1 mo

Dating someone for 3 months who has high functioning autism. He’s said clear direct communication is important. Need some advice/reassurance please?

Anonymous
He’d rather me be blunt than silent treatment. He can’t pick up on social cues. We talk through misunderstandings and learn from it.

I’m frustrated now though. All lessons I’ve learnt from dating is useless with him, like I should be doing opposite of what I’ve learnt (e. g. guy making all the moves at start). We speak everyday. He’s said he’d like me to initiate messages. I’ve never had to but seems to be an issue for him.

First date he set date, time, place but now feel like an afterthought. I don’t expect to be only priority in his life but I do expect effort. If he’s interested (like he says & seems to be on dates/text/phone). (I planned last date so trying to make an effort). But when I tell him I’m free he doesn’t schedule.

This is text I got: “Sorry you’re right, basically either one works so let’s do the sooner one. That way we have a backup in case something comes up, unlikely as it is.” I messaged “Just thinking about it, I’m not happy to be treated like a stand by. I am not here to keep you preoccupied when you have nothing else on. It doesn’t feel right to me so let’s just leave it shall we if you feel like something better is going to crop up.”

He schedules to see/speak to friends/family but not with me. One time, he couldn’t see me on weekend. He was meeting up with family on Sat & friend on Sun. I wanted to see him as I missed him but accepted 2 week gap. On Sat night he messaged “I miss you” and wanted to meet up next day. His friend didn’t confirm so was now free. I said I wasn’t comfortable, it didn’t feel nice being a back up plan. He can’t expect me drop everything last minute.

I’m uncomfortable being direct & feel anxious I’ll annoy/scare him. Last time I saw him, I asked him why he’s playing it cool then fine the next. It’s confusing. He didn’t realise he was doing it. He said he doesn’t know how I feel & can’t read me at all.

I really like and care for him. I know he feels the same. It’s all so alien to me, like I’m dating in the dark.
Dating someone for 3 months who has high functioning autism. He’s said clear direct communication is important. Need some advice/reassurance please?
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