Why do I feel so gross?

Anonymous
I try not to out my validation in other people or things but sometimes I just don’t feel that confident. I take pictures of my face a lot and I’m not a narcissist but I think I’m beautiful based on that. Then I’ll go out in public and I feel like I barely get any attention from guys. Last year I got some attention more then I’m getting now. I wear makeup and people tell me that it looks good and family tell me I’m beautiful but I feel like people will pay attention to my roommate who’s chubby and dosent wear any makeup. She’s still cute and everything it just always looks like she rolled out of bed. I don’t like comparing myself but we go everywhere together. Today we were in the mall parking lot leaving in her car and these two men were walking near the cars and one held out his hands kind of like this 👻 and was looking at my roommate as she was driving. but he wasn’t really smiling. My roommate noticed and thought he was hitting her but I was like wtf I’m not a hater but I honest to God don’t think she’s that pretty. She even says random guys in our apartment will just talk to her and start conversations. They could be being friendly though because she never tells me they ask for her number or anything. We were in the parking lot though and this guy literally would not take his eyes off me. It was obvious. I guess I expect all the attention to be on me from guys because it was mostly like that last year but COVID has changed things. Guys don’t really notice her besides that it’ll be the both of us or just me and guys would flirt with me last year. She was wearing sunglasses in the car and the guy did that but I don’t want to be in someone else’s spotlight. I dated a guy last year and he still thinks I’m beautiful, so does my roommate and her mom but why do I feel so gross because of that one incident?
Why do I feel so gross?
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