Would you date a reformed radical and racist?

Question

MY mother, aunt, several female friends and my 1st year of college (worthless women's studies classes) influenced my upbringing. That's all I ever knew.

The very first thing my mother ever told me about guys (I was 4 at the time) was that I could tame him. She used to make me repeat the phrases ''I got the power to tame a boy''. Then immigrants (esp the native Spanish speakers that knew little or no English after 10+ years) were hated in the household.

So what changed me? Not going into details but I had an accident 3 years ago and if it wasn't for a Mexican guy, I'm not sure if I would be here typing today. He had a strong accent (spoke in broken English with some Spanish) but I did managed to understand a couple Spanish words too. I have him as a friend on fb till this day.

So let's say we're dating and you knew I was like that in the past (not anymore though), would you date me?

yes

no

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Updates:

1 y

I can't change the past nor take back the times I've mistreated others. All I can do is use this second chance at life for the better.

Answer 1

Guy0nGaG

Xper 4

I have a similar life story when it comes to race. I was racist when I was younger because I had a drunk stepdad who was sexist and racist. He was my stepdad from age 5-13 and since those are the most influential years of a child I became a racist. He would say things like "Negros should have gone back to Africa when they had the chance but they wanted to fuck up our shit instead" and "Negros fuck white women for sport, and white women will fuck at least 100 negros before she decides to date a good white man, but she'll still be fucking negros behind his back" and he'll blame all crime on black people. I would get in trouble at school for being racist because I didn't know any better. Because of what he said I still tend to feel uncomfortable around black people and women, but I'm still trying to work past that. What changed me was when my mother finally divorced him and married a black man, and as I've grown older and more mature I now see what a disgusting piece of shit my old stepdad is. What's funny is that my high school history teacher said "hate it taught" when we learned about the Jim Crow South, and I've always taken that quote to heart.

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Answer 2

NamerOfStars | 1.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

At one point, I worked in a restaurant. One day, a guy came in near closing, when we were otherwise empty, and struck up a conversation with me. He told me he'd just gotten out of jail, and was happy to be free again. A few of my coworkers overheard and shied away from the guy, but as he clearly wanted to talk, and I was eager to get away from pointlessly wiping down tables I'd already wiped down, I did so. Afterwards, closing up, one of my coworkers asked me if I wasn't scared of someone who'd just gotten out of jail. I was surprised; a person who's just left it knows how rotten it is, and has all the more incentive to stay out of it.

I see similar possibilities here: if you've seen the damage bigotry can do, you're all the more committed to not engaging in it.

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1 Person

Answer 3

sadgirlfromtx

Xper 1

no. as a black woman, i feel that's something i can't look past and accept. it would good that they changed, and maybe we could be friends... maybe. i most likely wouldn't trust them enough to be friends long term though. just knowing they used to be a racist is enough for me to run dating wise.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
I understand your point. It's unfortunate I can't change my past (I would've loved to if I could go back in time) and after an accident nearly cost my life it's what took to knock sense into me. I feel this is my 2nd chance at life. I'm trying to make amends for my past and continue being a better person.

Answer 4

Asker

I understand your point. It's unfortunate I can't change my past (I would've loved to if I could go back in time) and after an accident nearly cost my life it's what took to knock sense into me. I feel this is my 2nd chance at life. I'm trying to make amends for my past and continue being a better person.

Answer 5

Cherokeehp | 1.1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

I mean good for you for improving, but no I could never date a person like that. That’s just a bad look, and I would probably get annoyed very quickly trying to help them learn to stop being racist. I would never.

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Asker

1 y
I understand and you're in your rights to not want them. Sometimes I do really wish to turn back time and not behave the way I used to but I can't. I really regret what I was back then.
Cherokeehp

1 y
It’s really good that you’re trying to better yourself. You should apologize to the people you’ve hurt if you can, and then stop looking back after that. Keep looking forward and trying to be better. If you really want to be a better person and make amends then you should actively try to help the groups you’ve hurt. And do some research into history and the racial issues impacting the people of color around you. Unlearning racism is a difficult process. Racism is so deep that you might even have racial bias or do racist things without even realizing how offensive it is.
Asker

1 y
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I was able to apologize to a Colombian lady (the others I'll never see them again but if I were to see them, I'll apologize to them too) that regularly goes to our local store. I'm forever grateful with my Mexican friend. He was the cause of my change after the accident.
I actually came to finding the Spanish language cute. I've picked up some words and short sentences.
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Cherokeehp

1 y
Just keep working at it.

Answer 6

Asker

I understand and you're in your rights to not want them. Sometimes I do really wish to turn back time and not behave the way I used to but I can't. I really regret what I was back then.

Answer 7

Cherokeehp

It’s really good that you’re trying to better yourself. You should apologize to the people you’ve hurt if you can, and then stop looking back after that. Keep looking forward and trying to be better. If you really want to be a better person and make amends then you should actively try to help the groups you’ve hurt. And do some research into history and the racial issues impacting the people of color around you. Unlearning racism is a difficult process. Racism is so deep that you might even have racial bias or do racist things without even realizing how offensive it is.

Answer 8

Asker

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I was able to apologize to a Colombian lady (the others I'll never see them again but if I were to see them, I'll apologize to them too) that regularly goes to our local store. I'm forever grateful with my Mexican friend. He was the cause of my change after the accident.
I actually came to finding the Spanish language cute. I've picked up some words and short sentences.

Answer 9

Cherokeehp

Just keep working at it.

Answer 10

Anonymous

I dated a guy who used to be very liberal and accepting.
He later started to dislike black people. He said that this generation of black people are professional victims. He said that younger black people now were never slaves, but want everyone to kiss their ass and pity them.
He said that they're more racist than most white people.

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Asker

1 y
Anyone can be a racist and it's bad to be a radical extremist of any organization. Everything in extreme is bad.

Answer 11

Asker

Anyone can be a racist and it's bad to be a radical extremist of any organization. Everything in extreme is bad.

Answer 12

Anonymous

I guess it depends on the person but it sounds like you're not actively crazy or anything. I think you'll be fine

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Sucks I can't change the past. I used to tell a couple immigrants with accents or little to no English ''go back to your country'' and a bunch of stuff. With the exception of a Colombian lady (regular client at our local store) whom I've apologized to and we get along now, I never saw the others again.
Opinion Owner

1 y
It's normal to feel guilty but like you said: you can't change the past. It's good that you won't do that anymore and you've apologized where you can
Asker

1 y
Thank you. I now think every language has its own beauty. Spanish has more words and it sounds cute. I've picked up some phrases and a couple short sentences.
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Opinion Owner

1 y
Good for you :)

Answer 13

Asker

Sucks I can't change the past. I used to tell a couple immigrants with accents or little to no English ''go back to your country'' and a bunch of stuff. With the exception of a Colombian lady (regular client at our local store) whom I've apologized to and we get along now, I never saw the others again.

Answer 14

Opinion Owner

It's normal to feel guilty but like you said: you can't change the past. It's good that you won't do that anymore and you've apologized where you can

Answer 15

Asker

Thank you. I now think every language has its own beauty. Spanish has more words and it sounds cute. I've picked up some phrases and a couple short sentences.

Answer 16

Opinion Owner

Good for you :)

Answer 17

magiusX26 | 1.8K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

thats exactly the kind of changes this world needs more of. i take personal issue with anyone who thinks poorly of you over that part of your past as long as its not for some type of relapse.

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