1 mo

Between safe comfort or new adventure?

ElementalDrake
This has been a very strong struggle of mine since January.. My heart hurts no matter what, and not many people I can talk to for advice.

Old love X I have been with since 2011 and we have been together forever. Back in 2017 we got "married" but that had only showed the struggles. It never became official due to him lacking motivation to turn in the papers and then losing them. That was kind of the last straw of me wanting to be around him anymore because he never treated me with any kind of motivation to want anything with me.
For years after year 3 we have been struggling - can't play games with him especially competitive games because he takes it seriously; he would belittle me in front of his friends and talk down to me. I get so humiliated that I would brush it off and act as if it never hurt. He is very independent and prefers to play with his friends and do his own thing. I have tried so many times to tell him I wanted to hangout and it was important for me to feel that connection. It was fine - we were content with how still everything was until later in 2017.

I met guy Y - he was a fresh of breath air. We have so much more in common its crazy and even feel the same ways when it comes to partners. I was separated at the time and we dated for 6 months before things got too difficult and we broke it off and got back together in December 2019.

I guess what I am trying to say is...
My heart will always love Y; 9 years pretty much of being around him and he's done everything for me, taking care of me and all the above. I am used to having him there he is my comfort and to think I should move out and try being around X is scary.. new scene, new state, new adventure that sounds like a clean open start which is lovely, even his friends like hanging out with me so it is a complete opposite of Y's scene.

Adventure over comfort? I don't want to feel regret.
Between safe comfort or new adventure?
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