Am I asking for too much, being selfish, or within my rights?

I haven't dated anyone in over 10 years, and I am considering dating again. However, I have a dillemma... My dillemma is that I am in my mid 30's, and I am not interested in (more like I don't want to be bothered with) dating women that are single parents. In fairness, I do not have children myself. Am I asking for too much?

In my Area, I have yet to find a blatantly single woman that has no children close to my age. I am perplexed of this considering I am a bit apprehensive of the concept of dating younger women--No offense intedned to younger women, but the young tend to be a bit more needy and play games--I have no time nor patience for games.

Nevertheless, my inquiry is prevailent due to many occurrences of confrontation (and an "intervention")from my family... My mother and stepfatehr both think that I am being selfish and not being a man of responsibility by not wanting to date or marry a woman with existing children. They were both parents when they were married 20 years ago, nonetheless. My (biological) father think that I am asking for too much and says that I should settle for the first woman that accepts me... I told him, that I would never, because there is a such thing as unrequited affections--In this case, she will be a victuim of such by a high probability.

I tried dating sites only to be encountered by liars and scammers... I detest liars, cheaters, and theives. I really don't go to bars because I do not drink, nor do I have an inclination to do so, for both religious and practical reasons. so meeting up at a dive bar is out of the question... Even now, If I were to find someonme interesting enough, I think I miss out because I am not aggressive in persuit of a woman--I am not shy, but due to past circumstances, I am cautious about getting too close to people sometimes... I just like to take things one step at a time.

I hear of women whining about "why do this man cheat" or "Where are all of the'good guys'", or whatever the case may be... But laugh when they bypass us for the jerks, because we prefer to take things slowly... I have never cheated nor will I ever (I'd rather kill myself, yet I am not suicidal) cheat.

Nevertheless, Am I asking for too much by wanting to only date women without children (Period, and I don't mean their children are adults or their chuildren are not in their custody...)?

Am I being selfish?

Or am I within my rights?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don’t think you’re being selfish. There are many people- men and women- who wouldn’t date someone who already has a child. Maybe it’s their loss, who knows? But I think it’s understandable to want to be with someone who has no child, because when you get into a serious relationship with someone who is a parent you also take some kind of responsibility for the child… at least you will be in its life.

    Still here a little story. My stepfather could never imagine being with a woman who has children. He was in his mid 30’s, single for about two years and then he met my mother. She had TWO children, was in the middle of a divorce… a big red flag. On top of this she wasn’t looking and didn’t want a new relationship at that time so it was really hard to get to her.. But he felt head over heel for her… and you know what? All this other stuff didn’t matter. This guy with really high ethics and standards married her a year after he met her, and they are still together.

    I’m just saying… you never know what life brings. Don’t lower your standards… I think it’s right to look for someone you really want and not just to be with someone because you’re afraid to die alone, that’s just bull. But sometimes life shows us that your priorities can change pretty quick…

    Good luck

    • Priorities change quick, eh?

      My ppriorities have been the same for over 18 years and I see no change in sight. I have nothing against your story nor your insight. However, I had a jacked up past concerning the parent wars and other bull. I attempted to set aside my bias at one point, but when she (A potential date) said something negative about the father of the child, I drew the line there. I was raised by a mother that had nothing positive to say to me about my dad...

    • Show All
    • Because people date and they separate again, because people do change or make mistakes that are unforgivable. They don't have to betray. Sometimes life just has other plans. And I'm pretty sure not every women bashes the father of her child. My mother never did. I found out myself that he is an a**. lol...

      But again, you should do whatever makes you happy. Your ideology isn't harming anyone, so yeah it's your life and you have the right to live it the way you want.

    • I guess... And I am not fond of my mother in the least... There, I have said it. I don't like my mother... Did not like the way she berated my dad, but it was her that was doing wrong. It was her that cheated on her ex and concieved me from my dad, naming me after her ex, claiming I was his child. Nonetheless, she was mad at him for ruining her web of lies. All he wanted to do is take care of his responsibilities... But she denied him that. She was a bitch to him...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • You are totally within your rights. It pisses me off to no extend how my married friends try to set me up with their divorced friends with children. As if I would be happy to have anyone because I've been single for a long time (I'm 27 btw). Some people just don't get that some people rather wait for someone truly special instead of settling for second best. I really have no interest at all in being involved with custody and alimony arrangements due to my partners past relationship. I want no other people involved whatsoever. Widowers is a completely different matter.

    You are childless and expect the same of your future partner. Perfectly fair.

    • The money used for child support could be used to build a tomorrow with you... I can't agree with you more...

      THank you, I try to be fair, even though they say I am being selfish, and demanding...

  • It's your life. You can want what you want. It may take longer but you can choose what are your deal-breakers.

  • Yeah, I'm not reading all that.

    well, if you haven't been dated in 10 years, I highly doubt you're a top choice in the competition, no offense. that old phrase "beggars can't be choosers" comes to mind.

    In any case, you are single at an age when most people have had lots of experience and sometimes that results in children. whining about "your rights" (of which you have none, really) isn't going to do anything. you can refuse to date people who have kids. whether or not its rational or fair is a matter of opinion. I don't think anyone is forcing you to date anyone so I don't quite see the point in this question. there are no "rights" in dating and relationships. there's only planning, choices, and chance. if you limit yourself in any way, whether it be age, race, social status, or parenthood status, your options go down. its just basic logic. that isn't to say you have to be open to dating anyone, but basic logic tells you your options go down with each exclusion you make. and as you get older, unless you're rich, options go down in general. some exclusions are more important than others, I would say. if you live in some time warp bubble where all women have been married and had children by age 30, then you may have a hard time with these odds. I don't think anyone will force you to date someone and if they try I'm sure you have a right to a restraining order or something.

    im not sure where you live but there are single women in their 30s with no kids here in new york city. if its that important to you, then maybe you need to relocate, or seek women outside of the area you usually find them.

    i think with age this matter has become somewhat less important to me, and I'm only 21. I don't sit here and bitch about non existent rights and what's fair and not fair. and I don't have to question other people about whether or not they approve of my preferences. I'm not a child. at the moment, I prefer not to date someone with children for several reasons but I'm mature enough not to blow a fuse over it, shaking my fist in the air, screaming "those damn single parents! how dare they want someone to love!"

    Seriously, sir, make your choices in life but seriously consider growing up.

    • I haven't dated in 10 years of my own volition... not because someone did not approve of me... so keep that from your snarky comments... I was a bit mysogynistic because I don't play the sex before marriage sh*t, and she cheated on me because I don't have sex before marriage and from that I had a misunderstanding of women being D*ck mongering bitches... And If I am not mistaken, I am not a whiner. My beliefs demand that I do not marry anyone with an obligation to another man...

    • Show All
    • I am a conservative! I practice sex only for procreation, not for personal enjoyment or otherwise. I believe that if she is good enough for sex, marriage should be prerequisite.

      As for your comments, Unfortunately I do not have time nor the ignorance to go tit-for-tat with your childish antics, therefore you are correct about not seeing eye for eye with me. Nevertheless, I respect your opinion although I do not agree with you.

      Furthermore, I believe in absolute devotion to a lover.

    • I know you're a conservative...thats why I said that. but wow sex only for procreation? lol Thanks for the info? Just because my opinion differs from yours and I find your attitude silly in general doesn't mean I'm throwing childish antics but okay. I expect that reply. As I said before, Have a nice life.

What Guys Said 1

  • You got standards. If you want to keep true to these standards of yours, do so. However, they're gonna hurt you in the long run because of how picky you might become.

    When the right girl does come along, you might dismiss her for a fault that could be overlooked. Such as a girl with a kid.

    Honestly, you're 30-35 years old. Many girls at your age either have kids already, or the ones who don't probably have career jobs that will halt their progress from building a family. Take Cheryl Crow for example - she's had an amazing career, but sadly her career got in the way of focusing on her relationships and bearing kids. She now has a foster child and is happy, it's just too bad she took too long to find an adequate guy.

    I recently dated a 29 year old girl, and she always acted like a 13 year old brat. Not gonna try her anymore, cutting ties and moving on. A 22 year old girl I've been friends with for 4 years = she's STILL an emotional drama queen, so she's a done deal too. I must say that - girls who DO have children already seem to be more mature than girls who are younger and don't have kids yet.

    Anyhow, I think you should try lowering your standards a bit and give girls a shot who have kids. As long as they understand that you're not gonna be the replacement father and not going to pay child support. If a girl ends up liking you, she'll respect your standards and your time. But just keep in mind that no one is perfect. Not even you.

    • Moreover, I am not interested in raising anyone else's child... My mentality is that of a lion (metaphorically speaking), in that any I rase better be my offspring alone.

      Lowering my standards? Hah, that is the problem with america today... Settling for second best for so long we are left behind educationally and technologically.

      Nowhere have I claimed infaliability. I am human, but likewise I understand and know my limitations. I do not do as other humans, exploiting my shortcommings.

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