Dating a MUCH older man... any insight/advice/tips appreciated!

So here's the deal: I'm 28, he's 41. And believe me when I say before I met this guy, I NEVER considered anyone more than 5 years my senior (and I never have interest in younger men either).

I'm employed full time int he health care industry, I have no kids and I've never been married.

He's been divorced for 3 years, has no biological children, but has been and still is involved with his ex wife's children (he was in his daughter's life since she was 6 months old and she's 10 now). To me, he's basically their dad. He's also been employed with his company as a software developer for 22 years.

First off... should I even pursue this? He's extremely considerate of me, and we get along really, really well. Plus he's affectionate, but not smothering or controlling in any way. I just worry because of all the crazy stories you hear about older men wanting younger women and recycling them when they get too old. I don't want to just be fulfilling some guy's fantasy or feeding their ego.

Just looking for insight in dealing with generational gaps like this. Thanks!


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  • At 28 you should be intelligent enough and mature enough to make decisions on relationships with age gaps. I've answered like a million of these questions on this site but usually it's a 20 year old wanting to date a 35+ year old man. 20 years old is just a baby :( You are probably old enough to know what you want in life and where you want to be. I say if he is a good man, go for it. 41 years old is not that old, mine is about to turn 40 and I'm about to turn 30, but we are two peas in a pod. The only difference being I get to make fun of his 80's era high school hair. :P

    Children are a whole nother' story. Mine has a child and it has been a complete emotional rollercoaster. I never had an issue with the children themselves, but having to deal with an ex hanging around and calling my fiancee all the time was tough to get used to. Is this the first man with children you've dated? I'd be more concerned with that than the age gap.

    • No, I've never dated someone with children... I've been thinking about that myself, how I'm going to handle the constant stream of communication between him and his ex-wife. I would never get in the way of his relationship with the kids, of course, but I wonder if I can really handle that link between him and the ex.

    • I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes it feels unfair, because that child is going to affect the relationship. It will affect if and where you can move, what jobs you both take, etc. Of course my fiancee's child is with us 90% of the time. We want to move to a bigger city so I can get a better paying job in my field but the mother is of course throwing a hissy . Not to mention we haven't had a night alone in months. I have to postpone MY life for someone else's child, sometimes it gets to me.

    • But I knew he had children when I started dating him, so I do my best to help as I know it's not easy for him either. Stepparents feelings are rarely respected, we are just supposed to take it all and not say a word, otherwise we become the "ass" coming between a child and their other parent.

  • he might not be like all those "guys". You just have to feel him out and go with your intuition