I messed up, am I getting too much crap for it?

It's a really long story. I had a boyfriend who I had been dating for about a month. I got drunk, kissed another guy, and kept it to myself because it was so early in our relationship and I didn't want to mess anything up over one kiss. So then he broke up with me about two months ago. I was really heartbroken, and I made out with a friend of his (who he wasn't that close with) but is kind of a player. So then my ex wanted to get back together with me, and I wanted to also, but the friend told him about me and him getting together. So then my ex called me a bunch of really awful names and flipped out, but later said that he overreacted and still wanted to be with me, but needed some time, which I was okay with and understood. But then he found out that I kissed that other guy that one time, called me a dirty bitch, and says that I'm going to get what I deserve.

I know I really messed up, and that I deserve for my ex to hate my guts. But now he's telling everyone what I did, and people are calling me trash, a slut, smut, player, etc. I don't know if I really deserve any of that. I regret what I did one hundred percent. If I could take it back I would.

Do I really deserve that? Should I do anything?


Most Helpful Guy

  • And this is why underage drinking is a bad idea...

    Well I'm not going to sit and criticize, but I'm not going to sit here and pamper you with "aww its ok" either. So this is my (harsh) opinion on the matter (Note, I don't intend to hurt, just speaking what I feel is necessary, so don't take this as a personal attack if that's how it comes off at points):

    First off, you should never rebound to another guy and make out as a method of handling a break up or frustration. It does nothing good for you what so ever. If you want to be with a guy, then be with that guy and don't set yourself up in situations where you're going to cheat or cause harm to a relationship.

    Furthermore, you're young, so I understand that dating and relationships are still fresh and young to you, which I doubt any of you four (you and the other three guys) have any clue what love is really all about. So sorry, but I can't help but roll my eyes at the concept of heart broken. Do I believe you should be called all those names? No. I think its harsh, but in all fairness, I can only perceive that those people believe that you set yourself up for it, and as I stated, you shouldn't set yourself up to do harm in a relationship. If you truly care for someone, you won't go to another guy to make out with him and such. Its evident to me that you have no true desire to love and be in a committed relationship, as you probably just want to have someone there for you, or someone to hold or make out with. Just be honest and ask yourself if any of that is true.

    If you want to redeem yourself... then stop the childish act. You want respect from others? Show that you can respect yourself. Don't put yourself so low on the pedestal for people to point at as "that girl". Make a guy work for a kiss. Kissing should never get to a point to where its just, "Oh I think you're cute," or "I'm lonely." It should stand out that its a special bond between two people and a sign of a commitment. So don't just give them out like candy, and if you have an excuse as to why you did those things... then avoid being in positions where those excuses are present... such as avoid drinking. Sh*t if you're gonna drink at least know your limit and do it with people you trust and with others that can look out for you.

    So all in all to answer your questions...

    Do you deserve it? Not from everyone else. Since you hurt your ex in that manner, I feel that he has at least some room to be upset. Not to the degree that he should overreact, but in his defense, he tried to give you another chance and admitted to over reacting... he put in more effort than most guys would. Should you do anything? Dur. Change the negative stuff. The only way you're going to gain respect and trust, is to act responsible. You can't really say anything that is going to cause people to automatically listen to you, but as they say... actions speak louder than words.

    Shrug* Good Luck to you.


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What Guys Said 3

  • I don't think a kiss that early in a relationship is something worth breaking up over. The most I would call you is a drunk.

    • It was actually my first time being drunk, but yeah.

  • No you didn't deserve that and for him to do that means he never cared for you in the first place.

  • can't say you deserve it, but things already happened..you cannot change your EX's opinion easily..and best to learn from these experiences..that some guys really take advantage of a girl's feelings..the faults that happened with you is common..but is definitely not tolerable to most..Clarify things with your EX your just a victim in these circumstances but don't expect much..if he doesn't believe you then get on with your life..i hope you take things slowly when you find someone and don't fall for the charms of player's again! you deserve to be happy too =)


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