True or false, Between a married couple or single father/single mother situation, Kids always come first?

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well this is a difficult question (more so then I think people realize). Obviously she is going to put the child first, thats her basic instinctive response and I think most peoples response. However if you look at the bible (and for the record I'm agnostic) it states to put the man first. So now the question is why? Well the reason is he is the provider, he is the protector, he is the one that keeps you alive and sheltered and fed right? So he is the priority because he is the thing that keeps everything else from falling apart.

So when you have a single mother situation she is going to understandably (and I do not think this is necessarily a bad thing) put her child first. However what this does is it breaks this system, he is still expected to do his masculine duties but now his authority is being superceded by the childs. So this is going to add significant conflict because he is in a position of authority (once you get past the initial dating phase that is and they enter the relationship phase) but he doesn't actually have any authority.

Its like having a manager that has to take all the responsibilities of the position but gets none of the benefits and isn't allowed to actually reprimand any one for doing wrong, you have created a situation that is going to fail BY DESIGN. The statisics show this to be the case as well.

So what do you do? I mean he has to still be that provider to her, but that isn't his kid but he is going to be obligated to be provider to some one elses child. In addition he is going to be responsible for the child but he is not really in a position to control the child or discipline the child and if he does their is a good possibility of the woman taking the childs side and undermining her SO thus adding even more cracks to their relationship as he is still expected to do everything else (I have both heard of this happening and personally witnessed this happening).

So what do you do? Obviously you don't want your child neglected but on the other hand you cannot expect to maintain a relationship with some one you are neglecting either. You cannot expect some one to take on a role with no benefits and no authority but all the responsibility. I mean the only other option is if the man is entirely separate from the childs life, then you can avoid these problems but that also is going to put a strain on things because your pretending her child doesn't exist which is going to bother her (even if it was her idea) and its a big part of her life.

So the answer is. . . well, their isn't one. Its a cluster fuck, and its better to avoid the situation to begin with by making sure you have chosen your partners well then to try and navigate this situation yourself. That said their has to be a (preferablly multiple) discussion before entering into such a situation so both sides know what is expected of them what their responsibilities are and what authority if any they have so that they can decide what the best path is before going down that road because once you do go down that road, you have to be commited to it otherwise people are going to be hurt (especially the child) if you are constantly altering the rules or just up and abandoning the relationship.

I know its not the feel good answer of "kids first" but I think its the honest answer, as messy and unsatisfying as it is.

[Screenwriter]

If a person is a single parent, or has partial custody, they are FORCED to put their kids first because a crazy ex might use their dating behavior as a means to head to court to take their visitation or custody rights away.
Of course the bottom line is the parent has to take care of their needs FIRST or they cannot take care of their children. But the reality of the situation is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!
A single parent has to be careful. In Laws, exes, the court system can all come down against them. Society can too.
"How can you date now that you're divorced? You have young children!"
"You stayed out until 2?" (doesn't matter there was a sitter there, or maybe your mom or dad said this)
"If I find you're sleeping with someone in the children's home, we're heading back to court!"
Tell me if ANY of those scenarios don't sound realistic...

[Prettygurl12]

Here's some controversy for you: In order for children to grow up well adjusted and healthy, they need to come first in their parents' lives. In order for the marriage to be healthy, the spouse needs to come first in their spouse's life. The two cannot be equally important.

[DizzyDesii]

In my opinion, both should agree to put he kid first. But i believe something biblical states that man/wife should put one another first

[MissDawn7961]

kids have to come first because they are dependent on their parent taking care of them at least until the child is 14 ! at this age they can be home by themselves if they have to be but have numbers to call for emergencies and parents too ! thanks

[NightOwl8801]

Kids always come first

[Anonymous]

Children should always come first