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How can I stop hating myself because of this guy?

I am 23, about to start work as a trainee lawyer, and am told I’m ‘hot’.

but I can’t help but hate myself, because I’m in love with someone who primarily ignores me most of the time. In the beginning he was more keen on me than I was on him, and initiated us dating, but now he will ghost me for weeks on end. He’ll pop up again eventually like nothing happened, but its still hurtful and has made me over analyse myself to figure out what is so wrong with me that makes him not want to pursue a relationship with me. I’ve never had a serous boyfriend before, so I think something must be wrong with me. Some days I can't get out of bed I feel so depressed about it, and I find it hard to concentrate at work.

He is not perfect himself. He has been out of work for about a year and seemingly has no realistic ambitions. He has been open and honest that he feels insecure about the fact I’m going to be a lawyer and he has no job, despite being 3 years older than me. He has also suffered with mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if thats what makes him so aloof from me, but then I realise he’s held down relationships in the past (albet not for a long time).
On the odd occausion when we do meet up, he acts very affectionately, and says nice things to me, but I wonder if this is just to bed me, as he;ll soon ghost me again.
How can I stop hating myself because of this guy?
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