Can someone explain friends with benefit to me, should I tell him I want to find something real eventually?

Question

Can someone explain friends with benefits to me. One guy said he is not ready to date, but wants to see me. We had sex but he takes me out and I have met his friends etc. We have fun together.
At the same time I have a guy I have known for a long time and is one of my best friends who confessed his feelings about. And another guy who asked me out on a date.

friends with benefits guy was like don’t get feelings. But I feel he is getting feelings for me. I can be friends with benefits without feelings but really I want a relationship. So does friends with benefits expect you to not be dating or seeing others? Can you pls explain friends with benefits to me, because even in friends with benefits i would feel weird to see more people at the same time, but I also want something more if it is him or someone else.

I am so bad at casual.

Should I talk to him about all this, or will he just think I am trying to tie him down or play?

Answer 1

normalice | 1.3K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

"Friends with benefits" is merely the sort of dating men are comfortable with. As long as he is learning how to please you, and himself in the process, whether he knows it or not he is alienating himself from other women. I dont recommend an ultimatum, but if you did give him one he would probably refuse to commit, realize anew how hard it is to find girls who want to sleep with him, and a few months from now try to urge you to become friends with benefits again.

He might even agree to commit (initially or if/when he comes back), but it would be tainted because you will have inadvertently thrown in his face the fact that he can't pick up other women. Right now he gets to tell himself that, because he has you, he doesn't really try to pick up other women, and that's why he fails. But if you give him an ultimatum then you force him to face the full brunt of the fact that he lacks the sexual prowess he believes he should have.

It's a delicate process. Each step towards accepting his lack of sexual prowess must be healed by the knowledge that you are there to ensure him he doesn't need it. This is not a "rip the bandaid off" sort of problem for most men.

Asker

2 mo
Yes I see what you mean. I am just not sure if I have the patience and should be cutting off other guys for a guy that sees it as friends with benefits, eventhough I like you think it could be something else with time also considering his behaviour now. I am not sure what I should do right now
normalice

2 mo
If he is moving too slow its true it could be indicative of a much deeper insecurity than you may really have the patience for. Or a self-absorption, which is kind of the same thing. Or, maybe he is not sexually satisfied? This is also a sort of insecurity, but it's one that's much easier for women to address than any of the deeper psychological ones: you only need to learn his kinks and further learn to enjoy them. If they happen to be things you just can't get into, then I'm sorry to say you should start thinking about moving on.

Answer 2

Asker

Yes I see what you mean. I am just not sure if I have the patience and should be cutting off other guys for a guy that sees it as friends with benefits, eventhough I like you think it could be something else with time also considering his behaviour now. I am not sure what I should do right now

Answer 3

normalice

If he is moving too slow its true it could be indicative of a much deeper insecurity than you may really have the patience for. Or a self-absorption, which is kind of the same thing. Or, maybe he is not sexually satisfied? This is also a sort of insecurity, but it's one that's much easier for women to address than any of the deeper psychological ones: you only need to learn his kinks and further learn to enjoy them. If they happen to be things you just can't get into, then I'm sorry to say you should start thinking about moving on.

Answer 4

Danny_dan92 | 1.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

If the guy told you from the get go that all he wanted from you was a no strings attached relationship... more than likely that’s all you’re gonna get.

Don’t matter how good your pussy or mouth is

Asker

2 mo
Yes so If i want to date someone else should I tell him and ask if we are just friends with benefits with no chance of anything. Or should I just date and tell him we can’t meet up anymore.

We have been meeting as friends before we hooked up and do a lot of things together and has mutual friends, so i also don’t want it to be too awkward
Danny_dan92

2 mo
You aren’t his girlfriend so you don’t have to tell him anything tbh.

And if he find out and he gets mad that’s where you put him on check

Answer 5

Asker

Yes so If i want to date someone else should I tell him and ask if we are just friends with benefits with no chance of anything. Or should I just date and tell him we can’t meet up anymore.

We have been meeting as friends before we hooked up and do a lot of things together and has mutual friends, so i also don’t want it to be too awkward

Answer 6

Danny_dan92

You aren’t his girlfriend so you don’t have to tell him anything tbh.

And if he find out and he gets mad that’s where you put him on check

Answer 7

cinnamoncat

Xper 5

An friends with benefits is basically a fuck buddy. You use them for dirty things only. You only serve that purpose. It's dangerous to assume that your friends with benefits likes you if you didn't ask him straight to his face and just guess that's he's into you and you thinking that you're right.

So if you have a boyfriend, having a friends with benefits is cheating, unless you boyfriend says it's ok. which i highly doubt a boyfriend want their girlfriend to be having a friends with benefits.

You choose who you want to marry. If you like the guy who confessed to you more than ur friends with benefits, date the guy who confessed to you. But if u end updating the guy who confessed, u have to let your friends with benefits know that u are gonna stop being friends with benefits with him

Asker

2 mo
Yes i know it would be cheating if i had a boyfriend.

The guy told me the last time, and we haven’t only used us for dirty things. We cook, eat together, go out with friends, go for walks, he picks me up, coming to see me even if it is an 1 1/2 hour drive to just hang out with friends. But he still doesn’t know if he is ready. I like him.

I don’t know if I should try dating on these guys.

Should I tell the friends with benefits after or do you think I should ask him first straight out if this is just a friends with benefits thing or how he would feel if i also see other people because eventually i want a relationship.
cinnamoncat

2 mo
yeah if i were you i would want to ask the friends with benefits if the cooking and stuff is a friends with benefits thing or just a friends thing but nothing more. and state that you are looking for a relationship now. if he says he's fine about you leaving and stuff, then yes u should leave him as friends with benefits and go on to another guy who actually wants a relationship, just like you wanted. if your friends with benefits says he sees u more than that and wants to date you then you go girl. then again some things may not go as planned as what i have said because i don't know exactly how your relationship is like with him. so yeah☺️

Answer 8

Asker

Yes i know it would be cheating if i had a boyfriend.

The guy told me the last time, and we haven’t only used us for dirty things. We cook, eat together, go out with friends, go for walks, he picks me up, coming to see me even if it is an 1 1/2 hour drive to just hang out with friends. But he still doesn’t know if he is ready. I like him.

I don’t know if I should try dating on these guys.

Should I tell the friends with benefits after or do you think I should ask him first straight out if this is just a friends with benefits thing or how he would feel if i also see other people because eventually i want a relationship.

Answer 9

cinnamoncat

yeah if i were you i would want to ask the friends with benefits if the cooking and stuff is a friends with benefits thing or just a friends thing but nothing more. and state that you are looking for a relationship now. if he says he's fine about you leaving and stuff, then yes u should leave him as friends with benefits and go on to another guy who actually wants a relationship, just like you wanted. if your friends with benefits says he sees u more than that and wants to date you then you go girl. then again some things may not go as planned as what i have said because i don't know exactly how your relationship is like with him. so yeah☺️

Answer 10

In_Trance | 3.1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Google it

Asker

2 mo
Don’t think I can google my specific situation though😄

Answer 11

Asker

Don’t think I can google my specific situation though😄

Can someone explain friends with benefit to me, should I tell him I want to find something real eventually?

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