"How about spending the remaining 30 years of your life dying alone as a widow/er?"The flaw with that thinking is that can happen regardless of an age gap. You cannot predict when you are going to die. Many people don't live to an old age. Many people die young. My dad and mom had no age gap at all. My dad died when he was 38 and left my mom as a young 38 year old widow. There is no way anyone could have predicted that would have happened.I have also known people in their 30s and 40s who had very low energy levels and people in their 50s and 60s who had high energy levels. Age has little to do with that. It's more to do with the way you live your life. People who eat healthy and take care of themselves with be energetic in their 60s. People who eat junk food and abuse their bodies may have a ton of health problems by the time they are 40.Don't focus so much on what may or may not happen in the future and lose sight of the present time. You can't really predict what you're going to be like when you're 60. Heck, you may not even live to 60. You might get cancer and die when you're 30. Live for the present, not some unpredictable future. Don't pass up someone who is older or younger just because you're worried about what may happen in the future because you simply can't know what is going to happen in the future.
@Gafgorkion I think there is a much much higher chance of your being a widow if you're spouse is 30 years older rather than looking for rare exeptionS where your spouse will die the day after the wedding
You're talking in extremes. A 30 year age gap is extreme as well as a spouse dying right after the wedding. Yes, both of those are rare. I'm not talking about extremes like that though. I'm talking about things that are fairly common and do happen more often than you realize. In once case, a man and woman both age 20 get married. The man dies at 30, and the woman is now a 30 year old widow. In another case, a 40 year old man marries a 30 year old woman, and the woman dies at 40 leaving the man a 50 year old widower. Both of those situations happen very often, and that's what I am saying is that you shouldn't live for an unpredictable future. You should live for the present. I'm not saying you should marry a guy 30 years older than you because that is indeed extreme, but you shouldn't be afraid of a smaller gap like 10 years or so because you simply don't know who will die first or when. The future is unpredictable. Just look at current events. Nobody in 2019 could have predicted that in a year's time there would be so many people dying in a pandemic.
@Gafgorkion I think you’re just over exaggerating the exceptions. Sure there is a chance anyone can die at any time. But nobody can ever guess what happens to you 5 years from now. But if you’re making a conscious decision to marry someone 10-20 years older, there is a higher chance than anything else that you will end up being the one left to die alone as a widow or widower. We cannot only think about the exceptions where people die at 30 or 35. Usually if you are gonna marry someone much older , they will die first. If you assume that everyone will die young , then why ever marry? Your husband can disappear within the next 5 years
"If you assume that everyone will die young , then why ever marry? Your husband can disappear within the next 5 years."Because the quality of time spent together matters significantly more than then quantity of time. By your logic, single people in their 60s shouldn't bother dating since they don't have much time left to live. A single person can still find their true love at 60 and have a brief few years together. A brief few years together with the love of your life is better than none at all.Another personal story of mine is that two of my high school friends started dating when they were 15. Even though they were very young, you could tell they were true loves and were meant to be together. The girl was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 18. She was a bit reluctant at first to marry him because she didn't want to leave him as a widower at such a young age. He just wanted to spend as much time as he possibly could with the love of his life. They got married and she died two years later when she was 20. He and I are in our 40s now, and he has never once regretted marrying her despite knowing she was going to die so soon. He just wanted to spend as much time as he could with his true love because the quality of time matters more than the quantity of time.
@Gafgorkion I marry not only to enjoy the time we spend together but also because I want someone to be there for me for the rest of my life. I’m not interested in marrying a man 15-20 years older then having to be a widow for the remaining 20-30 years of my life. This is what is MOST LIKELY going to happen. I’m not gonna over exaggerate exceptions of hoping my old husband would be able to care for me when I hit 90. Chances are that’s not gonna happen
@Gafgorkion marriage is more than just enjoying each other. It is about supporting each other and being there for each other. keep each other company during our older lonely years. a partnership formed to raise kids. Someone to care for me if I am a sick 60 yr old. If my husband is 15-20 years older , I may not necessarily be able to enjoy these benefits of marriage
Just cus your dad died when your mom was 38, it doesn’t mean most dads die when their wives are 38. Most people do end up living after 60.
Cemeteries are full of people who died young, so I'm not exaggerating anything. Young people die each and every day. You can never assume you're going to live to an old age. Never assume anything. I'm also not saying you have to marry someone with an age gap because the examples I gave of my parents and high school friends had no age gaps at all. I was simply using those examples to show that you can be left as a young widow regardless of an age gap or not.I'm just trying to say you shouldn't rule out a potential partner based on age because you have absolutely no idea what the future holds. Your perfect match may actually be outside your preferred age range, and you may end up missing out on the perfect partner just because he is a year older/younger than you prefer. That's as bad as ruling out a potential partner just because he is an inch too short. You can easily miss out on your perfect partner if you are too picky about such things.
@Gafgorkion oh I know what the futuRe holds because there is a much bigger chance of my significantly older husband dying first than a younger husband dyingI really don't know who goes into a life long Marriage thinking that age shouldn't matter because they think there is a high chance their young husband will die at 38
"oh I know what the futuRe holds" It must be nice to be psychic. You should play the lottery then. It's pretty obvious you aren't understanding a single thing I am saying since I never once actually said that there is a high chance of dying young.
@Gafgorkion the point you have been talking out is really an over exaggeration. It's kinda like saying I shouldn't have kids over 30 years old cuz there is a high chance I'll die before they grow up.
Not exactly. I'm over 40 and still want to have kids despite knowing I will be in my 60s when they finish school.What I'm actually saying is that you shouldn't rule out a potential partner just because he is a few years older or younger than your preferred range. I'm not saying you have to go crazy and marry a guy who is 20 years older or younger, but you shouldn't rule out someone who is a few years outside your range.The reason for this is again because your perfect match, your soulmate, whatever, may not actually be inside your preferred range. It would suck to miss out on your perfect match just because he is one year older than you prefer. That's why you need to be more open minded about such things since you could end up missing out if you are too close minded.You seem to be focused too much on quantity over quality since you insist that you want someone you can be with forever. Sure that is the ideal to have someone forever, but it doesn't always work out that way. That was the entire point of the examples of my parents and high school friends. My parents thought they would be together forever, but that didn't happen. My mom doesn't regret marrying him though because they were good years while they lasted. Again that is because quality is vastly more important than quantity. 5 years with your perfect match is vastly better than 50 years with a mediocre match. I have seen countless examples of that.
@Gafgorkion there is no difference as in saying “I shouldn’t have kids over 30 because you are worried you might die before before your kids hit 18. You don’t go on life expecting that you would die super early or expect that your spouse will die super early. Or I will marry a 50 yr old man because age doesn’t matter. Because There is a high chance my young husband will die at 38. It’s really an over exaggeration. Why can’t you see that
"Why can’t you see that"Pot... kettle...It's hilarious how you are so focused on one single aspect of what I said and completely ignore everything else. Are you really this obtuse? I am not saying you should expect to die young or that you should expect your partner to die young. I never said that at all. I have only ever said that the quality of time spent together is more important than the quantity of time. You either seem to not understand that or are just ignoring it. It is however a vital lesson you absolutely need to learn if you ever want to have a happy and successful relationship. Anyway I am done with this conversation because talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.
@Gafgorkion what I’m saying is young people generally do not expect to die young. Old people expect to die, not 30 yr olds. It would be very sad to see anyone say that their husbands age doesn’t matter because a young person is just as likely to die at 30 than an elderly man to die at 75.
Thanks for mho :)
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