chase given all the risk, drama and past setbacks we have had. So some of us will at times settle for a lesser attractive girl because it feels good not to be held to a higher standard (and most women DO hold men to a higher standard then they hold themselves too).

I confess I did this in my last relationship but not for completely selfish motives. I tried to look deeper at the girl I was dating. She had big potential. But she also had severe psychological damage holding her back (very fucked up family). I predicted this would cause problems for us down the road. She was looking at me as “her savior.”’ That’s not healthy for either one of us.

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5 People

Unit1

1 y
"We do NOT enjoy the chase given all the risk, drama and past setbacks we have had."

This is so true!

Answer 28

Unit1

"We do NOT enjoy the chase given all the risk, drama and past setbacks we have had."

This is so true!

Answer 29

kmike2020

Xper 3

that jus makes the guy look like a jackass, i like a woman tk be just as smart , and confident as i am , if not a little more , it raises both of you up many more ways , in stead of bn the asshole that has no joy in his life , and then a resentful woman,, cmon guys , step your game up

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Answer 30

coffeewithcream | 513 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Explorer

You'd have to be pretty fucking manipulative for that even to cross your mind.

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10 People

Answer 31

Anonymous

I had a teacher who had a very ugly wife, but he was quite a handsome man.
Some girls from my class asked him why did he marry her?
He said that he did it because he knew that she wouldn't be able to cheat on him, and that she won't complain if he cheats on her, because she was like to get married in the first place, cause no other guy wanted her.

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Answer 32

BlueScorpio | 72 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

A lot of guys may date down due to a lack options, constantly rejected, waiting for someone else to come along. But you also have to remember that people find beauty in others that we don't see, so even if we think the girl is ugly he may actually find her attractive.

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1 Person

Answer 33

NamerOfStars | 1.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Bleh. Why would you *want* to do that? Isn't regular life enough of a Byzantine power game for people? Who would want *more* dehumanization?

I suppose there could be people who get off on that, but if relationship goes far enough, your brain's going to twist the way you see and interact with these people...

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1 Person

Answer 34

sensible27 | 831 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Dude, I'm assuming it's rare... I don't think I ever saw one of my friends doing that... they settle though.. somewhat and that might result in what you're describing... only it's not the intention per se.

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1 Person

Answer 35

Lynx122 | 629 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Why do you think a guy wants to treat her badly? Maybe he just doesn't want to deal with women always testing, playing games etc. When the guy likes the girl more it's always a disaster.

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Answer 36

19vetteman91

Xper 5

Well 1st question is why would u just assume that he is dating down maybe they we friends for a few years and fell in love! This is probably one of the hardest lessons learned, "looks are only skin deep"! I know it took me 50years to learn this and I'm sure many never do! But the older I get the more it makes sense!

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2 People

How many guys date down to get more power and dominance?

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