I think the issue is I just go for a particular type, so like.. 🤔 I find the guys in my group pretty boring? And all the same... So I agree with what you say about character and it's important to me too, but I need to learn to not be attracted to a type of guy, you know?
i used to go for women of a particular appearance, and when i ended up always falling into the same problem, i chose to just ignore my automatic urge to go for that type, and think that personality and character are the only thing that is important, looks fade with time, but when you meet someone who you get along with and who is actually decent to be around, that's great, but when they also have the appearance that you preferred then count that as a bonus... looks should be secondary, a bonus to everything else... but i know what you mean, and understand it quite well.. that instinct to just go for what you are accustomed to going for... if it's like what you would normally go for... step back... see them for who they are inside first, listen to them, observe the way they conduct themselves and then if they still fit all the other criteria of a decent person, but have the appearances of what you used to go for... then go for it..
Ok yoda, can I message u? I think u might actually be able to help me out
yeah feel free :)
if i can help i will
Oh my level doesn't let me message it says.. And hahaha I just saw it says you're actually a yoda, I just meant you're wise lmao
it's ok i will message you first then
"Wait a few years to let your head catch up with your hormones" sounds like pretty much my only choice tbh, just sucks to see my friends all happy in couples and I'm just... Alone and lonely 🤦 lol. It is obvious who is a bad choice for me, trouble is that's that only type I've been attracted to for years so, drives me crazy when I can't have it u know?
I went for the wrong types when I was young. It's how we learn I guess. Just remember those people in a couple aren't always as happy a they seem. There is something great about having that freedom to go anywhere and be with anyone with out having to report back every 10 minutes! Enjoy these years. I wish I was 16 again.
When I have that freedom it will be great haha. Right now single is just being third wheel to things and watching friends make out and in my head screaming WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEEEEE hahaha.
That's true. I did try the "strong will" approach of just not putting myself in a place where I can fall for the wrong kind of guy, but I didn't fall for other guys I just ended up lonely.
No not abusive at all! Just not who my friends would go for or understand and my family doesn't approve, if you get my meaning... Drives me crazy, I wish there was a switch to hit.
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I think for me it's probably equal parts looks vs personality, I've been told I'm a lot more mature than most people my age so I usually don't crush on the guys in my group (not usually interested in looks or character)... Would give anything to change that though!
Either way, mature or not try to slow down, you have long time to think about what would be good for you. I'm not saying don't date, just be very careful about the relationships you enter at such a young age. There is more to the picture that you just can't see right now.
Yeah yr right. Tbh I think the only thing for me is to not date, at the moment the only guys I'm attracted to are guys I can't date so there isn't really a choice there. Just sucks to see my friends in couples and I'm by myself.
Yeah I feel ya there but just because people are together doesn't mean they're happy or that they will work out, it's best to take it slow.
Yea that's true. Just being lonely sucks haha. Thank u though.
Yeah... I've started to just distance from guys I know I shouldn't be into. Now I'm just stuck with being single forever!! 😂🙃
Single forever? Girl, relax, you're only 16.
Well. Single until I move out... Which feels like forever
Don't worry too much about it. Just keep exploring and living. You'll find the right one eventually.
Mm. Maybe. Thanks.
That's good advice, thanks. I've been feeling pretty miserable for a while that I don't like any guys my age or in my group but maybe I'm just looking in the wrong place? I have a very specific type and the only guys who fit aren't good for me to go after, I don't know if that makes sense.
I can understand that. For me i just wait till someone i see causes a spark in me so i dont really have a "type" but I've noticed if i change areas i get drastically different results. Even if its just a different part of town.
Yeah trust me after shit went down last year with my parents and a guy I was seeing, I've done EVERYTHING to try to crush on guys my age. They're sweet and whatever but I'm just not physically attracted, different maturity, goals, looks... Drives me crazy 🤪
Ha. Well I'll just have to wish you luck. I'll keep an eye out if you have other questions
Hm. Well thanks. I wish me luck too, have no other choices haha.
Thanks for the advice! I'm not interested in marriage or babies yet, lol. I am just stuck getting always attracted to the same type, and want it to change? Or just stop tbh. I'm not sure what to do.
Your tastes and the things that attract you will mature as you mature as an adult person. Trust me on this. This is the primary value of dating many - just don't have sex with them all. This is how you gain knowledge and experience, and become actually able to discern whether they're a match, are worthy or not, or worth your substantial investment in time and emotion. Most simply will not be. NEXT!!Bear in mind, guys' brains don't even fully develop 'till about 25. They're simply not matched in emotional capacity or maturity as the girls. Patience grasshopper. :)
Haha that's partly my problem tho, I don't like guys my age bcause of the reasons u said. Just leaves me in a shitty place not able to date really.
Yes, I get it. Likely the guy that would please you may not necessarily be the guy that blows your doors off initially. The tend to be the smart quiet type, that are actually going somewhere and being someone with their life. If you're really 16 you're just a little early. Again, give yourself some time to actually fully mature into adulthood. In the meantime, have lots of friends, group activities, fun stuff to do, and you'll meet a great guy worth spending some quality time with. You'll have a good time in the process. School should be prority #1 - you're going to want to get into a good college to insure your financial success.
How did you change what you're interested in though? Like the instinct of it?
Whenever I see those traits my mind instantly just says now by flashing all the bad times that were a result of all those bad decisions. It's a sort of PTSD, but as good as PTSD could ever get lol.
Been tryn to work that out for a while, I used to think something was wrong with me but I think it's just how I'm wired, been attracted to the same type since as long as I can remember.
That's quite the defeatist attitude
No not defeatest at all, just explaining to u how it is for me. I wouldn't be asking for help if I thought it's impossible.
"but I think it's just how I'm wired"You say that while not trying to find out what makes you be that way and what drives you to be attracted to these types of guys.Yes, that is kinda defeatist.
Wait where did I say I haven't tried to find out why I'm that way? I didn't, I said I've been trying to work it out for a while. Sharing a conclusion isn't defeatist jfc.
Dude. You are 16. There are plenty of people twice your age who do not have all the answer about themselves. If you really think you have went into all options to make a final conclusion, then you really should reconsider yourself.
Thanks for the help.
It's more being attracted to the wrong guys? Not really their personality or friends etc so it's a bit more difficult to set standards in that kinda way 🤔 so I'm looking for a way to not be attracted to begin with.
It's not difficult. you have to know what you want.I always attracted some men who just text. Whenever I detect someone has something that isn't good for me, I move away from that person. It's not that complicated. But you have to know what kind of men you don't want be around with. It's simple. And it's matter of taste.
I know what I want, but I can't have what I want. And if I ignore it and choose to not let that in, then I don't have another option because it's the only thing I'm interested in... I don't know if that makes sense
I am sorry, I didn't get you..
So how do I be happy with someone I don't really want to be with?
I think it is more the physical attraction that I have the problem with, I don't know how to switch it off for guys that aren't good for me.
But yes I'm definitely confused haha
No physical attraction is not the problem... I think you take quick decisions like me... It may result you in issues
But I am almost never into boys in my friend group/age, that's physical attraction? What am I missing?
I know many will be confused... I will try to explain... See for example I love a girl... Think I saw her in shopping mall... I will aprrorch her... She will accept me... At that point of time I'm Stanger to her and she is Stanger to me... We meet in a coffee shop for a date... I want to know about her... Now I will call the waiter and ask him for a cup of coffee... I way I behave with him will be my actual behaviour... Same will apply to you... At that both my girlfriend and waiter are strangers to me... The way I behave with Stanger will be say with u..
Try to chill with boys... I'm not asking you to make a relationship with them... I'm just saying to move on with them... Then you get an idea what boys think of girls and what they expect from them... Then you can fix your problem
I think that makes sense for when the issue is with their behaviour... So far they have all treated me very well! Just not suitable for me to date.
If you need any help you can contact me anytime... If you need I can give you my insta I'd... Do you need?
Here we have an another issue... They want to make a relationship with you so them may pretend before you... But you need to know what is their actual behaviour... Means try to watch them when they are not with you... That will help u
But their behaviour isn't the problem... They are lovely guys. But thank you for trying! Maybe there isn't an answer.
Then do you know the answer? If not behaviour then what...
Can you explain me little bit
Just what I am attracted to physically isn't good for me. And I'm not sure how to change it. I ignore it for a while but then I just get lonely.
Sorry... I can't help u if it is physical... Because no one can control physical needs...
Ok :( thank you
If you want to get in touch with me here is my Instagram is : Ravan.0143
I don't use social media thanks anyway
They don't agree with the guys I want to be in relationships with, so "right guy" is basically anyone else lol
oh so it's your parents view, not necessarily your view, so a guy good for you is a bad guy to them is what I'm picking up
Yeah that's probably a good way of saying it.
But there must be ways to lose interest? I tried ignoring but it's the opposite :(
Oh I didn't realize you're just sixteen years old
So u have wisdom to share! Is there ways other than ignoring?
If that's you in your picture you look ahead of your time and more mature then the average 16 year old girl. You probably dont have any interest in boys your age and you probably like older men. So I would suggest even though you're not going to like it is to wait until you're 18 so nobody gets into trouble and it's basically official
No boys my age are like the most boring people on earth lol. But like... Without being weird, the guys I crush on aren't 18, and I don't want this for me, it's already caused enough complications with my family. So advice on how to ignore crushes and like boys in my year?
That's why I said wait until you're 18 cuz you're ahead of your time and your more advanced than boys your age. Besides you could be almost 17 so then basically you're talking about a year can't you hold out that long? You said it's causing big problems in your familyIt's probably best to cool it for a while
Yeah I guess tho I think it will still be a problem then. But I can't really go into it more without maybe being an issue on this app so ok to leave it. thanks for ur advice I appreciate it.
Once your 18 You are an official adult
Yes I know being an adult just makes me allowed it doesn't stop the judgement and family problems that come with it. Not to mention social problems and with my friends too. It's why my question was how to stop liking them from the start. Thank u tho for trying!!
So you're basically saying you like older guys and age doesn't matter to you? Once you're 18 I don't see the problem in this
No it's not what I said, but it's fine dw I can ask again later and see if I can get other help, thank u
I know what you're saying and basically what you're talking about you don't have to be rude
Not being rude my dude, I said don't worry and thank u 🤷
Not sure what the problem is. Maybe u misread tone? U can take a look at other answers and replies from me. I'm not rude, only here for help.
Basically you're telling me that I can't help you so you are going to make a new question later on for new people to try to help you. After hearing that what do you expect my reaction is going to be? How can anyone help you about this subject when all you say is I've got in trouble a few times now for crushing on the wrong people (wrong age wrong interests etc etc. wrong age. You're leaving everything to be just an all guessing game because you won't tell us the whole story because you say it breaks the site rules. Then you say nevermind at the end wasting over an hour of my time telling me you're going to ask the question again later to new people is insulting like I can't help you
There's nothing wrong with thanking you for your time and looking for help from others (it isn't just you answering this question any way, what's the difference?)Almost none has been a guessing game, I gave a lot information and thanked you for your time after you said you didn't think I have a problem. There is nowhere for me to go if you think I don't have a problem except thank you and wish you the best 🤷
I don't think you really understand me so I'm not going to pay attention to your last message. I said when you're 18 years old I don't think there's a problem dating older guys. You didn't tell me what the other problems are it's just a bunch of guessing games you don't break down your story and tell me your story all you say that it's against the Apps rules. Anyway I've had enough of talking in here about this have a nice day
You too. Thanks for trying.
Hmmmm ok I will add it to my list
Are you on Goodreads?
It's an app where you can add books that you wanna read, are reading and have finished. It's a good app to keep you motivated while you're finishing the book.
Oh cool sounds good
What if it's a characteristic common to everyone you're interested in though? Not first impressions
my English is not that good so i dont really get what you mean lolin other words , what i am suggesting is , take your time , do not rush
I've tried already to stop crushing on the wrong guys but usually it just makes things worse. So yeah I think a break. Just sucks I don't want to be a loser with no boyfriend.
You will not be a looser without a boyfriend you're just taking a break but soon you'll find that special someone
You need to reflect on you first and think where is your mistake at before you can go foward
I wish it was that easy :( but thank u for the advice.
It's not easy sweetheart but you have to think about yourself before you hurt yourself or others
I'll be here for you anytime and good luck
Thanks. a lot to think about! :( appreciate the advice.
Hope you understood my explanation
Ummm not completely but that's ok lol. I'll try asking again later and see what comes up. 5am here so I need to try to sleep before Saturday sport 😴 but thank u for taking the time 😊
Yeahhhh that's my problem.
understand those wrong people are wrong people for a reason and why you deserve a the RIGHT person, that should help you automatically dismiss them as people worth your time
I think the problem is I don't feel attracted to the right people? So... I can ignore the wrong ones but then I'm just single and alone forever lol.
Can u explain this? If u don't mind
When you understand what you like and dislike for example, you can make better choices before you get involved with someone else
I think I know what I like and don't like, the problem is I like guys who are wrong for me? If it makes sense.
Again, if you like the wrong guys, you don't know yourself well enough
I'm not sure what to say with that 🤔 I think I know myself really well. I'm just physically into guys that I shouldn't and get accused of flirting (I don't know how to flirt) so... I think I'll just concentrate on not dating awhile n see if things change!
Things won't change until you change them.Yes, you know how to flirt; everyone does. It's a natural instinct and a biological component of attraction, not a social function as society has led you to believe.If there's certain things you don't like or can't tolerate, you should recognize those (things) immediately and stay away from the guys with those qualities
There's one quality that I'm into and if it isn't there then I'm not interested... But it happens to also be the problem quality 🤦 and if I know how to flirt I have no idea lol. I've never dated a guy in my friends group so I don't know. Maybe I do!
Yeah that isn't at all helpful.
It is if you understand
Is this your answer to the question?
a lot of common interest and things, I just want advice on how to stop :(
? What do u mean
Date multiple guys at once and get the wrong ones out of the way sooner so you find the right ones. However, I do believe some women are a slave to their biology and can't control being attracted to guys who aren't good for them.
I can't date the guys I'm into and when I try to date other guys I'm not interested in them so 🤷 I think ur right I'm a slave to my own brain.
Your only 16 so you have plenty of time to mistakes and find the guy you like.
I can't find the guy I like if I'm not allowed to date the days I like :(
Guys* not days